CHAPTER TWELVE
Lilly needed time to think. Somewhere she could sit uninterrupted, and work through everything that was happening to her. She walked along the wall until she found two rows of seats upon which sat numerous young women awaiting a man to ask them to dance, and several older ones, watching their charges with narrowed eyes as they danced or stood in circles with men and women. She had spent a great deal of time on extremely uncomfortable seats on the edges of ballrooms just like these.
“Excuse me.” Lilly made her way along the row until she got to a seat in the middle. She would be safe here, tucked away. Safe from the loathsome Lord Danderfield, her brother, and Lord Sinclair.
“Dastardly hot, wouldn't you say?”
Damn.
“Indeed, Miss Juniper.”
Lilly had seriously miscalculated. Beside her was one of society’s leading gossips. Miss Juniper was in her sixties, a woman who spent her evenings digging up tidbits she could then pass on to her friends the next day. Harmless really, but still bloody annoying, as the woman had no idea on “sitting quietly.”
“The Duke and Duchess of Raven are the picture of health this evening, wouldn't you say, Miss Braithwaite?”
Short enough to fit under Lilly's armpit, Miss Juniper had sharp features and reminded her of a little bird, not dissimilar to the one she had in her hair. Her brown eyes were always on the move, as were her hands.
“Indeed they are, Miss Juniper.”
Lilly wondered if she could slip out again. The other option was hoping that someone took the seat between them, thereby blocking the woman from her sight and becoming Miss Juniper’s next victim.
“That is a very unusual arrangement in your hair, Miss Braithwaite.”
“Indeed, do you like it, Miss Juniper? It took my maid some time to arrange. The beak, you know, it needed to be placed so it did not dig into my head.”
The deep chuckle coming from the end of the row made Lilly's heart jump. She tried glaring at Lord Sinclair to make him leave, but he simply smiled and started down the row, sending the women he passed into a flutter.
“Lord Sinclair!”
“Miss Juniper.” He nodded to her, as if a man taking a seat among the women was an everyday occurrence.
“But Lord Sinclair, there are only women seated here!”
He settled on the seat between them. Due to his size and the seats being placed close together, his thigh pressed into Lilly's.
“Excellent, I am rather happy to be the only man surrounded by so much beauty.”
Lilly watched the women who heard him turn and smile, tittering. They all blushed and nodded. Lilly rolled her eyes. She then moved as far from him as she could, which was not far as a woman sat on the other side.
“Hello, Lilly, you look beautiful tonight.”
He turned his body, thereby shutting Miss Juniper out of the conversation completely.
“No I don’t and what are you doing?”
“Sitting with you.”
“But you should not do so.”
“Why?”
His face looked calm, as if they were discussing pleasantries, and yet his eyes... there was nothing calm about the vibrant green depths.
“Because this is where women sit,” Lilly hissed. She was attempting to slouch in her seat so no one realized he was sitting with her.
“Is that a rule?”
Horrified, she watched as he turned to Miss Juniper to address the question to her.
“Because if it is, I do not remember seeing it written anywhere.”
Miss Juniper tittered. “It is understood, Lord Sinclair.”
“Ah, well there you have me,” he said, smiling once more. “I rarely understand anything.”
He turned back to her.
“That is a rather fetching robin in your hair. Quite the picture, with its red breast, and extremely lifelike.”
“Go away.”
“Do you realize that when you talk with me your voice changes?”
“It does not,” Lilly snapped, trying to change her tone back to the high-pitched trill she was known for.
“No, it does, and I much prefer it.”
“Go away,” Lilly said, desperate now to make him leave. Others would see him soon. He was not slouching like her, but sitting tall and straight.
“Did you and James have a nice chat?”
She couldn't look away; it was as if his eyes held her in place.
Run! the voice inside her head yelled. Run and don't look back.
“Yes, now go away.”
“I had believed you and Miss Braithwaite had formed a dislike for each other, Lord Sinclair. What is it you speak of so secretly?”
He held her eyes for a second longer before turning to face Miss Juniper.
“No indeed, we are friends, Miss Juniper. My sisters and Miss Braithwaite spend a great deal of time together, and as such I also.”
