Chapter Eight
“I think that’s it!”
Emily pounded down the last keystroke on the computer triumphantly as Kurt looked over her shoulder.
“You think it’s good enough?” he asked.
“I think it’s as good as we can possibly make it,” she said. “Of course, the editor will probably do some polishing up but…yeah…I think it’s ready.”
It had been a little over six months since they’d started this project. And four months since they’d started…something else.
Four months of meeting Kurt in his office or at his home when his wife had gone on one of her frequent trips. Four blissful months of letting him touch her, kiss her, caress every part of her. four months of touching him in places she’d only dreamed of for years.
And, now, with that last key stroke, it was over,
The book was finished.
“I’ll send a copy to the publisher tomorrow,” he said.
“You should send one to Dr. Schneider, the president of the University too,” Emily suggested. “I think he’d want to read it. After all, it was his idea to write this book in the first place.”
“It was his idea to make it a popular history book,” Kurt said, a peevish tone in his voice. It was the one he always got when someone else tried to take credit for even a small portion of his work.
“I would have written about Vangoh and Gaugin anyway. But, I guess you’re right. A prerelease copy would probably keep him happy.”
“Could put you on the fast track to tenure, too,” she said glancing back at him with a smile. He smiled back, that adorable blush painting his cheeks. Emily couldn’t help but think about how much she loved that blush.
Of course, as she did, something she’d learned just one day before came back to her. Something that could change everything, even more than the book being finished.
Something that she had to tell Kurt about.
“We’ll see,” he said. His hands moved from the back of her chair to her shoulders and began gently moving down her arms, giving her a gentle sort of caress.
“In the meantime,” he said in a low voice, leaning towards her. “I think we should celebrate.”
If it hadn’t been clear a moment before, the warm kiss he placed on Emily’s neck told her exactly what he wanted.
And she knew, this time she couldn’t give in to him. Not now that the book was finished. Not when she now knew that something else had changed too. Something so big that neither of them had ever really imagined it was possible.
Someone on the outside of this think Kurt and Emily had might not understand, but, the book they’d been working on together was a kind of lynch pin for them.
Oddly, she felt as though the book was part of what was keeping this secret affair a secret.
It felt as though they were working on two things at once. Both the book and their relationship. They’d kept their feelings secret because they weren’t ready to be shown to the world yet. Just like this last draft of their book had been kept away from prying eyes until this moment.
Now that the book was ready, Emily knew she couldn’t go on meeting Kurt after hours in his office or when his wife was out of town. She couldn’t go on being his dirty little secret.
She had to start the conversation. And, to do that, she would have to reveal a secret of her own.
But, the conversation was difficult to start at all when Kurt’s hands were roaming her body suggestively. When hand moved to cup her breast, still covered by the teal button down shirt she wore, and the other hand moved between her legs, pressing up against the increasingly warm space covered by her jeans, she was tempted to give in.
She was tempted to save the conversation they needed to have for another day and just loose herself in him one last time. To let him take her and kiss her and touch her and make her feel complete.
But, when he reached over her chair and began to undo the buttons on her shirt, when he began to brush against her breasts that had already grown unnaturally tender, her roommate Audrey’s words, spoken earlier that day, came back in full force.
“You need to tell him, Em,” she’d said. “You need to tell him and then you need to tell him to make a choice. It’s you or her.”
Once again, Audrey was right. And, this time, nothing was going to stop Emily from following her advice.
So, has his hand reached into her unbuttoned shirt and began to lightly caress the top of her breast, she reluctantly, reached up to stop him.
He did. She turned her chair fully towards him and winced when she saw the confusion and hurt in his eyes. She’d never stopped him before.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I’m pregnant.”
His eyes widened and the flush in his cheeks disappeared. He now looked pale and almost ghostly.
“Are...are you sure?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I took two tests the day before yesterday. Then, yesterday, I went to the doctor to be sure.”
“How…how far along are you…I mean…”
“The doctor says I’m about three weeks,” she answered. He nodded and looked down at the ground, she could see his eyes moving back and forth, as though he was reading through his stores of logic. Trying to think of a way out.
“And…and what do you…I mean…what do you want to do?” he asked pointedly. This along with the question about how far along she was made it clear what he was suggesting.
Emily’s eyes narrowed and she folded her arms across her chest.
