Chapter Four

 

Kendra

 

I called Lindy as soon as I left Drake’s place, and since she demanded every single detail, we’d agreed to meet at our favorite diner for breakfast so I could fill her in. I was polishing off my third pancake, because apparently great sex worked up quite an appetite, when I finally told her the unvarnished truth.

“He said he wants a shot with me.”

Lindy paused with her fork halfway to her lips. “A shot? What does that even mean?”

“I guess it means he wants a relationship.”

I still couldn’t quite wrap my head around that. From the time I’d been old enough to acknowledge boys weren’t icky to the time I left for college, and beyond, if I was being completely honest, I would have given anything for a shot with Drake Ellis. Now he was offering me a chance and I wasn’t willing to take it. Why?

“I heard he hasn’t been spending as much time at Toby’s,” Lindy said. “In fact, my sister said she hasn’t seen him leave there with a girl in months.”

Lindy’s older sister was a waitress at Drake’s favorite bar, which is how we kept tabs on him. “Yeah, he told me hasn’t slept with anyone in six months,” I said before taking a sip of my coffee. “But I don’t know whether I can believe that.”

“You don’t think you can trust him?”

It’s not that he’d ever lied to me, but after that night in the bed of his old truck, trust didn’t come as easily to me. “I don’t know what to think. Maybe he’s just worried about me going to Africa and figures if he steps up and pretends to want a relationship with me he can keep me here where it’s safe.”

Lindy’s bright blue eyes darkened as she pushed the scrambled eggs around on her plate. “He’s not the only one who’s worried about that. I’m scared to death for you. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if something happened over there and I lost you.”

We were more than best friends. We were sisters. And I would have felt the exact same way if Lindy was contemplating something dangerous, but that didn’t mean I’d make her feel guilty about doing it.

“You know I’m going to be careful.”

“But some things are beyond your control!” She sighed, lowering her voice when the older couple at the table next to us looked at her and frowned. “You don’t know what the hell you’re going to be walking into over there, Kendra.”

“You’re right,” I conceded. “But what about all those innocent kids who have to live in that environment? They don’t get a choice. Why should I?”

“But it’s different. They were born in that environment.” She raised a hand before I could argue. “I mean, look at you. You’re this bouncy, blond-haired, blue-eyed knockout. You attract attention from men wherever you go. I know you can handle yourself with most of the losers who come on to you, but seriously, this is going to be way different than what you’re used to.” She leaned in, whispering, “What if you meet some guy who won’t take ‘no’ for an answer?”

“You don’t think I could get raped here?” I asked, keeping my tone low to match hers. “There are criminals everywhere. Sick, depraved men who get off on exerting their power. If we thought about the risk all the time, we’d never leave our houses.”

“I know, but—”

“Lin, I love you. But I’m not talking about this anymore. I’m going to Nigeria. End of discussion.”

“Fine.” She sighed. “And I’m guessing you told Drake this wasn’t up for debate?”

“Of course I did. But he’s still in denial. He thinks he can convince me to stay.”

She pushed her plate aside, propping her chin in her hand. “I wish he could.”

“Would you stop?” I asked, not even trying to hide my frustration. “I wish everyone would just understand. I have to do this.”

“Uh oh, look who just walked in.” Lindy waved at Drake, who was ordering a coffee to go at the counter. “I have to use the restroom. Be right back.”

“You’re such a liar,” I hissed. “You do not have to…” I looked up when a shadow fell over the table as Lindy scurried away. “Oh hey, Drake. What’re you doing here?”

He raised his coffee cup. “I’m heading into the shop. Gonna see if I can get some work done.”

I nodded as I reached for my own coffee. “Well, have a good day.”

He glanced down at the remnants of food on our plates. “I offered to make you breakfast. If you were hungry, you should have stayed. We could have talked some more.”

I knew he wasn’t going to let this go, but I’d said all I could to make him understand this wasn’t going to go down the way he wanted it to.

“Um, I have a lot to do, you know, getting ready to go.”

He grunted before raising the cup to his lips. “Well, how ‘bout dinner tonight?”

Dinner tonight. For years I would have given my right arm for this man to ask me out to dinner. Why now? When he knows I’m on my way out of town again? Is it because there’s no pressure to make a commitment because he knows I won’t stay, or is he still holding out hope I will stay? I couldn’t leave with those questions plaguing me, so I nodded slowly.

“Okay, sure. Dinner sounds good.”

