Chapter Six

Kendra

I’d never been more confused. I had the only man I’d ever loved telling me he loved me too, that he wanted a future with me, and I was seriously freaked out. I couldn’t have imagined it going down this way. I was only twenty-two. I loved Drake, but I thought I’d have years before I had to think about living with someone, getting married, and having babies. Yet he seemed to be telling me he was ready for that now. But I wasn’t. I needed time to explore, to find myself, as cheesy as that sounded.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said.

We were sitting on his couch and I was wearing nothing but his T-shirt and a thong. I’d choked down a couple slices of pizza and a glass of wine, mainly because he’d insisted, but I still didn’t have the courage to tell him the truth. That I just wasn’t ready for the kind of life he’d envisioned.

“Um, I was just thinking this wasn’t the way I imagined things going down when I came home to get ready for my trip.” I curled my hands around my cool glass before bringing it to my lips. My legs were resting on his, and the slow slide of his calloused palm up my thigh was making it tough to think straight.

“What did you imagine?”

“I just thought I’d spend a little time with my friends and family, get organized, and say my good-byes.”

I looked into his eyes, overwhelmed by the love I felt for this man. If I could fast-forward ten years, there wouldn’t be a doubt in my mind that he was my forever. I knew that even now, but if I made that kind of commitment today, would I regret it? Would I resent him for all the life I didn’t get to live?

“I never planned on you, Drake.”

He smirked. “Funny, ‘cause I’ve been planning on you for a hell of a long time.”

He was only a few years older than I was, but he seemed to have his life all mapped out. Yet I was just getting started. With school behind me, I still had so many things I wanted to do, so many places I wanted to go. Starting with Africa.

“I wish I’d known.”

For the past four years, I’d spent my downtime in school imagining the kind of life I’d have when I graduated. It included fun, risk, adventure, helping people. Not sitting at home with my lover, eating pizza, and watching sports on the big screen. I wanted that kind of life, but later. In my thirties, maybe.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re not psyched about what I’ve told you tonight?”

I didn’t want him to think I didn’t love him. I did. So much.

I set my glass down and pushed against his shoulders as I straddled him. “To hear you tell me you love me, was a dream come true. Literally.” I kissed him, holding his gorgeous face between my hands. “Seriously. Do you know how many times I imagined you saying those words to me?”

His hands slipped under the T-shirt I was wearing, resting on my hips. “Tell me.”

“I could never tell anyone else I loved them, even when they said it first. Because I knew all along I was in love with you.”

He groaned, hauling me against his chest. “You don’t how much I needed to hear you say that.”

I knew Drake had never put himself out there the way he was with me. He was probably as terrified as I was, maybe more so, but he’d been brave enough to put it all on the line, and I had to find that inner courage too. He deserved to hear the truth.

“I love everything about you,” I said, dragging his T-shirt over his head. He’d changed into casual clothes too, which made it easier for me to get him naked. I was drawing my lips down his neck, across his collarbone, and I could already feel his body reacting, so I started grinding on him, letting him know how much I wanted him. “You are the perfect man for me.” But it’s not the perfect time. How could I tell him that? It seemed so cruel, so unfair.

He grabbed my hips, guiding me over his hard shaft. He was wearing athletic shorts, but the way he was moving my body made it feel like there was nothing between us. No barrier. Nothing to keep him from plunging inside of me and taking me on the ride of my life.

“I intend to spend the rest of my life proving that to you, baby doll,” he whispered, pushing the T-shirt over my head and tossing it on the floor at his feet.

The rest of my life. Forever. God that was a scary word. As much as I loved him, every day for the rest of my life seemed like too big of a commitment to make straight out of college.

He drew my nipple into his mouth, sucking hard and driving all other thoughts out of my head. This wasn’t the time to think about the future. This was the time to enjoy the present. To allow this man, who seemed to know my body better than I did, to remind me how good he could make me feel.

I curled my arms around his head as he showered my breasts with his tongue, pulling deep and biting hard, just the way I liked it. I cried out as he dipped his hands inside my panties and started mimicking the rhythm between my legs, spreading me wide and plunging two fingers deep inside of me.

“Drake…”

No one could make me feel the way he could. I wasn’t even sure there was a sensation on Earth that compared to this. When I was zoned in on the pleasure he gave me, everything else faded away. The only thing I could think about was the rippling of ecstasy curling through my body, lighting me up, zinging my nerve endings, and unfurling deep in my core.

“I love you so much.” My words were a whisper, but I knew he’d heard them when he dragged his head from my breasts and looked into my eyes.

“Say it again.” He was rubbing my clit, watching my tits bounce as I rode his hand shamelessly, taking what I needed from him. “I need to hear it.”

“I love you.” I claimed his mouth, letting my tongue mingle with his while I shattered, coating his fingers.

His kiss slowed as he pulled back, stroking me softly before withdrawing his hand. He dug his hands into my hair, holding me firm as his tongue dueled with mine. The kiss was penetrating, and so erotic. He was making love to my mouth, taking me on a sensual journey that seemed to express without words everything he needed me to know.

