Chapter Fifteen

Gavin

"It didn't work," Jess says as she comes into my cubicle. Jess is our tech person. She does all the programming for Falkin's website. She's 30 and single with no kids or pets so she spends every waking moment here at the office. She's really smart and could make a lot more money working somewhere else but she believes in Falkin so much that she's willing to work for less to make sure he's re-elected.

"What do you mean it didn't work? You said it would."

"I said it might work. I didn't say it was definite." She picks at her black nail polish, which matches her short black hair, thick black eyeliner, and black clothes. She only wears black.

"So what's the issue?"

"I can't make separate pages for each group. I tried but the system we're using won't allow it."

"Can't you work around the system? Can you change the code somehow?"

She smirks. "You're so cute. Trying to talk about code." She reaches over to ruffle my hair but I back away. I hate it when she patronizes me like that. She does it to everyone and nobody likes it but she gets away with it because we need her skills.

"What does this mean? If we can't separate the groups, we can't do the survey. So what do we do?"

"That's your problem, not mine. Jett still wants separate groups. It's up to you to figure out how to make it work."

"As you just pointed out, I know nothing about programming."

"You don't have to. I already told you it won't work. You need to come up with a different solution. Jett wants it first thing tomorrow. There's a meeting at eight."

I shoot up from my chair. "Are you kidding me? It's already after five. How am I supposed to find a solution in just a few hours?"

She shrugs. "Not my problem. But hey, good luck. I'm sure there's at least a few brain cells somewhere in that pretty boy head of yours." She laughs as she walks off.

I sink down on my chair and try to think of how to fix this. My phone alarm goes off, telling me it's time to leave, but I can't. Not now.

A text pops up. It's from Kate, asking me if I've left yet. Shit. I told her I'd take her to dinner tonight, then help her out at the restaurant.

I call her up. "Hey."

"Hey! Are you almost home?" She sounds excited. She was really looking forward to tonight. So was I. I miss her. Even though we live together, it seems like I never see her anymore.

"Bad news."

"You have to work late." I hear the disappointment in her voice, mixed with an undertone of anger.

"I'm so sorry. I was about to leave and then I found out there's a problem I have to fix."

"And it has to be fixed tonight?"

"Yes. There's a meeting in the morning. I have to present my solution to Jett."

"Solution for what? What's the problem?"

"I don't want to get into it. It's complicated."

"Wait. Did you just say this is for Jett? So you're working on the campaign today? I thought you were at your other job."

I wasn't supposed to tell her that. If she finds out I'm working here almost full-time now she'll be pissed. Obviously I have to tell her but not now. Not when she's completely stressed with the restaurant about to open.

"Jett asked me to work today," I tell her. "It was slow at the office so I agreed to it."

"And now you have to work late? There's no way you can get out of it?"

"No. I'm really sorry. I know I promised you I'd be there but is there any way we could postpone our plans until tomorrow?"

She sighs. "Sounds like we don't have a choice."

"Let me get to work on this project. Maybe I could be done by ten."

"You're going to be there that late? That means you won't be home until almost eleven."

I'm guessing it'll be later than that but I'm trying to remain hopeful for Kate's sake.

"I know. I'm sorry. Don't wait up. I'll be quiet when I come in. I love you."

"Love you too. Bye." She ends the call.

"Fuck," I mutter as I set my phone down. I knew this would happen. I knew working on this campaign would mean working late hours and less time with Kate. And yet I agreed to do it because there's that part of me that likes the work and doesn't mind the long hours. But where does that leave Kate and me? She's not going to stay with me if I'm never home.

"Done yet?" Jess asks as she walks by my desk on her way to the break room. She follows her comment with a laugh.

I open up my laptop but my mind is still on Kate. After a few minutes of staring at a blank screen, I wake up my computer and get to work. By midnight, I come up with a solution that's not great but is good enough to present to Jett in the morning.

When I get home, it's after one. I climb into bed next to Kate, and instead of turning toward me like she normally does, she turns away from me. She's not asleep. I can tell by her breathing. So she purposely turned away from me. She's angry, but she'd be even more angry if I told her the truth about my job.