Lilly searched for an escape route and decided on simply pushing her chair back. There was a small amount of room between it and the wall; she could squeeze out without making the ladies to her right move once more. But before she did, Lilly had to ensure Miss Juniper kept Devonshire Sinclair busy for some time.
“Oh, Miss Juniper. Please tell Lord Sinclair, in detail, about the uses for white horehound syrup. His younger sister, Miss Dorset, suffers horridly from a hoarseness in the throat and a raspy cough. I believe they have tried everything for the poor dear.”
He swung to look at her as she spoke, and the look in his eyes threatened retribution, as everyone knew that once started on her cures Miss Juniper would not be stopped until she was good and ready, which hopefully would not be for some time.
“La, Lord Sinclair, I declare it is quite fortuitous that you have sat beside me this night, as I can indeed help you with your poor sister.”
The fact that she had questioned his taking the seat beside her was forgotten as she launched into a detailed discussion about the merits of white horehound syrup.
Lilly seized the moment and stood.
“Good Lord, I quite forgot I promised the Earl of Ridgeway the next dance. I shall not feel too bad at leaving you however, Lord Sinclair, as I will be doing so with the knowledge that you are keeping excellent company. Please don't miss out even the slightest detail, Miss Juniper, as Lord Sinclair is most eager to find help for his little sister.”
His hand gripped her fingers briefly where they lay between them.
“I shall find you later, Miss Braithwaite, and we will continue our discussion over that matter.”
Lilly shivered at these words, but did not look at him. Instead she fled.
“White horehound syrup, Lord Sinclair, is the only way to cure your dear sister.”
Witch, Dev thought, watching Lilly disappear into the crowds of people before them. She'd outmaneuvered him and he should be furious with her, but what he felt was admiration. Every minute he spent in her company made him want to spend several more. He didn't see her ugly clothes or ridiculous hair anymore, he saw her, Lilly. The woman who had his colors.
“Of course, steam also helps, Lord Sinclair.”
“Indeed.”
Dev muttered the right words at the right time and thought about Lilly. He wanted her to talk to him freely, needed her to tell him what the hell was going on in her life. Why the charade? What was between her and her brother? Was she happy?
“I will have a rub sent round for her chest, Lord Sinclair.”
“I'd be much obliged.”
He needed to find her, Dev realized. Because she was just as likely to leave before he had a chance to talk to her.
“Excuse me, Miss Juniper, I have promised my sister I would dance with her.”
He walked away before she could launch into further cures. Circling the room, Dev looked for Lilly. Finding her, he tacked right and came up behind her. She had not seen him, and was taking a mouthful out of the glass she was holding. Leaning forward, he whispered in her ear.
“You owe me for what I have just endured.”
She shrieked, the glass tipped, and the contents ended up over her hands.
“You startled me!” She spun to face him.
“I hadn't thought your reaction would be quite so violent. Forgive me. Come, we shall find somewhere to clean you up.”
Before Lilly could stop him, he had her hand on his arm. Dev propelled her along at his side, and she could do nothing but comply. She would not create a scene; that was not her way, so her fingers appeared to rest on his arm, when in fact, they were digging in.
Dev found an open door that led outside and gently pushed her through before him.
“Why are we on the terrace? I can hardly dry my hands out here.”
“They will dry in the air, once you have taken off your gloves. It is warm out tonight.”
“I have no wish to be outside at this time, Lord Sinclair.”
“I wish to talk with you without anyone interrupting us.”
“You are always manhandling me. I am not one of your siblings, my lord. Let me go.”
Dev kept circling the terrace until they were alone, he then led her to the shadows, where he knew a stone bench sat.
“Sit.”
“I am not a dog,” she replied, indignant.
“Please sit.”
She muttered something and then the little bird in her hair bobbed as she sat abruptly. She made no move to remove her gloves.
“They are soaked in champagne, Lilly. Take them off and lay them upon the seat.”
She hesitated, first looking at him still standing, and then at her hands.
“They will be awfully sticky and uncomfortable if you do not.”
“My name is Miss Braithwaite.” Reluctantly she peeled first one and then the second damp glove from her fingers.
