PROLOGUE
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Calder
Twelve years ago...
I stared down at the tiny engagement ring between my thumb and index finger like I'd done so many times before, admiring the perfect cut of the little solitaire and the thin white gold band. A shiver of excitement and nerves fell over me. This was it. It took me months, but I'd finally saved enough for it. I just hoped it fit Ella because I didn't have any more extra money to get it sized.
"Alright, kid," the burly guy said gruffly from behind the jewelry counter of the rundown pawn shop that I was standing in. "I think you've stared at that thing long enough for one day again. Let me put it away."
I looked up at the big bearded guy and beamed at him like an idiot. "Not today, Sam." I reached into the pocket of my jeans to pull out a wad of cash and slid it toward him. I was happy I got it here without being mugged for it. The Armpit wasn't exactly a safe neighborhood to walk through in broad daylight, let alone at night like I'd just done. It wouldn't have been the first time I got jumped and robbed, but it would have been the worst time. I'd been working extra shifts at the bar for over six months now, and I couldn't imagine having to start all over again because I got jumped on the way to buy the ring.
Sam grinned as his eyes widened in happy surprise. "Well, congratulations, kid. It's about time." He scooped up the money and began counting it. "You've been coming in here mooning over that damn thing for months."
It was true. I'd been coming in to look at it every chance I had, wanting to keep my eye on the prize. I'd given up drinking and partying with my friends for this. I'd even managed to keep out of trouble with the cops for once in my life. I hadn't done anything but work and sleep for months. Nothing else mattered except proving to Ella that I was husband material. We'd been together for almost two years now, and it was time to grow up and be a man. She deserved more than some twenty-five-year-old fuck-up who couldn't even buy her a decent ring. I loved her so much. I wanted to take care of her, and this was the first step in proving to her that I could.
Sam pulled two hundred-dollar bills out of the stack and slid them back to me. "That should cover it." He began looking around behind the counter. "Let me put it in a jewelry box. You can't give it to her without that."
I stared at the bills in confusion. I knew I only had enough to cover the ring.
"Here," Sam said and set a little black velvet jewelry box next to the money.
I pushed the money back toward him, thinking he'd made a mistake. "You're short, Sam. You need this to cover it."
Sam put a hand over mine and stopped me. "No, that's yours," he said as his grin softened. "You can't propose without dinner and flowers, kid. Everyone knows that. Besides, it might need resized too."
I stared at him in flabbergasted shock with my mouth literally hanging open. No one had ever done anything like that for me before. When you grew up in The Armpit like I did, you learned really young that no one was going to look out for you but yourself. Otherwise, The Armpit would chew you up and spit you out. If anyone offered you anything that seemed too good to be true, then they had an angle or an ulterior motive and couldn't be trusted.
When I didn't say anything, Sam plucked the ring from my fingers and tucked it into the velvet box. He picked it up and the hundred-dollar bills and pushed them both into my hands along with my receipt. "Go propose to your girl and do it right," he said sincerely. "That way, you don't ever have to do it again."
I stared at the money and ring in my hands speechlessly for a moment and then looked up at Sam again with a lost expression.
"A thank you would be nice, kid," Sam said with a wry and indulgent smile.
"Th...th...thanks," I stuttered out as my eyes burned with sudden emotion. I blinked back the tears with some effort.
"You're welcome," Sam said softly.
I couldn't manage anymore words for fear I'd actually cry, so I nodded at Sam as I shoved the ring and the money in my pockets, then swiftly left the pawn shop before I embarrassed myself. I hurried down the street back to the bar, so I could finish the shift I'd been on break from when I went to buy the ring.
I entered the back door of Rexy's Bar, knowing I was late, and rushed over to the keg I still needed to move out to the bar to change out for the empty one. As the barback it was my job to keep the bar stocked and ready, and tonight I knew I'd been slacking off in my eagerness to go buy Ella's ring. It was time to play catch up, so I didn't get fired. I started rolling the damn keg across the floor, wishing I was stronger and not so damn scrawny considering how tall I was. It would be easier if I could just carry it.
"What are you doing?" a stern male voice asked from behind me.
I jerked upright and turned to see my boss standing in the doorway that led back to his office. He was standing there with his arms crossed and an irritated expression. Rex Landis was a good boss, but a demanding one. He expected his employees to work as hard as he did, and I respected him for that. I really hated letting him down. Especially since he gave a fuck-up like me a chance when most people wouldn't have.
"I'm...I'm sorry I'm late coming back from my break, sir," I answered as I wiped my palms on my shirt nervously. "I'm just getting this keg out front for Joe so-"
"That's not what I'm talking about, Cal," Rex interrupted me as he waved off my explanation. He ran a hand down his long thick beard that held far more gray in it than his hair. "Why are you here?" He gave me a perplexed expression that threw me off.
"I'm...I'm working?" I replied, feeling just a confused as Rex looked now.
"Didn't you just go out and buy an engagement ring?"
"Yeah."
"Then why are you back here instead of asking her to marry you right now?" he asked me.
"Because I'm finishing my shift, sir?" I answered questioningly. "I'm supposed to work until close tonight."
Rex snorted out a laugh and motioned me toward him. "Let me see it."
"Uh...okay," I mumbled out and fished the ring box out of my pocket, then stepped forward to give it to him.
Rex opened the ring box, and his face softened as he gazed at it. "How long have you worked here, Cal?" he asked as he continued looking at the ring.
