Chapter Eighteen
They threw Kat into a cave. Not just any cave, either—a dark, dirty cave full of very sharp rocks. The only light was from some glowing blue fungus that grew on one wall. There was a large flat boulder not far from the luminescent wall and Kat dragged herself to it and collapsed on it.
Oh God, my head…my head. The pain was back, just as Mother L’rin had predicted and this time it felt even worse than Kat remembered. She wished now that she hadn’t been too proud to tell Lock and Deep what the wise woman had said and ask for help. Stupid…I’m so stupid. But it was too late to be sorry. The brothers had been taken somewhere else and she was on her own.
Kat tried to think about escape but really, where would she go? Even if she could bear to stand upright and try to sneak past the guards at the mouth of the cave, what then? Of course, a heroine in one of her favorite romance novels would have been feisty and smart enough to hatch a plot to save both of her guys and get them all away to safety. But I’m not smart, Kat thought with a groan. Or I would have told Deep and Lock what was going on to begin with. And I’m pretty much the exact opposite of feisty right now. I’m miserable and weak and drained.
She didn’t know how long she lay on the cold, flat boulder. The pain in her head and the weakness that had come over her were so debilitating she could barely move. Her consciousness seemed to come and go in waves and the glowing blue wall at her side flickered in and out like a bizarre kind of neon sign.
“Kat?” The deep voice echoed in the darkness some unknowable length of time later. “Kat? I know you’re in here—I can feel how upset you are.”
“Here,” she managed to whisper feebly. “Who…?”
“It’s me.” Deep came suddenly into view, picking his way toward her over the fallen rocks. “Lock and I felt your distress and he managed to convince the natives that one of us had to be in here with you at all times. Sorry it turned out to be me, but he has to keep talking to their chief so I’m afraid you’re stuck with—” He broke off abruptly, obviously getting a good look at her for the first time. “Gods, Kat! Are you all right?”
“Just peachy.” Kat managed a weak smirk. Despite her pain she was still reluctant to admit the extent of her disability to Deep.
“Why are you lying there like that? What’s wrong?” he demanded, crouching beside her.
“Just getting a little rest.” This is stupid—just tell him! But somehow she couldn’t. “Being kidnapped at knifepoint by aliens who speak in obscure forms of poetry always tires me out.” She tried to smile but it was apparent Deep wasn’t fooled.
“Stop being so goddess damned brave and tell me what’s wrong.” Tilting his head to one side to look into her eyes, he cupped her cheek gently. “Please, Kat. Tell me.”
Even that one simple skin-to-skin touch made things a little better—drove the pain behind her eyes back a bit. Kat couldn’t help herself, she moaned softly in relief.
“I’m sorry!” Deep pulled his hand away as though he’d been stung. “Forgive me, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“You didn’t.” When his hand left her skin, the pain returned. This time it felt like someone was driving a rusty iron spike into her brain. Kat squeezed her eyes shut, a single tear slipping down her cheek though she tried to hold it back.
“Kat?” He sounded genuinely distressed. His hand hovered over her cheek again but didn’t quite connect—as though he was afraid by touching her he would make her worse.
“You didn’t hurt me,” she forced herself to say again. “This…the pain is back, that’s all.”
“How? How could it come back?” Deep demanded.
“Doesn’t matter.” Kat tried to shake her head and groaned. “Knew…knew it would come back. Mother L’rin…warned me.”
Deep scowled. “I knew she’d told you more than you were letting us know. Tell me now, Kat—what did she say?”
Kat was still reluctant to talk but it seemed she couldn’t avoid it any more. “She said…she told me that I still needed…needed to touch you and….Lock.” The rusty iron spike was digging into the tender flesh behind her eyes now, making it hard to think. “Incomplete bond means…pain…weakness….”
Deep ran a hand through his hair distractedly. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
Despite her pain, Kat lifted her chin defiantly. “Didn’t want…your pity. And after the fight we had I didn’t…didn’t think you two would want to touch me anyway.”