“I’m not getting rid of it,” she said firmly. “And I’m not giving it up for adoption either. This is my baby, our baby. I want to keep it.”
He looked slightly surprised by the ferocity of her statement but, nodded anyway.
“Ok,” he said. “Ok…then…”
“The question is,” Emily said before he could offer anything else. “What do you want to do?”
His eyes lifted from the floor immediately and the slight surprise turned to near shock.
“What do I…?”
“Yes, Kurt,” she said. “This is your child as much as mine. Now, it’s your choice if you want to be a part of our lives or not.”
“Of course, I want to be a part of your lives,” he said. “I just- “
“If you’re going to do that,” she said. “You can’t be married to someone else.”
This was, clearly the sticking point. The other show that he’d been waiting for her to drop. Slowly, he crossed the room and slid into another chair, his hand over his face.
“It’s…it’s not that simple,” he said.
“What do you mean it’s not that simple?” Emily asked. “She’s cheating on you!”
“And I’m cheating on her!” Kurt answered much more defensively than Emily had anticipated.
“Exactly!” Emily shot back. “It’s clear neither of you are happy. You’re hardly ever together. It’s like one of those marriages people have for tax reasons or something. It’s not real.”
“I know that,” he said more quietly. He heaved a sigh and ran a hand over his face.
“The truth is,” Kurt continued. “Cheryl and I talked about divorce. We went to see lawyers to start the process once. But then, her father…see…Malcolm Jennings is very protective of his reputation.”
“What would his daughter getting divorced have to do with his reputation?” she asked.
“He’s built his entire brand around being a family business with good old fashioned family values,” Kurt said. “His son, Cheryl’s brother, already went through a nasty divorce a couple years ago. The magazines and tabloids bombarded Malcolm with questions about his parenting and why he thought his son had abandoned his good old fashioned values. Now…he’s convinced that if his other child gets a divorce, it’ll ruin him completely.”
Though Emily could now see the problem slightly more clearly, it didn’t entirely clear up the issue between her and Kurt.
“But…that’s Malcolm Jennings’ problem, not ours,” she said. “He’s the one in charge of his publicity or image or whatever.”
“But, he’s also the head of the University board of directors,” Kurt said. “When Cheryl and I tried to divorce the first time, he threatened my job. He’s got the president in his pocket, he would be able to fire me with nothing more than a word.”
Now, the full picture became clear.
Kurt’s job, his lively hood not to mention the work he loved could all disappear with one word from Malcolm Jennings.
But, even so, even with this new information at her hands, she knew they couldn’t keep doing what they were doing. She couldn’t keep being the mistress of a married man. Especially not when she now had a child to think about as well.
“So…I guess that’s it for us.”
The words felt hollow inside her mouth and almost stopped instead of coming out. Even when they did echo into the room she couldn’t be sure she’d really said them.
“No, I didn’t say that,” Kurt said taking two strides across the room to her. He put his hands on her arms and she tried her best not to look up at him.
“Em, listen, I’m one year away from tenure,” he said. “When I get that, there’s nothing Malcolm can do to me. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t fire me.”
“One year?” she asked quietly.
“One year,” he agreed moving closer to her, his arms reaching across her back. “Then, we can be together. No Cheryl, no Malcolm. Just us.”
With that, he leaned forward and kissed her fully. Before she could stop herself, she melted into him. At his kiss, the warm feeling of his open mouth on hers, she gave into the urge to lose herself. Her hand reached up into his light brown hair and pushed him more fully into her.
Soon, the frantic energy that usually accompanied their love making was back.
He pressed her fiercely into him as he hastily undid the rest of the buttons on her shirt. His lips moved down her neck to nip at her collar bone. Fumbling, they both began to shrug out of their pants.
Most of their encounters were like this. Half-dressed fumbles in his office. It was rare when they took a night to themselves. A night to go slow. A night where they didn’t have to whisper or hide their moans from prying ears.
Today, as Kurt pulled her pants down and the cool office air hit her bare legs, Emily was aware that they had to be careful.
It was late and the college was mostly abandoned. Still, the possibility that someone could walk by and hear them was there.
Most nights it excited her.
And as Kurt pressed his fingers inside her, his thumb circling her clit, she had to admit that there was still something sensual about it. Something thrilling about the idea of someone coming in the office and finding them there.
