Chapter Thirty-three
The huge blackish-red bubble that floated into the cutting lab through the open double doors reminded Kat of a spider’s egg sac. It was slimy and glistening and beyond its mostly opaque surface she could see the skeletal shape of the AllFather moving. It seemed to bulge as it moved, as though it might burst and vomit out some vile abomination at any moment. She just hoped they were far away by the time it popped.
In the mean time, it looked like she and Deep and Lock were going to have the soul bond between them cut after all. She felt her heart sink as they entered the lab and Xairn marched her up to the large silver drum of the psychic-knife. So this is it. This is how it ends between us. She felt tears threatening but she didn’t want to cry in front of the horrible AllFather.
He and three of his guards had mounted a small platform to one side of the room, separated from the rest of the lab by a low wall. It was like an observation area in a regular operating theater. Standing by the bottom steps of the platform were the huge guard the AllFather had called Alpha, and Lauren.
Lauren watched what was going on with uncertain amber eyes and Kat reflected that she had the same delicate bone structure as Liv and Sophie. She hoped with all her heart that they all made it back to the Mother ship for a family reunion. Already she was sure that her two best friends would love their new cousin.
“We are ready,” the AllFather called, breaking her train of thought. “Proceed with the cutting, my ssson.”
Xairn motioned to Lock. “Open the door of the mechanism and the two of you climb inside.”
The light twin did as he was told but Deep wasn’t so easy to persuade. “Send me Kat first. I want to know that she’s safe.”
“Very well. But if you try anything, she dies.” Xairn’s big hand tightened on her shoulder and he hissed in her ear, so softly she could barely hear it, “Be ready to fight or flee the second you come out. The AllFather will be off his guard for only a moment. Tell your males.” Then he pushed her roughly forward with one hand, keeping his weapon trained on Deep with the other.
Kat knew it was just for show but she stumbled and would have fallen if Deep hadn’t caught her. “Come on.” He led her carefully up the steps to the door of the silver drum.
She allowed herself to be helped inside the dark, circular space and then she felt Lock’s hands on her, gentle and competent. Finding her way forward, she leaned against him and whispered in his ear, “Xairn says be ready to fight or run the minute this is over. He says the AllFather will be off guard, but only for a moment.”
She felt Lock nod. “I’ll let Deep know.”
“Let me know what?” Deep said in a low voice.
There was the soft growl of masculine voices in the dark, too low for Kat to hear, and then Lock positioned her against the curved wall and started buckling her in with some kind of safety harnesses. “What’s this?” Her voice echoed emptily in the hollow interior of the drum and she made an effort to lower it. “Why do we need to be strapped in?”
“Because among other factors, the psychic-knife uses centripetal force to cut the bonds between Kindred and their brides.” Deep was already strapping on his own harness.
“Seriously?” Kat gave him an incredulous look. “We traveled halfway across the galaxy to cut this damn bond when we could have just found a traveling fair back home and gone on the tilt-a-whirl? I mean, who needs the AllFather’s evil inventions when you’ve got an all day ride pass and a semi-sober carnie?”
“I said among other things,” Deep growled. “I would not be subjecting you to this if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.”
“But why?” Kat peered at him, trying to make out his features in the gloomy interior of the silver drum. “Why is this so important to you, Deep? Why do you hate me so much that you can’t stand even the thought of being tied to me?”
“I don’t hate you.” His deep voice was suddenly hoarse. “If I hated you, or cared for you even a little less, I wouldn’t hesitate to complete our bond, little Kat.”
“You told me you felt nothing,” she said, her voice trembling despite herself.
“I lied,” he whispered.
“Deep doesn’t hate you, my lady,” Lock said, sounding bitter. “He hates himself. And we all must pay for his self loathing.”
“I’m sorry,” Deep said in a soft, agonized voice. “Lock is right—forgive me for all I have put you through. But please don’t think any of it is because of you, my Kat. I bear this blame alone.”
For some reason his last words seemed to echo in her head. I bear this blame alone…I bear this blame alone…The words seemed important somehow, like something she had heard before and forgotten. Something she must remember…
And then the door slammed shut and the ride began.
It didn’t take Kat long to be glad she hadn’t eaten much for breakfast. Earlier that morning, Sophie and Liv had arrived at the docking bay yawning and bearing donuts. Despite the fact that she’d been tempted by a chocolate covered Bavarian crème and a jelly filled glazed donut, Kat had only accepted one plain one. And as the drum of the psychic knife lurched and began to spin, she knew that if she’d eaten more it would have come right up.
