Chapter Four
Emily sat in the car outside Kurt Schmidt’s large, red brick house, trying to work up the courage to go inside.
She knew, intellectually, she shouldn’t be so afraid. This visit wasn’t anything untoward, after all. They were going to work on the book. Just like they’d been doing for the past two months. Even if she wanted something else to happen in there, she knew it wouldn’t.
They were only meeting here so that her clumsy feet wouldn’t trip all over the room. His house was much larger than his office, after all. And, she knew that no one was likely to disturb their work at his secluded home.
Emily blushed when she thought that no one disturbing their “work” also meant no one interrupting the flirty jokes they’d started to make to one another. No one to interrupt the movement of his arm across her shoulder when he leaned into check her writing.
With an admonition that she was, once again, being stupid, Emily forced herself up and out of the seat of her car. Marching straight to the front door and ringing the bell, she told herself that she was here to work and that was all.
When Kurt opened the door, his normal tie gone and his usually buttoned shirt unbuttoned so that she could just catch a glimpse of the hard, smooth chest beneath, work was getting harder and harder to remember.
“Emily!” Kurt said beckoning her inside. “I’m glad you’re here. This section’s giving me a lot more trouble than I thought it would.”
He led her through a bright, airy entry way with stylish white furniture and marble floors into an equally bright kitchen area.
The large wooden table overlooked the backyard with an exceptionally inviting balcony lined with giant pine trees.
The wooden table had been cluttered in the same way Kurt’s desk at the college was. Papers and books lay out on top of it and clusters of notes sat crumpled on the seats.
“You’ve started without me, I see,” Emily said dryly, eyeing the papers and books scattered around the table.
“Thought I’d get a head start,” Kurt said absently, a finger starting to twirl at the half brown and half grey hair at his temples.
“I found a source that I think we can use…”
With that, they were off to work again. A couple hours into their writing, Emily started to wonder why she’d been so worried. It was clear now that coming to Kurt’s home had meant nothing more to him than a larger space to spread out his notes, books and papers.
And whatever glances she thought he had thrown her way before; whatever she thought he was starting to feel for her, just as clearly hadn’t really been there. It was nothing more than a product of her overactive imagination.
Trying not to be disappointed by that thought, Emily sat down in the chair next to Kurt’s at the large table and started to work.
And, work was all they did for the next two hours. It was no different from sitting near Kurt at his desk in the college.
As usual, aside from the occasional brush of his arm accompanied by the occasional heat filled glance, nothing more than professional friendship passed between them. Emily told herself this was fine. It was good. It was what was supposed to happen.
“There’s that section done!” Kurt exclaimed triumphantly closing his research book as Emily typed the last words of the chapter into her laptop.
“Finally,” she agreed closing the laptop in front of her. “Do you think it’s good enough?”
“I’ll send it to the editor tomorrow,” he said. “We’ll see what he says. But, with your help, I think we may have become… accessible.”
Emily couldn’t help but smirk at the way he still used that word. As though he were ashamedly uttering a disgusting swear.
The smirk faded when she remembered what being done with this section of the book meant.
“I guess that means you won’t need me anymore,” she said, trying to make her voice sound as light as possible.
Kurt looked up at her, eyes wide as though she’d just suggested the earth was flat.
“What do you mean I won’t need you anymore?” he asked.
Emily’s eyes went just as wide and she could feel a blush, this one of embarrassment coming into her cheeks.
“You only hired me to help you with this section, remember?”
“Did I say that?”
“I think so.”
“Huh,” he said. He brought his hand up to fiddle with his glasses and the knot in his forehead appeared again.
“Well, that was stupid of me,” he said finally. “It’s clear that the whole thing goes a lot faster with your help.”
He moved his hand from his glasses to his hair and rubbed his graying temples once again. Emily, meanwhile, prayed that he would ask her what she desperately wanted him to.
“Do you…do you think you could stay on?” he asked finally. Emily’s heart lifted. “I mean, just until the books finished. Unless, you’ve already got your old job back…”
“No,” she said quickly. “I mean…I haven’t got my old job back. I can stay on.”
His face immediately brightened and he gave her the smile that went all the way up to his eyes.
“Well then, that calls for a drink!” he said. “We’ve got red wine or white. Pick your poison.”