“You mean you didn’t think I would want to.” Deep shook his head. “Goddess damn you, Kat, for your stupid, stubborn pride. Don’t you know I’d do anything to keep you from pain?” Standing, he began stripping off his shirt.
But when he reached for her, Kat had a sudden thought. “Wait,” she protested as he bent toward her. “Lock said…said it hurts you to touch too much if…if the other one isn’t there.” She gestured weakly at his bare chest. “Too much skin-to-skin contact…without Lock…will hurt you.”
“You think I give a damn about that?” Deep’s voice was an angry growl but he gathered her into his arms with surprising gentleness. “Come here, damn you. Let me hold you,” he murmured, settling himself on the flat boulder with her in his lap.
Kat couldn’t help it—she didn’t want to give him pain, but the immediate relief she felt when his broad, warm chest came in contact with her cheek was too wonderful to deny. His arms around her were so comforting and strong and the scent of his skin made her feel safe—protected. Suddenly, though she didn’t know why, she was crying.
Stop crying, stupid! It’s bad enough that holding you hurts him, he doesn’t want you crying all over him too! But she couldn’t stop. And to her surprise, Deep didn’t say a thing. No sarcastic remarks or biting observations—he just held her closer and stroked her hair in a gentle rhythm that somehow calmed her down.
“I’m sorry,” she said at last, when her tears slowed. “I didn’t mean to cry like that.”
“Were you crying because it still hurts?” Pressed against him as she was, his voice rumbled through her in a way that was oddly comforting.
“No,” Kat said honestly. “I think…I think I was crying because it finally stopped hurting. I know that doesn’t make any sense…”
“It doesn’t have to.” Deep stroked her hair. “There’s no rhyme or reason to pain—it just is.”
“I’m feeling better now,” she said cautiously, raising her head to look at him. In the dim otherworldly glow from the luminescent moss he looked like a dark angel. “I…I should probably be all right for a little while now.”
He shook his head. “Can’t wait to get away from me, can you?”
“It’s not that,” Kat protested. “But I know this is hurting you. Every minute you touch me without Lock touching me too—he told me it was like an electrical shock running through you. That can’t be comfortable.”
“It’s not,” he said shortly. “And yet, I would hold you a little while longer, if you’ll permit it.”
“Oh, uh…okay.” Kat tried not to let the surprise show on her face but clearly he could feel it through their link.
“It surprises you?” Deep asked, settling her more firmly against him. “That I would want to touch you—to be near you—for any kind of nonsexual reason?”
“It’s not sexual?” she blurted. “I mean, you do have your shirt off and I’m wearing a really thin dress with no bra—”
“Does this feel sexual to you?” He shifted his hips, pressing up against her. The intimate contact made it obvious that he wasn’t hard.
“Uh no,” Kat admitted. “No, I guess not.”
“It can’t be sexual—not without Lock. And I don’t want it to be,” Deep said softly. “Don’t want you to think that’s all there is—to think that’s all I want from you.”
“What do you want?” Kat looked up at him, honestly confused.
“Right now? Just to hold you.” He kissed her gently on the forehead.
“But the pain—”
“Believe me, little Kat, the pain of not holding you is much worse than any discomfort I get from a little skin-to-skin contact.” Deep stroked her back. “Do you believe me?”
“Yes.” She nodded slowly. “I don’t understand but…I do believe you.”
“Thank you. Now relax and be still.”
They sat in silence for a long while—how long, Kat didn’t know. There seemed to be no time in the dark, cool cave. Just the sound of their breathing and the faint thunder of Deep’s heart in her ear. She could smell his mating scent—the warm, dark chocolate sex smell which had made her feel so threatened before. But it didn’t scare her now. She breathed it in gratefully, glad for its soothing effect on her nerves. Safe, it seemed to whisper deep in the primitive part of her brain. As long as you’re in his arms you’re safe. This male will kill or die to protect you. Safe.
