8

BRYNN

Grand castles with arcing, sky high towers are less complex than the fortress I am building with Levi. Giggling with his tiny Princess while she steals my heart with her bright blue eyes, ginger curls and chunky cheeks, I can do. Levi on a white horse with his honesty and promises as his weapons? No armor can keep that man out.

How to navigate the fantasy Levi wants us to live is something else.

Mostly because he does a damn fine job of making it seem so easy to live. Levi needed exactly one morning—with the added bonus of two orgasms—and one evening to demolish the walls I had so carefully constructed. Not that they were good, high walls, really. They weren't. Basically, just Levi size, easily crumbled beneath the efforts he put in.

We somehow settled into a sort of domestic bliss without me realizing it. Seems he made that easy too. Levi brought us dinner on days I told him Amelia had been fussy. Cooked it on the nights I was too enamored with a certain Princess to beat him to it. Texted me throughout our days about everything and nothing at all.

Levi: I am starving. What's for lunch, baby?

Me: For me? Greek salad.

Levi: Save me your olives.

Me: Already did. What will you have, though?

Levi: Hmm, Brynn salad? I mean, that's what sounds delicious. And nutritious.

Me: Har. Har. Your Princess misses you.

Levi: Hope my queen does too.

Me: Does that make you the king?

Levi: Damn right. King of the castle I share with my girls.

Swoon. The man made me swoon.

It was easy to flirt and be open with him in words and playful moments in the kitchen. Easy to cuddle on the couch watching Game of Thrones as an excuse to make out like teenagers. Or play with Amelia in the nursery we built together. It had always been easy with him, if I let myself forget about one morning. One moment of one morning.

A moment that gave me bricks to build a feeble excuse of protection against him. Once he saw it crumbling, Levi bulldozed right through with the truth and sweet vulnerability. Levi left me defenseless once he reminded me how this magical thing between us had begun. The things we said all those months ago; and more importantly, the one thing he hadn't.

I was all but swooning over Levi that first weekend. In fact, I might have literally swooned. So God damn good looking. Funny, sweet, romantic even. He made me laugh and held my hand, kissed my fingertips as he let me pick the music while we drove back from Hunter and Lola's wedding. I was in very, very deep like.

We had nothing in common whatsoever. And that's why it made so much sense. He had adoring, loving parents who he missed like crazy after they died in a fire. I had cold, unforgiving ones who I never missed but were a call away. I grew up with the best of everything and he lived on the streets. We should not make sense. And yet, we did.

For three days, I knew happiness unlike any I knew could be possible. Unlike I'd ever felt. We'd left a wedding and as foolish as that man made me feel, I'd have said yes to another one, had he asked. Unfortunately, he was already married.

Levi left that detail out of our three-day soul baring tour.

“Your married? Present tense? Legally bound to another woman? While I spread my legs like an idiot in the backseat of a car?” I had been livid; mostly because I felt shamed, embarrassed. Fooled.

“Legally yes. Brynn, please. Let me explain...It is not what you think.”

And, maybe it wasn't. Maybe I should have let him explain. When he chased after me. Or when he called. Then messaged me. Then both. Endlessly, for days; perhaps I should have listened. Given us both a Goddamn chance. Might have saved me four months of heartbreak.

I'm a stubborn bitch though, so I fled. Didn't have the courage to leave Chicago, though, of course. I might have come here to see Lola. To escape my troubles. The truth, though? I stayed because I was waiting. For Levi.

Waiting for him to give me the words to make me forgive his lies.

“Four months, Levi,” I'd accused yesterday morning after he gave me plenty of words. Plus, the bonus orgasms. Two mind altering, wall shattering orgasms, to be exact.

“I was right here. Waiting. Making excuse after excuse to keep waiting. For. Four. Months.” I'd basically pouted.

“I knew I blew it, honey. Knew you were right to walk away. I was always waiting too, though. I just thought you needed time to forgive me.” Levi was both right on target and way off base.