When we finally broke apart, I was dazed and even more confused. It felt like a dream, where I was watching myself living out my fantasy. Because having this man make love to me, take care of me, and worship me, were the only things that fueled my imagination when I slipped between the sheets at night.

It was him entering me. Kissing me. It was his shoulders spreading me. His head buried between my legs. His hard shaft buried deep as he erupted inside of me. It was always him. No one else.

“This feels like a dream,” I admitted, closing my eyes as I pressed my cheek to his. “Being here with you like this… it can’t be happening.”

“It is, sweetheart.” His lips moved over my neck, gently nibbling. “But I know what you mean, it feels surreal to me too. I’ve thought about this so many times, what it would be like to finally have you here with me. No more secrets. No more hiding our feelings or holding back. You and me just being real with each other.”

Yet I wasn’t being real with him. I was afraid to tell him about my misgivings and that wasn’t fair. “There are some things we still need to talk about. Things you need to know about—”

“Sssh, there’ll be plenty of time for that later.”

I got the sense he was putting me off because he knew he wasn’t going to like what I had to say. But as I felt my panties tear, I couldn’t find the strength to object. I wanted this. Hell, I needed this.

“You said you were on the pill?”

“Yes.” I’d never had sex without a condom before, but I really wanted to. With him. Only with him.

“I got tested before you came back,” he said, brushing his scruff over my cheek. “I had to make sure it was safe. I’d never do anything to hurt you, baby doll. You gotta know that.”

“I do.” I’d trust Drake with my life. I’d known him forever, and the passage of time only made me trust him more.

“If you need me to grab a condom I will, but—”

“I don’t want anything between us tonight,” I whispered in his ear. “I just want to feel you. All of you.”

His breath hitched as he lifted my body and guided me over his shaft. “Watch,” he whispered. “Watch the way I fill you. The way we fit.”

I was mesmerized as I watched us come together. Our bodies joining. But it was so much more than that. He had my heart. I had his. Our souls were mingling, circulating… and finally merging.

My breath got trapped in my throat as he took over, manipulating my body, taking what he wanted, giving me what I needed, using me for his own pleasure in the best possible way, but never forgetting to put me first.

My mind was on a continuous loop as my body rocked and rolled, dipped and swayed to this rhythmic dance of ecstasy. We weren’t having sex. We weren’t making love. It was deeper than that. It was like our souls were coming together.

His eyes tracked my movements, roaming over my body as he swelled inside of me, letting me feel, without words, what I did to him.

I didn’t need any encouragement to come. It was a slow build, a tightening of need that coiled before unleashing and spiraling throughout my body from my scalp to my toes. My whole body buzzed with the release, but it wasn’t enough for him. He wanted more. Always more.

I rocked with him, leaning into him as he kissed my neck. Tipping my head back, letting him brand my skin with his mouth, his tongue, his teeth, his dirty words, and possessive hands. He was making me irrevocably his. Claiming me, one touch, one stroke, one kiss, one word at a time. Making it impossible for me to love, to touch, to pleasure anyone else. My world was shrinking, until we were the only two people who remained.

He filled me without warning and I could feel the warmth spreading through me, his body spilling into mine, making him a part of me.

His hands seized my face, his eyes commanding my attention. “I. Love. You.”

My heart and body clenched simultaneously. I never thought three little words could make me feel so much. Satisfied. Adored. Terrified. Blessed.

***

Drake

My girl was scared. I could see it in her eyes. Feel it in her touch. She thought she was so good at hiding it, but she couldn’t hide a damn thing from me. I knew her inside out. I knew her heart. Her mind. Her body. I knew what she wanted, what she needed, and what she was scared of. She wanted me to be her husband. She wanted to have my babies. But she wanted to live a little first. She just didn’t know how to tell me. She didn’t want to hurt me… or lose me.

So I had to bring it up, to make her feel safe enough to tell me the truth. So we could figure this out together. There had to be some way for her to get what she wanted and for me to get what I wanted. Her. That’s all I wanted. Just her.

“Talk to me, baby doll.” I hugged her hard when she wrapped her body around mine, our legs tangling as the sheets covering us fell away. “Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”

“There’s a part of me that wants to go and a part of me that doesn’t,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

Before, I’d been demanding, telling her she couldn’t go, but I knew that would never work. She could do whatever the hell she wanted, no matter how much I loved her or wanted her to stay. “That’s normal. It’s a big decision, right?”

“A decision I’ve already made,” she said, sighing. “I’ve already committed.”

She made it sound like a done deal, which made me nervous. I meant what I said, I’d wait for her forever if that’s what it took, but I’d suffer a serious case of insomnia if I had to imagine her over there every day. I wasn’t even sure I’d be able to talk to her or make sure she was okay.

“So tell me about this organization that you’re volunteering for.” Maybe there was some other way she could help them. A compromise that wouldn’t take her thousands of miles away from me, but would still make her feel like she was making a difference.

“I’ll be teaching English to kids who live in an orphanage.” Her smile spread and it tugged at my heart, seeing how excited she was at the thought of helping kids who’d lost their parents. “I’ve been a part of an online group that shares their experiences for a while now. It gives people who are considering it the opportunity to experience it, through people who are already living it.” She sighed happily. “You should hear some of the stories they share, Drake. It’s amazing.”

