Pax

“Don’t chicken out. Don’t chicken out.  Do. Not. Chicken.  OUT,” I mumbled under my breath as I gripped my steering wheel with sweaty hands, my fingers cramping as my white-knuckled grip tightened.  Shifting my gaze from the street to the rearview mirror, I checked on a peacefully sleeping Liberty for the twelfth time in ten minutes while I tried to get my racing heartbeat to slow the hell down.    Thankfully, God was smiling on me and the baby was on her best behavior today.  She hadn’t even made a sound when I’d gotten out of the truck earlier to flag Tru down and tell her we needed to talk.

Now, I sat parked outside the home Truly had shared with one of my best friends, nervous and jittery, waiting for her to show up so that I could turn her whole world upside down.

A-fucking-gain.

Jesus Christ!  I felt like I was going to choke on the guilt clogging my throat.  The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Tru, but I was afraid her pain was unavoidable.  No matter how I did things, she was gonna be hurt.  Because telling Tru about Liberty’s existence was going to be hard enough, but actually informing her that she’d been named as the baby’s other guardian?

Yeah, that part was gonna suck big, fat, hairy balls.

Dammit, this whole sordid mess was just a clusterfuck of epic proportions.

But I could do this.  For Liberty, I had to do this.  There wasn’t any other choice.

But that didn’t mean I liked it.  So help me God, when I saw Yancy in the afterlife, I was gonna kick his sorry ass into a thundercloud for screwing with so many people’s lives!  Sure, it was unlikely we’d be in the same place since I seriously doubted that the celestial powers that be welcomed serial adulterers into the Kingdom of Heaven, but on the off chance he made the cut, I planned on pushing that fucker right out the Pearly Gates. 

Leaning my head back against the headrest, I refocused my thoughts and tried to come up with a good way to tell Tru about Liberty.  Unfortunately, I kept coming up blank.  The fact was, this news about Yancy and Melissa’s baby was a time bomb poised to blow up in my face.  I just hoped I survived the blast. 

Shaking my head, I sighed.  She might initially take the news badly, yeah.  What woman wouldn’t?  But at her core, Tru was a kind, forgiving woman; she would come around. 

Eventually.

She had to.   God knows, I certainly couldn’t raise this kid alone, I thought silently as I took another look over my shoulder into the back seat.  Watching as the infant pursed her tiny pink lips in sleep, I felt my heart warm in my chest.  Sweet Jesus, this kid already had me wrapped around her wee little finger.  So saying I couldn’t bring her up alone wasn’t exactly true.

I could do it if I had to.

I just didn’t want to.  I wanted to do it with Truly.

I wanted to do everything with Truly.

After seeing her beautiful face again this evening when I hadn’t seen her in several days, I’d only re-confirmed what I already knew.

I had it bad for the petite blonde bombshell.

I wanted a life with her and Liberty.  I wanted to create a loving family together.  I wanted to spend my days making Liberty smile and my nights making Tru moan.

Now, I had to make Truly’s gorgeous ass want the same kind of life with me and Liberty.   Convincing her that her future was with me and the slumbering child in my backseat was my number one priority, and I wouldn’t stop until I had her under my roof with my ring on her finger and my baby in her belly.  We had a good start on our family with Liberty, but she needed a houseful of brothers to help me keep her safe.

First, however, we needed Tru to see how much we needed her, and that whether she knew it or not, she needed us, too.

That meant she needed to know the truth.  The whole truth.  She deserved nothing less from me.

Catching sight of her decade-old vehicle slowly approaching from down the street, I eyed her car critically when it reached her driveway and mentally added finding Tru a more suitable ride to my growing list of things to do.  There was no way I’d trust that rusted hunk of metal to continue transporting my girls around town once they both belonged to me.  I’d look into getting her a minivan.  Or maybe one of those SUV crossovers that chicks were going so crazy over lately.  Something safe and reliable. My girls needed something secure and dependable for those times when I couldn’t drive them around myself.

