Noam pinched the back of his neck. Another headache was coming, but he hoped he could hold it off long enough to get through dinner with Kasey. He'd dosed himself on pills before leaving the house, but he'd learned long ago that the pills hardly dulled the pain once a migraine took hold.
Still, he wasn't going to cancel dinner for anything. He'd been dying to see Kasey ever since their night out at the trampoline place. This would be their first time alone since, and if nothing else, he wanted that first kiss. He needed the memory of Kasey's lips against his as he went to bed every night.
Kasey's house wasn't hard to find, but he was shocked as he pulled up the short driveway at how nice it looked. It was three times the size of his, a nice three-story home that had huge bay windows that overlooked a cropping of pines and other trees. It had a rustic, yet very modern look. He wasn't sure what he'd expected, but this wasn't it. It was clear that Kasey did well for himself and must have made a hell of a lot more money than his own detective salary.
He parked at the end of the driveway and climbed out of the car, a nervous excitement rolling through him.
"You found it okay?" Kasey walked out the front door.
"I did, but I have to admit, I didn't expect this. It's amazing." He walked up, meeting Kasey near the front porch. "Hi." He stepped closer, nervously pulling Kasey in for a hug.
"Hi." Kasey smiled as he took half a step back, still keeping close. "I'm glad you like it. Come on inside. I've got dinner in the oven and we can have a beer while we wait." He linked his hand in Noam's as he led him inside.
Once through the door, Noam paused, gently tugging Kasey back to him. "Before we do anything else, can we get this out of the way?" He cupped his hands on either side of Kasey's face, and without hesitation, kissed him.
The first touch of their lips was more intense than he expected, sending a fire through him, causing his stomach to flip, his heart to race, and the ground seemed to tilt. He closed his eyes as he stepped closer, wrapping his arms around Kasey and holding him tightly.
Kasey opened for him, teasing his tongue over Noam's lips for a second before he welcomed him into his mouth, getting his first full taste of the man who had been driving him insane for weeks.
He lost track of everything. Nothing mattered but the man in his arms, the feel of the kiss, and the overwhelming surge of emotion that swept through him. It was better than he'd ever imagined, and that scared the hell out of him.
When he finally forced himself to pull back, they were both breathless as they stared at each other.
"I knew it would be good." Kasey smiled as he licked his lips.
"Good is an understatement." Noam shook his head. "What are you doing to me?"
"I don't know, but I think you're having the same effect on me." Kasey leaned in and softly kissed Noam again, this time it was a simple lingering caress of his lips. "We have all night to talk about it. We'll figure it out together." Kasey smiled as he turned and started to walk farther into the house.
Noam followed, looking around at the open space living room they were in. "You live alone, right?"
Kasey laughed. "Yes. I know it's a lot of space for me, but I hate feeling confined. I grew up in a tiny place. Now that I can afford a bigger one, I wanted someplace that had space. I know it's crazy for a single guy to have a five-bedroom house, but I had the money, I fell in love with the place, so I grabbed it."
"Good, that's what you should do. Too many work hard and never reward themselves."
"How do you reward yourself?" Kasey asked as he motioned to the couch.
"Hmm, guns probably. They're my weakness. At least they were before that kiss. Things might have changed now." He smiled at Kasey.
"Don't give me that kind of control over you. It's dangerous." Kasey grinned. "Beer, wine, anything else?"
"Beer is good." Noam relaxed back against the soft cushions.
While Kasey grabbed the beer, he looked around, not shocked to see a large TV and gaming system front and center. He'd gotten the feeling from some of the conversations he'd heard while they were out with Faith that gaming was a big part of Kasey's life. Surprisingly, Faith's as well.
"You sure you got enough rest? When we talked earlier, it sounded like you were out almost all night." Kasey handed Noam a beer before sitting down beside him.
Noam debated how much to tell Kasey. The department was trying to keep information about the 'Castrator' out of the media as best they could. Still, he didn't see Kasey as the type to talk and start a panic around town about some vigilante who was taking down pedophiles. "Yeah, I slept a few hours. It was enough. I got in around five this morning." He shifted, turning so he was facing Kasey. "Anything I say stays between us, right?"
"Of course. I don't expect you to share information about your cases with me, but if you do, it stays right here. I promise you that." Kasey rested his hand on Noam's thigh.