Suddenly, the little fantasy about slinky dresses and lounging across tables with glasses of wine in hand came back. What also came back was just how dangerous that little fantasy was.
With great effort, she gave Kurt what, she hoped, looked like an apologetic smile.
“Thanks, but, I don’t think I should be drinking on the job,” she said.
Kurt rolled his eyes at her with a wide smile.
“We finished the section,” he said. “That means we’re off the clock. Besides, I hate drinking alone. Now, red or white. If you don’t pick, I’ll just have to decide for you.”
Emily heaved a sigh and sank back into her seat.
“White then,” she said. Might as well stay as safe as she could. “And I’m only staying for one.”
“That’s all I ask,” he said with another bright smile.
Kurt took out a fancy bottle of white wine and two crystal glasses. As he poured, Emily couldn’t help but stare at his pale hands gently holding the bottle. She also couldn’t help but remember how soft and warm his hands were when they brushed against her bare arm or tapped lightly against her shoulder.
These were exactly the sorts of things she shouldn’t be thinking about. Especially when she was about to have a glass of wine with her boss at his house.
Tearing her eyes away from his warm, soft hands, she looked out the clear doors facing the back patio instead.
The house sat on a large ledge that flowed down to the valley below. The path was filled with pine trees and tall redwoods gently swaying in a warm spring breeze.
“Beautiful view,” she said as Kurt brought the wine glasses over, setting one down in front of her.
“Glad you appreciate it,” he said. “That’s why I picked this house, actually.”
“I wondered,” Emily answered taking a small sip of her wine. As she’d expected, it was perfect. Not too sweet and not too dry. “It’s a ways from the college. Most of the professors I know live in that gated community about a mile from campus.”
Kurt nodded and took a sip of his own wine.
“Yeah. We looked at houses there,” he said setting his glass down. “That’s where Cheryl wanted to live. But, I knew I wouldn’t be able to stand being away from the foothills.”
“What convinced her to move all the way out here?”
“You’re gonna laugh,” Kurt said. He glanced over at Emily, the beginning of a laughing smile on his own lips.
“Try me,” she said leaning forward. This maneuver, she knew, would cause her low cut, v neck t shirt to show off the little cleavage she had. And, though she knew it was horrible, she hoped Kurt would notice.
The small blush in his cheeks as he glanced down at her shirt, cleared his throat and looked away told her that he had.
“The kitchen,” he said finally.
Despite herself, Emily leaned more fully over the table to glance ostentatiously at the kitchen beyond. This, she knew, would give the professor an even better view down her blouse. She couldn’t help but feel a hint of triumph when his blush deepened and he looked determinately out the window to the balcony.
“I don’t see what’s so great about the kitchen,” Emily said. “Looks pretty ordinary to me.”
“That’s what I thought,” Kurt muttered, the pink in his cheeks going down a tad. “But, Cheryl insisted that it would be idea for throwing dinner parties.”
“Do you throw a lot of those?”
Kurt shrugged and Emily could see a small cloud fall over his now completely blush free face.
“Not really,” he said. “I mean, when she’s here, we sometimes have her parents and her brother over. But, I don’t think we’ve had a real party here in…oh…about three years.”
“That’s a long time,” Emily said.
Kurt shrugged again and took another sip of his wine.
“I don’t really mind,” he said. “I’ve never really liked big parties. And, truth be told, I don’t really mind having the house to myself.”
Emily glanced over to him completely unsure what to say to that. Though he said he didn’t mind being alone, and he may have even believed it, she knew him well enough to be able to tell when he was lying.
The instinct she’d always felt to help people with their problems was now warring with her very selfish desire to get Kurt off the subject of his wife. So, taking a sip of her wine, she settled on the most non-committal answer she could think of.
“I wouldn’t know what to do with myself in a house this big,” she said. “If I were alone here for too long I just might pull a ‘Shining’ and go nuts.”
“That’s why you have to develop lots of hobbies,” Kurt answered.
This piqued Emily’s interest and she turned back to Kurt Fully.
“I take that to mean you do more than research post-impressionist artists,” she said. “I’ve gotta say, I’m surprised. I always thought that, when you finished with your work, you just come home and stare at the wall.”
With another eye roll, he balled up a napkin nearby and tossed it at her. She dodged it chuckling.
“So, care to share some of these mysterious hobbies?” she asked hopefully.
