Forget about the others,” I yelled. “We’re the real survivors here, you and I.”

I had to really shout to make my voice heard over the din of rain roaring down all around us. It was dark and muggy but as I paced behind him, I could still make out the carved ripples and knots of his toned back in front of me. I followed him with each hypnotic step as we marched through the forest, the rain coming down hard and pummeling all the surrounding foliage flat.

“I don’t care, it’s not right,” he said and went back to walking. I in turn went back to watching the muscles in his neck and shoulders work with each difficult step. The ground was turning to mud beneath our feet and there was nothing even resembling a path, but I knew we were close to our little bunker now. It was time to speak up. I had to say my peace while we were still alone.

“Fine, then we should head out and get help for everyone. How long could it take us both? We’ll head out first thing tomorrow morning, before sunrise, and we’ll go all day until we find help.”

“But we should tell them what we found, Charlie. We’re all in this mess together, and we have to get out of it together.”

I frowned.

When I had stumbled on an old, moss-covered canoe in the forest a few hours earlier, I was taken aback. I immediately had a million questions. But in truth it only took a few minutes for me to forget about wondering where it came from or whom it used to belong to. I just saw that it could take us away from here. That was all that mattered.

“The boat’s tiny, Todd, even fitting two in there is a squeeze. I don’t want any drama.”

“Why would there be drama? It feels wrong just taking the boat for ourselves.”

“But we found it, we should be the ones to use it and leave.”

“No, you found it. Why don’t you just leave on your own then?”

It was embarrassing how transparent I was. But sure, fine, he had me pegged. I had stumbled on a way out of here and I had one extra seat on the boat, why wouldn’t I choose him?

I walked on angrily behind him. I had to try another tack.

“Look, Todd, you can’t change the facts: there’s one boat, and two people can fit in it. There are six of us on the island. That boat is our only hope right now. Do you trust any of the others to be able to navigate it? Seriously? Fuck, we’ll just have another shipwreck on our hands!”

He still said nothing.

“That couple? I don’t think they could make it back to the mainland and if they could, I don’t really trust them to come back, do you? And Anthony and the girl? Not to be funny, but she can barely stand upright on her own. That leaves you and me. And if we tell them, they’ll only want to argue, and frankly, we don’t have the time to waste…”

He stopped walking for a moment and stared at the ground.

Without his shirt on, rivulets of clear water snaked all over his strong form. It was a good look on him: wild guy in some tropical paradise, beads of water prickling on his close-cropped hair… too bad he had such stupid taste in women. It was no big deal, though. In the end, Todd was a practical man, and I knew how to speak his language. The others were hopeless. With me, he at least had a chance of getting out of this hellhole and back to civilization. Even he couldn’t deny that that was an attractive proposition.

“Ellie needs medical help,” he said. “Her foot is in pretty bad shape.”

“OK? So let’s go and bring her back some help then.”

“No, she won’t last long if she doesn’t get help soon. She needs to go on the boat.”

“But--”

“Her and I will go. I can manage to paddle on my own. There’s plenty of wood around here to make a simple oar and like you said, we’ll leave in the morning and go as fast as we can out east.”

My face stung with the effort of holding off the tears.

“You can’t--”

“That’s the best way, Charlie. You’re a good rower, sure, and I know you won’t take offense when I say this… but I’ll be able to go quicker.”

A few hours before, I had been on top of the world, sure that my new discovery would finally be the thing that gave me an edge. Sure, I didn’t have a pretty white cleavage and a torn cocktail dress, but when it came down to it, I was useful. The fact that Todd wanted to disappear with her was a kick to the guts more brutal than anything we’d done on any training run so far.

He turned to carry on walking. The rain let up a little and I could tell we were close to our base camp. It was now or never.

“Todd, wait.”

He glanced back at me, his tired face streaked with water.

“Todd, I’m the one that found the boat.”

“I know you did.”

“I get some say in what happens to it.”

