Chapter 9
This whole situation is bizarre, honestly. I don’t know which way is up and which way is down with this man. So volatile and beautiful and passionate. Sometimes I can compare him to Ares, that mercurial yet beautiful god of war. Other times, he’s more like how I imagine Hephaestus would be, kindness that proceeds basic physical attraction. A warmth and an inner beauty that made up for any outside imperfection, despite the fact that Damian has a flawless form.
Where was I going with this again? I had a point! I’m sure I did...
Ah, yes. The bizarreness of waking up in your bed with a nude Human-Adonis nuzzling your stomach. It’s so odd to wake up with a handsome man rubbing his nose on my stomach. It kind of tickles too.
I pretended to still be asleep to prolong this moment of peace. Beautiful, comforting tranquility. It isn’t that it’s rare to have peace with him but… Okay, I will admit it. It’s somewhat rare to have moments of peace with him.
We are both too passionate for anything else. Passionate and fiery and we both care too deeply for the peace to be a default.
“I can tell you are awake.” He said airily as if he was speaking of the weather. Grr. I hate when he just knows everything. “Your breathing changes.” The words vibrated against my belly as he didn’t bother to move his head away from me in order to say the words.
It seemed as if he simply had no intention of doing it. He seemed perfectly comfortable to merely continue to nuzzle my stomach.
My face turned bright red at being caught. I made a noise in the back of my throat that was supposed to be an argument, but as he was right, it wasn’t a very convincing one. He snickered at my predicament and my childish response.
“What are you doing?” I asked him, lower lip sticking out in a pout. Jerk.
“Smelling the scent of our child in you.” He said it so nonchalantly! Like he didn’t even care. Like this doesn’t have the ability to RUIN OUR LIVES! What?! How?! I mean, I know how. But also, HOW?! What?!
“WHAT?! HOW ARE YOU SO CALM ABOUT THIS? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!” I don’t care that I’m shouting right now and made a whole scene. I need to understand just what the fuck is going on and it seems that my ‘loving boyfriend’ has zero intention of explaining this to me.
“Well, babe.” He was using that infuriating tone as if I were an idiot, giving me a look as if I am the biggest moron the earth has ever known. Give me a break! I just woke up and he dropped this bomb on me like a complete dickhead. “When a man and woman have sexual urges for each other, they often engage in.”
I smacked him across the face. “Not funny!” I shrieked.
“I deserved that.” He commented after a moment of rubbing the side of his face as if I actually hurt him. His bottom lip stuck out in a childish pout that I couldn’t help but find endearing. “Chill. Your stress is bad for the baby.”
I smacked him again. He deserved it and much more. “Start making sense! How am I pregnant? Aren’t you a werebear? I thought Werebears can’t physically procreate with the child of someone who isn’t a werebear?”
“Well, it isn’t unheard of. It’s just extremely rare.” He shrugged as if he didn’t care too much about the logistics of this. “It must have been meant to be.”
He doesn’t care? Well, I care god damn it! I care!
“Don’t give me any ‘fate’ bullshit!” I snapped. “How are we supposed to deal with this? I can’t be pregnant. I have a whole life to live!”
“Oh sure.” He was clearly offended now; his upper lip was curled upwards in a snarl at how abhorrent the thought of giving birth to our child would be. “Work full time in a job you hate, create art you sell online for barely anything, and live in this dingy old apartment building. Such a horrible waste to think of doing anything else with your life, like child rearing.”
I growled at him. “This is who I am! If you don’t like it then leave!”
“I think you can be better than what you are!” He snarled.
“Then date someone who is better!”
“Because you refuse to even put an effort into bettering yourself?” He laughed without a hint of humor, it was cold and bitter in a way that just made my blood boil.
“I don’t even want the stupid child!”
“Well, I DO!” He yelled right in my face.
I was taken aback. Those… those were tears in his bright blue eyes. Is he crying? Actually crying? He shouldn’t be crying! It doesn’t look right on his face. As I panted for breath, being overly worked up by this argument, I noticed how he shook just the slightest bit, how his breathing was rough and he was wiping tears away.
He really… He actually cared that much?
I didn’t think he would. Nobody ever really cared about me this much. My parents expected me to be better than I am. My teachers expected me to be great. But nobody ever really cared either way. They didn’t care if I did well or I crashed and burned. And for the longest time, I didn’t think I cared either.
Until now.
And now… he’s crying.
“Stop.” I reached out for his shoulder. “Please stop crying.”
“Don’t touch me!” It was childish and I felt my heart go out to him. His arms wrapped around himself as if he was holding himself together. Oh, Damian. “I’m not crying.”