Kat relaxed and though she never would have believed it possible, she felt strangely content. She didn’t feel anger or hurt or irritation coming from Deep, either. He seemed to somehow be perfectly at peace—as though something had calmed the roiling storm of negative emotions that seemed to constantly fill him. Something or someone. Could it be her? Was she the reason he was calmer now, at peace? But how could that be right? Could it be that Deep cared for her…even loved her the way she knew Lock did?
The thought was so wholly foreign that Kat pushed it away at first. Why would he feel that way about me? He can’t stand me—we get on each other’s nerves. But then why had he taken her pain? Why was he, even now, allowing himself to be hurt for her sake? Could it be more than his Kindred sense of duty toward a female he had sworn to protect?
Experimentally, Kat shifted in his arms. Leaning even closer, she put her right arm around his waist and rested it lightly on his broad back. Deep stiffened at first but he didn’t tell her to stop, even when she traced one of the raised, ridged scars with a careful finger.
“Tell me about these,” she said softly, looking up at him. “Please?”
He shifted uncomfortably. “What do you want to know?”
“How you got them. Why you got them.”
“I told you—”
“And tell me the truth,” she said, before he could finish the lie. “I already know it—I just want to hear it from you.”
“If you already know, why do you want me to say it?” he demanded. “How did you find out, anyway? Did Mother L’rin tell you?”
“More like she reminded me of it. I…I saw it in a dream,” Kat confessed, not sure how he would take it. “I think it was while I was unconscious—when you two first brought me to the Healing Gardens.”
“So…you were dream sharing with us? With me?” Deep sounded shocked.
“I guess so.” Kat looked up at him. “Does that upset you?”
“It surprises me.” He peered down at her. “I guess I thought there could never be that kind of connection between us.”
“Why?” asked Kat, honestly curious. “I mean, why not? After the connection we shared during the joinings we did, it doesn’t seem so strange.”
“One doesn’t necessarily equate with the other. Just because we—”
“Deep,” she interrupted softly. “We’re getting off the subject. Why did you take my pain?”
“Someone had to.” His voice was rough and low and he wouldn’t look at her. “Mother L’rin said you’d die otherwise. I…couldn’t let that happen.”
“Why not? Because you and Lock had been charged with my safety?”
“If you like. It’s as good a reason as any other.”
“No, it’s not.” Kat sat up in his lap and frowned at him. “I need to know the real reason.”
He raised an eyebrow at her. “Why? Why do you care?”
“Because I need to know how you feel about me—all right?” Kat pushed away from him and stood there trembling, her hands on her hips.
“How can you not know?” His voice was hoarse and he sat there unmoving before her, his hands on his thighs. “We share emotions, remember? We feel each others feelings constantly.”
“But all I ever feel from you are negative emotions—anger, pain, sorrow, irritation…” Kat shook her head. “Lock tried to convince me that you cared about me, but you weren’t admitting it to yourself. Except, I don’t know if I can buy that. How can you not let yourself feel if you care for someone?”
Deep scowled and looked away. “Feeling too much can be a dangerous thing, little Kat. Especially if you know the other person doesn’t feel for you as well.”
“You have to give the other person a chance to feel.” Kat couldn’t believe she was having this conversation with him, but somehow the words kept coming out. “You have to let them believe you could ever be interested in them.”
He gave a short, sharp laugh. “How could anyone not be interested in you? You’re an elite with curves like a goddess.”
“Which is exactly why plenty of the guys on my planet wouldn’t be interested,” Kat said quietly. “I don’t know how much you understand about Earth but most cultures there—especially my culture—don’t go for full figured girls in a big way. They want skinny women—the skinnier the better.”
“What?” Deep stared at her, obviously startled. “So they reject you because of your curves instead of revering you for them?”
Kat couldn’t help smiling. “I know—it’s bizarre, isn’t it? I mean with a body like this, you’d think I’d have the world at my feet.” She made a gesture at her full hips and breasts.
Deep’s gaze flickered over her body hungrily. “That’s exactly what I would think.”
She laughed. “I was being sarcastic.”
