CHAPTER 17
CINDY

 

“You got your phone?” Nicole asked.

“Yes,” I said.

“Your lipstick?”

“Yes.”

“Your good panties?”

“Seriously?” I asked.

“Hey, just saying. I told you to enjoy yourself tonight. If the two of you don’t wanna come home right away, don’t feel like you have to,” she said.

“It’s only dinner. Nothing else.”

“Yeah. After the two of you banged each other’s brains out.”

“I knew I shouldn't have told you.”

“Oh, Cindy. I’m hurt. I’m your best friend. I should know all these things,” she said.

Nicole had agreed to watch Lily for the night so I could go out with Graham. I had spent the last hour trying out every outfit in my closet. My black dress. My green dress. My red dress and my orange one. Some of my summer dresses with my white flip-flops and some of my tighter dresses with some heels. It didn’t help that I had no idea where we were going or what we were doing. For all I knew, Graham was taking me to a dive bar, and I would be dressed in a prom gown and a full face of makeup.

I settled on a flowing summer dress with a strapless bra and my flip-flops. It was nice enough for a restaurant but could be played off for a picnic if something like that was happening. I put on a little makeup and left my hair down before changing my mind and pulling it back into a half-ponytail to get it out of my face.

“Cindy?”

“What?” I asked.

“It’s a few minutes past seven. Get your ass out there!”

“Please don’t use that language in front of Lily,” I said.

“She’s definitely out back getting dirty before her bath,” she said.

“I owe you one.”

“All you owe me are details from yesterday.”

“You’ll have to babysit a lot more for those,” I said.

I hugged Nicole before I started for Graham’s house. He was on his porch waiting, and when he turned around to see me, I saw his eyes take me in. They ran up and down my body like he was shocked to see me.

“You look … fantastic,” he said.

“You don’t look so bad yourself.”

He ushered me into his truck like the gentleman he was, and we headed off to dinner. We pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant I’d never been to, and I sighed with relief. The evening was a little chilly for anything outside, and I was tired from my day at the store.

I could sit, relax with some wine, and enjoy Graham’s company to wind down my day.

I could tell something was bothering him, though. We sat down at a booth in the corner, and he was adamant on sitting against the wall. His eyes kept darting out over the crowd of people in the restaurant, and his sentences to our waiter were clipped.

“Rough day?” I asked.

“I didn’t go into the shop today,” he said.

“You just seem tense is all.”

“There is something I need to tell you, but I’m not sure how you’re going to react,” he said.

“More than what we already talked about?” I asked.

“I actually have to clear up a lie I told you.”

“Ah,” I said, my stomach doing a flip. “Okay. Um, what’s going on?”

“Cindy, before I do, I just—”

“Graham. What’s going on?” I asked.

Our glasses of wine were set in front of us, and I promptly took mine. I had no idea what he was about to drop into my lap, but I felt like I needed to throw my guard back up. The look in his eyes overflowed with devastation, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to handle it. I instinctively knew that whatever he was about to tell me could be a total and complete game changer.

“My wife and my son weren’t killed in a home invasion.”

“What?” I asked. “Oh my God, you’re still married, aren’t you? You did abandon them somewhere and I’m a homewrecker,” I said.

“No. I swear to you Cindy, it’s not like that. I didn’t lie about my wife and son dying.”

“Then what happened?” I asked.

“They were murdered by some very bad people as a way to get to me,” he said, the full weight of his words pressing his shoulders down.

“What does that mean Graham? Are you in some sort of trouble? Gambling debts or drugs?” I asked, liking this conversation less and less.

“No, it was none of that either. Okay, look. I’m going to be one-hundred percent honest with you right now. I was a special agent with the CIA.”

My eyes grew large and I wasn’t sure if I should believe him or if he was feeding me a line of bullshit. “The CIA?” I asked skeptically.

“Yes. I had always wanted to work for them and, after college, I was recruited. I became a highly specialized operative; one of their top agents. I was involved in an operation that went south and I had to be extracted. The Agency had discovered a leak in the operation and that’s how I’d been made.”

His eyes bore into mine and I knew then that he was telling me the truth.

He was struggling, filled with pain and trying to get his thoughts straight. This strong man with iron muscles and strength carved from marble was crumbling before my very eyes. I could see his hands shaking as his eyes darted around the room. He was shifting around in his seat like he was uncomfortable. I wanted him to settle down.

“Graham, look at me. Look at me. Take a deep breath for me, okay?”

I watched him pull a large breath of air in through his nose.