I needed the time he had given me, true. To forgive him for not being honest. To debate what the truth mattered. If it mattered at all. I expected it to take longer than it had.

I was wrong; so, so wrong. Because, the first time I saw him again, I think it took seconds for me to forget it. To realize the truth hardly affected what he made me feel. Made me want.

We were all having dinner at Gigi's place and Levi looked absolutely miserable. But still devastatingly, perfectly handsome. I knew without him saying it or us asking, just why. It was the first time we'd been near each other in nearly a month.

My eyes met his and his face lit up and the sparkle of hope in those pretty blue eyes left me no choice. Within hours, I'd completely forgotten the embarrassing morning after one of the best nights of my life.

But not that night. How could I forget that night? It started with a touch and ended the next morning. After the best sex in the history of sex. I could never forget it started with one touch.

Once again, with just a touch, Levi started it up again. 

One touch. Brief, innocent. His hand at the small of my back, guiding me from Gigi's that night months ago. It reignited the fiery flame we'd spent three days letting burn on that road trip to Chicago.

A flame I'd been so certain I'd snuffed out. Again, so wrong. So Goddamn wrong. That one was all it took; the flame leapt back to life. I'd wanted it to burn through the ache of pain and embarrassment. Of hurt and betrayal.

Levi breathed air back into it, but it flickered for four months. Growing hotter. Fiercer. Until he doused it in gas yesterday, setting us both aflame.

“Kind of broke my heart, Levi.” I had admitted softly.

“If I broke yours, I fucking shattered mine, baby.” Levi countered, the truth there in the sadness in his beautiful blue eyes.

After that, the words stopped. Coherent ones, at least. Levi claimed me as if he actually had to. Didn't need to fuck me or to tell me I was his. Just reminded me of it. I'd been his from the moment I'd danced with him in that barn in Mississippi. I realize now, he will always rip down whatever walls I attempt to erect.

Even when I know he shouldn't.

Yesterday, we went out, the three of us, celebrating Amelia's half birthday. Levi insisted we celebrate because that little Princess was his entire world. Every single day he spent time talking to her about his day. Asking her about hers. Not that she could respond, obviously. Then he asked her about me. About how great I was and how good I was for her.

Every day, he promised to do his best to keep me.

After we'd confessed everything to one another—almost everything at least—Levi looked right at me while he held that beautiful baby and promised her he would keep me. For her. For him. For me, too. And, Goddamnit, I believed it as much as Amelia did.

Then, the three of us went out to lunch. Took Amelia shopping for shit she didn't need. We ended up at the Pier, Levi insisting we take her to the Carousel. Promised us both we would make it a birthday tradition.

“I like this. I love this, actually.” Levi announced as we stood on either side of Amelia, propping her up on the unicorn he'd chosen for her.

“Love what?” My eyes swung to his, watching me coo and laugh with Amelia and I knew. I knew what he meant.

“Every bit of this. You. Amelia. Us together. I never felt less alone in my life. I love it.” Levi looked at me with a new kind of hope sparkling in his eyes.

I loved it too. More than I should have. Really, more than I could. Levi wanted to build a castle around whatever we had found together, whatever this might come to be. One hot morning and one sweet night didn't answer my questions about what this was, though.

We have no labels for what we're doing. But, we were doing it. I don't know how long I can hold on to it. It’s right there, whatever this is, whatever Levi thinks it can be. Thinks we can have together.

And, I can almost grasp at it. Just when I reach for it, when I try to wrap my hands around it, I'm yanked back by strings holding me captive. To my past. To Boston.

“Found you, Goldilocks. Finally found you.” It's a menacing voicemail if you know who left it. If you know why they're looking for me.

Levi doesn't know. Will never know if I can help it. Neither will Lola or the others. I did this to myself and I will fix it myself. Even if it means taking my ass back to Boston, to my parent's place. Swallowing whatever humble pie they want to shovel down my throat to get their help. That meal is my last resort, however.

