15

LEVI

Home. My queen had come home. Only, she was not here, in the home we had shared for the past four months. Not here, feeding our daughter, hearing her laughs and watching her make her cute face an apple squash mess. Because, for some inexplicable reason, Isabel was.

I hated it. Hated that I'd opened the door, let her in and was just watching it. As I watched her feed my daughter, I tried to calm myself. Tried once, for a few seconds, to consider that this should have been us. It felt wrong. It could never feel right without Brynn.

“Stop pouting, Levi. I told you I am going nowhere. I am sticking it out. I want to be here for her. For you.” Isabel smirked over her shoulder at me, bouncing it once.

“Don't want you here. Don't need you here. Amelia has a mother.” I barked at her for at least the dozenth time.

As if she smelled chum in the water like the shark she is, Isabel came back days after I'd kicked her off my porch. I was miserable and distraught—certainly not up to deal with her bullshit. I never saw her coming.

Armed with baby food, dinner and wine, she sweet talked her way into dinner with us. I regretted it the second she sat in the seat that had always been Brynn's. Isabel spent the entire dinner commenting on the house and how we had changed it. Erased her. Until she said it though, I had no idea how right she was.

Brynn had never been a stand in; not for me. But, she had effortlessly erased the woman I'd expected to spend my life with. The woman who should have been Amelia's mother. With nothing more than sweet smiles, wide open love and a constant warmth that had burned away the loneliness, the doubt.

“Amelia. Did she give her that name?” Isabel turned her nose up, ignoring a fussy Amelia to frown at me.

 “Umm, we chose it together. That's what parents do. Also, newsflash that was my mother's name. Funny how my girl knew that but my ex-wife didn't.” God, I think I might actually hate her now.

Seeing her in the home I shared with Brynn, pretending to care about our daughter, it makes me sick. Especially when I don't know where my girl is. She could come home at any moment. Find me there with Isabel and think the worst. Not that I'd expect her to rush home after I kicked her out. Jesus, what a fool I was with women.

Did my best to keep a bad apple and tossed out a perfect peach.

After I told Brynn I didn't intend to make the same mistake twice, I did anyway. I panicked. Plain and simple. Brynn came clean, her past came with baggage and afraid of being hurt, or Amelia being hurt, I panicked and ended it. Tossed her out of the home she helped me build and forced her to say goodbye to my daughter. Our daughter.

“I wanted to name her something pretty.” My blood boils and I push off from the wall I'd been leaning against.

“Maybe you should have named her, then? What did you call her for the two months you had her?” I spit in disgust as I tower over her as I scoop Amelia up from her high chair.

“I mean...just baby. She was my baby.” I almost soften. Almost; until I think about Brynn, about how she loved her without end from the first moment.

“Bullshit. Then why leave her at my doorstep? Why give her nothing? You couldn't even give her a name, Isabel. Jesus Christ. You don't love her because you don't know what love is.” I hold Amelia close, as if protecting her from the fallout I felt coming.

Isabel rose to her feet, tipping her head back. Her shoulders shook and I watched in disgust as she tried to cry. Literally worked herself up to force a few tears out. It had worked on me a few times. Now, I knew better. I'd watched a woman fall apart in front of me, made her fall apart actually, and that pain had been real and raw. Nothing Isabel could do could convince me she felt a single thing for me or Amelia.

“I tried to love you. Told you I didn't know how. I never...never had love before.” I roll my eyes and stalk away, angrier by the second.

“I wanted to love you, Iz. I tried. Tried to do it right. Make it work. You never even tried.” Isabel touches me, just my shoulder, and it feels dirty, like I'm betraying Brynn somehow.

“You were so good to me, Levi. I did try. The best I knew how. I think if I could love anyone it would be you.” I shrug her hand off and whirl to face her.

“Too late. About fourteen months too late. Should have tried to love me when I married you. Love isn't always fire and sweat and heat and need. Sometimes it’s awkward and uncomfortable and hard. But it’s more. More than you ever gave me; more than I ever gave you.” I sigh, rocking Amelia as she starts to throw a fit.

Amelia snuggles into me, but I recognize her fit. Since Brynn left, after moments that Amelia would have spent with her before—after a meal, or bath time or right before bed—she grows fussy. It doesn't amount to much, just some whimpering and some tears, but fuck, it breaks my heart. She misses her mother and that's my fault. I did this.

