Chapter Eight

Kendra

I was packing the last of my things when Drake knocked on my bedroom door.

“You almost ready?” he asked, stepping up beside me and pressing a kiss to my temple as he wrapped his arm around my waist.

That was the thing I’d miss the most, having his arms around me. Especially late at night when I was lying in my cot all alone. “Yup, I think this just about does it.”

I’d kept it simple, packing only enough clothes for ten days. I could wash them as needed. I didn’t have to worry about makeup or hair products. Those things weren’t a part of the life I’d signed on for.

“You nervous?” he asked, shifting his body so he was standing behind me.

“Oh yeah.” I wouldn’t admit that to anyone else. Only him. “Would it surprise you to know I’ve had second and third thoughts about going?”

“No, you probably wouldn’t be human if you hadn’t.” He brushed his lips over the top of my head. “You’re leaving your safe, comfortable world where you have people who love and protect you for something scary and unknown.”

Drake had come to terms with my decision somewhere along the way. He seemed to understand this was something I needed to do, and as hard as it was for him, he had to let me. The sacrifice he was making, letting me go, only made me love him more.

I reached around my neck to take off the diamond necklace he’d given me. “I probably shouldn’t wear expensive jewelry over there. Will you hang on to this for me until I get back?”

“Of course.” He opened his hand and I dropped it in his palm before he curled his fingers over it.

“It’s your last night, spend it with me?”

I leaned back into the solid wall of his chest, wondering if anything or anyone could ever make me feel as safe and protected as he did. Not likely. “I’d love to spend the night with you, but I have to be up early. Airport at 4:00 a.m.”

“I know, I’ll take you.”

“You’ll be too tired to work.”

He sighed as he slipped his arms around my waist and kissed my neck. “I can go home and sleep if I need to. I have a feeling I won’t want to do much else tomorrow anyhow.”

I hated that I was hurting him, but I didn’t know what to say or do to make it easier. “I love you,” I whispered. “Thank you for understanding why I need to do this.”

“Once this is over…” He cleared his throat. “You think there will be any more missions of mercy in your future?”

I couldn’t ask him to wait forever for me. That wouldn’t be fair. The fact that he was willing to wait an entire year before seeing me again, spoke volumes about his commitment to me. If he was still here when I got home, I’d be ready to start talking forever with him.

“No. This is a one-time deal, I promise.” I turned into his arms and forced myself to say the hardest thing I’d ever had to say to anyone. “Neither one of us knows what might happen over the next twelve months, Drake. A woman could walk into your shop and knock you on your ass.”

He shook his head, his eyes cold. “I know what you’re going to say, and I’m not hearing it. There’s no one else for me. End of discussion.”

“Just hear me out,” I pleaded. “If you do meet someone else, and fall in love with her, know that I won’t hold it against you.” I might hate myself for giving him the opportunity to do that, but I couldn’t blame him. “I want you to be happy, just like you’ve proven that you want me to be happy.”

“If you think another woman could ever make me as happy as you do, you’re crazy, girl.”

I loved that he felt that way, but would he still after hundreds of night alone? I didn’t know and neither did he. Not for sure. Time would be the ultimate test of our relationship, and only time would dictate whether we really belonged together.

***

Drake

Making love to her was bittersweet. I got lost in her sweet little body, but knowing it would be the last time for a long time hurt like hell. I held her against me, her pulses rocking me as she whispered in my ear how much she loved me… how much she’d miss me.

I didn’t know a woman could make me feel the way she did. Sure, I’d known I was in love with her before, but the past ten days with her took it to a whole ‘nother level. I wouldn’t just be losing her this time, I’d be losing a part of myself, and I wasn’t sure how to deal with that.

“Make love to me, Drake.”

I moved slowly, savoring every second like it might be our last, then trying to block those asinine thoughts out before they crushed me. I didn’t want her to see me weak and broken. I didn’t want her last image of me to be with tears in my eyes, begging her to stay. I had to be strong. For her. For us.