“You are so fucking beautiful.” Levi's husky words tear me from my thoughts.

Before they shoot right between my legs. Through my chest. Aiming right for my fucking heart. The words are breathed against my ear as he presses close behind me, his thick arms roping around my waist. This morning after is a helluva lot better than our last one.

“Behave.” I say it tauntingly because I'm done forcing either of us to behave.

“Not gonna happen, honey. How about I fix us breakfast while you get Amelia. Give me a little something first.” Levi's mouth works against my ear and its more kissing than talking.

My head twists and his mouth is on mine. I melt, weak knees, trembling breath, the whole deal. Every single time he kisses me. Its sweet and promising, the way his full mouth works against mine, his tongue gentle against my lips. Just when I part my mouth, he lifts his head, his blue eyes dark and stormy.

“Jesus, you taste better every single time.” Levi touches his forehead to mine and holds me tight.

The emotions that stir in those eyes send a shudder through me. Heat unfurls in my belly as he wets his lips and then he's taking my mouth again. It's still early, Amelia is still asleep in her crib, and I am suddenly so needy for him core throbs and aches.

“Levi...can...can we...” A shriek swallows my words as he tosses me expertly over his broad shoulder.

“Behave or just one of us gets to play, honey.” Levi carries me from the kitchen down the hall towards his room.

After a pause to check on Amelia, he continues on. I feel like I am on fire as he flips my body back onto the bed in one fluid motion. Levi is in just basketball shorts and I'm in just the Ladder 71 shirt I stole my first night staying here.

It's been at least two weeks since I've left his place just to change clothes. Maybe to eat. Every night, I end up back here, in this room and in this bed with him. Yesterday was the first day something more than heavy kissing and light touching happened, however.

It was as if a flickering flame ignited an inferno.

I can't breathe, I feel like my heart is thundering too hard. Too fast. It can't be healthy. My skin is on fire as Levi stands at the end of the bed. Just looking at me. His chest rising fast as his breath comes quick.

“Take your clothes off.” I am shocked that it's my voice demanding this.

“Whatever you want, baby.” Levi smirks, that crooked half smirk that he first shot me in that barn.

He hooks his hands in his shorts and with a shove, they fall to his ankles. The smirk widens when I gasp. Loudly. Levi is a big man; six feet tall, sexy, defined arms and shoulders, big hands. A chiseled torso with a dusting of sandy hair pointing to the weight hanging between his legs. Holy Jesus.

In the backseat of Hunter's borrowed Charger, Levi had shown me magic. Pleasure and a completeness I had never known before. It had been dark and rushed, hot and messy and bordering on perfect. Hours later, that perfection was shattered, but now we were reaching for perfection again.

“Seen me before, honey.” Levi whispers in the early morning sun.

“No. No, I did not see.... you. I saw the stars, both in the night sky and behind my eyes when you made me come for hours. I did not see you, Levi. Let me see you for a minute now.” Levi growls, stepping forward before I hold my hand out.

“Then let me see you too, Brynn. All of you.” Those big hands reach out and my t-shirt is torn over my head before I can argue.

I hadn't planned to argue. I want nothing more than to be bare before him now. Let him see all of me while I get to see all of him. Those deep blue eyes dark as they rake over me and I shudder. I love the way he looks at me; like I am solely his.

It’s how he looked at me the first night we met in the barn.

“You are so perfect. Are you even real?” I reach a hand out but start to snatch it back.

“Oh, I am real, honey. Feel me. I'm really real. Really here. Really yours.” Levi's fast, his fingers closing around my wrist and yanking me towards him

We both gasp as my hand flattens to his chest. Over his racing heart. My eyes flutter as I press my hand against his warm skin, counting the beats, matching them to mine. When I open my eyes again, he's watching me, his too-long on top hair shadowing his eyes and making them dark, purple almost.