Her curly hair draped around her shoulders and her face flushed as Kurt towered above her. His shirt unbuttoned, pants around his ankles, stroking her and making her moan and writhe with pleasure.
In her most honest moments, she admitted to herself that she wanted someone to find them this way. She wanted someone to know that she belonged to Kurt and he belonged to her. She didn’t want to have to hide how she felt for him.
His thumb circled her clit and she cried out as his fingers continued to move in and out of her.
“God, Em, I love seeing you like this,” he said whispered “You are so beautiful when you’re moaning and panting and begging for me.”
As if to make his point, he tilted his fingers inside of her and pressed against that spot. That secret spot inside that always made her clench around him. She let out a moan and he chuckled.
“I could listen to that all day,” he said. With that, his fingers moved out of her and were replaced by his long, hard cock.
She braced herself against the wall as he began to pound in and out of her. Her hands nearly gripped the uneven wall paper as he kept pushing that spot, that spot just inside her. She couldn’t think anymore, could barely breath. All she could feel was him. This man moving in and out of her. Giving her everything she ever wanted.
“One more year,” he whispered breathily into her ear as he pushed into her again. “Just one year. Will you wait for me, Emily?”
His hand reached between them and he circled her clit again. Her only answer was a loud cry that she was certain would be heard in the hall.
He came almost immediately after, his grunts and growls much more quiet than hers had been.
As usual, they stayed together for several moments. Looking up at one another as though trying to speak in a silent code. Finally, with a kiss, he slid out of her and began to pull up his pants.
She did as well.
This was usually when she said good night. When she went home for the evening knowing that they would do the same thing tomorrow.
But, she knew that this time she couldn’t. He seemed to sense her hesitation.
“You know, I never got an answer,” he said. “When I asked if you would wait for me.”
“Well, it really wasn’t fair to ask me while I was two seconds from coming,” she said with a small smile. Trying to make light of a situation that was anything but. He gave a chuckle that sounded slightly awkward.
“Fair enough,” he said. “But…I’d still like an answer if I could get one. Will you wait for me?”
The first thought that came to her was ‘yes’. She would wait as long as it took for him. After all, she’d been in love with him for the past year. Most of that without any kind of hint that he felt the same way. What was one year more?
But, then she thought about the baby.
One hand rested absently on her stomach as she imagined what it would be like to go through pregnancy and quite a few months afterward all on her own.
Kurt wouldn’t be there when her stomach began to swell. He wouldn’t be there when people started to ask who the father was. He wouldn’t have to experience Emily’s embarrassment when she couldn’t tell them. When she had to say things like ‘it’s complicated’ or ‘I’d rather not say’.
He wouldn’t have to deal with the stares and the whispers that would inevitably come. No, he would be safe and married in his office while she stood outside bearing the label ‘slut’ all on her own.
Maybe that wasn’t fair. Maybe he would help her. Maybe they would keep seeing each other like they were now. But, now, Emily had to wonder if it would be enough.
When she looked back at him, he’d put his glasses back on and his grey eyes were fixing her with an almost pleading gaze. It looked as though she held his life in her hands and one word from her would either kill him or set him free.
She didn’t have the heart to kill him. Even figuratively.
She couldn’t tell him no when he looked at her like that. But, she knew she couldn’t say ‘yes’ either.
“I’ll have to think about it,” she said. “Give me a couple of days, ok?”
His face fell only slightly before he nodded.
“Ok,” he said. “I can wait a couple of days.”
This agreement made, they said good night and Emily walked out into the hall, closing the door behind her.
It wasn’t until she was outside that she felt the air against her chest. When she looked down and realized that her shirt was still unbuttoned, she heard a faint giggle from around the corner. She turned towards it and two girls she recognized from her introduction to Art History class peered out at her for half a second before the flash of a camera nearly blinded her.
She blinked and opened her eyes just in time to see one of the girls put the phone that had taken the picture back in her jean pocked.
The phone that had taken the picture of Emily, shirt undone, coming out of Kurt Schmidt’s office.
Emily opened her mouth to say something but, before she could, the two girls took off down the hall.
As Emily hastily did up the buttons on her shirt, she could barely make out what one of the students said to the other as they ran.
“I told you! Professor Schmidt and his TA are totally doing it!”