His expression turned from playful to thoughtful as he glanced out the window.
“Now that you mention it,” he said. “It is getting to be the right time of day…but, we’ll have to go upstairs. The trees’ll block the view here.”
Heart flipping in excitement at being able to see more of Kurt’s house, Emily downed the rest of her wine as quickly as she could.
“Lead the way, professor,” she said with a playful smile. He returned it and, downing his own glass stood up from his chair. He moved over to Emily and offered her a hand to help her up.
She took it feeling the warm, smooth skin of his palm that she had only imagined earlier. When he dropped her hand as soon as she stood and beckoned her towards the stairwell, she told herself this needed to stop. Flirting with a married man, especially a married man whom you considered a friend, was just not something good people did.
Especially when the married man in questions wife was a way and their marriage, was, clearly, in trouble.
Trying to tell herself to be careful, to be professional, she followed Kurt down a hallway and stopped beside him when he opened the door.
“The balcony in the bedroom is the best place for viewing,” he said. “That’s where I’ve got the telescope set up.”
Emily’s face colored at the word bedroom. As soon as he opened the door to reveal a large, cozy looking room complete with fire place, balcony and a large, white bed covered with a canopy, she knew this was a very bad idea.
It would probably be better for both of them if she made up some excuse to look at her watch, pretend to have somewhere else to be and rush out the door.
But, when she opened her mouth to make some excuse, Kurt’s hand flew to the small of her back and gently guided her into the room. As soon as his hand fell to her waist, all her protests were silenced. She walked across the room with him as though she were in some kind of trance.
This trance didn’t break until he removed his hand from her waist and opened the balcony doors. The cool breeze against Emily’s face brought her back to life, as did the sight of the large white telescope and open book next to it sitting on the edge of the balcony.
“Star gazing,” she said. “Not a bad use of your time up here.”
“That’s what I thought,” he said moving to the telescope. “I’ve always been kind of fascinated by stars. And this is one of the few places in the state where it’s dark enough to see them.”
He fiddled with the telescope for a moment, bending over and putting one eye to it.
“Ah, there it is,” he said after a few moments. He stood up again and beckoned Emily over to the telescope.
Fears about what might happen alone in a house with Kurt fell away as she moved closer to him. When she saw his face, it was clear that he was just as geekily excited about showing her some star as he always was when he’d found a new little tidbit about a painting. This was, clearly, not romantic. Just another one of his academic endeavors.
“Look, right there,” he said as she bent down and put her eye to the telescope.
The sky above her suddenly appeared much closer and much more detailed than it had a moment before. A perfect example of this lay in a half orb like object that was now directly in front of her. She swore it hadn’t been there a moment ago.
“Well?” he asked eagerly. “Do you see it?”
“I think so,” Emily said, slightly unsure. “What is it?”
“Venus,” he said.
Emily took her eyes away from the scope and looked back at him, trying to detect some trace of a joke in his face. There was none there. Instead he chuckled in that superior way he sometimes did when he knew something she didn’t.
“I know,” he said. “People are always kind of shocked by that.”
Emily, still shocked, looked back up into the sky with her naked eye. There, the planet that looked like a particularly bright star shown. There wasn’t a hint of an orb shape in it.
“This telescope must be really powerful,” she said, impressed as she put her eye back to it.
“I wish you could stay long enough to see some of the constellations,” he said. “They look amazing up close.”
Her first instinct was to say that, as a matter of fact, she would like to stay and see the constellations with him. In fact, she would like to stay for more than the constellations. But, in the end her nerve failed her.
“Is there anything else we can see now?” she asked instead.
“Now that you mention it…”
Emily felt him move closer to her to adjust the telescope. His long, lean body pressed against her and, once more, she could smell that musky scent that exemplified him. A mix of sandal wood and old books. Steeling herself, she forced her mind back to the telescope in front of her.
“There!” he said.
When it came back into focus, she saw another orb. This one was much larger than the first. It was clear it was the moon but, it looked so much different here than it ever had to Emily’s naked eye.
“That’s amazing,” she said, her voice breathless. “I can even see the craters! This telescope must be really powerful.”
“Yeah,” he said. “Cost a bit. But, I think it’s worth it.”