“Are you real?” Levi whispers back, taking one step towards me.

“Really real. Really here,” I repeat his words, my voice trembling as I say the last two words that seal my fate, “Really yours.” I barely get the words out before his mouth is on mine, his knee shoving mine open.

“Damn right. Mine. All. Fucking. Mine.” Levi says between rough kisses that sear the truth into us both.

I don't argue that I can't stay his. Because I think I always will be his. Whether I stay here in Chicago or am forced to hightail it back to Boston. I am his. I want to be his. And for him to be mine. Amelia, too. I want both of them to be mine.

For right now, right then in the sunlight, I don't think about that. I don't think at all. I just feel. I feel his weight press against me. Feel his hands lace with mine, shoving my arms over my head. I feel his hot breath at my skin, his wet lips, his tongue. Feel his teeth sink into my shoulders, my neck.

Heat sizzles through my veins, my skin damp as I become restless beneath him. As he kisses me, tongue and teeth, one of my hands break free. I touch the line of tattoos that curve down his left arm. Tangle my fingers in his thick sandy blonde hair. Bite at his shoulder, loop my legs around his waist, tugging him closer. Needing him closer.

“Levi, please.” His thick, heavy cock is bobbing between my legs, the head nudging my swollen sex.

“Please what, honey? Need to know, Brynn. Tell me what you need.” His mouth whispers this against my breast before his lips close around my nipple. Sucking, biting, tongue swirling and pooling molten heat between my legs.

“Oh God. Please. Touch me.” I feel his mouth hike up in a smile against my breast.

“Am touching you baby. You need more? Need my touch somewhere else? Fuck knows I want to feel how wet you are for me. Because, you are, right, honey?” I nod against the bed, eyes fluttering closed as his mouth moves to my other breast.

His hands aren't touching me, though. One still pins my arms above my head, the other angling his big body over mine. Just enough that only his hardness is touching me. Driving me insane.

“Yes. I am. Touch me and see, Levi. Please.” Lifting his head, he smirks at me, eyes dropping between my legs.

“Oh, I think I will.” Before the words can make sense in my foggy head, he moves.

Hot, delicious wetness closes over my aching folds.

“Holy Jesus!” I cry out before I yank at his hair, locking eyes with him.

Levi smirks against my folds, one long, slow lick making me buck off the bed. His thick arms hook around my thighs, stilling me. Both my hands thread in his sandy hair, my hips slowly circling as he feasts on me. Nips and licks, sucks and bites have me seeing spots of light behind my lids in moments.

Then two fingers spread me open before he swirls his tongue around my throbbing clit. The same fingers press inside me, gently at first, twisting and turning, pumping and pulling. I am bucking wildly now, my breath coming in strangled gasps. I am grinding my hips against his face but he seems none too bothered.

“Oh shit, Levi!” Somehow, he reaches his arm up, his big hand covering my mouth.

“Hush honey. As fuckhot as those sounds are— and they are, trust me, they make me hard as shit—I am nowhere near done with you. Be quiet for me while you come on my tongue, Brynn.” This is all murmured as he watches me, those blue eyes inky and hot with need.

I simply nod my head. The weight of his hand doesn't go away because he knows I'm lying. I don't mind it. I need the pressure anyway, because moments later, his fingers pumping slow and deep into my pussy, his teeth tugging and tongue swirling at my clit, and I go nuclear.

Dozens of moans mingled with curses are panted against his hand. Screamed, really. I feel like I'm levitating off the bed I buck so hard as I come harder than I ever have. My thighs tremble for long moments as aftershocks ripple through me. Before I can recover, Levi moves his big body over mine, hand covering my mouth until I quiet to quiet whimpers.

Without a word, his other arm shoots out, tugging at the bedside table.  I hear the crinkle of foil and heat sizzles through me again How? Just how can I want more? Because Levi, I suppose. Because four months of wanting him, followed by two months of having him in this strange, complex way left me greedy.