He grinned, disarming me with that sexy smile. “Great. I’ll pick you up around seven.”

“Um, would you mind if I come to your place instead?”

A flash of annoyance appeared, followed by a curt nod. “You don’t want your parents to know we’re seeing each other.”

I looked around to make sure no one was eavesdropping before I said, “It wouldn’t take them long to figure out the friend whose house I spent the night at last night, was you.”

“Who cares if they know?” he asked, looking annoyed. “We’re adults, not kids. We can do whatever the hell we want.”

I knew he had a great relationship with my parents. They loved him like a son, and I didn’t want to ruin that. It was bad enough he and my brother were on the outs because of me. That’s when it occurred to me… “Oh God, you don’t think Danny will say anything to my parents about finding me at your place this morning, do you?”

He closed his eyes and tipped his head back to the ceiling. “You’re twenty-three next month, baby. You don’t need your parents’ permission or approval to spend the night with your boyfriend.”

Boyfriend? Who said anything about Drake being my boyfriend? He wasn’t. He couldn’t be. I didn’t want a boyfriend, did I? Maybe if I wasn’t going to Africa…

The waitress set the bill on the table as she removed our plates, telling me to take my time.

Drake snagged it before I could, setting his coffee down on the table so he could peel a couple of twenties off the roll of bills in his pocket.

I grabbed his arm. “What are you doing? You don’t have to pay for our breakfast.”

He winked. “Gotta take care of my girl.” His kiss was quick and light, but I felt it all the way to my toes. “See you tonight, beautiful. Miss me today.”

Damn. I was afraid I would. I watched him walk out, coffee in hand. He stopped in the parking lot to talk to a couple of guys he knew before hopping into his pickup truck and driving off.

My phone buzzed just as Lindy was coming out of the washroom. A text from my brother demanding I meet him at his office so we could talk. Ugh. I knew what that meant. A lecture about how his best friend was a man-whore and I should stay the hell away from him. If only it were that easy.

Lindy frowned when she spotted the money on the table, tossing one of the bills at me. “Hey, you’re not paying the whole bill. I’ll take care of my share.”

“Drake’s treat,” I said, sighing. “He insisted.”

“Awww, that’s sweet.” She slid into the booth across from me. “You know my kid brother’s apprenticing at his shop now, right? He says Drake’s making money hand over fist. They’re so busy he’ll probably have to add a couple more bays.”

I wasn’t surprised. He’d taken over the shop when his father retired, and he’d always talked about expanding it and hiring a few more mechanics in addition to the four he already had working for him.

“Did you hear that Mrs. Woodall is retiring this year?” Lindy asked, downing the rest of her cold coffee.

“Real subtle, Lin.” Mrs. Woodall taught at the local elementary Lindy and I had gone to, the one I’d said I’d love to teach at when I returned home from my mission of mercy.

“I’m just saying, you know how hard teaching jobs are to get. Who knows if there’ll be anything available when you get back next summer? I’d hate to see you stuck in some waitressing job, or worse, have to leave town altogether because you couldn’t find work.”

She made a good point. Our town was small, less than fifteen thousand people, and there were only a few elementary schools. It wouldn’t be easy to find work here. But I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. Sure, I’d gone away to school and I’d be spending the next year in Nigeria, but this was home.

“Just in case you decide to submit your resume,” Lindy said, swiping her finger across her phone screen. “I’ll send you the link. I think the deadline is next Friday.”

I sighed. “You know I won’t even be here next Friday.” Everyone around here was in complete denial. And I couldn’t figure out why. It’s not like I was a flake who flitted from one thing to another. I made a decision and followed through, just like I intended to this time.

“I’m just saying it doesn’t hurt to keep your options open.”

“Speaking of options, I agreed to have dinner with Drake tonight. Do you think I’m crazy?”

She slipped her phone back in her purse. “Honey, you’d be crazy not to go out with that man. You’ve been in love with him as long as I can remember.”

Not, love. Lust. Crush. Those were words I preferred to use when I thought of my feelings for Drake. Love sounded so permanent, like I may never get over it. And I would. I had. I’d gotten over Drake years ago. Mostly. Except when he put his hands on me. Then I had a hard time remembering all the reasons he and I were a bad idea.

“I know he’s going to try to convince me to stay. Sometimes I wonder if that’s the only reason he’s coming on so strong now. If I stayed, he’d probably lose interest inside a month. You know how he is. He’s never with one girl for longer than a minute.”

