Tessa slips into the bathroom and checks her phone, wondering how long she can send ridiculous Snapchats to Jackie before Jared starts to think she’s constipated. It’s relatively quiet in the bathroom, except for the soft melody of All Saints’s ‘Never Ever’ playing over some speakers. Which only makes Tessa feel worse.

As far as dates go, it’s not the worst she’s ever been on. Not the best, either. And it’s not that she’s still reeling from her fight with Dash. She’s been able to completely hide that from Jared, to the point where she’s pretty sure there’s something wrong with him because he can’t seem to tell that she was crying earlier tonight. The longer that Tessa and Jared spend talking over their meal, the more she realizes that Jared is nice.

Just nice.

Nice is not a compliment.

Nice is what you say when you have nothing else worth saying about someone.

Jared had taken her to a small restaurant in the center of Albuquerque. One that he’d never been to before, but that had good reviews on Yelp. He’d held her chair out for her, asked her questions about her family, and seemed interested in the answers. He told good jokes, and they liked the same books, though he hadn’t read nearly as many as she had. But about halfway through the night, she realized that he was never going to light her on fire the way that Dash could.

Fuck my life, she thinks. Dash was right about that, at least.

The fact that she isn’t as attracted to Jared as she is to Dash can be overlooked. What she can’t overlook is the fact that Jared is kind of… too perfect. Too good at being on a date. He’s clearly given his topics of conversation some thought, considered what she would like, all that stuff that would normally be sweet, but right now just makes her feel stifled with the scripted nature of it. Her conversations with Jared make her feel a little bit like sex with Dash does, like he’s done it a million times before and he’s going through the motions.

But at least Dash’s motions work. Jared doesn’t leave her shaking afterward, which is a point against him.

Plus, when Dash is not trying to push her away, there’s never a dull moment. When Dash isn’t inexplicably putting distance between them, he’s poking fun at her or telling her about a game he’s playing or enjoying an inside joke with her. Tessa can’t remember ever being bored since Dash accidently sent her that pic five months ago. He was her salvation for every lull in conversation and dull moment at work. She misses that just as much as she misses the sexual stuff.

The more she thinks about it, the more she realizes that Jared never stood a chance. It was always Dash for Tessa. It was from the moment her phone pinged in the middle of the night all those months ago.

All the stupid shit he’s pulled can’t change that.

That’s just typical, she thinks.

How is she supposed to move on when she’s starting to realize that her feelings for Dash are more than just the simple crush she’d thought they were? She won’t allow herself to think the ‘L’ word. But it’s there. On the edge of her mind. Five months of texting, a few weeks of his constant presence, and the ‘L’ word looms on the edge of her consciousness.

Tessa sighs and sits down on the toilet seat, scrolling through her phone and wondering if Mikayla might be persuaded to fabricate an emergency to get Tessa out of there.

Facebook is boring.

Twitter is boring.

That seems to be the dominant theme of this date.

Not bad, just not great. Not enough to make her feel triumphant about choosing a date with Jared over no-strings sex with Dash. Even the food was bland. She realizes that she doesn’t even remember what she’s been eating all night. Tessa had ordered something random off of the menu and started stuffing it into her face with no consideration for the taste.

Just as she thinks she should probably go back out to the restaurant, her phone pings in her hand. It’s not her text tone. It’s a call—from Slate, of all people. Tessa hesitates before answering.

“… Squirt, you fucked up, but it’s not over yet. Look, Tommy kissed his ex right in front of Sersha, and they’re fine.”

“That was one colossal misunderstanding, you dickhead.”

“Just sayin’. And Harper’s only just forgiven me for dry-humping that girl at the club right in front of her.”

What the fuck?

“We’ve all been assholes,” Logan’s voice says. He sounds tired. “Dash, bro, why didn’t you tell us you were feeling left out?”

Slate must have butt-dialed me, Tessa thinks.

She can hear the band’s voices muffled but in the distance. She considers hanging up, but then Dash’s voice comes through the phone, and she feels a sudden swoop of emotion. That ‘L’ word comes back to her mind when the sound of him, even with his voice strained and low, makes her feel at ease.

“Didn’t seem important. You guys are happy. And I do love the girls.”

“Still, you could have come to us.”

Tessa considers hanging up again because this is clearly a conversation between brothers. All of the men in Black Lilith are brothers, she’d be an idiot not to realize that. And she’s listening in like a creep, huddled up in a restaurant bathroom.

