“Well, that’s awfully convenient. And let me guess...you can’t tell me because you’re trying to protect me.” I upped my sarcasm, still frustrated that he’d just popped back into my life, forcing me to deal with him. It was dredging up all sorts of emotions that I’d rather forget existed. Yet I knew that to an extent, he was indeed trying to protect me, and it reminded me of the sweet man I’d once fallen in love with.
Yet, I needed to know what he was up to, since I was currently working at GTC as an undercover informant for the FBI. I’d worked as a consultant for them before, but this job was different and far more complicated on the hacking end of things, which was why the Feds hired me to tackle it, instead of sending in one of their own. And the last thing I needed was for Dane to screw up my assignment, especially since it’d be putting us all in danger—Dane included.
“I swear, I didn’t know you work for GTC. I managed to compile a list of employees, but it was far from complete, and your name wasn’t on it.” He shook his head, looking apologetic.
Not that I was surprised that my name hadn’t shown up. I was only a contractor at GTC, and I was also there undercover, using a different name.
Yet before we could continue our discussion, our waitress came and took our order, her eyes lingering on Dane for just a moment longer than necessary. Not that I could blame her. I might hate him, but I wasn’t blind, and now that he was a little older and his features were a bit more rugged, he was even better looking than when we’d been together.
Of course, I had to have my favorite. Bananas Foster pancakes. And no surprise that Dane ordered his usual—pecan pancakes, eggs over easy, bacon, sausage, and sourdough toast, served up with real maple syrup.
Best of all, there was plenty of amazingly good coffee—which was saying something, since this was Seattle.
I doctored up my cup, doing my best not to let my gaze linger on him—which was far more difficult to manage than I’d like. I just had to hold onto my hurt and anger. “You can’t go back to GTC, Dane. I know you’re in a tough spot with your family, but I’m not going to get dragged into this—and if you go back there, they’ll eventually come looking for me, and I can’t afford to lose this job or get arrested as an accomplice.”
There was too much at stake—far more than Dane was aware of.
“Fuck. Don’t you think I know that?” He looked ready to put his fist through the ancient jukebox at the end of the table, and I honestly couldn’t remember him ever looking so frustrated. “I fucking hate this. My family and I now run a legitimate business. I swear, this isn’t a job I wanted anything to do with—and I hate that this could come back to you in any way. The last thing I’d ever want is to involve you in this mess.”
I wanted to hate him for what he put me through. Except that it was damn hard to hold this thing with GTC against him when I could see that he was doing this to keep his family safe. “Have you thought about going to the cops?”
He shook his head no, running a hand over his stubbled chin. “It’s too big a risk. If I was dealing with an amateur, then this wouldn’t even be a problem, since I’d have already dealt with him. But the guy threatening my family... I can’t mess around. He’ll kill one of my brothers just to make his point.”
“That bad, huh?” He looked backed into a corner. But in my experience, people either went up in flames when that happened—or they soared. And I couldn’t imagine Scorch going up in flames, despite his name. Because I knew how he got that name, and it was by laying waste to anyone who stood in his way.
Our waitress came with our food and then topped off our coffee, tossing Dane a smile before heading off to deal with the rest of her customers—not that he noticed. Instead, his focus was entirely on me, his hazel eyes locked on mine and his mood somber. “I know you don’t want to hear it but I’ve missed you, Avery.”
Anger flared in my chest, making it hard for me to breathe. “Don’t you dare, Dane. Just eat your damn food before you make me lose my appetite.”
Which would only make me hate him all the more, since I hadn’t been to Joe’s since our breakup. I’d thought of these pancakes often, so he better not ruin this for me.
“Was it all bad, Rae?” His use of my nickname made me want to plant my fork in his heart. “I know you have every right to hate me, but we spent three years together—and I swear, we were happy.”
“That’s what makes what you did so much worse. Don’t you fucking get it? You broke my heart...shattered my world. And then...not a phone call...not an apology. You just walked away.” I stabbed at my pancakes, attempting to get a bite in before I completely lost my appetite.
His hazel eyes pleaded with me for an understanding I couldn’t give him. “I fucked up, and afterwards, I didn’t know what to say to you. I knew that sorry would never have been enough after what I had done.”
“No, it wouldn’t have. But it would have been a damn good start.” I hated the lump that formed in my throat as I spoke...hated that he could still upset me when I’d told myself a million times over that he didn’t matter.
We said little else as we ate our meal, and I held onto my anger like a suit of armor. Really, what else was there to say? Part of me hated the silence, and found it damn hard to keep. But then there was the other part of me that was still furious with Dane and feeling heartbroken.
Once we finished up, we headed out into the parking lot, but as we got to his car, Dane grabbed my hand, pulling me to him. “I’m sorry, Rae. I know my apology is years late, but I truly am sorry. I hate that I hurt you. I was stupid and immature—a total fucking asshole.”
“And that’s just the start of it, Dane. You fucking broke my heart.” Damn it. I hated the tears that stung my eyes. But Dane had been the only man I’d ever loved, and getting over him hadn’t been easy—not that I’d managed it. I pulled my hand free of his grip, trying to ignore how he made me feel. “Can we please just go? I’ve got to get home.”
I needed to put a whole lot of distance between myself and Dane. He was already weakening my defenses, and no good could come of it.
“Avery, please...” He reached out to me, earning him a glare as I tried to hold back my tears. He let out a weary sigh, finally giving in to my request. “I’ll take you home if that’s what you really want—or do you need to go back to work to get your car?”
“Home is fine, since I usually take the rail in if I’m working at the satellite office.”
He got my door for me, and then hopped into the driver’s seat, looking like he wanted to say something, but then thought twice about it.
We ended up saying little more during the drive to my home—which in and of itself felt odd and awkward. As fellow hackers, we’d been such good friends even before we got together, and there’d seldom ever been a moment when we weren’t busy laughing and chatting, or doing something fun. I honestly thought we’d been perfectly matched.
Except that I hadn’t wanted either of us landing in jail. I’d stopped any illegal hacks early on, and had put my skills to finding work in a legitimate field—and Dane could have easily done the same.
But he didn’t.
We fought, he fucked some other woman he’d just met, and that was it. I was too hurt and broken to go back to him, and he never bothered.
By the time Dane pulled up in front of my house, I was barely holding it together, my emotions getting the better of me after dragging up all my memories. And so I focused on the whole reason I was even having to deal with him, shifting in my seat to face him. “Forget about GTC, Dane. I don’t want to see you sniffing around any of their buildings. And don’t think I won’t know about it if you do.”
“I wish I could stay away, love. But you know I can’t. I won’t risk my family.”
I couldn’t say I was surprised that he’d stick to his guns, given that his family was at risk. The Blackthorns were a tight-knit group, and I knew full well they’d risk everything for each other.
There had to be a way around this. A way that would work to get him what he needed without blowing my cover. The Feds would not be happy if this job went sideways, and if GTC caught Dane hacking into their systems, then everyone would come under scrutiny, and I couldn’t risk having my cover blown. Not that I could tell Dane any of that.
“Then maybe there’s a way around this.”