Smiling as I noted Truly’s weak wave in my direction, I took a deep breath and prayed that the woman I wanted to see in both my home and my bed was strong enough to handle the amount of drama I was about to bring to her doorstep.

I quickly yanked my keys from the ignition and pocketed them before getting out of the truck.  It only took a couple of minutes for me to undo the latches on the baby seat and carefully shift Liberty out of hers car seat and into my grip.  I grimaced as the muggy heat of the setting sun enveloped us both as soon as I straightened, holding the baby against my chest.   I guess that was what I got for being stationed at a base in Texas during August.  Texas heat was nothing to sneeze at, that was for sure.

 

I gave myself a mental high five when I extracted the sleeping infant without waking her, a task that looked much easier than it was when I watched it done on television.  I couldn’t really complain, though.  During the short time I’d had Liberty, she’d been a good baby, sleeping and eating just like the doctor said she should.  Things could definitely be a lot worse, I thought as I carefully trudged up the short cement pathway that led to Truly’s house, holding one hand securely against Liberty’s back and the other curled around her tiny head.   Shouldering the baby’s diaper bag before I kicked the truck door shut with my foot, I reached the porch steps at the same moment that the front door opened.  As Truly’s face appeared through the screened storm door, I could see her eyes widening as she focused on the baby I held curled against my body, her astute gaze both curious and shocked.  Hell, I knew the cute-as-hell bundle of joy would be enough to draw anyone’s eye, but seeing a hulking, tattooed man holding that particular load in his arms?  Let’s just say I could understand the surprise shining in her expressive peepers.   For a brief, fleeting moment, I kinda wished I’d worn my protective gear for this mission.  There was no doubt things were about to get dicey for me.

 

Forcing what I hoped was a reassuring smile to my lips as I straightened my shoulders, I nodded a greeting at Truly as she pushed open the door quickly.  “Hey, Truly,” I murmured as I stepped across her threshold, “Sorry to spring our visit on you like this.  I probably should have called you first instead of ambushing you at work.”

 

Her head tilted to the side as she waved a hand in the air.  “Don’t worry about that, Pax.  You know you’re always welcome.  I had a feeling you had something important to tell me, but I gotta say, I never expected this,” she whispered, surprise obvious in her voice as she looked down at Liberty with soft eyes.  “She’s a doll baby,” Truly breathed, lifting a hand to lightly run her fingertips against the soft peach fuzz on top of the baby’s eyes.  Lifting her gaze to meet mine, she smiled.  “Y’all get in here out of that heat.  Tell me, whose baby this is exactly?”

 

Swallowing hard, I froze in place.   I had to wonder if she was aware that by asking that question, she was poised to unleash Pandora’s box on her life.

“Pax?” she prompted when she’d closed the front door behind us.   “Whose child is this?  Yours?”

“That’s a harder question to answer than you realize, Tru,” I offered lamely as I shifted Libby in my arms as the baby opened her startlingly blue eyes. 

I heard Truly’s shocked gasp at the same moment Liberty opened her mouth to cry.  Quickly sliding the infant’s pacifier between the baby’s parted lips to quell the oncoming wail, I grimaced as I shot a look at Truly.  The color had leached from her face as her eyes remained glued to Liberty’s face.  “No,” I heard her mumble.  “That can’t be,” she whispered, finally turning her confused eyes toward me.  “How is it possible that baby has Yancy’s eyes?”

“Bambi, let’s go sit down,” I suggested, lifting my chin toward the room I knew served as her den.  It had been designed to be a dining room, but since it had been just Truly and Yancy living here, they’d made it into a secondary living area. 

Narrowing her caramel-colored eyes on me, I could almost feel Tru’s confusion transforming into anger.   “Answer me, Pax,” I heard her clip out as I watched her petite frame stiffen, her small hands fisting at her sides.

“I’m not having this conversation standing in your foyer while I’m holding a baby, Truly.  Let’s go sit down,” I reiterated, hardening my voice slightly, more to get her attention than because of any actual irritation I felt.  I didn’t have the right to be irritated.  Not when I was about to turn her life upside down.