“Have you, uh, ever heard of any of the volunteers getting hurt over there?”

Her fingers skimmed my abs as her smiled slipped. “Yeah, a couple of months ago one of the girls was gang-raped.”

“Fuck.” My arms tightened around her. I’d lose my mind if anything like that ever happened to her.

“I know it’s a risk,” she whispered. “I’m not naïve. But there are risks here too. There are risks everywhere. I can’t live my life in fear. Don’t think it doesn’t terrify me, the possibility of something like that happening to me, it does. But I can’t let it stop me from doing what I need to do.”

Everything she said made sense, but at least here I’d be there to watch out for her, to protect her, and to kick the shit out of anyone stupid enough to try and hurt her. Over there she’d be all alone. In a strange country, with no one to look out for her. No way to protect herself.

“I know this is hard for you to understand,” she continued. “But I just feel like an experience like this would change me. It would allow me to come back here and be a better teacher.”

She might be right, but I wasn’t ready to concede. I didn’t know if I ever would be. “Tell me what else you dream of doing.” There had to be some things she could experience with me. Some way that I could facilitate her dreams. I made damn good money now and I’d been banking a lot of it, planning for the future. I had a reliable crew and I could afford to take time off, to go on vacation with her or do whatever the hell she wanted for a while. I didn’t care. As long as we were together.

“I want to travel,” she admitted. “See the world. We took a few family vacations when I was growing up, but do you realize I’ve never left the country?” She laughed. “I just got my very first passport a few months ago, when I started planning for this trip.”

“Hmmm.”

I could take her anywhere she wanted to go. She didn’t have to spend a year somewhere to experience a different culture. But I knew my girl wasn’t like most tourists. She wasn’t interested in sipping fruity drinks on the beach. She wanted to make a difference, to leave her mark, her smile, her touch wherever she went.

“How about you?” she asked. “You ever think about traveling?”

“Sure. The last few years have been about rebuilding for me. My old man got sick and things took a turn for the worse. I had to build my own crew, reorganize, restructure, remodel.” I chuckled. “And move the shop into the twenty-first century. My old man was still using paper ledgers, if you can believe it.”

She smiled. “He was old school, wasn’t he? How’s he doing since he retired?”

“He still stops by to bug me from time to time. He likes looking over my shoulder, telling me what I’m doing wrong.” But this conversation wasn’t about my father. It was about finding a way for us to merge our lives. “But like I was saying, the shop, it’s in a good place now. Very profitable and I’ve got a good crew. They know what they’re doing, so they don’t need me to babysit them twenty-four, seven.”

“That’s good.” She reached for the duvet, pulling it over us. “Means you can take a day off if you want to, right?”

“More than a day. I’ve hired an office manager too. She’s great. She—”

“Anyone I know?”

I grinned when I realized she was jealous. “Yeah, as a matter of fact. You remember Toni Benedetto? She was a couple of years ahead of you in high school, I think.”

“Ugh! Really? You hired her? I can’t believe Lindy didn’t tell me that!”

I rolled over, pinning her arms over her head. “You’re not jealous, are you, sexy?”

She rolled her eyes. “You didn’t think I’d remember the way she used to chase after you? Why do you think she applied for that job? Just to get close to you, no doubt.”

She had hit on me. But I made it clear, not only did I refuse to mix business with pleasure, but I wouldn’t be interested even if she wasn’t my employee. “She’s good at her job, babe.” I kissed her neck while I had her captive. “That’s all I care about.”

“Has she ever come on to you?” she asked, arching her back as she wriggled.

“Sure, but—”

“And she’s still working for you?”

“Seeing you like this, all territorial, is making me hard again,” I warned, dragging my lips back and forth across hers. “So unless you wanna be sore tomorrow, you should probably keep your concern to yourself for now.”

“What if I don’t want to?” Her question was breathy, designed to drive me crazy. “What if I don’t want to think about anyone else coming on to my man?”

Damn it. She was good.

“What if I don’t want to think about you touching anyone else…”

My hands dipped between her legs, letting her know I wasn’t interested in touching anyone but her. She was so wet, so ready for me.

“Or kissing anyone else.”

I got the game she was playing and I was more than happy to play along. My kiss was hungry and she responded in kind, letting me know she was willing to deal with a little pain tomorrow in exchange for more pleasure tonight.

“Or fucking anyone else.”

“You don’t have to worry about a thing,” I said, shifting so she was pinned beneath me. “She could parade around the shop naked, and I wouldn’t give her a second glance as long as I had you to come home to.”

Her blue eyes darkened when she asked, “What if you didn’t have me to come home to?”

I teased her, dipping in and out before plunging deep inside of her. “Still wouldn’t be interested.” She didn’t seem to understand that I’d rather use my hand than have another meaningless one-night stand while fantasizing about her.

It wasn’t hard and fast, like I’d intended. It was slow and sensual. I kissed her, savoring her contented sighs when we broke apart. “I love you.”

She smiled. “I love you too.”