At five, my alarm goes off. I quickly shut it down so I won't wake up Kate. She's sound asleep. Once again I'll have to leave without telling her goodbye or kissing her or having breakfast with her. We haven't been able to do any of those things since I started this job.

Before I leave, I gently kiss her forehead and whisper goodbye, then I send her a text from the train, telling her I love her and to have a good day. Texting is all our relationship is right now. I don't even know how the restaurant is coming along. I haven't had a chance to talk to her for more than a few minutes a day.

"Where's Jett?" I ask Jess when she stops by the conference room. It's after eight. The meeting should've started by now.

"He can't make it. Something about a meeting with donors. I don't know the whole story. His assistant just said he'd be out today. Didn't you get a text?"

I check my phone and see a text from Jett's assistant, saying the meeting is cancelled.

"You've gotta be kidding me." I shake my head. "I stayed here until midnight for nothing?"

"You can still send him your idea," Jess says as she messes with her hair. She puts some kind of product in it then spikes it up in different directions. It looks really bad and she's always messing with it, making it look even worse.

"I can't just send it to him. I need to explain it."

"Then set up a new meeting. But just so you know, he's booked the rest of the week."

"I thought this was urgent." I raise my voice. "And now he has no time to meet?"

"Hey." She puts her hands up. "Don't take it out on me. I don't control his schedule."

"I know. Sorry. I'm not blaming you. I'm just...." I take a breath. "Never mind."

She walks away. I gather my meeting notes and close down the presentation I'd made on my laptop. I did all that work for nothing. I cancelled my night with Kate for nothing. But I'm not doing it again. If Jett wants me to work late tonight, I'm telling him no. In fact, I might leave at four, or maybe even three. After last night, I deserve to leave early.

My phone rings and I answer it. "Hello?"

"Gavin, it's Linda Steiland. I don't know if you remember me but I worked on your father's campaign. I did a lot of the marketing."

Linda was always at my dad's fundraisers so I've seen her a lot, but didn't talk to her much. She's in her forties and a single mom.

"Yes, I remember. How are you?"

"Good. I'm working for a hospital now in the PR department."

"That's great. Sounds like a good job."

"It's fine, but I liked the campaign work better." She pauses. "Anyway, I'm calling because I have a box to give you. Sharon, one of the campaign workers, cleaned out your father's office last year and boxed up his things but never did anything with them. I ran into her last week and she asked if she should toss out the box. I told her I'd take it and get it to you. She's moving to Florida so she didn't have time to call you herself. Anyway, I didn't go through it all but it appears to be mostly office supplies, along with a few family photos. Would you like to come pick it up?"

"Yeah. Where do you live?"

"I have it here at work. Sharon dropped it off. Is there any way you could stop by today?"

"Sure. Just tell me where to go."

She gives me the address and a half hour later I find myself on the second floor of a hospital in the PR department.

"Can I help you?" a woman asks. I turn and see Linda there. She smiles. "Gavin. I didn't expect to see you so soon."

"I had some down time at work so I thought I'd just come over now."

"Well, let me get it for you." She goes in her office and comes back with a cardboard box. "It's kind of heavy. You may want to clean out what you don't want before you lug it through the city. You can go in the conference room if you'd like. I can donate whatever you don't want."

"Okay, thanks." I take the box into the conference room, setting it on the table. I pull out a stapler and some notepads and an electric pencil sharpener. I'm not sure why Sharon kept this stuff. She could've just tossed it out or donated it.

I dump what's left in the box onto the table and spread everything out so I can make a keep pile and a toss pile. It's mostly old office supplies so almost everything ends up in the toss pile except for the few family photos. I check the box again to make sure I got everything. At the very bottom, stuck under the cardboard flap, I see a piece of paper that's been folded several times. I pull on it and a key slips out. Engraved on it are the words Kendal Properties.

I pick up the piece of paper and unfold it. I see my dad's handwriting and a sadness comes over me. I was doing okay until now but his handwriting is a trigger. It always makes me sad. It makes me think he's still here, even though he's gone.