My lips twitched as Tru glared at me and whirled on her heels to stomp toward the den.  Somewhere between her car and the front door, she’d lost that ugly smock she wore for work, and now I had a perfect view of her jean clad ass as her formfitting light yellow tee shirt rode up her back.  Normally it was a view that would have had my dick hardening behind my fly, but holding Liberty in my arms had killed my libido.

Almost.

I still had a chub.  Sue me.  I was a guy.

“Okay, Pax.  We’re in the den.   Start talking,” Truly demanded tightly as we reached the small room she used as a reading room.  Crammed full of bookcases filled to overflowing with books of every kind and comfortable furniture that made you wanna take up residence in this room and never leave, it was clear this was Truly’s favorite room. I briefly hesitated at the doorway, hating the fact that I was about to ruin what I knew was her happy spot inside this house. 

Sighing, I took my time walking to the taupe-colored loveseat where I always sat when I’d visited her and Yancy before he died.  Dropping my ass onto the firm cushion as I lowered Libby’s diaper bag to rest beside my feet, I laid the baby down beside me, keeping my hand on her belly in case she decided to get wild and try rolling over.  I doubted she would.  Babies her age weren’t that mobile yet, were they?

“Paxton!” Truly hissed impatiently, still standing just inside the doorway with her arms wrapped tightly around her middle as if she was trying to shield herself from some unexpected blow.  “Talk!”

“Sit down first,” I suggested, nodding to the dark red LazyBoy in the corner by the window where she normally sat.

“I’ll stand, thanks,” she retorted with a bite in her voice, her eyes darkening to the color of chocolate.

“You’ll sit if you wanna hear this,” I countered evenly, unwilling to bend.  Instinctively, I knew the news I had was going to stun her and the last thing I wanted was for her to collapse when I yanked the rug out from under her.  Especially when I couldn’t easily move to catch her.  Not if I wanted to keep one hand on Liberty.   

Truly’s nostrils flared as her jaw hardened.  “I don’t remember you being such a bossy pain in the ass the last time you were here,” she grumbled as she stomped toward the recliner.

“You weren’t acting like a stubborn mule last time I was here either.  Trust me, Bambi… I’ve always been bossy when it comes to the people I care about,” I returned easily, shooting her a grin.  “You’ve just been in a funk and haven’t noticed it.”

“Lucky for you,” she murmured under her breath as Libby spit the binky out of her mouth and whimpered. 

“Shit, she’s hungry again.”  I frowned, reaching for the bag at my feet and locating one of her small bottles of formula.  Looking at Truly hopefully, I held it toward her.  “Would you mind warming this up for her?  She’ll get a bellyache if she drinks it cold.  I learned that lesson the hard way.  There’s no way I want a repeat of that,” I offered with a wince as I recalled the night I’d been in such a hurry to quiet a hungry Liberty that I’d fed her a cold bottle.  Her upset tummy had kept us both up the remainder of that night.  I wouldn’t make a mistake like that again. 

Rolling her eyes, Truly pushed out of the chair and snatched the bottle out of my hand.  “She can’t be any more than four or five weeks old.  Of course she can’t handle cold formula,” she chastised me with a hard look before heading toward the kitchen.

“She’s a little over three weeks old,” I call out, lifting my voice so that she can hear me as I picked up Libby again and patted her back consolingly.    I hear the microwave door slam and the beeping sound of the machine being started.  “Grub’s on, Princess.  Just hold on a little longer,” I tried to soothe the squirming child.

A few minutes later, Truly carried the now warm bottle back into the room and handed it to me.  “It should be good,” she informed me grudgingly as I nudged the nipple to Liberty’s lips.

Grinning as the baby attacked the bottle with the force of a lion latching onto a gazelle’s neck, I had to laugh.  “Yeah, I’d say it’s good.”

Truly smiled despite herself, her eyes pained as they stared down at the infant in my arms.  “She’s Yancy’s, isn’t she?” she whispered.

Looking up at her, my heart broke as I gave her the hard truth.  “Yeah, Bambi.  She’s his.”