The nightmares I used to have almost on a daily basis came back tenfold. Some of them were old dreams coming back to haunt me, but now they featured Grayson and Claudia. Grayson caressing her swollen belly and smiling. Claudia looking toward me with the biggest smile on her face as she placed her hand on top of Grayson’s. He looked strangely happy. Oh, the irony.

These dreams occurred almost on a nightly. It got to the point where I gave up on trying to sleep, only falling into a fitful slumber when I finally succumbed to exhaustion. I never felt rested, plagued by all of these dreams, which of course affected my daily life. My grades slowly began to drop, work lagged behind, Emersyn was fussy, and I was so stressed I couldn’t keep anything down.

I was getting Emersyn’s things together so Magda could take Emersyn to go see Grayson. Every time Magda came over, she gave me the saddest smile. She stood at the door watching me while I packed a bag. “He misses you.”

I froze at her words, because yeah, I missed him, too. I placed the last of the items in the bag and zipped it up.

“Anything can be fixed,” she said. I didn’t say anything as she stepped closer to me and felt the side of my face. “You’re not warm, but you have something. Your eyes are sunken in, you’ve lost weight,” she sighed looking me up and down. She paused, and her eyes narrowed. I placed the bag in her hand, because frankly, I didn’t have time to decipher any of Magda’s riddles.

“You don’t have to keep doing this, I’ll make other arrangements after this.” I went and got Emersyn out of her pack and play.

“I don’t mind, you know I love that girl.” She opened her arms and I passed her the baby.

“Yeah, but…” I paused. “It’s not right to put you in the middle of this, so I’ll handle it from here on out.”

Magda looked up at me sadly. I felt like a dick for doing this, but I had to. I had to disconnect and remove myself from all of it. They weren’t going to be my family anymore, and that in itself killed me. They were the only family I had ever considered family. I now had to dismiss them. It was better that way. I gave Emersyn another kiss as I smoothed down her hair. “Be good for your dad, okay?”

“Dada.”

I paused. She finally said it. I smiled as I placed another kiss on top of her hair. “Yeah...dada.”

Isabella took me to dinner later that day. More like she made me go. I was perfectly content to lock myself up in my room.

“I’m about to go into carb overload here. Everything looks amazing,” Isabella said, as her eyes grew bigger trying to decide what to order. I looked down at my own menu, and my stomach turned. I sipped my lemon water, hoping that would help. She peered up at me. “You look like you haven’t slept in days.”

“I’m good, just been busy.”

She narrowed her eyes at me, and crossed her arms. “Too busy to sleep?”

Before I could make up a plausible excuse, the server came to take our orders.

“I’ll have the lobster ravioli.” Isabella smiled as she handed him the menu. He turned to me.

I scanned it, because I obviously didn’t read a thing on it. In fact, I felt myself blanching at everything on here. I took a deep breath, hoping I could try to keep the queasiness down. “Just a cup of today’s soup.” He nodded, leaving us alone once again.

I sat and listened as Isabella told me about work and how her latest client had horrible taste and she was trying to convince him that a certain color scheme wasn’t a great idea. I laughed when she laughed. I smiled when she smiled.

I was stirring my soup over and over again, only have had taken a few bites. I was caught up in watching the vegetables swirl when Isabella placed her hand gently on mine. I glanced up startled, almost forgetting she was there.

“Other than the elephant in the room, what else is going on?”

I took a few deep breaths, before finally telling her.

“I’m so happy for you!” I tried giving her a smile, but it came out sad. She frowned. “Honey? You should be thrilled right now.”

“I am,” I said as I now played with the straw paper, I’d torn into pieces.

“Then why does it look like you’d rather have been told you have weeks to live?” I stayed focus on the paper. Isabella sighed. “What did Grayson say? How did he take it? He must be ecstatic.”

I shrugged. “I haven’t told him. It seems silly right now. Ridiculous even.”

“What do you mean silly? I’m pretty sure this is something Grayson would want to know. By now he would be planning the nursery.”

I cringed. Because he was planning a nursery. Just not for our baby. “It’s not the right time. He’s busy and stressed and dealing with the Claudia thing and they’re already having a…” I stopped my rambling. I couldn’t even bring myself to say it.

She squeezed my hand. “I know everything is shit right now.” I gave her a look. “Okay, enormous shit, it sucks, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t want this. It’s a blessing.”

“But what if I don’t want it? I asked him to leave. I don’t see how I can make this work between us.”

She sighed, looking just as conflicted as I did. “So, you’re thinking of not having it? Sweetie, maybe it’s just your hormones right now. Plus, you’re overwhelmed.”

I laughed. “Yeah, that’s an understatement. Overwhelmed that my soon to be ex-husband is having a baby with someone else. Oh, and let’s throw in that I’m pregnant, at the worst possible time.” I wiped away the pending tears that finally fell.

It was quiet for a few minutes, as I stared at my now cold soup. “I’ll support you in whatever decision you make. I’ll even go with you. But please think on this.”

I nodded, feeling even more confused as before.