It was one of those dreams that didn’t end, but bled over into waking life, slowly, so I wasn’t quite sure where exactly the dream ended and real life began.

We were all in a grave. A damp, sandy grave, buried beside one another in a grey heap. We were naked. Dead but still writhing somehow. We had left the realm of the living and were in a temporary hell underneath the earth, were the darkness hid our nudity. Like worms, curling and twisting over one another. And then I became aware that it was also sexual, that we were all participating in some kind of carnal rite, mashed into the earth and forgetting everything but our animal needs, squirming against one another desperately, crushing our bodies together as though we wanted to melt the boundaries of our skin and become a single hot, sordid mass…

It was only when I blinked my eyes open that I realized I had been dreaming at all. But we were in a grave. And we were packed tight against one another. The only thing remaining of that disturbing dream was my pounding heart and the ache of my erection pressing hard against Ellie’s soft belly. But I breathed a sigh of relief: we all still had our regular boundaries in place. I was not going insane. I was not a dissolving, sexually depraved animal. I blinked hard to adjust my eyes to the light. Well, I was not a dissolving, sexually depraved animal just yet.

“Baby? Baby, are you OK?”

Ellie’s whisper was faint as a spider web. Her breath felt warm on my chest. I stroked her and kissed the top of her head.

“Just a bad dream,” I said.

She shifted her body weight, obviously aware now of the stiff cock wedged between us and wondering how bad a dream it could have really been.

“A bad dream? It couldn’t have been worse than this…” she said, and I could hear the smile on her voice. I held her close for a moment. I had about four million nasty, conflicting emotions about Ellie. But this early in the morning, before I had properly woken up, I decided that the angst could wait for later and I would rather just stay nestled here for as long as possible, holding onto the last little threads of a normal life with her.

The pit slowly filled up with light, and I entertained the idea that I could smell morning coming on. There was a freshness in the air, the sea was quiet, and though my muscles were sore, it only made them feel all the better when I stretched out long, feeling my spine crack deliciously. Today, I would find everyone food. A lot of food. I’d step up and get us closer to a solution. I’d take control like I should have taken control yesterday. Ultimately, we needed to find a way off the island. But first, we had to secure a regular food source, and soon, before any of us started to lose too much energy. Ellie’s wound would heal any time now, and then she’d feel less vulnerable and then maybe …maybe we could go back into the forest.

I throbbed against her. She did nothing to acknowledge me, but I knew she felt it. With Carl nearly plastered to me at the back, and with that asshole Todd sleeping just on the other side of her, it was impossible to imagine anything more than softly grinding against her, softly kissing her hair, softly whispering a secret word.

Whatever drama happened here, Ellie was mine and I was going to do whatever necessary to guard this private, warm space between us. Ellie had been difficult all the time I knew her, but I could look past her flaws. I may have had my suspicions that she wasn’t a woman ready for the duties of marriage, but she was ultimately my woman who wasn’t ready for the duties of marriage.

I heard stirring and then peeked up to see Charlie standing and raising the roof, letting in bright, yellow triangles of light that soon woke everybody else. Everyone in our pit groaned and stretched, and soon we all peeled ourselves off one another and stepped out into the new morning. I tucked my hard-on into the waistband of my trousers, squeezed Ellie good morning and got up too, stretching my arms high overhead to release the creaks and tension of a fitful night.

Looking at the sun and the way it bobbed low at the surface of the water, I instantly knew what my plan would be: first food, then her. She was scared and confused. And wounded. It wasn’t her fault she was behaving like she was. And that immature piece of shit Todd certainly wasn’t making matters better. But I felt strongly at that moment that what we needed, and what she needed … was solidarity. To come together.

We needed whatever that lecherous old married couple had with one another. We needed sweet, sweet release. She always said she wanted more spontaneity, more passion, more spice in our love life. Well, it didn’t get more exotic than this.

I watched her limp out of the pit, still in her wilting silk and lace dress, and I was resolved: before sunset this evening, I would have her writhing on my cock and screaming with pleasure. She wanted to do naughty things in the forest? Well I would show her. I could take care of all her needs.

“Jesus, what did I tell you?”

I turned to see Todd snapping angrily at Charlie. She stood back defensive, hands raised. Interesting. Not that I cared much about their weird little love affair, but still. I’d rather they took care of each other so Ellie could focus all her attention where it belonged.

“Just chill out, OK?” Charlie said.

“I’ve just woken up,” Todd responded. “Don’t start. I’m …I’m going to get us all something to eat. I’ll swim out to find more mussels.”

Carl was listlessly kicking sand around and squinting at the sun as Livvy fanned her shirt to cool herself and then tried to knot the lower end tightly around her midriff. Without the usual civilized distractions of a morning routine, we all felt thoroughly bored after being awake for a mere five minutes.

Charlie shrugged and busied herself with the frond roof, then examined the collapsed and crumpled parts of our shelter. But I could tell she looked a little red in the face.