Dev studied her hands and could see no reason for her reluctance to let anyone touch or see them. She did not lay the gloves beside her, instead waving them about, Dev guessed, in the hopes they would dry faster that way.
“I told James about the incident with the carriage today, and what happened several nights ago.”
“The Duke told me this, and may I say it was presumptuous to do so, Lord Sinclair.” She was trying for haughty again, but now he saw through the facade.
“Have you given thought to the fact that the carriage that nearly hit you outside the Watch House did so deliberately?”
She was surprised by his words. The gloves momentarily stopped flapping as she looked up at him.
“Why would that be the case? I-I have done nothing to warrant such a thing.”
“You are trying to stop whoever is taking those children from taking more, Lilly. You have repeatedly visited the Watch House. Had the boy, Toby, ask questions, and then you foiled the abduction of that boy the night I was there.”
“No.” She shook her head fast, dislodging the robin and sending it forward. Dev removed it gently from her hair.
“Why are you touching my head?”
“Your robin has flown the nest.”
“La, Lord Sinclair, you are most amusing.”
It was exhausting watching her slip in and out of personas. Dev could only imagine how taxing it must be for her.
“You must have a care now, Lilly. If what I have said has foundation, then you must not leave the house without at least two footmen and a maid.”
“I don't believe you are right.”
But he had made her think, and that, to Dev's mind, was a good thing. She needed to show caution.
He sat beside her suddenly, reaching for one of her hands before she could pull away. Cradling the slender fingers in his palm, he felt it again, the wonderful surge of heat from the contact.
“Don't touch me!” She struggled to pull away from him, tug her hand from his grasp. “I-I do not like to be touched!”
“Why do you not like your hands touched?”
She was frantic now, trying to escape him, but Dev opened his fingers, slipping hers through his larger ones until she was trapped.
“You told my sister at Temple Street that you did not like to be touched, and quickly pulled on your gloves when we arrived, even though your hands were sticky from the bun. Why?”
“You don't understand what you are doing—”
“Tell me, then.”
He watched as she struggled to breathe as his hand held hers. Switching his vision, he checked her color, but it was strong and healthy.
“Lilly, stop fighting me. Take a deep breath for me. Are you in pain from my touch? If so I will release you.”
She inhaled and then exhaled slowly.
“Again, that's it.”
“You don't understand.”
The whispered words were desperate.
“What don't I understand?”
Dev took her other hand, turning her in the seat to face him. He uncurled her fingers from the fist they were clenched in and lifted them to his face.
“Don't.”
“Do,” Dev said gently.
“I can't normally touch people.”
“Yet, you can touch me.”
She stopped fighting him, and then the hand on his face moved. Her eyes followed her fingers as they traced the edge of his cheekbone, across his brows, and down to his jaw.
She was gentle and left a trail of heat. Christ, his body was a furnace, and she was barely touching him. He could only imagine what would be between them when she lay naked beneath his body. Wrestling that image aside, he concentrated on her.
“Why can't you touch people, Lilly? What do you feel?”
She shuddered, eyes still on her hand as it ran down his nose.
“No.” She shook her head. “It matters not.”
“It matters to me.”
“Y-you have a bump.”
“Eden broke it when we were young.”
“Make me stop.”
“Why don't you touch people, Lilly?”
“Emotions and feelings, horrid feelings,” she whispered, letting her fingers trail down his neck. “But with you it feels so different,” she added in wonder. “So very different.”
“How long has it been since you touched a person?”
“Since my childhood?”
“Is it only your hands that cause this reaction inside you?”
She nodded. “Yes, although I still hate people touching my face.”
“Except me,” Dev rasped as she ran one finger around the outside of his ear.
“Yes.”
Dev knew she wasn't focused on her words or she would not be revealing so much about herself. He wondered if Lilly had a secret that even she did not understand.
Trapping her hand as it moved down his neck toward his necktie, he said, “Why were you dancing with Lord Danderfield when I could tell you did not want to?”
Her hands immediately stilled and her eyes cleared, losing the look of dazed wonder they had previously held.