"Have you seen the news recently? There was a kid attacked in a bathroom at one of the fast food places in town." Noam took a sip of his beer.
"Yeah, I saw that. Disgusting what happened to him." Kasey's eyes flared with anger as he spoke.
"Yeah, it was worse than even the media knows. Anyway, we got a tip to where his rapist was last night. He'd been attacked and left injured for us to pick up. I can't go into a lot of details, but at least we got him. He'll be going away for a long time." Noam wished he could tell Kasey everything, but he couldn't share the details of the case.
Kasey shook his head. "I hope he gets what's coming to him. Do you know how the boy is?"
Noam shook his head. "It wasn't my case, but I'm guessing you know how hard it can be. You saw Faith go through it when you met her, right?"
Kasey nodded. "I wasn't there for a lot, but I know from talking to Xander what she has struggled with."
"The guy last night was in pretty bad shape. He'll be in the hospital for a while before going back to prison and facing new charges. I'm just glad he won't be hurting any other kids. We didn't know until we got to the scene, but the pervert had taped the whole rape and was sharing it with other pedophiles. We found an account he'd set up to allow people to pay to watch him. My gut tells me it would have been only a matter of time before he did it again just so he'd have another video to sell to other sick fucks."
Kasey traced his fingers over Noam's leg. "It has to be hard seeing that all the time."
"It is, but lately it's been worse than usual. Crime rates are up, and child victims are more common. I don't know what is causing the surge, but it's becoming a problem. We've had several kidnappings over the last few months, and the number of child molestation cases has tripled."
"What do you think is causing it?" Kasey asked.
"Fall of humanity. God knows what's causing it. All I know is it's getting harder and harder to answer my phone when a new case comes in. There is nothing worse than having to face a mother and father and tell them you can't find their child." Noam blew out a long breath, twisting and scooting to the edge of the couch. "Anyway, I didn't come over here to talk about all that. I came here to forget it all."
"I can help with that. Come on into the kitchen, I need to pull the food out of the oven." Kasey bent in and kissed Noam's cheek. "You make a difference. I know sometimes the bad might get too much and you forget about the good you do, but you make a difference. You fight that darkness and the evil that is out there."
"Thanks, some days it's hard to remember why I chose this job." Noam stood with Kasey and followed him to the kitchen.
"Why did you choose this line of work?" Kasey asked as he pulled a roast out of the oven.
"I'm not completely sure why. I just sort of fell into the job." The smell was amazing and before sitting down, Noam walked over to see if it looked as good as his nose thought it would be. "I had no idea you could cook." Noam splayed his hand over Kasey's back. "You just keep impressing me."
"It's only a roast, but I actually like to cook. It helps take my mind off things when I'm stressed."
"Are you stressed now?" Noam looked at him concerned.
"No, this time I was just trying to impress some guy I like a whole lot." Kasey grinned.
"Well, it worked." Noam leaned in and brushed his lips over Kasey's ear. "I like you a whole lot too."
Kasey turned, catching Noam's mouth with his own, drawing them into another long, deep kiss. It was almost overwhelming to feel Kasey's hard body pressed against him. He'd thought about it so often. To actually be able to hold him like this, feel every inch of him as he ran his fingers over his back was a dream come true.
Still, in the back of his mind, he was sure it was a mistake. It couldn't end well. Wouldn't end well. Not once Kasey found out about his problems.
Breaking the kiss, Noam stepped back. "This is dangerous. I haven't felt this way with someone in a long time."
Kasey gripped the edge of the counter as he leaned back against it. "It's the same for me, but I don't want to run from this."
Noam ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't either, but…" He shook his head as he turned around. He went to the table and stared out the window near it. "I work a lot. I'm on call all the time. My job is dangerous sometimes. Are you sure you can deal with that?"
"I know what you do, Noam. I know the dangers and I know your hours. We've made it work so far. I mean it hasn't been long, but we will find the time. I'm not some needy sixteen-year-old who is going to demand all your time. I work odd hours too. We'll figure it out. I'm not looking for sex, not looking for some quick fling. I like that we can go out, talk, have fun. I miss having someone to hold, to laugh with, to just call when I've had a rough day."