“Look at me, honey.” I tear my eyes from watching him expertly roll the condom on, my mouth watering at the sight of his length.

“I want to taste you.” Levi groans, his head tipping back, eyes closed.

“Fuck. Not gonna happen right now baby. I doubt I last more than a few strokes. I want you so fucking bad, Brynn. I never stopped wanting you, not from the first moment I saw you. I won't waste another moment pretending otherwise. I wanted you here for me too, and that's selfish as fuck, but I won't lie to you. Tell me you know what it means when I take you now.” He nudges his cock against me, sliding it between my aching folds and we both moan

“I do, Levi. It means us. It means we are happening.” I don't care about Boston or my parents or what I owe to anyone or anything. I owe something to Levi. To Amelia. And to myself.

I owe us this chance and even if I can't have it for long, I am taking it.

“It means us, honey. You and me. Us and Amelia. It's happening the second I make you mine again. You’ve been mine since that night, though, haven't you?” Again, he rocks his hips hitting my clit with the swollen head of his hardness.

“Yes, baby. I never stopped being yours even if I pretended otherwise. I am good at pretending.” My arms are free and I curl them beneath his, tugging his body against mine.

“Not as good as you think you are, honey.” Levi lowers his head, brow against mine, both of us breathing heavy.

Then he changes everything, thrusting once. I moan, his mouth covering mine to quiet me. No one has touched me since that night in Hunter's car, and my body aches from the press of him at first. It's painful until he begins to move. Slow, deep thrusts that press his hips into mine. The muscles of his defined chest rub at my sensitive nipples.

The leisurely press of his body against mine is so perfect tears sting my eyes.

“Goddamn it's so perfect with you. I almost forgot how good it could be, Brynn. Look at me honey. Show me those pretty eyes.” Sunlight lights him up in silhouette and it's so beautiful, the tears slide down my temples. Levi has beautiful ruined me. 

We don't talk because what words could we say? It's too soon for the words I feel, but I wonder if even that's true. For moments far longer than a few strokes, Levi makes love to me. It’s not fast and dirty or wild like the first time. It is so much more and words would ruin it.

“So fucking beautiful when you become mine, honey. So beautiful.” Levi's words come heavy and full of emotion as we come together.

I shudder beneath him, taking his mouth in a kiss that I know promises more than I can give. The more than I am going to give anyway. I cradle him to me for a moment, pressing kisses to his neck, his damp shoulder and chest, feel his heart thundering beneath my lips.

Levi is the first to let go, just long enough to clean us both up and dispose of the condom. We get a few moments in post coital bliss, cuddling naked on his massive bed before real life intrudes. Levi lets Amelia cry for about a minute before he shoves from the bed to dress.

“Let's try this again, shall we? You start breakfast and I'll get the nugget.” Levi offers, leaning over the bed as he tugs a shirt on with some sweats.

“I can do that. Trying to kill me with the gray sweats?” I reach out, wrapping my hand around his bulge and Levi growls.

“Behave, honey. Give me something.” I giggle as he repeats the words that got this entire thing started.

I do give him something, though, just a little kiss. Levi lingers but Amelia cries and he twists away to go tend to her. I stretch in his big bed, and then it hits me. I am living another woman's life

My first few weeks here, I waited for Isabel to come back. Claim her family and leave me with nothing. As I got familiar with his home, I noted signs of her lingered. The bed we had just made love in, for instance. It’s a big sleigh bed and matches the side tables and massive dresser. All her choices, I have no doubt.

The wall hangings in the living room, void of any signs of their ill-fated romance, but screaming a woman's touch. The bathroom has pretty folded peach towels and seashells on cute shelves. No doubt Isabel. I have a sudden urge to tear every reminder of her out of this place and burn it.