She blinked the water out of her eyes as she continued to stare at the orb in front of her. Though, the longer she did, the harder it was to imagine that this was the same moon that poets and songwriters talked about.
Up close, she could see all the little, rocky imperfections; everything that made their moon more ugly and grey than bright and mysterious.
“It’s kind of weird when you think about it,” she said, thinking out loud.
“What is?”
“Well…I mean…would any of those painters we study have taken the time to paint the moon or the stars if they knew what they really looked like? If they’d had a telescope like this?”
“Why wouldn’t they?”
Emily shrugged before taking one last look at the amplified moon.
“Most things aren’t quite as pretty up close,” she said.
“I don’t think that’s true of everything.”
Emily heaved a sigh, stood up and turned around. She was about to tell Kurt that it was true of a lot of things. But, when she turned around, the words died on her tongue.
She and Kurt were mere inches apart and, once again, she could feel his breath on her face. That smell of sandalwood and old books, now mixed with a hint of white wine filled her.
“For what it’s worth,” he said quietly. “I think you’re much prettier up close than you are far away.”
The pink blush came back to his cheeks and she expected him to break away, move his eyes downward and apologize for being too forward. That was the kind of thing Kurt always did.
But, this time, his grey eyes stayed locked onto hers, pulling her in like an invisible magnate. Emily told herself to move, to break away, to rush out of the house and never look back. She couldn’t. Couldn’t move a muscle.
Whatever force was keeping Kurt in place seemed to be working its magic on Emily too.
Her heart beat pounded in her ears as Kurt moved forward ever so slightly, glancing between her eyes and her lips. Finally, his eyes hardening with determination, he leaned forward and kissed her full on the mouth.
As his soft lips parted over hers, she found that she still couldn’t move for several seconds. Her body, her lips, everything was frozen. It wasn’t until she felt his tongue gently press her lips open, his warm, soft hand move up to tangle in her hair, that she finally felt the dam inside of her break and she wrapped her arms around him.
As soon as she did, she heard a growl release from the back of his throat as the soft hand stroking her hair became suddenly firm pushing her further into him. Emily gasped when, without breaking their kiss, his arms wrapped firmly around her ass, picking her up fully. She gasped again when she felt her back collide with the balcony door.
Kurt’s tongue still moved forcefully inside her mouth, his warm lips, no longer soft were pressing, pushing, demanding everything she had inside of her. As if he was ordering her to give him exactly what he needed.
One of her hands, of its own accord moved down his side and lightly grazed his bottom, pushing him into her. Emily could feel his member stirring beneath the slacks he wore and she let out another moan. This one of pleasure and anticipation instead of surprise.
It was this moan that caused his movements to suddenly still. Slowly, Emily felt him pull away from her. Heart sinking in confusion and disappointment, she opened her eyes.
When she looked at him, his face was still inches from her own. He still looked at her as though he could not quite believe she was real. His eyes were still filled with the passionate fire she had felt a moment ago, in his kiss. But, now, there was a hint of hesitation.
“Emily,” he said breathing ragged as though he had just run a mile. “This is…this is not a good idea.”
His warm body was still pressed against her and his arms remained just above her shoulders. He showed no sign of moving. He also showed no signs of allowing her to move.
Even though they both knew how wrong this was, it was clear to Emily, that neither of them really intended to stop. She just had to work a little harder to make Kurt see that.
“That would be a lot more convincing,” she said softly. “If you didn’t have me pinned against the bedroom door.”
A playful smile began on her lips. When Kurt saw it, she was pleased to see him respond with a grin of his own.
“That is true,” he whispered.
She rubbed her hand against his back before moving it slowly down his side. Finally, another deep moan came up from his throat when her hand pressed against his member, now straining against his pants.
With another smile, she stood on her tip toes and moved her lips to his ear.
“I’ve always been told,” she whispered. “It’s best to finish what you start.”
That was all it took.
With another deep growl, he grabbed hold of her again and pulled her into him, kissing her more fiercely than she had ever been kissed before.
Wrapping her arms around his back, she gasped into his mouth again when she felt the door to the bedroom slam open. Before she knew it, Emily was being pushed into the room. Kurt’s mouth didn’t move from hers until her legs collided with the large white bed.
His mouth moved from her lips to kiss and nip at her neck at the same time, his hand snaked up the t-shirt she wore and skipped across her skin.
