I just didn’t want to overthink things—and the more Dane talked and tried to make things right, the harder it was to ignore our problems and our past.
He lay back against the pillows and pulled me into his arms, as I ignored his cum slipping onto my thighs. I should have had him use a condom, and yet I’d missed the feel of him taking me bare like he used to. But back then, I’d been on the Pill.
I knew I was playing with fire—and I was being downright stupid. If I got pregnant, there’d be no chance of me pushing Dane out of my life. We’d talked about getting married and having a family, and it’d been something we both wanted, but then it’d been over between us—and things were different now.
I pushed my wayward thoughts from my mind and focused on simply enjoying myself for once. Luckily, Dane made it easy to do just that. And seeing him naked again after our time apart? That certainly offered up a nice distraction.
I’d have to admit that it had certainly been a bit of a jolt. I suppose I’d been expecting him to look the way he did when I’d last been with him. But that wasn’t what I got.
Needless to say, he’d only gotten better with age, his muscles larger and more defined, and now, there was the perfect amount of hair on his chest and a bit more along his cut abs, leading the way to his massive erection. Oh...and a few more tats adorning his arms and shoulders.
“You okay, love?” He kissed the top of my head, cradling me to his muscular form, my body pressed against his and our legs in a tangle as he held me to him. It was all so familiar—too familiar. And so easy.
“I just can’t quite believe we’re back to...this—after four years of me hating you.” I scoffed, not quite believing how easy it’d been for him to rip down the walls I’d built. “I’m not quite sure how you managed it.”
“It’s my undeniable charm.” He laughed when I rolled my eyes at him. But then he was tilting my chin up and stealing a sweet kiss, his lips lingering on mine. “And then there’s the little fact that we’re meant to be together.”
“Are we though?” There was too large a part of me that knew I could never love anyone but Dane. And yet, the fact that he had it in him to cheat on me... How could he do such a thing if he loved me? “Because I still don’t understand why you did what you did. You knew damn well I was coming home, Dane. You wanted me to catch you. And that means that you wanted to put an end to what we had—in a way that there’d be no recovering from it.”
He sucked in a huge breath and then let it out on a ragged sigh. “I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, Avery. You wanted me to go straight, and I knew that with my family’s involvements, I wouldn’t be able to. I kept trying to find a way. But I was fucked.”
“So you decided that screwing another woman would ensure that I break up with you—for good. You know...rather than try to explain things to me about your family.” I wanted to growl in frustration.
“I tried to, Avery. But you kept saying that we’d find a way. Except that it would never work. Even now, when my entire family is desperately trying to leave that life behind, we still can’t move on.” He brushed my hair from my face, leaning in to kiss me sweetly, though it was clear he was doing all he could to rein in his passion. “I couldn’t risk you getting caught up in my family’s mess—and I didn’t want to make you a promise I knew I’d never be able to keep—especially with all you’d gone through after losing your father.”
His words rattled around in my head, making me doubt everything. Because I knew that part of it was true. “And cheating on me was your solution? Really?”
He shrugged, knowing damn well that he could have found another way. “I was frustrated and far too stupid. And I completely underestimated how devastated I’d be to lose you.”
I sat up enough to look him in the eyes, fighting back the urge to strangle him. “Then imagine how I felt to come home and find you fucking another woman. What the hell, Dane?”
“I know. I was a fucking asshole—because I knew I’d hurt you.” He let out a ragged breath, pulling me back into his arms. “I’m begging you to forgive me, love. I made a mistake, but you know you’re my everything.”
“I get that, but that’s neither here nor there. I just know that I have to let the past go if I have any hope of getting on with my life.” That was becoming more and more clear. My hate for him had gotten me nowhere, especially when it was entwined with my love for him. I needed to let one go—and I’d tried to abandon my love for him, but that simply hadn’t worked. That meant I need to forgive him and let go of my hate—and maybe, just maybe, that would allow me to move on with my life. “I forgive you for hurting me, Dane. Just don’t fucking do it again. Because this is your one and only get-out-of-jail card. There isn’t a second.”
“I know, love. And truth be told, I don’t deserve your forgiveness. Except that I’m tired of being miserable without you.” Cupping my face, he brushed his thumb over my lips, the gesture both sweet and sexy. “There’s been no one else since you. And I don’t think there ever will be. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved.”
He couldn’t possibly mean that he hadn’t been with anyone else. “You mean, you haven’t slept with anyone else?”
No fucking way Dane hadn’t taken anyone else to his bed.
“There’s been no one else since that night. I haven’t been with anyone else.” He let out a deep breath, running his hand lazily down my back. “It’s not that I didn’t have the opportunity, but...they weren’t you, Avery. And every time I attempted to pursue something, I was only reminded of how my fuck-up resulted in losing the only woman I’d ever love. No one could ever replace you—so after a while, I stopped trying.”
Well, I’ll be damned. I would have never guessed that he’d stopped dating—or at the very least, stopped sleeping around, especially when he’d always had such a voracious appetite when it came to sex. And though I should probably tell him that I also hadn’t been with anyone else, I didn’t. “We’re both all sorts of messed up. Aren’t we?”
“Not really, love. We just weren’t meant to ever be apart.”