“It’s stupid. Anyway, I’m being stupid.”

“No, Slate is stupid—”

“Rude.”

“You put Sriracha in brownies, you fucking heathen.”

Tommy’s soothing voice comes through the line. “Dash, bud… you should talk to her.”

“I tried. I just got angry. She said I’m only good for sex, and she’s right. That’s all I’ve ever been good at when it comes to girls.”

“If she really thought that, why would she ask you to date her?” Tommy says, and Tessa wants to kiss the man for seeing sense.

And really, after everything that they’d fought about, that was what he’d taken from the conversation?

“She flinched at me.”

I was naked!

“She was naked,” Slate says reasonably. “You know, some girls prefer not to be naked in an argument. Shocking, I know. Personally, I can’t think of any greater advantage in an argument.”

Someone comes into the bathroom, and Tessa quickly ends the call, coming out of the stall and stuffing her phone into her pocket as she goes. She’s definitely been in the bathroom for too long. She washes her hands even though she didn’t do anything as the other woman—an elderly lady with dyed red hair—slides into the now empty stall.

Tessa looks herself in the eyes through the mirror. When she gets back to the hotel, she and Dash are going to need to have a talk.

In the meantime, she’s got a date. She dries her hands, takes a deep breath, and heads back out to the bistro.

“I had a great time,” Jared says as their cab slowly creeps back toward the hotel.

“Yeah,” Tessa says noncommittally.

The cabbie has mercifully turned on the radio, so that’s something at least. It keeps the cab from filling with uncomfortable silence. Though the choice of music ‘Wild World’ by Mr. Big isn’t exactly improving Tessa’s mood.

 

Oh, baby, baby, it’s a wild world

It’s hard to get by just upon a smile

 

The streetlights pass over them as they drive, casting Tessa’s face into shadow, into light, and then back into shadow again. She gazes out the window and sees the brightly-lit windows from late-night coffee shops and restaurants. Some of them have people gathered around their front doors, smoking and laughing and having a great time from the looks of it. Women dressed in short skirts with their eyes on certain men. Men with their sleeves rolled up, returning their gazes. Tessa sees a couple of buskers outside of a Starbucks, drawing a crowd as they play on an accordion and a violin. She can’t hear the music, but the amount of people around tells her that it must be nice. She’d love to be out there listening.

Jared hadn’t noticed her distraction when she came back to their table, but even he is not so oblivious as to miss the fact that she’s not as excited about their date’s apparent success as he is.

“You didn’t have a good time?”

“It’s not that I didn’t have a good time. You’re great—”

“I’m striking out, aren’t I?” He’s smiling in a chagrined kind of way, so Tessa feels okay about nodding. He sighs and nods back her. “Okay, that’s cool.”

“I’m so sorry, Jared.”

“It’s not your fault, Tess,” he says. He pats her hand, and she feels the warmth of his fingers.

She wonders if she would have enjoyed herself more if she didn’t have Dash to compare to. If she didn’t already have the ‘L’ word in her head whenever she thought of him.

“Thanks for giving me a chance, at least.”

“Of course. I think you’re a fantastic guy, I really do.” It seems terribly insufficient, but it’s all she can offer at this point.

She’s looking forward to getting back to the hotel. Tessa will try to get Dash alone, and if she can’t then she’ll retreat to her room and try to distract herself by reading something. Tessa had downloaded the Kindle app, so she isn’t dragging a library of books around wherever she goes on this tour. Maybe she could even get the girls to come to her room and commiserate with her.

No, she decides. If she can’t talk to Dash, then she doesn’t want to talk to anyone else. Tommy was right. They’ve spent too much time talking to other people, and not enough time talking to each other.

When the cab finally pulls up, Jared slides out and opens the door for her. Tessa looks up at him. He’s handsome and so sweet. It really is a shame that she’s in love with another man.

Fuck! I thought so.

Love.

Crap.

Is it too early?

Technically she’s only known him for a few weeks, but they were texting for so long before that. She and Dash were closer than she’d ever been with other friends.

Jared helps her out of the cab and smiles down at her in a hang-dog way that makes her feel kind of bad for turning him down. But then he pats her on the back which isn’t awkward and pays for the cab without hesitation.