A moan, less fierce and more relieved come up from him when his hand landed on her full, bra covered breast. She felt the muscles in his back relax as his hand massaged her breasts under her shirt. His lips moved gently along her jaw until they finally landed near her ear.
“God, Emily, do you have any idea what you do to me?” he whispered. A shiver ran down her spine that seemed to inspire a wanton energy she had never felt before.
“Why don’t you show me?” she whispered in return.
The desperate growl came back to his voice and soon, her shirt had been lifted fully and tossed to the floor. This was accompanied by her bra.
As he took off his glasses, setting them on the bedside table, she fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. Her progress was slightly impeded when his mouth dipped from her neck to her breasts.
“Mmmm,” she murmured as his warm tongue sucked one erect nipple into his mouth. Forcing herself to focus on his shirt, even as he turned his attention to her other breast, she finally managed to open his shirt. She heaved a sigh when she felt the smooth, slender skin beneath.
It wasn’t long before he’d shrugged out of his shirt. They also made quick work of their pants and underwear. Emily’s panties had barely hit the floor when Kurt, pushed her almost forcefully back onto the bed.
She landed with a small gasp that turned into a joyful little giggle. He smiled as he moved to tower over top of her. The smile remained on his lips as he leaned down to kiss her lips once more. This kiss was soft and gentle as his hand gently caressed her leg, moving its way up.
“Oh god!” she gasped when his fingers touched the very center of her desire. His fingers rubbed at a painstakingly slow pace over her center as his mouth nipped at her jaw.
“Your wet,” he whispered. He sounded almost surprised. As though, despite what was happening between them, he was shocked to find evidence that she wanted him.
“I…I guess that means…” she began, between breathlessly ecstatic pants. “you’re not the only one who’s been thinking about this…Oh!”
Everything inside her clenched tight around his fingers colors seemed to flash before her as she cried out her release into his bedroom.
With a grunt, his fingers were quickly replaced by his long, slender member. Grabbing hold of her hair once more, he pulled her lips up to his. The frantic thrust of his tongue in her mouth mimicked the movement of his body inside of hers.
Her arms wrapped around him and she allowed herself not to think. Not to wonder what this was. Not to worry about what might happen tomorrow. She allowed her mind to become completely lost in the wonderful, miraculous sensation of his body moving against hers.
With a final, surprisingly strong growl, a final, desperate tug of her hair, he spoke his release. She followed, her body once again writhing, lost against him.
When he fell, panting and breathing heavily, she was afraid for a moment that he was going to collapse on top of her. At the last minute, he rolled over and gathered her in his arms.
They stayed entwined like that for what may have been hours, minutes or seconds. Emily felt the slow, tranquil beat of his heart against her bare back and wished, beyond anything, that they could stay like this forever.
She wished that the rest of the world could fade away and it could just be them. Emily and Kurt making love, looking at stars and writing about post-impressionist artists.
Finally, she turned in his arms to face him.
He was looking back at her. His wide grey eyes filled with an expression she did not recognize. This was a new sensation for them.
In the two years since she’d been working with Kurt, she’d come to know most of his looks, his expressions, his habits. But, this wide eyed, flushed expression was new.
If she had to name it, she might say that it sat somewhere between, fear, desire and adoration.
“Hey,” she said to him. Trying to sound neither too embarrassed or too trite.
“Hey,” he answered. He gave her a small smile but the expression in his eyes was still there. She suddenly had a desperate urge to know exactly what it was.
“So,” she said uncertainly. “I…I guess we should talk about what just happened.”
“We should,” he said lifting his hand and gently cupping her cheek. She couldn’t help but smile as she leaned into his touch. “But, I think it can wait until the morning. I don’t want to think about anything but you tonight.”
Her heart soared and she smiled back at him.
“See you in the morning then,” she said.
“In the morning.”
He pulled her closer to him and closed his eyes. She turned away from him in his arms and felt her heart soar when he nuzzled into her curly red hair.
Later, as the wave of pleasure, the immense satisfaction of finally feeling this intelligent, handsome, perfect man inside of her, dissipated, Emily felt her heart begin to sink. Now that it was done, she realized that they had just crossed a line. A deep line in the sand that neither of them would be able to come back from.
No matter what happened next, no matter what they talked about in the morning, one thing was clear: Nothing would ever be the same.