“Look,” I sigh, pacing the room after snatching up her favorite owl, bouncing her in my arms, “You were right from the beginning. We were never going to get it right. What we had, it was just...it burned too hot to last.” I shake my head, wishing I didn't have to go through this again. I'd had this talk with her many times. Many ways.

“What you have with her,” Isabel's pretty face twists into a mask of disgust, “that's you getting it right? Making it last?” I stiffen, twisting to face her, shaking my head in warning.

“Be careful. You know nothing about it.” I startle myself with the venom in my voice.

“I know she ain't here. She left. Did you make her leave? Like you made me? Or did she just walk out on you? On her.” She juts her chin towards Amelia and I scowl; if I was angry before I'm almost nuclear now.

“Amelia. My daughter's name is Amelia. You don't look at her, touch her, won't even say her name. But you want to be here for her? She doesn't need you. Amelia has a mother who loves her; who would do anything for her, give her anything. Who is not here because of me, not because of her. You can't even pretend to care about her. You need to go.” Isabel lets out a snort of a laugh as I move past her and I pause.

“Fine. I'm not done here. Not done with you. I wasn't done with you before, Levi. You can't throw us all away when it doesn't work the way you want it to.” Then the door slams behind her and I curse a blue streak.

Amelia begins to cry, not her usual fussy tears, and I feel like shit. I hate that she upset her, hate that she is popping up like this. But, I hate it more that she's kind of right. I did try with Isabel, that's true. It did no good, and when I saw the end coming, I ended it. Now, again, I ended things when I didn't like the outcome.

I have a plan this time though. Because, for Brynn, and for Amelia, I want to keep my promise. I don't want to make the same mistake twice. And I want to make Brynn feel like the queen I see her as. The queen to my Princess and me. I want that fucking fairytale, castle, princes and Princess, and all.

I make one more promise to my daughter, like the many before about Brynn.

“I am getting mommy back, Princess. Starting today. Going to bring our queen back to our castle. Slay our dragons. Fairytale shit, nugget. Fairytale shit.”

It was time to get it right, do the fairytale some fucking justice.

It begins with flowers. Peonies. Blush pink and soft green bouquets that I send to the condo every day for a week. There is a card in each one, with just two words. Our Queen. Day five includes a surprise: concert tickets to Fleetwood Mac at Millennium Park. Spent weeks listening to them as we missed Brynn; Amelia is partial to Mirage.

I get a text moments after that special delivery.

Brynn: Levi.

Me: Honey.

Brynn: Tomorrow night?

Me: Please. We miss you, honey.

Brynn: Dozens of peonies show me as much. How, peonies? It's October.

Me: Anything for my queen, baby.

Brynn: Why? Why now?

Me: I wanted to give you a fairytale, honey. Can't build you a castle without the right bricks. Needs to be about us, first. You and me. I need to treat you like the queen I said you were to me, starting now. Slay our dragons, build our castle with the right bricks.

Brynn: What, exactly, do you mean by the right bricks? I'm the architect, remember.

Fuck, I loved her. Me: The bricks that are about me and you being me and you first. We don't need to start fresh because you know everything about me. Always did. And, I knew everything that mattered about you, honey. But, we do need to start over.

Brynn: As in... dating? Before love, marriage and the baby in the baby carriage, you mean?

Me: Exactly what I mean. Although putting a baby in your baby carriage is still my end game. All that other shit, too.

Brynn: Har Har. Fine. Tomorrow.

Me: Fuck, I miss you. Tomorrow, my queen.

I don't think I sleep that night. Between anxiety, fear, hope and the idea of seeing my girl again, I'm a fucking wreck. Amelia is up and down, as if she senses something too. I promise to her every time before I lay her down, that mommy is coming home. And I don't promise my Princess something I won't deliver on.

Hunter picks up Amelia and whisks Lola and baby Ford out of the condo before I show up. I love Lola like a sister, I do; just don't need her cock blocking me tonight. Doubt my cock is getting any actual action tonight, but still. When I knock at her door at six-thirty, another bouquet in my hands, I'm more scared than going up against my first fire.