Hearing him say he wasn't looking for sex helped to ease Noam's mind, but sooner or later, Kasey would expect sex, and that was when everything would change. Once he found out about his problem, he'd walk, just like every other man he'd tried to date did.
His head told him to run, but his heart wanted to stay. He wanted the same things Kasey did. He was tired of being alone, of not having anyone to lean on. Kasey was everything he could want, but he wasn't sure he would be enough for him.
"What are you thinking so hard about?" Kasey came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him. "If you don't want this, just say so. We can be friends."
Noam turned to face him. "No, it's not that. I want this. It's just that it's been a long time, and in the past, things didn't go well. I'm just nervous."
Kasey smiled. "So am I. This is new. We're still learning about each other, finding out who we are, separate and together. This might end up a total disaster, but right now, I can't see that happening. It's too good between us. I don't do this, Noam. I don't date, I don't invite men over to my home, and I don't bring them around Faith. You're different. We're different." Kasey ran his palm down Noam's cheek. "Relationships are always a risk. We put ourselves out there and risk being hurt and rejected. I don't want to grow old alone. I want someone by my side. You're worth the risk, Noam. I don't want to think back on us and wonder what if. I want to know that we gave things a try. Whether they will work or not, I don't know, but I do know that when I'm with you, I'm happy, and it's been a long time since I've been happy. Let's see where this goes."
Noam closed the few inches that separated them, hugging Kasey tightly. It was the perfect chance to come clean and tell Kasey about his injuries, but he was so scared it would change everything. Scared that things would end right here. It would be easier to walk away without telling him, end it himself instead of waiting for him to find out about his problem and walk out on him. Still, he couldn't bring himself to bring it up. "Okay." He brushed a soft kiss over Kasey's neck. "We give it a go."
"Good." Kasey pulled back so he could look at him. "We'll take it slow, okay? I'm in no hurry. We'll just see where it goes." He stepped back. "Now take a seat so you can try my cooking."
"Can I help with anything?"
Kasey waved him off. "It's all ready. I just need to put it on the table. Want another beer or something else?"
"Beer is good." Noam took a seat as Kasey put the roast on the table, then brought over several side dishes.
"Don't get used to this. I don't cook as often as I would like."
"Me either, but maybe having someone to cook for will motivate me. It's too much work for just me, but I could get used to sit down dinners with you." Noam started to fill his plate. "How did you learn to cook?"
"My friend, Bryon. I lived with him for a few years after going through some tough times. He was like a big brother to me. He's about fifteen years older than me, but he took me in and made sure I knew how to do everything for myself. He taught me to drive, cook, do the basic household chores. I owe him my life honestly."
"Where were your parents?" Noam took a bite of the roast, the meat melting in his mouth. He was going to tell Kasey how good it was until he looked up and saw the way his face paled at his question. "You okay?"
"Yeah, it's just something I don't talk about often." Kasey wiped his mouth with his napkin before setting his fork down and sitting back.
"You don't have to tell me." Noam was curious, but he could see how uncomfortable Kasey was with the subject. It was the first time he'd ever seen him look upset.
"No, you need to know sooner or later. It's nothing you couldn't find out on your own anyway. I'm a little surprised you haven't run my name through the system already." Kasey gave him a weak smile.
"Oh, I hadn't even thought of doing that honestly." Noam really wondered now what was in Kasey's past. Did he know the man across from him as well as he thought?
"It's not bad, at least not in the way you're probably thinking." Kasey reached for his beer and took a long drink. Once he set it down, he nodded to the food. "Can we eat first, then we'll move to the living room and I'll tell you everything? It's kind of a long story."
"Of course." Noam reached across the table, placing his hand on Kasey's arm. "I don't think anything you tell me will change how I feel."
"Thanks." Kasey smiled. "It's all in the past, and I don't regret any of what I did. I had my reasons."
"We all have a past," Noam said. "It's who we are now that matters." He hoped that was true, because if they were going to start opening up, telling each other personal things, he needed to be honest with Kasey as well. If they were going to date and give this relationship a serious try, everything had to be on the table up front. They didn't need secrets between them. "So, we'll change the topic until after dinner. Tell me more about cooking. What's your favorite meal to make?"
Kasey smiled, and as he went on to talk about food, Noam listened, but in the back of his mind he wondered what could Kasey have done that made him so uncomfortable, and was it going to change things between them?