“I wasn’t,” he said softly.
“I can tell.” She looked at him seriously. “Look, I’ve been plus-sized all my life. And barring some miracle breakthrough in skinny drugs, it looks like I’m always going to be a size eighteen instead of a size eight. But that’s okay, I’m used to it. I’m just…not the kind of girl you and Lock would be dating back on Earth. You’re big, muscular, good looking guys—you could have your pick. And I guarantee it wouldn’t be me.”
“If you think either one of us would rather be with some stick-thin bag of bones—”
Kat laughed again. “Hey now, no need to get down on the skinny girls. They need love, too.”
“Not from me and my brother.” Deep looked at her, a small frown on his face. “Kat, you’re beautiful—gorgeous. Is that really so hard for you to believe?”
“Not as much as it was,” she said carefully. “But then, I’ve always known you and Lock found me attractive. I could, uh, feel it pretty clearly when I was between you.”
“You mean the way our bodies react to yours,” he murmured. “Of course. How could we help it?”
Kat cleared her throat. “To be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t kick you two out of bed for eating crackers either. So the physical aspect isn’t an issue.”
Deep shook his head. “I don’t understand your reference. Are you trying to say you find my brother and me attractive?”
“Very much so.” Kat ducked her head, having a hard time looking him in the eye. “But you already knew that.”
“I knew that your body reacted to ours,” he said softly. “But physical attraction doesn’t always equate with compatibility.”
“Exactly.” Kat took a deep breath. “Which is why I still don’t know why you took that beating for me. Did you do it out of a sense of duty? Or just because you wanted me—felt lust for me? Or was there another reason?” she said, before he could answer. “A deeper reason?”
“Come here.” He reached for her and Kat went willingly into his arms. He was so tall that, even though he was still sitting and she was standing, they were pretty much eye-to-eye. “You have to understand,” he said hoarsely. “You’re so beautiful…so high above me. What good does it do a male to love a goddess? I might as well love the sun or the stars or anything else that’s forever out of reach.”
“I’m not completely out of reach,” she said quietly. “I’m just frightened. Feeling your emotions all the time—that’s pretty overwhelming. And you…you can be pretty scary sometimes.” She lifted her chin. “Not that I’m afraid of you.”
He studied her for a long moment. “Maybe I’m afraid of you—did you think about that?”
“Why?” Kat frowned. “You’re a hundred times stronger than me. You could probably break me in half with your pinky finger.”
“It isn’t physical pain that frightens me,” he said hoarsely. “That’s nothing. It’s—”
At that moment five or six of the pink-skinned natives came into the cave, voices echoing in the darkness with their strange language. Kat caught parts of several different haikus, though none of them made much sense.
“Deep,” she said apprehensively.
“Stay behind me.” Deep dropped her hands and stood protectively in front of her. He was so big she had to peer around him to catch sight of their captors.
Suddenly a new voice rang in the cave. “It’s all right. Deep—Kat—don’t worry.” Lock suddenly appeared behind the armed natives. “It’s all right,” he said again. “They’re just moving us to the guest hut.”
“The guest hut?” Deep sounded skeptical. “Why are we going there?”
“I convinced the chief that we’re not going to run away.” Lock reached them at last. Then he nodded and said something to the natives who grunted back and began to lead the way out of the cave.
“So are we stuck here?” Kat started to head for the entrance but her foot slipped on a loose stone and she nearly fell. “Whoa!”
“Be careful!” Deep caught her by the arm. “Are you all right?” he asked frowning. “Still weak?”
“A little weak but I’m fine,” Kat assured him.
“Perhaps I should assist you, just in case.” Lock came up on her other side and took her hand.
“A good idea, Brother,” Deep said, letting her go at once. “Be certain she doesn’t trip—the ground here is treacherous.”
“Yes, it’s very dangerous.” Kat reached for the dark twin and took him by the hand. She saw Deep’s startled look as she entwined their fingers and she gave him a tentative smile in return. “So dangerous that I need both of you to help me.”