I hear Levi laughing with Amelia and my heart seizes. I love that baby. Love her more than anything in this world. I would do anything for her. Anything except give her and Levi up. Not now, not after they have becoming mine. They were not mine to take, but I am taking them anyway.

Climbing from the bed, I dress in a pair of Levi's boxers and steal another CFD shirt. As I pad barefoot down the hall, more Isabel touches leap out at me. The color choices. Pretty flowers on the mantle of his fireplace. Candles. I don't want to just burn out her memory. I want to replace it with me.

I so easily slid into the place she had left vacant.

Now, I wonder if it was too easy. For us both. Was it easy for Levi to let me take the place of the woman who broke his heart? Abandoned him and his daughter and ruined the life he'd tried to build for them. Am I setting us both up for more heartache when we realize this is nothing but a fantasy?

It feels pretty damn real, though. Real and right, and so easy. Levi joins me in the kitchen with Amelia. Beside me at the stove, he cooks eggs, cradling her in one arm, cooking with the other. Beside him, I prep the bacon and some crepes, laughing when he twists mid-stir to kiss my face. Let Amelia kiss my face too. Like we had spent a dozen mornings together just like this. Easy.

The first few weeks, it was not so easy. Holding Amelia, getting used to that giggle, to the way she clung to me, it was almost too much. Until it suddenly felt right. One night, after I started staying for dinner but before I started staying in Levi's bed every night, it just changed. Felt different.

Levi got off of work, tired and dirty. I was cooking fried chicken—I’d learned it was his favorite—and Amelia had been a perfect Princess all day. The moment he saw his daughter, Levi lit up, then again when he found me in the kitchen cooking.

My heart melted—pretty sure my girl parts did some melting too—as he scooped that baby up, brought her to me and hugged us both. If I thought I had a chance of walking away, or walking away without leaving us all in ruins, I knew better that night.

Soon after, I couldn't bear to leave. Couldn't be bothered to tell Levi to behave when he lingered in the kitchen. Becoming all hands and sweet words and taunting kisses. This morning, and yesterday, they were always going to happen. Levi and I were always going to happen.

“Tell me what you're thinking, honey.” Levi whispers beside me, his mouth at my ear again.

Between us, Amelia giggles and wraps my hair around her fist, yanking me closer.

“You. Me. Her. This. It's....kind of too easy.” I winced as I took the bacon off the burner.

Levi lets out a sad sigh and twists away, hooking Amelia into the bouncer balanced on the island. After a quick kiss at her head, he comes back. Before I can make my stand, tell him that no matter what we want, it can't happen, I am hoisted into the air.

Levi takes the plate of bacon from my hand, stealing a slice as he shoves between my legs. I shoot a look at Amelia, steadying her bouncer and setting it to bounce as she giggles. Levi watches her with a smile before slipping on a serious look. Oh shit.

“Let us be easy, honey. Let it be what it is. You and me. Amelia. Whatever we become. Just let it happen. I want you, Brynn. Here, with me and the nugget, for good. I don't want you to consider Boston an option now. Because, it just isn't.” Levi didn't know the truth so he can't know how wrong that was.

The calls I ignore when he's around. The nasty voicemails that are left when I ignore them. The fact that the nanny job he offered came two days before my bank account went negative. He knows none of it. But he does know one thing.

I might put up a good fight, and maybe I am damn good at pretending when I think I need to. But sitting in that kitchen with Levi and Amelia, I know it's going to be so good if I just do what he says. Just let it happen. And so, regardless of how it will wreck me when I can't ignore those calls and what I owe back in Boston, I am going to do just that.

“I like easy. We can do easy.” I let him feed me the bacon as his smile lights up the room.

Levi may not know my secret, and maybe he never will. I have it handled. Haven't slipped up since this domestic bliss started. I won't now, I won't risk Levi or Amelia. I am being selfish and I know that. I let Levi topple my carefully constructed walls so easily and he knows why.

I want nothing more than this. With them.