"Almost seven months, sir."
"And in all that time, you've never called in, never asked for a day off, or even once asked to leave early. Why is that?"
"I was...I was saving to get a ring for my girlfriend, sir," I answered, trying to fight the urge to snatch the ring back for fear something would happen to it. I'd worked so hard for it.
"Well, I think that kind of dedication deserves a reward." He held out the ring to me and when I reached for it, he placed it in my palm and closed my fingers around it. "So you're going to take the rest of the night off, and you're going to go home and ask that girl to marry you."
"Now?" I asked in startled surprise, not sure if I was up for that tonight as terror streaked through me. Didn't I need a plan, or flowers at the very least?
"You've waited for almost seven months, Cal," he replied pointedly. "Haven't you waited long enough?" His whiskey brown eyes were kind and sincere, his thick graying brows raised questioningly at me as he awaited my reply.
When he put it that way, doing it tonight didn't sound too soon at all. "I guess I have, sir."
"Then what the fuck are you waiting for?" he asked with a laugh. "Get the hell out of here. I don't want to see you again until you're engaged. Got it?"
"Yes, sir," I replied with a huge grin, and hurried out the back door followed by the sound of Rex chuckling at my enthusiasm.
I wasn't going to question my good fortune again. I had to believe everything was going my way for a reason tonight. It had to be destiny that was bringing this all together for me right now. I'd finally marry the girl I loved, then I'd get us out of this shitty neighborhood, get us away from my addict mother and Ella's overbearing father. We'd have a real family with real love. We'd be the parents our kids could count on. We'd always be there for each other. We'd have everything. These joyous thoughts lifted me up and carried me home, lightening my feet and quickening my pace as I ran the few blocks to our apartment, the ring in my pocket now a symbol for all the things I had to look forward to in the future.
I burst breathlessly into our shitty little one-bedroom apartment after running up the flight of stairs to get to our door.
"Ella?!" I called out as I walked into the empty dining room/kitchen. I looked over into the darkened adjoining living room at all our shabby second hand furniture to see that she wasn't there either. There was no response from her, but it was pretty late. She'd probably gone to bed and didn't hear me since she was a heavy sleeper. I knew she had an early shift at the diner where she was a waitress at tomorrow, but I hoped she'd forgive me for waking her, because I couldn't wait. I pulled the ring box out of my pocket and hurried toward the bedroom with a huge smile on my face, eager to see her reaction to my proposal.
The second I walked into our darkened room, I knew something was wrong. It was too quiet, and an unsettling sense of foreboding immediately fell over me. I went to the nearby nightstand and clicked on the lamp, then stood there in stunned confusion as I stared at the empty bed.
"Ella?" I called out again. I crossed the room to our tiny bathroom and turned on the light switch. She wasn't there of course, and I realized with a jolt that neither were her things. Her perfume, her makeup, her hair brush, they were all gone. The only things left on the vanity were my razor and my toothbrush. Cold emptiness began to seep into my bones. This couldn't be real. This couldn't be right. I walked back into the bedroom, finally noticing that all her stuff in here was missing too.
"Ella?" I whispered waveringly, still hoping she was here somewhere and that this was just some sick joke of a nightmare I'd wake up from any second. That was when I noticed a piece of paper sitting on the nightstand. I moved toward it like a mindless zombie, afraid of it even as I desperately needed to see what it was. I picked it up, immediately recognizing Ella's flowing script as I clutched the paper in my hand and dropped down to sit on the edge of the bed to read it.
Cal,
You're always working, and you're never home. You keep telling me that you're working all these extra shifts and hours for us, yet you never have any extra money to show for it. Is this our future? Always working but never getting anywhere? What kind of future is it if we spend our lives working and never see each other?
I called the bar tonight to talk to you, but they said you were out and wouldn't tell me where you were. Why weren't you at work? Are you out drinking again? Are we in so much desperate need for money that you're dealing drugs now or doing something else illegal? Am I going to spend my life waiting for the cops to show up at our door to tell me you're dead or take you away from me? Or will some criminal you pissed off show up some night that you're not here and take it out on me?
I love you, but I can't live like this. I want more for my life, for my future, than this hand to mouth existence that we're living. I want financial security and safety. I want someone I can count on and to take care of me, and it's become clear to me now that someone isn't you. I'm so sorry, but I can't do this anymore, so this is goodbye.
Ella
I watched the note crumple in my fist as my vision blurred with tears. I told her all these hours of work were for us because I didn't want to ruin the surprise when I proposed. I told her I wasn't drinking anymore because it was true, but obviously she didn't believe me since she thought I might be dealing drugs too. I couldn't believe she thought I would turn to doing that. All this time I spent working and scrimping and saving to buy a ring to show her how serious I was about her, how dedicated I was to our future, had done the exact opposite, and she left me. Ella left me.
I dropped the note on the floor and lifted the ring box. I opened it and pulled out the now insignificant and meaningless trinket to stare at it for several gut-wrenching and heartbreaking moments. It no longer symbolized all the things I had to look forward to in the future. It now symbolized a past filled with regret, and a future filled with pain and nothingness. I watched the ring slip from my limp careless fingers and fall down to clatter across the hardwood floor. So many months I'd waited, so many weeks and days lost with her. Rex thought I waited long enough, but apparently, I'd waited just one day too long.