Kat loved scary rides but the psychic-knife soon attained a speed and force that put anything she’d ever experienced at any amusement park to shame. Flattened against the wall with her head pressed to the side, she struggled to breathe, her heart pounding frantically.
Oh God, I’ll never go on the tilt-a-whirl again if you just let me live through this. Hell, I’ll never even go on the merry-go-round. I could kill Deep for getting us into this. This is all his fault… And again his words echoed in her head. I bear this blame alone…What had he meant by that? When had she heard those words before? What…?
Suddenly a picture began to form in her head. Kat didn’t know if it was a side effect of the knife or just her mind’s desperate attempt to distract her from her fear. But whatever the reason, the vision was clear.
A doll on the bed…a life-sized doll with dull blonde hair and wide blue eyes. But not a doll—a girl and she’s dead! She’s dead! Deep kneeling by the bed, taking the blame, saying that it is all his fault, swearing that it will never happen again…
And then it all came back. The dream—I dreamed about the dead girl but it must be real, Kat realized. We were dream sharing again last night, just like we were when he took my pain. My God, this is why he wanted us to be separated. He was afraid he’d hurt me—ruin my life or kill me. That I’d die like that poor girl, Miranda, who took her own life rather than be with him. But what would make him think that? He ought to know by now I’m not the type to commit suicide…
Another thought flashed through her head. The memory of the way she’d almost died before Deep had taken her pain and Mother L’rin had cured her. And the way she’d fainted during the ceremony on Twin Moons while Deep was making love to her. Surely the sight of her limp body, her illness caused—so he must have believed—by him alone, had affected the dark twin. Could it be that Deep had somehow convinced himself she would die if he stayed with her? If he allowed their bond to become complete and permanent?
That must be it! Kat thought excitedly. That must be why he—
And then a pain like nothing she had ever felt before stabbed into her very soul.
Part of her was being removed—and not neatly and cleanly like a knife would cut it either. It felt like it was being pulled out like a tooth by a sadistic dentist with no Novocain. Psychic-knife my ass, she thought wretchedly. More like psychic-pliers. It occurred to her that the pain was on purpose—that the instrument they were in wasn’t meant to sever the bonds between a Kindred and his bride quickly and cleanly, but to draw the process out and make it even worse. Lock hadn’t called it a torture device for nothing—he’d been absolutely right.
As the pain grew, Kat moaned in agony. God it hurt! Hurt more than anything she’d ever felt in her life and the worst thing was, the pain wasn’t physical. It went deeper than that—into the very core of her being. The part that was being removed from her was something she needed—something she had to have to survive. It was like someone was cutting out a piece of her heart and she could feel every cruel stroke of the butcher’s dull knife. She writhed against the curving wall, feeling like she was being gutted and turned inside out like a fish. Feeling like she was going to die if it didn’t stop…
She wasn’t sure how long it went on but from the hoarse cries to either side of her, she could tell that Deep and Lock were experiencing the same thing. She longed to comfort them and to draw comfort from the feeling of their strong arms around her. But would she ever be able to touch them that way again? Would she ever—
And then, as suddenly as it had begun, everything was over. The pain ceased and the machine stopped spinning with a sickening jolt.
“Is…is it over?” Finding that she could move again, Kat raised a trembling hand to her head and then ran her fingers down the front of her body. Am I all right? All in one piece? It seemed like she must have some visible, tangible wound after going through such a horrible experience. But her seeking fingers didn’t feel anything sticky and warm—she wasn’t bleeding. At least not outwardly. She wondered about what was going on inside though. And what was going on with Deep and Lock? Instinctively, forgetting that their connection had been cut, she reached out for them, wanting to know how they were feeling. To reassure herself that they were both all right.
“My lady, are you well?” Lock asked in a low, trembling voice. Kat could feel the waves of tension and fear coming from him—pretty much what she was feeling herself.
“I…I think so,” she said. “Are you?”
“I will be, when we get out of here.”
“Deep?” Kat asked. “Are you okay?”
There was a low rustling sound. “Yes,” he said at last. “I’m fine.”
“You bastard,” Lock said, addressing his brother. “You never said it would hurt like that. I’ve never experienced such pain. And to put the lady Kat through it too—you’re a monster.”
“I didn’t know.” Deep’s voice was hoarse, filled with horror and pain. “Forgive me—I thought with just a partial bond—”
He said something else but Kat didn’t catch it. She was too busy noticing that while she could hear the pain in his voice, she couldn’t feel any of it. Frantically, she tried harder, reaching out with the part of herself that had somehow grown during the time she and the twins had been bonded. But for all her seeking she encountered…nothing.