“Thanks for giving me a chance, at least, Tess,” he says.

He seems to be leaving something unsaid, and Tessa wonders if he’s thinking about Dash and the conversation he’d overheard between her and the other girls. Does he think that he’s being passed over for a rockstar? Technically he is, but not because Dash is a rockstar. It’s far deeper than that.

“You’re so sweet, Jared. Thank you,” Tessa says, standing on her tip-toes to kiss him on the cheek.

The moment she turns her head back toward the hotel, she freezes. Dash is standing just inside the doors, with nothing but a sheet of glass between him and the couple that had just climbed out of the cab, with a dark look on his face. He’s lost his sports coat, and his hair looks a little limp as though he’s been running his fingers through it in frustration.

Tessa feels her stomach fall. Dash saw her kiss Jared. He’ll probably think that she’s dating him now, that the date went well, and there’s no reason for them to talk. There’s going to be drama. She’s probably going to have to chase him through the hotel to explain herself. Even though she probably shouldn’t have to explain herself because it was just a kiss, and it’s none of Dash’s business who she dates, even if she does love him. She tries to move, but her arms and legs are frozen as she and Dash stare at each other.

Then Dash’s dark look falls off his face, and he looks lethal.

“Oh, hell no.”

She can hear the words even with the glass between them, and then Dash is walking through the doors toward them. She feels Jared tense next to her, and she hardly has the time to give him a reassuring look before Dash has her by the elbow and he’s maneuvering himself between Tessa and Jared.

“Not today, man,” he says.

“Hey! You need to chill, Dash,” Jared says, holding his hands up in surrender while glancing over Dash’s shoulder at Tessa.

Tessa pulls her elbow out of Dash’s grip and grabs him by the back of the shirt instead. “Sorry, Jared, I’m going to go have words with Dash right now.”

She pulls. Dash doesn’t move, because he’s way bigger than her and he’s standing his ground, staring at Jared like he’s considering punching him out. Tessa is under no illusions about whether Dash would get physical—Dash isn’t the kind of guy to start throwing punches, not for anything petty—but the look he’s giving Jared makes her worry that he actually might do it.

“Stay the fuck away from her, dude.”

“Dash, drop it. You need to calm the fuck down, bud,” Jared spits back.

“Calm the fuck down?” Dash says stepping forward.

“Dash, goddammit… come with me… now.”

Dash looks at her. His eyes bore into hers, and she can feel the tension in his back muscles. Finally, he takes a deep breath, nods and turns to follow her into the hotel, not sparing Jared a passing glance as he and Tessa make their way inside.

Well, that solves the problem of how to get him alone, Tessa thinks, leading Dash to the elevator and pushing him inside. He goes willingly, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away from her while she presses the button for the elevators to go up to her floor.

“For the record, I was turning him down.”

Dash’s head jerks up so quickly that she worries he might have hurt himself. He looks at Tessa hard, like he’s searching for a lie, and when he can’t detect one he drops his hands and his shoulders visibly relax.

“Oh.”

“Oh… is right.”

“That’s good.”

“Good?”

“Wait! What were you doing kissing him, if you were turning him down?” he demands, suddenly getting worked up again. “Is that what you do with every guy?”

“Obviously not!”

“Why even bother turning him down?” Dash asks, his voice rising to meet hers, though he stops just short of shouting at her. “I thought you wanted some vanilla guy, who could be your boyfriend and take you on dates.”

“I want you, you fucking moron,” Tessa shouts back because she doesn’t have the self-control to keep herself from shouting.

“But you’re kissing other guys? Kind of getting mixed messages here. Do you want to be mine or not?”

“You turned me down, Dash, not the other way around. And I kissed him on the cheek. It’s not like we were fucking on the sidewalk.”

“Bet he wouldn’t even know how to get away with that,” Dash says dismissively, crossing his arms over his chest again like he’s fucked girls on sidewalks a million times and he could get away with it in his sleep.

Why did I turn Jared down again? she asks herself.

The elevator is completely silent except for the sound of their breathing and the blood pounding in Tessa’s ears, and the echoes of their voices bounce off of the walls.

“Why is everything about sex with you?”

“You weren’t complaining these last few months.”

“It was just one fucking kiss on the cheek. Jesus!” she says, and before he can even answer she’s barreling forward, “And I only kissed him because I felt bad about loving you instead!”

Silence.