“Look, I know you’re going to hate me for saying this, but everything you’ve ever wanted is within your grasp and I can’t figure out why you’re scared to go for it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Drake. This job at the school.” She shook her head. “You could get your own place, buy a new car—”

“I told you why I need to do this.” Why couldn’t they understand? “Those kids need me.”

“Maybe, but there are kids right here who need help too. Kids who need a sweet and loving teacher to help them see the best in themselves. There are people suffering right here in this town, girl. Why do you think we have the homeless shelter, food bank, shelter for abused women and—”

“Okay, okay.” I shook my head in resignation. She had a good point. I didn’t have to travel around the world to make a difference. “I hear what you’re saying.”

“Did you know there’s even a new after-school program at the community center for at-risk teens? I bet they could use your help.”

“But I made a commitment to this cause, Lin. I can’t back out now.”

She reached across the table, squeezing my hand. “I hear what you’re saying, and I think it’s amazing that you want to help them. But send a donation. Don’t give up a year of your life.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Hell, you could be giving up your life to do this. There are no guarantees you’ll come back home.” She slid out of the booth, squeezing my shoulder as she passed. “Please, just think about it.”

 

***

 

My brother’s landscaping business was in a commercial plaza on the other side of town, but I didn’t mind the short drive. It gave me time to think about everything Lin said about going to Africa. Was she right? Was I giving up everything when I could have all I wanted right here?

I couldn’t let anyone know I was wavering. If I did, they’d pounce all over it, hounding me until I gave in and agreed to stay. If I stayed, it had to be my decision.

Danny’s long-time receptionist looked up and smiled when I walked in. “Hey, I heard you were back. Welcome home, honey.”

Welcome home. I’d been so busy thinking about leaving that I hadn’t taken time to appreciate the fact I was home. “Thanks, feels good to be back.” I pointed to Danny’s closed office door. “The boss man summoned. Is he busy?”

“You can go on in. He and I are just getting caught up on a few things.” She replaced the headset she’d been wearing when I walked in. “Been a crazy week.”

I tapped on Danny’s door and stuck my head in. “Hey, you wanted to see me?”

He frowned. “Get in here.”

I stepped inside and closed the door before raising my hand. “Before you go all big brother on me, just remember that I’m a grown woman and I can sleep with anyone I want. Even if he is your best friend.”

“Just sit down and listen for a minute,” he said, scowling. “That’s your problem. You jump in with both feet. To hell with the consequences.”

“Excuse me?” I didn’t think I was impulsive. While I didn’t waste time analyzing a situation, I did make pragmatic decisions. “What makes you think you have all the answers? This is my life we’re talking about. You don’t think I know what’s best for me?”

“How the hell is a fling with my best friend before you go off to some godforsaken—”

“Enough!” I half-growled, the rumble reverberating through my throat. “I already know how you feel about me leaving. I don’t need to hear it again.”

“Fine, let’s talk about you and Drake then. What the hell were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that I’d known Drake all my life.” I set my purse down in the second guest chair before sitting down in the other. “I trust him.” Maybe not with my heart, but definitely with my body. “It’s not like I slept with some random guy I met in a bar.”

His eyes narrowed. “You don’t do shit like that, do you? ‘Cause I know I don’t have to tell you how dangerous that is. Not only do you have to worry about whether the guy might be a serial killer, but there are STDs to consider. At least with Drake I know you’re safe. He’s always careful about shit like that.”

He had been last night, ensuring he always wore a condom, even though last time I told him I was on the pill and he didn’t have to worry. He whispered that he’d love to come inside me, but not until we’d got a few things straight. Whatever that meant.

“No, I don’t go home with guys I meet in bars. Or anywhere else for that matter.” I crossed my arms, glaring at him. “I’m always careful. And responsible. I’m not some empty-headed little kid you have to look out for anymore.”

“I know you’re smart,” he said, his eyes softening. “A hell of a lot smarter than I am, truth be told. But you’re my baby sister, so I’m always going to look out for you. That’s just the way it is.”

I smiled because no matter what he did to piss me off, I could never stay mad at this big lug. “I promise I know what I’m doing. What happened last night was just…” How could I describe it without setting Danny off again? “A good time with an old friend.”

“You really think I’m buying that?”

“I don’t care whether you believe me or not, it’s the truth.”

“Kendra, you don’t think I know you’ve had a crush on that guy all your life? I just can’t believe he’d take advantage of you like that.”