“Fine, Charlie, but this really is the best way--”

“You can go with her, I don’t care, just…”

He searched my face.

“Just, on one condition,” I said quietly.

“What …condition?” he asked slowly. I hated how hard his face was right now. But I didn’t care anymore. It was now or never. I was tired of holding everything together only to be passed over for people who had never contributed a thing in their lives. Tired of working my ass off to be considered second class, of beating everyone at the game and yet still feeling that I always, always fucking lost.

“You know what I want, Todd,” I said quietly and, despite the hostile rain and the anger smeared all over his face, I tried to smile at him with gentleness, or at least the closest I could get to it. A light went on in his expression when he understood what I was suggesting, followed immediately by a shocked laugh. Ah, there was that kick to the gut again. Utterly hilarious, even suggesting something with me.

“You know, Charlie, I’m beginning to suspect you have serious mental health problems.” He turned to carry on walking again but I grabbed his bicep and he spun around to glare at me.

“Todd, I’m serious.”

“I’m serious too. The answer is no, if that wasn’t fucking obvious.”

“Then you can’t have the boat.”

He shrugged my grasp off, hard.

“The boat’s not yours, Charlie. You don’t get to blackmail people when--”

“I’ve already moved it. You don’t know where it is. Only I know.”

A little shred of triumph flickered inside me, but I couldn’t return his gaze. I stared instead down at the mud pooling around my soaking feet. There, I had said it. I mean, I couldn’t sink any lower. There was no other way for me to get what I wanted and it simply wasn’t an option to let Todd go. I just wouldn’t let that happen. I could tell that he didn’t like it. But as I stood there before him and let him stare at me in disbelief, I realized that his liking it wasn’t even necessary, not at this point.

I get what I want in this world because I’m smart and work hard. It would have been sweet if Todd gave me a second chance, but given that he wasn’t going to, I was just going to have to take it. He’d come to his senses in the end anyway. He’d see what I saw, he’d realize all this bullshit with Ellie was just an embarrassing mistake and that I was the right one for him, and always had been. We needed to be willing to do all sorts of things to survive on this island, to eat and stay warm and dry, because those things were important. Todd was as important to me, and if I had to go to extreme measures to make sure that what we shared together survived, then so be it.

“You’re crazy,” he said at last.

I brushed past him forcefully.

“And you don’t have a boat,” I said. “Unless you agree to my conditions.”

“Save yourself then. Take Ellie and go,” he said, his face now filled with pleading. It was disgusting, how far he was willing to go for some dumb tramp he’d met only two seconds ago. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“You do realize that even if you play her knight in shining armor, she’s still engaged to be married, right?”

“She’s hurt and she needs help, Charlie. The rest of us might make it for a few days more but she--”

“Nope. If you turn me down, then I go on my own and leave all of you fools behind.”

“And if I agree to your condition, you’ll show me where the boat is? And you’ll let me take Ellie?”

I nodded.

“And you’ll stay behind?”

I nodded again. “If we …you know. Before you leave.”

He stared at me slack jawed.

“My god. You’re actually crazy. That doesn’t make any damn sense.”

I said nothing. Maybe he had a point. But maybe I didn’t care. I had played my last card and now there was nothing but to wait for him to play his. He walked on. I could make out the shape of our little ground hut a short way in the distance.

“I’ll think about,” he said in a clipped voice. “Give me till morning. And don’t fucking say anything to anyone. And I haven’t said yes.”

I held my tongue as we approached the pit. The white of Carl’s mostly bald head poked out from the end and he smiled as we lowered ourselves down inside and he closed up the roof over us. It was damp and steamy and nearly suffocating inside; the last place I wanted to be. Nobody said anything as we settled down to the ground, our wet clothes gluing us together. He didn’t even think twice about lowering himself to lie down next to her. I had no choice but to wedge myself down between him and the damp sand wall. It was a vision of hell, no question about it. But I wasn’t afraid of a little mud, or a little foul play. Come morning, I’d have what I wanted.

One way or another.