Fuck. Me. Sideways.

Brynn is stunning. No doubt. Always knew I was a lucky motherfucker to have that woman on my arm. Tonight, I am reminded of how lucky. How stunning. How positively perfect she is. With all her flaws, all her freckles, all her imperfections that are so familiar to me I don't see them. I just see perfection.

In a flowy flowered dress, with a plunging neckline and slits in the thighs, she takes my breath away. For a moment, I literally can't breathe. Her fiery red waves tumble down her back, a cute felt hat atop her head, some gold jewelry dangling between her luscious tits, sliding up and down her slender wrist. Fuck. Me.

“Jesus Christ.” Her skin is flawlessly creamy, and she somehow got some sun in Boston, because it’s shimmery tan.

“What...what is...” Brynn glances at herself, biting her bottom lip as I stare at her.

“You....you are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on.” It's something I said to her before, all those months ago, but I mean it. She is so stunning, everything in me stops to admire it.

“Levi.” Freckles pop out on her nose, her cheeks and fuck, I love it.

“Honey, you look...damn, you look so fucking amazing. I missed you.” I wish I could take that one back as her eyes darken with sadness.

“Thank you.” Brynn takes the flowers, her flushed smile fading just a little.

I follow her in while she finds a vase for the flowers, kicking myself for my stupid mouth. Brynn in the kitchen is my very favorite sight, though. Her ass sways in her dress, her thighs bare and thick and, Jesus, I'm losing control. Her hair falls into her face and I itch to reach out and shove it behind her shoulder, but she throws it back, her tits bouncing in her dress. Oh, good God.

Why I feel like a horny teenager, who's never touched a pussy, I've no clue.

I breath in her sweet peppermint-peony scent, the citrus of her shampoo and I'm rock hard. Not a good look when I'm aiming for a romantic night. I can't help it, though. I missed the fuck out of her, I love her till it hurts and I just want her back. I need to earn it though. Still, I'm moving to her before I can stop myself.

“Fuck, honey you smell good.” I find myself pressed into her back, my hands at her hips, face in her thick hair.

“Levi...” Brynn shudders though, and my dick jerks in my jeans.

It's her that presses back into me. That arches her head back onto my shoulder. Brynn melts against me, her softness welcoming my hardness. Takes everything I have not to bend her over, hike that dress up and drive deep inside her. My fingers dig into her waist, tugging her back against me, my hips rocking into her ass.

“I missed you. My queen.” It's said with heat against her ear before my mouth is there, hot and wet at her soft flesh.

“Levi...please....” Again, that shudder as she rocks back against me too.

My hands shove up her waist, one smoothing between the neckline of her dress. The other moves her skirt out of my way, sliding over her velvet skin towards her panties. All at once I realize my girl is bare. No bra, no panties. I move all at once; my teeth sink into her neck, fingers of one hand spread her soft, wet folds open as the other rolls and tugs her left nipple.

“Fuck, Brynn. You look so Goddamn good. Smell so fucking good. Feel so damn right.” A soft, pleading moan tears through her as I sink my fingers into her.

Brynn twists her head, fingers in my hair, taking my mouth like she owns it. Which, let's be honest, she does. That kiss is brutal; tongue and teeth, wetness and heat, punishment for my sins. I let her take, and take, all she needs. Because I need to atone, again. I give though, too. Two fingers roll her nipple, tug and caress her softness, while the two fingers between her legs start pumping.

“Levi...baby...fuck.” There it is. That husky, needy, possessive growl of hers almost makes me come in my pants.

“Let me have it, honey. I need it. Give me something, Brynn.” And, she does.

Brynn is kissing me deep and fiery hot as she comes for me. Comes so hard I need to pin her to the counter with my body to keep her upright. Our tongues tangle, her teeth tear into my bottom lip. I welcome it; every bite, every mark, every bruise she could brand me with. Brynn still shudders when I lifted away, fixing her clothes and watching her eyes in the dim light of the kitchen.

“Think I needed to make you come more than I need to come myself.” I murmur as my fingers slide from her slick heat.

Watching her, I suck those fingers into my mouth and groan. Jesus Christ.

“Levi!” Brynn giggles. Fucking giggles.