“Hey Anthony, are you coming with me, man? To gather mussels again?”

In this light, it was obvious what people saw in him. He was ripped. And good looking. But just looking at his stupid face was enough to get the rage boiling up in my veins. I didn’t give a shit if he was a marine or a seal or Rambo himself, I wasn’t going to play along and be his sidekick.

“Nah, the mussels are a dead end,” I said breezily.

He stood there, hands on his hips, looking like he was at a Baywatch audition or something.

“They’re not, you just picked the wrong ones last time. There’s plenty of food out there if you know where to look.”

I sighed and shrugged.

“Then go and look. I’m not wasting my time with it though. I’m going to try something else,” I said and started to put my still water-logged shoes back on.

“What are you going to do?” Ellie said. She was perched on the rim of the pit, and her foot dangled down, looking terrible. Scary black stains had seeped through her makeshift bandages. I hated the way it looked, like it was just a bloodied stump hiding under all that swaddling. Perhaps the damage was worse than it looked at first.

I cracked my neck and looked away from the sea, towards the forest.

“I’m going to look for food out there. We’ll have better luck with digging for more roots, and I swear I saw some date trees earlier. Maybe I can find a lizard or bird or something.”

Everyone looked at me and silently considered the prospect of eating roasted lizard.

“Fine, suit yourself,” Todd said and shrugged.

Shoes laced, I stood tall and cracked my neck again and then reached for Ellie. I leaned forward, gripped the back of her neck and pulled her in for a full, passionate kiss. She went stiff in my arms and didn’t kiss back. It was a kind of boldness that wasn’t really my style, but honestly I hoped that everyone there saw it, and understood exactly what it meant. I lingered, my lips hovering above hers, and pierced her gaze with mine.

“I’ll be back soon, baby. Will you be OK here?”

She nodded quickly and glanced away, looking a little like she’d been asked to play a role she didn’t really want to.

I stood again and nodded to the others, who were watching with me with interest. The sun was still one third submerged under the horizon. Todd sprang to action, peeled off his shirt and started walking towards the water.

“You’re …you’re going now?” Charlie said. She seemed strangely upset. Todd simply ignored her and spoke to the group at large.

“When I come back we’ll all eat some seafood for breakfast. Somebody needs to start a fire here in the meantime. Anthony, see if you can make your way back here within an hour or so.”

Asshole. Still trying to give me orders.

“I’ll be back when I’m back,” I said. He scowled up his pretty-boy face at me.

“OK, fine, just be careful.”

“Thanks, Todd, but I don’t really need you to tell me that.”

“I’m just saying. You don’t know what’s out there. It could be dangerous. If I were you, I wouldn’t even bother. Carl and Livvy have tried looking out there already, haven’t you?”

The couple nodded at him.

“Our best bet for food now is the ocean.”

“If you’re too afraid to explore a little, that’s fine, Todd. You go for a little swim, and I’ll meet you all back here later.”

“I’m not afraid…” he said quietly.

But I ignored him and set off. The group broke up and drifted off, each person trying to find some activity. I tried to wave back at Ellie as I made my exit, but she wasn’t looking my way. Her eyes were turned to the sea. To him. Determined not to let that fact hurt me, I made for the boundary where the light brush turned into denser forest. I’d be going in the opposite direction the couple had gone, slicing through the denser foliage and towards a knot of thicker trees that from the shoreline looked something like green pillow stuffing. Everyone would see who the real man on this island was soon enough.

After some time, the soft roar of the ocean disappeared and all I could hear were birds overhead and the crunch of twigs underfoot. I don’t know how long I walked for. It was strangely exhausting, looking at everything in front of me and trying to decide if it could be eaten or not. I put a few leaves to my lips and tasted here and there, but every single plant on the island seemed either covered in thorns and prickles or else tasted bitter as hell. I walked on, dismissing the growing pain in my feet.

I was hungry.

And horny.

And …I wasn’t even sure what to call the way I felt anymore. I pressed on, occasionally slapping insects off my skin and looking up to notice how far the sun had crept through the sky. I had failed yesterday to deliver with any food of substance. So today there was no question – I had to turn up with something real for everyone to eat or else.

I was never one to beat my chest and go in for the whole alpha male bullshit, but something about Todd easily stepping up to claim that role rankled me no end. It was the sheer arrogance of it. I could also stand around and pose with my shirt off if I really wanted to, but I was a man of action. Of intellect. A six pack was great but that wasn’t all that mattered. And nothing would shut him up faster than seeing me return to our little base camp with enough food to win everyone’s respect and remind Ellie that although I wasn’t a lame-ass navy calendar boy, I damn well knew what I was doing.

A glint caught my eye. I rushed forward, astonished.

Water!

