CHAPTER 13
SOPHIA
“I don’t know, babe,” I murmured over my shoulder, “I don’t know if I trust them.”
Snake stood behind me as I sat on the corner of our bed. His arms wrapped around me as he leaned down, brushing a kiss across my ear.
“Don’t worry, Soph,” he whispered, “they’re fine.”
“Well, I do worry,” I said, pulling away. I stood up and turned to face him. “There’s something off about them and I don’t know what. First she shows up with one dude and the next day, she’s with someone else? Doesn’t that seem fishy to you?”
“Not particularly, no,” he shook his head. He pulled me into his arms, pressing his chest against mine. He was warm. He felt good. I wanted to melt into him, kiss him, fall into the bed together and make love until we could forget this awful reality we were living.
But that would never happen. Because he was the nightmare himself.
Other than hugging me and giving me an occasional perfunctory kiss and slap on the ass when other’s were watching, the intimacy in our relationship had died long ago. About the time all the other women showed up, unfortunately.
Snake hadn’t always been such a snake.
When I’d first met him, he was a good guy. I guess that’s the way it always goes, isn’t it? They don’t show their ass until you’re in too deep to get away. At least, that’s how it was with us.
Snake was dangerous, I knew that right away. He wore that cut like a second skin, like he was born in it. His loyalty was to the club, first and always. I knew that, too. I didn’t mind being second.
But damn it, if he hadn’t swept this country girl off her feet like a sudden gust of wind. I felt stupid when I thought about it now, how easily he’d manipulated me, how he’d lifted me up at first, only to eventually place me firmly under his thumb. I had the illusion of freedom now, but he and I both knew it wasn’t real. He liked to teasingly call me his ‘ball and chain’, but he never let me forget who held the key.
I thought I could handle it, at first.
I thought I could change him.
Go ahead, laugh. I get it.
I’m older now, and I’ve been through hell and back with him. I should have left long ago. I tried, Lord knows I tried. And I’ll try again. I’ll keep fucking trying till I get it right, I guess.
Until then, I play the part that Snake requires. I don’t get too sassy. I don’t talk back. I stay out of his business, as much as I can.
But when it comes to staying out of jail, I feel like I should at least have some input. That’s why I told him how I felt about Grace. Something wasn’t right there. Of course, he didn’t believe me, because he was a fucking hard-headed prick, to put it bluntly.
And even if it turns out I’m right, he’ll say he knew it all along and pretend I never uttered a word of warning to him.
“I’d like to stay out of jail, Snake,” I tried again. “How do you know they aren’t cops?”
“Because I asked.”
“Seriously? They could have easily lied.”
“Soph, shut the fuck up, okay?” He asked, his patience growing thin. He reached out, cupping my chin and staring deeply into my eyes. A year or so ago that might have worked, but now his magic had worn off. The spell was broken. He just didn’t realize it yet. It was safer for me that way.
I nodded and he smiled, a crooked half-grin that crinkled the skin around his eyes. He was as handsome as ever. He’d gotten even better-looking as he’d aged, the asshole. It wasn’t fair. Unfortunately, his insides had only grown uglier, greedier, heartless — and now there was nothing good left inside of Snake.
He wasn’t the man I’d fallen in love with anymore. And with the old Snake, my love and devotion for him had disappeared as well.
“Besides, I know you’re just jealous of Grace.”
“Jealous?” I asked. “Of her? Why would I be jealous of her?”
“Well, you’re getting older, I get it. She’s really pretty.”
“You’re not getting any younger yourself, babe,” I snapped.
“Is that so?” He laughed. “I suppose not. I don’t hear anyone else complaining, though.”
There it was. His subtle dig that he was fucking around. He’d never admit it outright, and I’d yet to catch him in the act, but I was pretty sure that was the reason he wasn’t fucking me anymore. Hell, the other guys practically admitted it to me by blocking my way to the back room somedays. Like I didn’t know what Snake was doing back there.
Shit.
Like I cared…
Once I realized he planned to start trafficking girls, I was furious. I raised hell for weeks. I took beating after beating for protesting, until I grew tired of it.
A month into it, after I saw the grim reality, I made an anonymous call to the cops.
I was sure they’d bust in with guns blazing and free the girls and take everyone to prison. After I made the call, I hid out at Mom’s for a while, watching the news, waiting to hear what happened. Two days later, nothing had happened at all. Snake summoned me back and when I returned to the compound, suddenly we had all this new business and Snake was bragging about how he’d paid off half the precinct in exchange for free service from the girls.
The ‘cops’ never came.
There were no arrests.
There was no freedom.
And although I was allowed outside the fences and gates and barbed wire, I knew not to stray too far. Snake kept me on a short leash. If I was gone too long, either he sent someone to come looking for me, or he came looking for me himself. Those times he came personally were always the most violent.
After a while, I knew not to be gone too long.
Things are just easier when I follow the rules.
I know, I sound weak. But I’m not. I swear.
Snake thinks I’m weak, too.
Those girls he locks away probably think I’m weak, as well, because I don’t do anything to save them.
But I’m going to show everybody someday.
“Never mind,” I replied, refusing to allow him to rile me up tonight. I was tired.
“That’s my girl,” he said. “How’s your mother?”
“She’s fine,” I said. In fact, she wasn’t fine. She was worried about me. I’d told her everything and she wanted me to get away from Snake. She’d offered money and everything, but I knew what would happen if I left Snake. He’d hunt down me and everyone I loved, which only consisted of Mom and my sister Mona in Bend, and he’d kill us. The only way I could get out of all of this is if Snake dies or goes to prison.
I looked over at him and smiled faintly, submissively, wondering which one would give me the most satisfaction to watch.
Handcuffs or a coffin?
Bars or dirt?
Life or death?
I wasn’t sure which he deserved, I’d leave that judgement up to God, if there was a God. But if I had to choose, I’d probably choose the more permanent one.
Death was safer.
I laid down in bed and closed my eyes, listening to him take off his clothes and slide into bed with me. I waited for his touch, for a kind word, a wish goodnight, some kind of acknowledgement that he remembered that I was human.
When I heard his breath fall steady and rhythmic, I knew that wasn’t coming.
I lay there quietly in the dark, thinking about Grace and Eli. Grace was pretty, Snake was right. She was a little younger than me, but I didn’t mind that, either. She was smart and sharp. Too sharp for a life like this. Maybe that’s why I didn’t trust her. She was too good for this bullshit.
I thought of Eli then, his serious blue eyes, his dark blonde hair, his youthful face betrayed by his strong, sternly set jaw. He was so quiet, and I wondered if that was fueled by rage or maturity. Either way, his somber silence lent an air of mystery to him that left me wondering about him for hours in the darkness, his blue eyes haunting me into my dreams.