My dad's handwriting has always been hard to read. My mom and I used to make a game out of trying to decipher what he wrote. My dad would pretend to be annoyed while my mom and I tried to read his scribbling. The things we came up with never made sense and we'd all end up laughing. I miss those times.

I set the piece of paper on the table and smooth out the creases. There isn't much written on it. Just some random notes. Maybe he was making a to-do list. He did that a lot because he tended to forget things.

As I start to decipher his words, I see it's not a to-do list. It's a note to someone.

My dear... it starts, but I can't read the name after it. It's not my mom's name, which is odd because he didn't use 'dear' with anyone else. It was a word he reserved only for her. Every morning before he'd leave for work, he'd kiss my mom and say, "My dear Celeste, you look beautiful today." 

I continue to the next line. I miss you terribly. I'll give you next week. I promise. At least I think that's what it says. 'Promise' looks more like 'premise' and 'miss' looks like 'mess' but in the context of the other words, I'm pretty sure I've got the words right.

He misses her and he's promising her next week. I look up and take a deep breath. He was cheating on her. My dad was cheating on my mom with whoever's name is after the 'dear'. It's such a scribbled mess of letters that I can't even guess at whose name it is, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that he wasn't faithful to my mom. I thought they had a good marriage but I guess I was wrong.

When did this start? Was he unfaithful for years? A lot of women go after powerful men, and being governor all those years made him powerful. Is that when he started cheating? Or was it when he ran for the Senate? Some of the women who attended his speeches used to look at my dad like he was some kind of sex symbol. He'd go out in the crowd and shake hands and I'd see women flirting with him, but he'd just smile and move on. He never showed any interest in them, because why would he? He was married. He had my mom.

But apparently she wasn't enough for him because he promised this woman a week of his time. Did he give her more than that? He said he missed her terribly which means their relationship had to have been going on for a while.

I keep reading. The next line is written halfway down the page. The way this is written, with sentences spaced far apart and words randomly scribbled in the corners, it's like this wasn't meant to be given to whoever he's writing to, but more like he was getting his thoughts on paper to tell the person later. But why was it in this box? Did Sharon pack it in there, not realizing what it was? Or did it just fall out of one of his notepads?

The next line reads, You are my one and only but I can't give you what you want. Not yet. I need more time. Not just with her, but with all of it.

There's some scribbling that's been crossed out, then farther down on the page he continues.

I know you understand. You've always understood me. I wish things could be different but they can't.

Always yours, and then he just signs with the letter N. He'd do that on cards he gave my mom. He'd just sign with an N.

He wrote this like he was writing to my mom but instead it's written to this other woman. Who is she? And how dare he call her his 'one and only'? My mom was his one and only. She was his wife. The mother of his child. The woman he was supposed to grow old with. So how could this other woman be his one and only?

I shove up from my chair and pace the small area in front of the floor-to-ceiling window that overlooks the city. I stop and rub my hands over my face, trying to make sense of this. Did I misinterpret my parents' relationship? Did I assume their lack of fighting meant they loved each other? Maybe their relationship failed years ago and they only stayed together because of me.

My phone vibrates and I see it's Kate calling.

I answer it. "He cheated."

"What?" she asks, sounding confused.

"My dad was cheating on my mom. I don't know who with or how long it went on or when it started or any of that. I just know he cheated."

"What are you talking about? Your dad what?"

There's a clanking noise, like the sound of pans hitting together, and I hear guys talking in the background.

"Hold on," Kate says. "I have to go to a quieter place." A moment passes and the loud noises disappear. "Okay, go ahead."

"This woman who worked on my dad's campaign cleaned out his desk last year and put everything in a box. She forgot about it until just now so I came to pick it up. It was mostly junk but I found this note. And a key. I don't know what it goes to but I'm pretty sure it's either a hotel key or an apartment key."

"Wait, so how do you know he was cheating?"

"The note. It was from my dad. It's in his handwriting." I pick up the note and read it to Kate.

"Gavin, I'm so sorry."

"I can't believe this is happening again. I was finally getting over all that stuff I found out about him last year. The guns. The lies. And now I find out he was cheating on my mom. Before he died, he kept telling her he was going to take her on a romantic trip to Paris after the campaign was over. He went on and on about how much he loved her and how he was so lucky to have her, and the whole time, he was seeing this other woman."