“Goddamn I love your laugh, Brynn.” Those freckles are scattered over her face, her neck, her chest.

“And I love your freckles. When they pop because you're happy. After I make you laugh. Or make you come.” I swirl my tongue around my two fingers and she whimpers, watching with heavy eyes that swirl bright jade with need.

“I love your laugh too. And that beauty mark.” Brynn bends back against my chest, dusting her lips over a mark at my neck.

“Mmm, I fucking missed you. So fucking much. I....Brynn...I am so fucking sor—” Brynn kisses me quiet, sweet and slow, twisting in my arms to face me.

I lifted her, tossing her atop the island and shoving between her long legs. I kiss her back, tangling my fingers in her thick hair to tilt her head back. I break away, both of us breathless and not nearly satisfied. That will have to wait. I've got a promise to keep.

“I am going to date the fuck out of you.” I whisper softly, tugging at her jaw to force her eyes to mine.

“Then let’s date.” Again, that giggle, and the date has to wait a few more minutes.

We make it to the pavilion in time though, after a swift trip through evening traffic. I helped her to the Explorer, held her door and then took her hand the moment she was buckled in. I let her pick the music, like always, but we were both quiet on the drive. Once there, I tug a blanket from the back and lead her to the perfect spot beside the stage.

Brynn folds in beside me, tucking her dress beneath her bent legs. I lean back against a smooth stone boulder, watching her as the sun sets behind her. Goddamn, she's perfect. So damn beautiful. When she catches me looking, her eyes go soft and she flushes pink, freckles dotting her fair skin.

“Behave.” How she sing-songs it lets me know she doesn't mean it. Not one bit.

Before the show starts, Brynn has settled between my legs, head at my chest. Her long legs are crossed between mine, feet bouncing to the music. I hold her close, arms around her waist, smiling into her neck when she sings the songs. It's so perfect, just being with her. Sharing this with her. Just the two of us and nothing and no one else.

I love our family; what we have with Amelia. But we needed to be us, too. Just us. Just Levi and Brynn. I wanted to spend my life with her. Have forever with her. Someday, Amelia—and any other prince or Princess she gave me—they would have a life, and that would leave just us. We had to build this fairytale on just what we had, first.

“Mmm, reminds me of us.” I listen to the lyrics and how they parallel what we have.

“It does. I missed you, too.” Brynn's voice is almost carried away on the music, but I hear it, my arms tightening around her.

They sang about unbreakable chains and I thought we had something like that. No matter how I messed up, she gave me another chance. No matter what she could do wrong, I'd give her one too. I loved her. I thought maybe this time, it would stick.

I was a gentleman for the entire show. We drank some beers and shared a huge overpriced pretzel and laughed and she sang to me. It was the single best night I think I ever had. We walked through the park, kissed and posed for stupid selfies beneath the bean. Afterwards, I took her home.

And not to our home, like I wanted. I knew it wasn't time.

“Do you...I mean...coffee?” Brynn asked as we stood outside her door.

I wanted to. Fuck, how I wanted to shove her inside that apartment on the guise of sharing a coffee. I knew the only thing that would get ground would be my dick, though. And that's not what we were doing this time. Not that people who date can't fuck. But, I digress. I'm getting it right this time. If it kills me.

“Honey...we both know you do not have coffee in there.” Brynn flushed and I smirked, pinning her to the door.

“I mean, no....so, no?” Brynn bit her bottom lip, those eyes wide and needy as she stared up at me.

“Don't look at me like that, baby. It's absolutely yes. You know why I'm saying no. Don't you?” Brynn nods, pouting playfully and hooking her fingers around my neck.

“I do, Levi. Thank you. Doesn't mean I intend to behave.” Then, she kisses me so stupid, I'm not sure how I'm still standing after.

“Fuck.” Is all I manage as she removes herself from my arms, smirking at me.

“Night, baby.” The door is closed in my face and I press against it.

I can't breathe for a few minutes and I'm pretty sure she took me out at the knees with that kiss. But, I am a man with a purpose. A mission. Slay dragons. Win my queen. All that shit. I shove my dick down in my jeans, turn and knock on Hunter's door.