I knelt down at a thin, clear trickle of a stream knobbled on either side with rough moss and rock. I lifted handfuls to my mouth to drink and nearly wept with how sweet and cool that water felt against my parched lips. I must have taken ten or twelve scoops, drinking long and deep and gulping down so hard it almost hurt to swallow. Thirst quenched, I stood and looked around, trying to remember if I could lead everyone back here later. I could picture it now: me up front, guiding everyone expertly, and them in the back, filled with gratitude and respect. In any case it was a good omen. Not food, exactly, but the news that I had found it would definitely go down well.

I carried on walking, so refreshed I felt ready to walk for days now. The foliage around me was growing thinner, though. Carl and Livvy had said that they had done a survey of the island before, but I wasn’t so sure about my orientation now – was that really the ocean I heard up in front of me again? I walked on and noticed the dark soil shifting to loose and white again. Yes, it was the ocean. A few yards on and I broke through some hanging vines and there it was: that maddening, hostile blue stripe that trapped us all here. And now it seemed like it was following me.

But it wasn’t the same stretch of beach I had come from. And on further inspection I realized I hadn’t gotten disoriented at all – this must just be some new part, some other section of a vaguely oval-shaped island. I stepped out onto the finer sand and tried to get my bearings. I realized with frustration that I had no idea where I was. The landscape ahead of me was all different, and the waves here seemed rougher, and they were converging on a smaller, tighter bay.

Again a strange glint caught my eye. I ran over to see what it was and then stared down at the sand, astonished. A glass bottle of Grey Goose Vodka, wedged in the powdery beach sand like a half hidden jewel. I crouched down to touch it and prove to myself it wasn’t a hallucination. I then realized there were many more, at least a dozen of them, scattered around me on all sides. I nearly laughed out loud at the blue and white seascape painted onto each label. Mana from heaven? A vision brought on from drinking contaminated water?

I scrambled all over the beach, running from one bottle to the next. Each one was as real as the next, unopened, and twinkling bright in the sunshine like a personal prank played on me by god himself. A recovering alcoholic lands on a desert island with a full crate of vodka …it sounded like the beginning of a bad joke. Then I saw it: a smashed crate, and a pile of debris still clinging to the sea foam as it lapped up to the shore, lazily piling everything on top of each other.

I ran over and fell to my knees to examine the mess. It was flotsam from the ship, clearly. Perhaps I would be returning to the others with more than I bargained for.

I tore through the pile, pulling off strings of seaweed and dusting away sand and shells. It wasn’t a promising selection. It seemed that this had all been tumbled away from one of the bars or restaurants onboard. What looked like torn cotton napkins were folded around some smashed glasses, a single flip flop, a section of an elaborate light fitting, a faux wood strip of paneling, and some weird coiled bits of metal I couldn’t identify.

No food.

The most intact elements of the whole mess were the clear bottles of vodka, so pretty …and so useless. I squinted out to sea to find evidence that anything else might have been washed up, but the view looked as peaceful and clear as the one painted on the vodka bottles.

With some luck, and further scratching around, I found a few packets of peanuts, a perfect bunch of grapes that on further examination was actually made of wax, and a few empty and crumpled plastic bottles. Vodka wasn’t the manliest of kills for a hunter to bring back to his tribe, but it was something. And the peanuts I’d give to Ellie.

I spent a good half hour searching for enough long strands of sea grass to fashion a sort of carrier for three of the bottles, combed the beach once more for food and then decided it was time to head back. The sun was already high enough in the sky that it was white and hurt to look at it.

Giving things a second thought, I cracked open a bottle and took a swig, wincing and then scowling at how a liquid so clear could feel so rough. I took another swig, then another. Hell, I wasn’t driving. My mission today had gone better than expected and I needed a little celebration. Some well-deserved stress relief, perhaps. After all, if a man can’t enjoy a little drink after a life-threatening disaster, when can he? Before I knew it, I had thrown back a quarter of the bottle.

I didn’t know why I was doing it; I just knew that there was no clear reason not to. A few moments into my little spasm of rebelliousness and I felt dizzy and sick. I plonked the bottle bank on the sand and waited for the horizon to stop wiggling before my eyes. I decided I wouldn’t go back through the forest after all. There really wasn’t any food back through there, much as I hated to admit it, and since I was on such a good roll, I might find even more treasure if I kept going.

I’d trace back along the coast line and eventually I’d have to land back up where I started. We were on an island, it made total sense. Perhaps the gods would throw me another strange blessing on the way. I chuckled to myself as I imagined myself stumbling next on a new bottle of fancy vermouth and a can of olives. Maybe Todd would bring everyone some stinking mussels, but what if yours truly pitched up with vodka martinis? I laughed a little to myself but felt sad all of a sudden and then stopped.

I hoisted the clinking bottles higher up my shoulder, bags of peanuts stuffed in my pockets, and walked briskly over the hot sand. I could come back later and see if anything else was washed up. I could empty these bottles and use them to gather the water I’d found. First, though, I had to see Ellie. I had something I wanted to give her.

Well, maybe I had two things I wanted to give her.