"How do you know when he was seeing her? Was the note dated?"

"No, but..." I look at the note again. "I guess you're right. I guess I don't know when this was going on, but if it was in his campaign office it had to have been within the past couple years."

"You're not going to tell your mom, are you?"

"No. She's been through enough this past year. She doesn't need to know her husband was cheating on her."

"Maybe she knew."

"She didn't act like she did."

"You didn't notice anything unusual? No signs that he was seeing someone else?"

"Not that I can think of, but it's not like I was looking for signs. I thought he really loved my mom."

"Gavin, I'm sure he did. Men cheat for a lot of different reasons. It doesn't mean he didn't love her."

"If he loved her, he wouldn't have cheated. I'd never even think of cheating on you and we're not even married."

"Never say never," she mumbles.

"What's that supposed to mean? You think I'd cheat on you?"

"No, but...." She gets quiet.

"But what?"

"Never mind."

"Kate, just say what you were going to say."

"Just forget about it. So are we still going out tonight?"

"Yes. Now finish what you were saying. You know I don't like it when you do that thing where you start to say something and then change the subject. So tell me what you were going to say."

She sighs. "When you say you're never going to do something, I'm not sure I believe you anymore."

"Why? What do you mean?"

"I'm never going to work long hours," she says in a deep voice, trying to mimic me, "because that would mean being away from you, Kate. I'm never going to let work come between us. I'm never to work on a political campaign."

"Okay, fine. So I did stuff I said I'd never do but it's only temporary. The campaign ends after the election next year and I'm only working extra hours because the website had problems. This isn't forever, Kate. And I wasn't just saying all that stuff. I meant it."

"And yet you're still doing what you said you'd never do." She sounds angry, and her anger is making me angry. I don't even know why. What she said is all true so she has a right to be mad but I don't want to hear it. Not right now.

"Are we going to fight about this? Because I'm really not in the mood."

"So you have to be in the right mood in order for us to have this discussion?"

"I just found out my dad was having an affair, so yes, I'm not in the mood to fight."

"I wasn't fighting. I was telling you how I feel. And given what you just found out, I didn't want to tell you, but you forced me to. You kept asking me what was wrong."

I let out a long breath and rub my forehead. "You're right. I'm sorry. I'm just in a bad mood today. And I'm tired. I didn't get enough sleep last night."

"Then we'll go to dinner tonight and come home so you can rest. I could use a night off from the restaurant. Besides, the crew is working on the kitchen tonight so I can't test recipes like I'd planned to."

"I still want to go see the place. I haven't been there in almost a week. I want to see how it looks."

"It looks really great." Her voice rises. "I'm so excited, Gavin. I can't believe this is happening. That I'm actually opening my own restaurant."

"I'm really proud of you, Kate. The restaurant is going to do great."

"Hey, I'd love to talk more but I have to go. I have a meeting with the contractor in a few minutes. You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah. And I'll be home tonight, no matter what comes up at work. I have to see you, and talk to you, and hold you. I miss you."

"I miss you too. I'll see you tonight. Bye!"

Someone knocks on the door to the conference room and it opens slightly. A middle-aged man wearing a shirt and tie is standing there and says, "There's a meeting starting in here in a few minutes. You almost done?"

"Yeah. Sorry." I go to gather up the things on the table. "I'll clean this up. Do you know where I could get another box?"

"Would a bag work? There's one on the floor there." He points to an empty shopping bag that's next to the waste basket.

"Thanks." I go to pick it up. "I'll be out in a minute."

He leaves the door open but walks away. I load up the box with the stuff I don't want and place the items I'm keeping in the bag. I stuff the letter and key in my pocket, then take the box to Linda's office.

"You sure you want this stuff?" I ask her. "I could take it to the dumpster."

She looks in the box. "There's no need to. I'll donate it to the shelter. They can always use office supplies."

"Okay. Well, thanks for letting me know about the box."

She gives me a sad smile. "I'm very sorry about your father. He was a good man."

I nod, but I'm not really sure if he was a good man. The more I find out about him, the more I question that.