Chapter Seven
They didn’t speak as Kurt led the way up the stairs. They turned right instead of left at the top of the stairwell and Emily couldn’t help but look over her shoulder at the door to the bedroom.
It was hard to believe that she and Kurt had been in there just one night before. It felt like a lifetime had passed between then and now. Last night had felt like a dream. This afternoon felt as though she’d woken up into a nightmare.
An awkward, difficult nightmare.
Kurt opened the office door and ushered her inside.
Kurt’s home office looked as cluttered and sloppy as his office at the university did. Books and papers crumpled and torn, lay around the desk. Pens of various colors and shapes were tossed haphazardly in multiple different places.
“I’m sorry about that,” Kurt said closing the door behind him. “I had no idea she’d be coming in today. I got back from my meeting at the college and she was here.”
“Don’t apologize, I should have called or texted first,” she said. “I thought about it but…I just didn’t know if I could say what I have to over the phone.”
“And what do you have to say?”
Kurt asked. He sounded casual, curious. As though nothing out of the ordinary had happened between them at all. As though she really had just come in here to go over some pages of the book with him.
Emily’s eyes widened as she looked at him with a hint of disbelief.
“Well, you did say that we could talk about what happened,” she said pointedly.
“Oh. That.”
His position changed and he looked at the floor. His hands twisted and his face went red as though she’d just uttered a shameful secret in front of a huge crowd. But, it was just the two of them in the room. She hadn’t expected him to be so embarrassed when it was just her.
“Did you think I’d forget?” she asked. “Because that’s not something you do and forget about. At least I don’t.”
“No I…I guess I didn’t expect you to forget,” he said. “Just…with Cheryl coming home and everything, I’m not sure this is the best time to discuss it.”
Emily rolled her eyes and heaved an audible sigh of frustration. Kurt was doing exactly what he always did when he was confronted with some personal decision. Put it off. Bury himself in work or art or anything else hoping that the problem would go away.
But, this time, she was the problem and she wasn’t going to go away that easily.
“If we don’t talk about it now, when will we talk about it?” she asked, her arms folded.
“I don’t know,” he admitted quietly. “Later.”
“Kurt, I know you well enough to know that later never comes with you,” she said. “But, if you don’t want to talk then you can at least listen to what I’ve decided.”
For the first time since they’d entered the room, he met her eye. His embarrassment disappeared and he looked at her critically.
“What have you decided?” he asked quietly. There was something like fear there. As though he was worried he knew what her answer would be.
When she looked into his eyes, she couldn’t help but remember what she’d seen there last night. That passion and desire. His sheer need for her as he pressed her against the door.
Deciding that she couldn’t do this while looking at him, she turned her eyes downward and began to pace about the room.
“I…think…as great as last night was…it was a mistake,” she said haltingly. The words sounded hollow and rehearsed even to her own ears.
“You do?” he asked. His voice was barely above a whisper. It sounded shaky and pained. Emily knew she wouldn’t be able to give him a verbal response. So, she continued with the speech she’d practiced in the car on the way over.
“You’re married,” she said. “And you’re also my boss. If anyone found out, I could lose my scholarship and you could lose your job.”
“What if they didn’t find out?” he asked. She heard rather than saw him cross the room to her. She kept her eyes turned away and her head down. She’d already set up rules for this confrontation. She wouldn’t answer any of his questions until she was done with the speech.
Sort of like a press conference with only one reporter.
“And, just because of all that…I really don’t think we should work in the same place anymore. I can still help with the book. We’ll just do it all over the computer.”
“Emily,” he said gently. His voice was very close to her. Much closer than she needed it to be. His arm brushed against her and she tried to move away, her eyes still pressed to the floor. When she did, his hand reached out and cupped her chin, guiding her eyes from the floor to meet with his.
Emily suppressed a shudder when she looked at him. Those grey eyes were searching her, as though trying to peer into her soul. Trying to break into her heart and discover all her deepest secrets.
“Is that what you really want?” he asked, his voice, once more, a whisper. His thumb moved gently over her jaw and his lips were close to hers, so close that she could feel his warm breath when he spoke. That musty scent of old books and aftershave and parchment filled her completely.
She should have done this by email.
Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to keep saying what she’d practiced.
“I…I think it’s best- “
“I don’t care about what’s best,” he said. His hand underneath her chin became slightly firm. It reminded her of his growl the night before. How fiercely he’d grabbed her and handled her. Her cheeks grew flush and a pool of desire began to spread between her legs. “I care about what you want.”