I reached my hand out for his as he exhaled, and his eyes fell to mine. I watched his strength come back. I watched some more pieces fall into place. His hand moved from his lap and slid into mine, our wine glasses ignored and our food growing cold in front of us.

“I’m still here, and I’m not upset. Shocked, yes. But not upset. Just take your time. What happened? Talk to me.”

“I’ve never told anyone this.”

“Maybe it’s time you did because it’s clearly weighing on you,” I said.

“I didn’t figure it out until after. You know, after they had—”

I watched him swallow hard as tears welled in my eyes.

“I quit after I buried them. I found out the CIA thought I was the one leaking information on the mission. They hired people to come in and tie up loose ends. That’s what they do. It’s what I did for a time. Tied up loose ends to protect the greater good of this nation. I don’t know why they thought I was talking or how in the world they would’ve confirmed something like that, but they did. And it cost me my family.”

I gripped his hand, trying to keep him rooted in the present instead of flying back into the past.

“What about now?” I asked. “You said they wanted to tie up loose ends. If they think you are a loose end, how are you still alive?”

He shook his head. “Because I’ve stayed off the radar. Changed my name, moved around, don’t use credit cards, or have a bank account.”

“So your name’s not Graham?” I asked, feeling the slightest bit weirded out by that admission.

“It is, but I changed my last name and altered my date of birth,” he said.

“Why are you telling me all of this now?” I asked.

“I felt close to you yesterday. I opened up a part of myself I never thought I would ever again. And when I watched you walk home, the smile you gave me before you went inside filled me with so much guilt.”

“Thank you for telling me,” I said.

“I didn’t expect anything like this.”

“Me neither,” I said. “And if we’re admitting things right now, I have to say I felt a little guilty after what we did yesterday as well. You’re the first…”

I sighed and closed my eyes as a tear threatened to escape down my cheek.

“The first man I’ve wanted to be around since my husband died. I flailed when he came back in that casket. Knowing he was hauled off that plane in pieces rather than alive and breathing, it broke me, Graham. In ways I still can’t describe.”

My hand was trembling, and he threaded our fingers together to try and comfort me.

“He was the only man I’d ever loved. The only man I’d ever given myself to. I spent a long time not even able to fully deal with the fact that he would never come home to us again.”

Graham tugged me from my seat and led me around to his side. He sat me down beside him, his strong arm threading around my waist. My cheek fell to his shoulder as my tears leaked onto his shirt.

To most, it would’ve seemed like the worst date possible. But to me? To us?

It was the best it could have gotten.

Two broken people with secrets kept from the world finding comfort in another soul who understood. Finding acceptance in our brokenness and someone who was willing to accept that instead of change it. Graham’s body was so warm, and his touch was so firm. I felt him leaning heavily into me like we were two broken statues holding each other up with the weight of their falling bodies.

“I’m so sorry,” Graham said.

“And I’m sorry too,” I said.

“Guess this wasn’t a very romantic date.”

“No,” I said as I shook my head. “But sometimes, it doesn’t have to be to feel closer to someone.”

The two of us ate side by side that night silently digesting what the other had admitted. My body was pressed against his as he fed me some of his food, and he even allowed me to feed him a few bites of mine. There were moments when I looked up into his eyes and saw him smiling at me, not with his lips but with his soul.

I felt a deeper connection with him, something that went far beyond anything I had ever felt with Bradley.

And I was shocked at the lack of guilt I felt for it.

Graham paid for our meal despite my insistence yet again, and the two of us headed back. We held hands through the entire ride until we pulled up to his home. I looked over at him and saw the night sky reflected in his deep blue eyes.

Then, I leaned forward and kissed him as his hand came up to cradle my neck.

He pulled me into his lap as our tongues connected. His hands ran up and down my back, squeezing my waist and massaging my thighs. I ran my hands through his hair, kissing and nipping at his lower lip.

His growl sent shivers down my spine as his hands began to creep up my dress.

“I have to go relieve Nicole,” I said.

I felt his hands sneak underneath my panties as he cupped my ass cheeks.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“No, but I should,” I said breathlessly. “Because I know if we start, it’s not going to be quick.”

“I could make it quick.”

“I don’t want it to be quick.”

Our foreheads connected as our noses nuzzled together.

“Neither do I,” Graham said. “I want the time to enjoy you.”

He opened his truck door, and I slid out onto my feet. He helped steady me and escorted me back to my front door. His arm threaded around my waist, and he pulled me into him, his lips encompassing mine one last time.