I took a deep breath. How to salvage this situation? I can’t just say we should forget about this. And the more that I think about it. I don’t want to get rid of the baby. I didn’t ever think I would actually want one, but really, how could I not want it. It’s a symbol of us. It’s his. It’s mine. It’s a creation made purely out of the love between me and Damian and the thought of not wanting it hurt me. That’s why it was affecting him so much, I made it seem like I didn’t want our child.
But could I take care of it like this?
Looking around my dingy apartment gave me all the answer I needed. No. I can’t live like this. Not with a baby on the way. I might not deserve better. But she deserves better. She deserves the world.
It’s a girl, I can just feel it.
“I will move in with you.” I blurted it out quickly, hating the words. It made me feel like… like I couldn’t do anything. I was dependent on him.
“You will!” He was so excited, his tears drying and eyes lighting up in a moment. If it were anyone else, I’d believe they were faking their tears a second ago. As it is, however, I know that he’s just that mercurial.
“Mmhmm.” I couldn’t help but nod and smile.
He was so excited and happy right now. He looked like a kid in a candy store, his wide smile looking adorable. I had doubted that someone could be both adorable and unbelievably sexy, usually finding people either one or the other. Damian has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he, at least, could be both.
He picked me up and spun me around excitedly. He was speaking a million miles an hour and I would be lucky to pick up a third of the things he was saying. I could make out that he was happy and he loved me, but that’s about it. And, upon searching my feelings, I came to a realization. For me, at least, it doesn’t matter one way or another exactly what he said. He loved me. He wanted me to be with him. And I wanted him to be happy.
My decision was as simple as that.
“I have some… stipulations.” I declared. He was getting that smug “I always get what I want” look on his face. And it was so frustrating to see it. Exhausting and completely irritating, and he’s always more malleable to give me whatever I want right when he’s happiest like this.
The fact that I usually get whatever I want in the first place is irrelevant in this current instance. He likes to spoil me.
He smiled warmly. It was so sweet that I almost took it all back. I was nearly willing to just allow him to have whatever he wished without a second thought. He wanted my heart and my soul and everything else I could possibly provide for him, just as long as he keeps smiling like that. “Name your demands, My Sweet.”
The comforting sound of his voice brought me back to reality. And in reality, I couldn’t just drop everything I care about aside from him for him. No matter how much my very soul longed to do so.
“First of all!” I said sassily. “Don’t use that pet name. ‘My Sweet’. It makes you sound like a god damn Bond villain. I mean, you already have that sexy accent. Anything else is just a little too on the nose as far as I’m concerned”
“Would it help if I were stroking a cat?” He couldn’t keep a straight face as he began to snicker and giggle at his own genius. “I am quite sexy, aren’t I?” He tried to say through his laughter.
I snorted and rolled my eyes. “Not even going to dignify that with a response.” I took a deep breath. “I need full reign to decorate. And… a rented art studio space.”
“First of all, done. I’m sure you’ll make it look great. I’m keeping my TV though. The apartment complex I live in has an art studio you can just use that.” He said airily.
“Why didn’t you just say so! I would’ve moved in with you the second you asked if I knew that!” He gave me a disbelieving glance and I blushed at my outburst.
“And I would’ve thought my presence alone was enough.” It was phrased as a silly joke but I could hear the hurt in his words. I hurt him. I did the one thing I swore I would never do and the worst part is I have no idea how I could possibly make it any better.
“It’s not… I don’t… uh…” I looked away from him, finally realizing his point of view. Is he so bad that the girl he loves doesn’t want to move to a better place with him? It isn’t that at all, but I could tell he didn’t grasp that fact.
To him, it has to be about that because there is no way to phrase it as being about something else. He doesn’t get my need to prove himself as worthy as an independent person because Werebears never feel such a thing. A werebear conceiving is so rare that all werebear children are treated as gifts and the thought of having to stand on your own two feet is as good as child abuse.
I coughed to clear my throat. “I will quit my job, but I will still continue to make my art and sell it.” That was a fair idea, right?
He tried to smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes as he wrapped his arms around me. What I said wasn’t even close to a response. “Deal. But you must also stop trying to find out about my work.”
I itched to argue. To scream and shout and fight back. To rage at this. I didn’t do any of those things, however. I just inclined my head in silent agreement.
He nuzzled me. “I love you so much.” He whispered it so lowly that I shouldn’t be able to hear it.
And for the first time, as I stared into his glittering sapphire eyes, I really believed it.
He’s beautiful.