She clenched me in her tight heat, wrapping her body around mine, drawing me deeper… like she never wanted to let me go.

I spilled inside of her, holding in my guttural moan, fearing it would turn into a helpless sob if I let it out. I bit my lip so hard, I was surprised I hadn’t drawn blood. Not that I would feel it if I had. I couldn’t feel at all. I felt dazed and numb, like this was a nightmare merging with a dream I expected to wake up from. Being with her like this, the intimacy we’d forged, that represented all my dreams coming true. But losing her again was a fucking nightmare.

“Please tell me what you’re thinking,” she said, grabbing my arm when I tried to escape to the bathroom.

We hadn’t used a condom, so I couldn’t use that as an excuse to leave. I just needed a minute to collect myself. To look in the mirror and remind myself why I had to do this. For her. Shit, I just needed to remember how to breathe through this gnawing pain in my chest.

The clock on the bedside table was winding down. Neither of us had slept, and I knew in a few minutes the alarm would be going off, reminding me this was the worst day of my life.

“I just need a minute, baby.”

“No.” She curled her hand around my wrist. “What you need to do is stay here and talk to me. Please. This is the last chance we’ll have to talk for a while. Whatever you have to say to me, say it now.”

“Fine.” I sat on the edge of the bed, the sheet tangling in my legs as I curled my fist in my hand. “You want to know what I’m thinking… what I’m feeling? I’m gutted, okay? I hate that you’re doing this to me. To us.” And that made me feel like a selfish bastard, because I knew there were orphaned kids out there who needed her hug and her smile even more than I did. Still, I didn’t want to let her go. I didn’t want to share her.

“I’m not doing this to you,” she said, sinking back on the down pillow. “Or to us. I’m doing it for those kids, Drake. I know it’s only one year, and they probably won’t even remember me when they’re all grown up, but I want a chance to make a difference.”

She’d always been a glass half full kind of girl, the first one to remind everyone around her that there were better days ahead and all that shit. But I knew it would be a hell of a long time before my days got any better.

“Do you regret this?” she asked, her voice soft. “Being with me like this? Would it have been easier if I’d shut you down? Shut you out? Never told you I loved you?”

I shook my head. No. I needed to hear her say those words, to remember them when I was lying alone in this bed, unable to sleep because my mind kept drifting to thoughts of her.

“You sure about that?”

“I’m sure.”

“The last time I went away to school, you didn’t have a hard time getting over me. Maybe this time—”

“Don’t even say it,” I warned, glaring at her over my shoulder. “This is nothing like that, and you know it.” Last time, I’d looked for solace in other women. But I wouldn’t be stupid enough to make that mistake twice.

“It’s one year, Drake. Not four.”

“But even if I wanted to talk to you, I couldn’t. I can’t text or call you on your cell. I won’t look forward to Christmas breaks, ‘cause you won’t be coming home.”

She was going to be in a remote village where cell service and Internet were sketchy at best, and most people didn’t have landlines. In case of emergency, her family could call the organization she was volunteering for, and they would get a message to her at the orphanage. Beyond that, no guarantee that any of us would hear from her for the entire year.

“If we’d been together the past few years, maybe I would have made a different choice,” she said, reaching for my hand. “But you just came back into my life. And I’d already committed.”

I nodded, pretending I understood when really I didn’t. I didn’t understand how she could willingly leave me for a year, with no communication and only a hollow promise that she’d be back.

“You’re mad at me.”

I didn’t think I would be. I thought I’d come to terms with her leaving, that I could support her in this decision because I knew we’d have the rest of our lives together. But I’d been kidding myself. I wasn’t okay with this. How could I be? This girl was my world.

All the alarms sounded at once. Both of our phone alarms and the one on my bedside table. There was nothing more to say. The time had come to say good-bye to her… whether I was ready or not.