“If you’re certain…” Deep looked down at their hands as though he couldn’t believe she was touching him when she didn’t have to.
Kat could scarcely believe it herself. Now that all three of them were touching skin-to-skin, she could feel the familiar tingle of sexual electricity traveling through her body. But strangely enough, she had no urge to pull away and end it as she always had before. Instead she held both brothers’ hands tightly and smiled at both of them as they exited the cave.
It wasn’t far from the rocky cave in the hillside to a small village of grass huts, enclosed by a high wall of sharpened green stakes. Their captors led them past the gates and through the middle of the native town.
Kat tightened her grip on the twins’ hands and tried not to notice how people were gawking at them. Apparently having strangers in town was big news—especially if they were aliens from another land. She saw family units, all with two males and one female, and numerous pink children running around and playing in the lush belsh that carpeted the ground. The women stopped drawing water from the well and the children ceased their chatter as Kat and her men walked past. Well, I always did want to be a show-stopper, she thought wryly, smiling at one of the many children who were staring gape-jawed at them.
At last they reached a circular grass hut near the outskirts of town and their guards motioned for them to go in.
“Thank you.” Kat ducked inside, grateful to be out of the public eye. She wanted to explore the grass hut they found themselves in but she was already tired again. “So what kind of deal did you make with the chief?” she asked Lock, as she sat on a straw-stuffed cushion covered in the same velvety belsh as the ground. “God, I’m wiped.”
“Are you all right?” Deep, who had been checking the hut, his eyes narrowed for possible threats, looked at her with concern.
“Fine.” She waved a hand at him. “Still just a little tired, that’s all.”
“You mean weak.” He came to sit beside her and nodded at his brother. “Lock, come. Kat needs both of us now.”
“With pleasure.” Lock settled himself on her other side. “Is there a problem?”
“Kat’s weakness and pain will come back if we don’t touch her enough,” Deep explained.
Lock looked worried. “Mother L’rin told me that might happen but I had hoped she was wrong.”
Deep frowned. “When did she tell you that?”
“When we first brought Kat to her. While you were being—” Lock seemed to catch himself just in time. “When you weren’t there.”
“It’s all right, Lock,” Kat said in a low voice. “I know about what Deep did for me and he knows I know it.”
“You do? Good.” Lock looked relieved. “I’m glad not to have to hide it anymore.”
“I think the three of us should stop hiding a lot of things from each other,” Kat said firmly. “For instance, I notice that you still haven’t answered my question—what kind of deal did you make with the chief?”
The light twin looked uncomfortable. “Tomorrow night is their full moons festival. I had to promise that we would make a sacrifice to their gods.”
“A what?” Deep frowned. “Brother if you think—”
“Not a sacrifice of blood,” Lock interrupted. “Don’t worry about that—no one needs to get hurt.”
“Then why are you feeling so upset about it?” Kat asked. “Just tell us, Lock—how bad can it be?”
Lock blew out a breath and raked a hand through his dark blond hair. “I’m upset because I know you’re going to be upset, my lady. I…I had to promise them a sacrifice of pleasure. We’re going to be acting out the courtship of the sun and the moons for the, ah, private edification of the chief.”
“Lock!” Deep looked angry. “Couldn’t you offer them anything else?”
Lock turned on his brother. “Not without spilling blood! We trespassed on their holy meadow—we’re lucky we’re not all dead right now.”
“Okay, all right you two.” Kat held up her hands. “Look, it’s a lot more comfortable being between you when you’re not angry with each other.”
“I hope you’re willing to be between us in a much more literal sense then, little Kat,” Deep growled. “Because that’s what my brother has promised these savages.”
“What?” Kat went cold all over with apprehension. “What do you mean?”
Lock sighed. “It has to do with the legend of our sun, Nyra, and her two lovers the moons, Dakir and Lanare. She had to choose between the two of them.”
“Oh?” Kat raised an eyebrow, her heart pounding. “And which did she choose?”
Deep gave her a level look. “Both.”