Oh my God, no…No! Kat knew in the past she would have been overjoyed not to feel Deep’s dark, negative emotions crowding her head, but now she felt only dismay and traumatic loss. It was as though she’d looked down and suddenly realized that someone had cut off one of her hands.
“Deep,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “What’s going on? I can feel Lock but when I try to reach you…”
“It’s the same for me.” Lock sounded, if anything, even more horrified than Kat. “I can feel you, my lady but when I reach for Deep…nothing.” She felt his terror—the sudden sense of loss, the realization that after a lifetime of being half of a whole, he was now just a half. “Brother,” he said, his deep voice shaking. “What…what have you done?”
“You don’t have to call me that anymore.” Deep’s tone was one of utter desolation. “You got your wish, Lock. Can’t you tell?”
“I don’t understand.” Kat yanked against her safety harness, trying to get free. If she couldn’t touch Deep with her mind, she needed to touch him with her hands. To make sure he was still there. She had the absurd but somehow compelling notion that he was a ghost now—something she could hear but would never be able to see again. I need to feel him under my hands, need to smell his skin, touch his hair…
The door opened suddenly, making her blink with the rush of light. “Now.” Xairn’s voice was a harsh whisper.
“Now what?” Deep was the first to recover. Unbuckling himself from the safety harness, he crouched close to hear what the Scourge warrior was saying.
“The AllFather is distracted—the pain from your cutting has filled him to completion. He is satisfied for the first time in weeks—torpid. We must act before he becomes alert again. And most especially before the dravik bursts.”
“Dravik?” Kat frowned as she fumbled to unbuckle her harness. “Is that the weird blood-bubble thing he’s in?”
Xairn nodded tersely. “Yes. Come, we need to get Lauren and run for the front entrance of the Complex at once. Here.” He passed Deep and Lock the weapons he’d taken from them earlier. “Watch what you shoot—if you burst the dravik none of us will get out of here alive. Now hurry.”
“Wait,” Lock said. “What about the guards?”
“They’re slow and stupid—they do only what the AllFather tells them,” Xairn said rapidly. “But they’re also extremely strong so don’t let them get too close. They aren’t intelligent enough to be trusted with projectile weapons but the AllFather has armed them with kusaxs.”
“What’s a kusax?” Kat asked, finally getting free of her harness.
“A Scourge knife,” Lock answered in a low voice. “The blade is made of the tainted black metal found only here on their home planet. It’s said that even a scratch from one it will poison your soul.”
“Great,” Kat muttered. “Like my soul wasn’t messed up enough already.” She was trying to joke but in fact, the strange feeling of having had something vitally important amputated continued to grow. She couldn’t stop reaching out, feeling for Deep, expecting to pick up his emotions. But every time she tried she felt nothing…nothing…
Then Lock wrapped an arm firmly around her waist and they were leaving the confines of the silver drum. “She’s yours now,” she heard Deep telling the light twin. “Take care of her. Leave the guards to me.”
“Brother—” Lock began but Deep gave him a look fierce enough to shut him up.
“Just do it,” he ordered. “And don’t call me that anymore—it no longer applies.”
Lock nodded. “Very well.” He pulled Kat closer to him. “Stay with me, my lady. I will shield you with my life if necessary.”
“I know you will.” There was a lump in Kat’s throat as they exited the interior of the psychic-knife. She kept feeling like she had lost something important—something irreplaceable which was now gone forever.
The first thing she noticed when they stepped out was how silent everything was. The spidery shadow of the AllFather, within the glistening bloody bubble, was still—almost frozen. The three huge guards that surrounded him were silent too, reminding Kat of robots that had been switched off or monstrous toys whose batteries had run down.
What’s going on with them? Kat wondered, staring at the silent tableau in the viewing gallery. She remembered Xairn saying something about the AllFather being satiated with pain… Our pain, she realized suddenly. That’s why that damn psychic-knife hurts so much. It’s not just meant to cut bonds—it generates the maximum amount of agony. Pain is what that sick bastard feeds on. Looking at the skeletal figure slumped within the slimy bubble, she knew she must be right. After everything we just went through, he must have sucked down so much hurt he can barely move—like a spider full of flies. He looks like somebody who just finished an entire Thanksgiving dinner all by himself, turkey and all!
Obviously the AllFather’s torpor had spread to his attendants. Even the Alpha guard who was holding Lauren seemed to have loosened his grip and was simply standing behind her with his huge hands resting on her shoulders.
Lauren seemed to have sensed the change too. She was tense—her eyes wide, obviously poised for something. A signal? A word? Kat moved a little back from Lock, ready to reach for her and try to drag her away from the monstrous solider guarding her. Then Xairn said, “Now!” and everything happened at once.