His whisper was back and he leaned closer to her, the hand under her jaw slid down her neck caressing the skin at her collar bone.
“What do you want, Emily?” he asked. His lips hovered just above hers and, in that moment, despite what she’d planned, despite all her best intentions, she knew what the answer to that question had to be.
“You,” she whispered. “I want you.”
For half a second she saw that fire and passion return to his eyes before he wrapped his hand around her neck and pulled her forward so that their lips met.
His mouth on hers was every bit as hungry and desperate as it had been last night. But, this time, there was something else there too. A sense of validation. As though she was here, in this room, to prove that Kurt Schmidt was a man.
It was as though he needed Emily to prove his worth. To himself if to no one else.
In the back of her mind, Emily knew that she should feel used. That this was not healthy. But, when his tongue swirled so expertly in her mouth, when his hand moved underneath her shirt and traced a flame filled path across her skin, she found that she did not have the strength to care.
His hand moved from her bra filled breasts beneath her shirt to cup her ass. She gasped into his mouth when he picked her up fully and wrapped her legs around him as he moved her across the room.
She gasped again as he pushed her down, none too gently on the hard, cluttered desk. Moving his mouth from hers, he began fumbling with the button and zipper on her jeans. Taking his lead, she quickly undid his belt and the zipper on his slacks.
He finished with the jeans first. His fingers reached down to touch her clit and she moaned, stopping her progress on his buttons. He drew another sharp moan when two fingers entered her warm, wet center.
Knowing they had little time, desperate to feel him fully, she undid his buttons and pulled his slacks and boxers down in one stroke. She barely had time to admire his long, smooth member before he pushed inside of her.
The growl she’d heard from him the night before returned as he moved in and out of her at a frantic pace. Once more, she knew she was seeing a side of this man that was rarely seen by any one.
If anyone had told her two weeks ago, that she would hear Kurt Schmidt growl, that she would feel his hands forcing her against walls or his teeth biting down on her skin, she would have laughed.
It was almost impossible to reconcile the quiet, bookish professor with the man before her. A man who was now moving in and out of her as though he were possessed.
It did not take long for him to let out a long, final groan into the room. With one last flick of his fingers over her clit, she followed. Biting back a loud moan that she was sure, if fully voiced, would echo back downstairs.
Back to his wife.
The thought hit her like a bucket of ice water as she came down from her ecstasy. Not even the way Kurt pulled her into a fierce embrace, his hands gently stroking her hair afterward, could cast the thought from her mind.
His wife was downstairs.
She’d just had sex with a man while his wife was entertaining guests in another room of the house.
The word ‘slut’ rang through her mind before she remembered that she was not the only guilty party in this scenario.
“Do you think they heard us?” Emily asked gently. The question seemed to awaken Kurt from some kind of reverie or sleep. He lifted his hand from her thick red hair and pulled away from her.
The desperation and hunger in his grey eyes was gone. She’d expected it to be replaced by shame. But, instead, she saw something else. Something like longing when he looked back at her and shook his head.
“Not a chance,” he said. “Walls are thick in this place. Besides, even if she did hear me, I don’t think Cheryl would care all that much.”
His face colored at these words and the shame Emily had expected to see when he first looked at her crept back in. Hastily, he bent down and began to pull on his pants, turning away from her as he did.
Telling herself that she shouldn’t feel offended by this, after all, she was the one who’d said this was a mistake, she turned and followed his lead. Pushing herself off the desk and pulling up her jeans.
As she dressed, she played what Kurt had said over in her mind.
‘I don’t think Cheryl would care all that much.’
That made Emily think about the way Cheryl and Hamilton looked at each other during dinner. The two of them shared secret smiles and glances not to mention the occasional brush of their hands.
“Cheryl and Hamilton seem pretty close,” Emily said before she could stop herself. Even though she didn’t have much experience on the subject, she had a feeling that wasn’t the sort of thing you were supposed to say to your married lover after sex, but, she supposed her curiosity had gotten the better of her.
The muscles in Kurt’s back stiffened.
“Do they?” he asked in a would be nonchalant manner. Most casual observers would have been taken in. But, Emily knew Kurt too well for that.
“For the record, I don’t get it,” she said. “He’s so smarmy. Always looks like he’s posing for a tooth paste commercial.”
When Emily glanced at him, she could see the corners of Kurt’s mouth turn up in a smile.
“That’s what I always thought,” he answered. His back relaxed but there was still something sad in his expression when he turned back towards her. “To tell the truth, Cheryl’s known Hamilton a lot longer than she’s known me.”