Then, my front door flew open as Nicole stood there with a broad smile.

“Thanks for returning her in one piece.”

“That’s my job,” Graham said with a grin.

“Talk to you tomorrow?” I asked.

“I’m looking forward to it,” he said.

The two of us watched him walk back into his house before Nicole pulled me into my kitchen. She slammed the door behind me and offered me a glass of wine. She leaned against the counter, waiting for details.

I kept her waiting so I could give myself a chance to gather my thoughts.

“Was dinner quick, or did you guys not enjoy the time I told you to take?”

“There were more important things addressed tonight,” I said. “How was Lily?”

“A gem. She played in mud and then played in bubbles. We read three books, and she asked for all sorts of things before I got her to lie down. But she’s been asleep for about an hour.”

“What excuses did she give you this time?” I asked.

“Tonight, her socks weren’t the right color, her hair hurt, and she wanted to know why the sky wasn’t green like grass.”

“Seems pretty mild.”

“Yep. Not too bad tonight,” she said with a grin. “Now spill.”

“If I tell you, you have to swear not to tell anyone else. This information doesn’t move from this kitchen.”

“You know I’m a vault when it comes to you.”

“Okay. Graham did use to have a family.”

“I knew it. He’s an asshole, isn’t he?” she asked.

“No. Stop it. He’s not. He lost his family, Nicole.”

“What?” she asked.

“He had a wife and a son, and they were killed.”

“Oh my God. Are you serious?”

I nodded my head, replaying everything that Graham had told me at dinner. I wouldn’t share the whole story with Nicole because it wasn’t mine to tell. I especially didn’t want to inadvertently put Graham in danger knowing that people were most likely still looking for him.

“What happened? Did he tell you?” Nicole asked.

I thought for a moment about how to answer. “Yes, they were killed in a home invasion,” I finally said, telling her the first version Graham had given me. It somehow seemed safer.

“When was this?”

“About two years ago. It’s why he’s not overly friendly or talkative. He’s kept mostly to himself since they died.”

Nicole nodded thoughtfully. “Wow. Well, no one could blame him for that, I guess,” she said.

“No, certainly not,” I agreed.

“I can see why you like him now,” she stated.

“Why?”

“He understands you. He lost his family, and you lost part of yours. He gets your pain and understands the hurt you still carry with you. It makes more sense now knowing that.”

“I feel closer to him,” I said. “I opened up to him more about Bradley, too, about his funeral and meeting his casket on the tarmac.”

“You told him about that? You can hardly talk to me about that.”

“It just came out. He was struggling so much with telling me about his family and what happened, and I wanted him to know he wasn’t alone. I wanted to tell him, Nikki. I’ve never felt that before with anyone.”

“Did you have a good time?”

“The best time,” I said.

“That’s all that matters. And next time, I mean it when I tell you to take your time. I saw the two of you necking in his truck. You should’ve gone inside.”

“You what?”

“Yes, I was peeking. So sue me. He likes your ass.”

“I hate you.”

“You love me,” she said. “But really, why didn’t you go inside with him? I’m sure he offered.”

“He did.”

“Then, why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know. I guess I thought revealing more of our pain to one another was enough of an emotional step in the right direction.”

“If you say so,” she said.

“I mean, we’ve already slept together so there’s no big rush to do that. Plus I don’t want it to become the root of why we get together. I enjoy being around him, even if sex wasn’t in play.”

“Sounds like you’re speaking a foreign language to me, but I’ll let you have it. I haven’t seen you smile like this since Bradley passed, so as your best friend? I’m good if you’re good.”

“Thanks.”

“But seriously. Time to spill about yesterday.”

“No.”

“Does he give oral? It’s a deal breaker if a guy won’t go downtown.”

“Stop it, Nicole.”

“Oh! I see that blush. He was good downtown, wasn’t he?” she asked. “I bet he’s a growler. Did he growl in your ear? Did you call him Daddy? Did you cream all over him?”

“Oh my gosh, you are terrible,” I said with a giggle.

“Holy shit. He’s an animal in bed, isn’t he? Big dick?”

“Stop.”

“The biggest?”

“Shut up, Nicole.”

“Here’s what I really want to know. How many times did you come?”

I giggled and shook my head as I held up the number three.

“Oh yes, girl! Honey, I’m not leaving until you give me all the details.”

“I’m gonna need more wine for this conversation,” I said.

“Don’t worry, I got you covered. Now sit, drink, and spill.”