“I must return, my lord. Please excuse me, I-I don't know what I was doing—”
“You were touching me, Lilly, and I loved every second your fingers were on me. Yet had you continued I would have been forced to lay you on the bench and ravish you, and when I do that it will not be on a cold slab of stone.”
“Y-you cannot speak to me in such a manner!”
He watched as she slipped her gloves back on. He then grabbed her hand back and held her in place as she attempted to rise. There was a flicker of something in her eyes, however he knew it wasn't fear.
“I will make you mine, Lilliana Braithwaite.”
“Not if I don't want it!” she snapped, and he smiled at her temper. It was far better to see the fire in her eyes than the desperation they’d held before.
“But you do want it, my sweet.” Closing the distance, he placed a gentle coaxing kiss on her lips. “But for now we shall content ourselves with a dance,” Dev said, standing upright while he still could. Placing her hand on his arm, he led them back inside.
Dev swung Lilly into his arms and they waltzed slowly down the ballroom with the other couples.
“I would ask a favor of you, Lilly.”
He was subjected to a look, her feathered brows lowering as she studied him, and he could see the wariness return as she wondered what he would ask of her.
“I don't want to promise you anything. This, what happens between us, is not right. I don't want or need it, or the complications it brings to my life.”
“Yet it is inevitable,” Dev said.
“No, we can go back to what we were—”
“No,”—he gave her hand a squeeze—”we can't. But we will leave that for now, and I would simply ask that if you feel the need to tumble headlong into danger, you come to me, and if not me, James, so one of us can escort you to wherever it is you need to go.”
“He has already asked that of me.”
“Excellent, so you will have no trouble giving me the same assurance you no doubt gave him?”
She huffed out a breath. “Don't you have enough people to care for, my lord?”
“Plenty, Miss Braithwaite.”
“Yet you feel it necessary to watch over me also?”
Dev merely smiled.
“You have been successful in caring for and keeping your family safe, my lord, and I commend you upon it, however—”
“Not always,” Dev muttered as visions of Eden at the mercy of their father, Essie with her broken heart, and Cam drinking himself close to death filled his head. He hadn't been able to save them until the damage had been done.
“Whatever trials you and your family have endured, Lord Sinclair, it is undoubtedly a testament to you that you are still together, both healthy and whole. However, you cannot save everyone and I will point out to you again, my welfare is not your concern.”
No, he couldn't save everyone, Dev thought remembering campaigns and men he had lost who would never return home to their loved ones.
“Why do you look sad?”
The words weren't offered in a sympathetic tone; she demanded an answer.
“I could not save everyone who fought with me.”
“Was it your job to do so then, my lord? Are you such a man that everyone under your command should have returned alive and uninjured? Surely even the great Lord Sinclair cannot work such miracles?”
He couldn't believe she was mocking him.
“I led them.”
“Then of course you failed in your duty.”
“I did not fail!” Dev felt his anger rise. “I was a very good leader.”
“Then why do you blame yourself for losing the men you did?”
He could find no response, and battled the urge to place his hand over her mouth before she said anything else that would increase his discomfort.
“Have you always had this ridiculous need to protect people? This controlling nature that suggests no one can expire or become injured if you are in their lives?”
“Be quiet.”
“Oh dear, do you not like feeling vulnerable, Lord Sinclair? Is it not easy to have your innermost secrets and fears exposed, then chewed over like a dog with a tasty bone?”
Her face was serious, the high cheekbones flushed. Her eyes were open and honest behind the glass of her round lenses, and the ache inside his chest that he felt continually when she was close intensified.
“I take your point, so there is no need to discuss the matter further.” Of course he’d known she would ignore him.
“Being the eldest of six siblings, my lord, I'm sure you have been called far worse than bossy and controlling. However, I wonder if the description, godlike, would also fit?”
“Yes, thank you, Lilly. I believe I said I understood the point you were trying to make…repeatedly.”
“Excellent, then we shall both stop annoying each other, and revert to the way things once were between us, as it seems when we are near, we pull emotions from each other that neither of us are comfortable with.”
The song finished, and she slipped into a curtsey and left Dev reeling on the dance floor. She had just slit open a vein in his heart and allowed him to bleed a little before resealing it and walking away.
“Damn,” Dev whispered. It had to be love.