“Really?” Emily asked. She knew she shouldn’t be so curious about Kurt’s wife. But, especially given what had just happened between them, she found she couldn’t help herself.
“They even dated off and on,” Kurt answered. “Their relationship was off again when Cheryl and I met at one of the fundraisers for the University. Sometimes I think she only married me to make Hamilton jealous.”
He gave her another half sad smile as he finished the last button on his pants.
Emily suddenly found herself at a loss for words.
One week ago, if Kurt had told her this, she would have assured him that wasn’t true. She would have said something about how she was sure his wife loved him and everything would turn out for the best.
But, now, now that she’d met Cheryl, now that she and Kurt had done what they’d done, she found that she couldn’t utter those words. First, because she wasn’t at all sure that Cheryl really loved Kurt. The dinner she’d just sat through told her that Cheryl and Kurt were a rocky couple at best and on their way to divorce at worst.
The second reason was much more selfish. She didn’t want Cheryl to love Kurt. She didn’t want their marriage to work out. The truth was, Emily didn’t want anyone to love Kurt but her. She didn’t want anyone else to feel his touch or hear his growl ever again. She wanted to be the only woman in his life.
But, saying this, especially at this moment, felt wrong. So, she pulled up her own underwear and jeans in silence.
“So,” she said turning to him when she was, once more, fully dressed. “What happens now?”
“That depends,” he said. “What do you want to happen now?”
“I think I made that pretty clear just a few minutes ago,” she said as a playful smirk crossed her lips. His cheeks turned pink and he looked at the floor. Emily forced back a laugh when she thought about how different the man in front of her was from the forceful man he had been just five minutes ago.
“You know, you may have been right,” he said still looking at the floor. “This might not be a good idea.”
Emily rolled her eyes, frustration replacing the playful smirk.
“You don’t get to do that, Kurt,” she said. “You don’t get to make me take back my very logical decision and then tell me it was the right one all along.”
“I know,” he said. “And…I know this is what we both want. I just thought I should acknowledge the reality of it.”
Emily rolled her eyes as she crossed the room towards him.
“I don’t want reality,” she said. This time it was Emily who lifted her hand to Kurt’s chin. She gently brought his eyes up to meet hers.
“I want you.”
The shame filled blush in his cheeks disappeared and the desire and longing returned to his eyes. Slowly, he leaned forward to meet her lips. Before they touched, a knock sounded at the door.
“Kurt?” Mr. Jennings voice sounded from the hallway just outside the room. Emily and Kurt jumped apart immediately. “If you’re almost finished, Hamilton and I are about to head out.”
In two strides, Kurt moved to the door and opened it.
Mr. Jennings greeted him with a smile but his eyes peered inside as though seeking out evidence of some wrong doing.
“Sorry, sir,” Kurt said. “We were just finishing up.”
Emily forced a blush from her cheeks as she looked back at Kurt’s father in law. She also found herself glad that both she and Kurt were fully dressed and the office bore no evidence that anything out of the ordinary had happened at all.
Apparently, Mr. Jennings was satisfied as well. His eyes stopped their examination of the room and landed back on Kurt with a small smile.
“Well, don’t take too long,” he said.
With that, he turned on his heel and headed back towards the stairwell.
Emily tried once again, with little success to remove the blush from her cheeks but found it impossible when she glanced back to Kurt.
“Believe it or not,” Kurt said with a humorless smile. “If we’re going to keep doing this, it’s him we have to look out for. Not Cheryl.”
Emily’s eyes narrowed and she opened her mouth to ask Kurt what he meant by that. Before she could say a word, however, he leaned forward and kissed her quickly.
“I’ll see you tomorrow in my office,” he whispered before beckoning her out of the room.
Though Emily smiled at him, though there was an undeniable sense of excitement about having a rendezvous with her professor in his office the next day, she also felt more than a hint of unease. The feeling stayed with her as she followed Kurt down the stairwell. When he hurriedly turned the corner at the downstairs landing, however, Emily stopped.
A hint of movement from the dark parlor to her right had caught her eye.
Kurt, apparently unaware of the disturbance, continued down the last set of stairs and disappeared into the living room.
Emily, however, turned towards the movement, her old curiosity flaring up again.
When she did, her eyes widened and she blinked twice to be sure of what she was seeing.
There was no mistaking it.
Cheryl, Kurt’s wife, was half hidden in the corner, locked in a very passionate embrace with Hamilton.