Lola answers with Ford attached to her tit and I spin around. Hunter growls and I hear a swat of his hand on her backside and she giggles. When I turn around, cautiously, Hunter is glaring at me. I throw my hands up and avert my eyes. He's not the kind of dragon I can slay.

“I saw nothing. Overboob, maybe. No nips. Where's my daughter?” Hunter is livid, his bald head pulsing with angry veins at his temples.

“Come in. Lola knows better. My woman is seeking punishment, I think. Not your fault.” By the time we reach the living room, he's almost calm.

“Here's Princess Amelia.” Lola sings, coming back fully clothes and looking like she just won a major award.

“Hey nugget. Come to daddy, Princess.” I barely get my infant in my arms and Hunter is shoving me out.

“Night, bro. Hope the date went well. See ya.” I laugh, glancing back just in time to see him turn and chase Lola down the hall.

I am just about to the stairs when I turn back. Night's not over yet.

“I thought....” Brynn is changed, from her silky dress into my CFD shirt and nothing else.

I want to shove inside and mount her like a fucking animal. The hat is gone, her hair is tumbling around her shoulders in fiery curtains and there's enough bare leg I can only think of them wrapped around me. Brynn peers up at me and the tears in her eyes center me. Ground me and remind me why I turned back. Amelia is nearly asleep, cuddled against my chest, but I couldn't leave without letting my girl have this. Both my girls.

“Thought the Princess might want a goodnight from momma.” My voice breaks as I say it and I realize my heart is thundering, my chest tight.

“Oh...Levi...please.” Brynn steps backwards and I move in close.

With a kind of awkward hug, I shift the baby to her chest. Then I watch as the woman I love holds the most important thing in my life as if it's the most important thing in hers, too. It soothes parts of me I hadn't known were ripped and torn. Brynn buries her face in Amelia's tiny body and sobs softly, rocking her, telling her how much she loves hers, missed her.

“I love you so much.” I planned to wait to say it again, but this comes out despite my plans.

Brynn looks at me over Amelia's head, her eyes sparkling with tears. Her hand comes up from the back of the baby's head, grabbing a fistful of my shirt. One tug and I'm against her. My head drops as her lifts and we're kissing, Amelia between us. I lift away, afraid of crushing the baby and Brynn giggles.

“I love you too baby. Love you both so much. I am so sorry.” Touching my forehead to hers, I cup her jaw, shaking my head.

“I am. I was so stupid. I panicked.” Brynn shakes her head, touching my face so my eyes meet hers.

“You were right. I should have trusted you enough to come clean. I risked us, I risked our daughter.” It's the first time she's called Amelia hers and it soothes another torn part of me.

“Your daughter. My daughter is your daughter.” Then I'm kissing her again, tasting how much she loves me, how right it's going to be.

“My daughter. I love her, Levi. Maybe more than I love you,” She laughs softly between tears, “But, God I love you.” I kiss her again and then I hold them both for a moment.

I want to stay, and she wants me to, but I don't. I kiss her goodnight, tell her I love her, and promise to see her the next day. And I keep that promise. And the one I made to Amelia.

I'm getting her mama back and I'm keeping her. 

I date the fuck out of Brynn.

We go to the movies and dinners. We hold hands and walk through Auburn park. We make out like teenagers while watching her favorite movies—crude comedies are her jam and I dig that for some reason.

And, we talk. And, we argue.

It gets loud and heated a few times. And I fucking love it. Because her walls are down, wreckage at her feet and she still loves me. And I still love the fuck out of her.

“I love you.” I holler one afternoon about two weeks after she's home.

We had been on a lunch date between some meetings for her—she's looking to do some freelance design work—and we'd argued about me not seeing her enough that week. Really, I'd seen her nearly every day but I hated sharing her.

But, she knew that so she didn't fight back. Not when it didn't matter; but my girl fought when it did and that's what made me shout that I loved her in the middle of Sheffield avenue.

“Do you? Good.” Brynn erupts into giggles and I laugh, lifting her onto the hood of our explorer.

“Yes, I do, honey. Give me something.” And she does. She wraps herself around me right there on the street and gives me everything.

We're tearing down the walls of the fucked-up castle we tried to build. And we're building it better this time. With bricks made out of the two of us. What I love about her, what she loves about me.

This castle will be impossible to tear down.