“If you’re referring to me losing my virginity to Drake…” I tried to keep a straight face when he cringed. “It was entirely mutual. He didn’t take advantage of me, I promise you. In fact, he tried to tell me it wasn’t the best idea even before we did it. But I came on to him, and I wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.” I still had a hard time believing how bold I’d been that night. “And be honest, would you have preferred I’d given it up to some drunk guy at a frat party who wouldn’t even remember it, or me, the next day?”

Danny considered that for a minute before he said, “No, at least I trust Drake took good care of you.”

I knew how much it pained Danny to think or talk about sex when it concerned me, but I appreciated the effort he was making to understand my relationship with Drake. “So you see, last night didn’t just happen. We had some history and I guess that factored into our decision to…”

“Sleep together again.” He smirked. “You can say it. I won’t lose my shit this time.”

“Drake’s your best friend,” I said, seeing an opening to reason with him. “I know you think of him as a brother. You can’t let this impact your friendship. Please. I’d never forgive myself if you did.”

He sighed, running a hand over his head. “I’ll go over to his shop later and talk to him.”

“Good.” I bit my lip. “You should probably also know that I’m going out to dinner with him tonight. And there’s a good chance we’ll be spending some more time together this week, you know, before I go.”

“Why?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “Are you two in a real relationship?”

“I don’t know what it is.” I needed to confide in my brother. He was the one person who knew both me and Drake better than anyone. “But this morning he called himself my boyfriend. Weird, huh?”

“Very weird,” Danny agreed. “I can’t remember the last time he had a girlfriend.”

“Um, he told me something last night and I don’t know what to make of it.”

“What’s that?”

“He said he hasn’t been with anyone else in six months because he was waiting on me to come home.”

Danny rubbed his chin, looking thoughtful. “So that is the reason he hasn’t been picking up? I wasn’t sure I should believe him when he said that this morning.”

“Then it’s true?” I asked, feeling satisfaction sweep through me. He’d made that kind of sacrifice because he wanted a shot with me? “He hasn’t been with anyone else lately? Not even a hookup?”

Danny shook his head slowly. “No, he hasn’t. Damn. I can’t believe he didn’t tell me you were the reason. I thought he told me everything.”

“Maybe he wanted to see how I felt about him before he talked to you about us.”

“How do you feel about him?” he asked, scrutinizing me. “The truth, not some bullshit answer about you two being friends.”

“Fine, you know I’ve always had a thing for him. Before I went away to school, I would have given anything to be with him, but while I was at college, I tried to talk myself out of that little fantasy. It was hard, seeing him when I came home for breaks ‘cause all the old feelings were still there, but he just treated me like a casual acquaintance.”

“When did that change?”

“Yesterday.” I thought back to the few moments we’d had in my parents’ kitchen. “When he came by the house with you. When you went upstairs he came on pretty strong, started talking about how he’d missed me and he’d always wanted me.”

“Do you believe him?”

I rubbed my forehead. “I don’t know what to believe. I want to. I’m just so confused.”

“Okay,” he said, picking up a pen. He let it slide through his fingers, tapping it against the desktop as he spoke. “So let’s say this is your one and only shot with him, and you walk away because you feel you have something more important to do. You come home a year from now to find out Drake has a girlfriend. Or maybe he’s even engaged. How would that make you feel?”

Drake just turned twenty-six. I didn’t see him getting engaged any time soon. But seeing him with a girlfriend, someone he really loved, would seriously suck. “I wouldn’t like it, okay?”

“So you’re really willing to take that kind of risk?” He studied me carefully. “If Drake is serious about you, and I can’t say he is because I haven’t talked to him yet, but if he is, you’d really be willing to walk away from that?”

“Oh my God!” I threw my hands up in the air. “Does no one in my life understand the importance of honoring commitments? Y’all think it’s okay for me to just tell the people I made a promise to, ‘Sorry, I’ve changed my mind about teaching those orphans after all’?”

“I’m just saying,” Danny said, leaning forward. “Maybe there’s a compromise, some other way you could help without—”

“Now you sound like Lindy.”

“Well, she’s a smart girl. You should listen to her.”

I stood, rounding the desk. “I’m leaving now, but before I do, I need to know you’re not going to give Drake a hard time about seeing me.”

“Oh, I’m going to give him a hard time, all right.” He said, standing to wrap me in a fierce hug. “I’m going to let him know that if he hurts you, I’m going to kick his ass.”

I giggled before backhanding him in the stomach. “Or die trying, right?”