In the end, I went looking for her. It was time to put an end to the questions, the uncertainty. It wasn’t fair to Ruth, and it wasn’t fair to me. And, I suppose, in some way, it wasn’t fair to Rae.

She was in Brent’s office as she always seemed to be, even back before she had an official title within these walls.

“Rae,” I said softly.

She looked up, brushing a piece of hair out of her face. “Hello, Jack.”

We stared at each other for a minute, neither of us anxious to say what needed to be said. Or maybe we were just both drinking each other in, remembering the past we’d shared and the time we’d been apart.

“You look good. That new girl must bring out something in you.”

I tilted my head slightly. “You think so?”

“Sure. Everyone loves her, you know. She’s all they could talk about at the barbecue last night.”

“I was surprised to see you there.”

“I don’t know why. Brent invites me to all the family stuff.”

“I know. I just…I wasn’t ready, I guess.”

“Afraid of little ole me?” She smiled, that bright smile that always seemed a little tainted with sarcasm. “I wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“You just tore my heart out and crushed it.”

She blushed slightly, something I don’t think I’d ever seen Rae do. “I didn’t handle that well, did I?”

“I pushed you. Too much, too soon.”

“No. I saw it coming. Everyone saw it coming.”

“But you didn’t seem prepared.”

“I didn’t know how I’d react until it happened. And then…I just felt this sudden, crushing sense of suffocation, you know?”

“No, I don’t.”

It hurt, thinking my declaration of love had done such a thing to her. And I could see that it bothered her that it hurt me that way. She set down the files she’d been organizing and came toward me, stopping short just a foot in front of me.

“I never meant to hurt you, Jack. I just needed space.”

“I gave you space. You insisted on living on your own when you came to Memphis, I let you do that. You insisted on holding down a job. I let you do that. You insisted that we not put labels on our relationship, I did that. I did everything you asked of me.”

“I know.”

“When it came time for me to share with you what I wanted, you got scared and ran.”

“I didn’t expect it to feel that way!”

“But doesn’t it mean something that it did?”

Tears filled her eyes as she nodded. “But then you left, and I realized that I might have screwed up. That I might have let the best thing that ever happened to me go running out the door.”

Her words, the candor of them, hit me right where I lived. I touched her face, smoothing away a few of her tears.

“I loved you so much, Rae. More than you’ll ever know.”

“And now what? We’ve come full circle. You were with Stacy when we met, and now you’re with this new girl. This Ruth.” She snickered a little. “They’re alike, you know. Ruth’s just not as snobby as Stacy was, but they’re a lot alike in the way they dress, the way they hold themselves.”

I’d seen the comparison, too, just this morning as I watched Ruth fuss over her breakfast. The only difference was, Stacy’s attitude had annoyed me to no end. But Ruth’s I found endearing. Almost entertaining.

“Ruth’s a lot like you, too. She’s stubborn and strong-willed, always determined to do what she wants no matter what anyone has to say about it. Just like you.” I let my thumb move over her bottom lip, lost in her familiar eyes. “She’s the best of both of you. And there are these little pieces of Remy and my mother, too. All the women in my life who ever made an impression.”

Rae’s eyes darkened slightly. “Jack,” she said, almost pleading.

“I missed you, Rae. You broke my heart, and I thought I’d never get past it. I thought you were the beginning and the end, everything that mattered in this world. But then you kicked me to the curb, and I had to find my feet, had to find who I was without you, without my brothers and Remy, without anyone but me. And I did.”

“Jack, please…”

“I love you. I will always love you.”

Her eyes softened, her head pressing into my hand. I pulled it away.

“But you’re not what I need in my life. Not anymore.”

Her eyes suddenly snapped with anger. “You’re joking, right? You’re choosing that woman over me?” She stepped back and brushed her hands over her body, showing me her curves that had driven me so insane back when we first met. “You’re choosing her long skirts and bulky sweaters over what you know I can offer you?”

“I’m picking a woman who doesn’t only want me when I belong to someone else.”

She took that like a slap in the face. “Asshole!” She struck out at me, pushing a hand against my chest. “I was the one who said we couldn’t be together as long as you were with Stacy. I was the one who wouldn’t let you touch me until I knew the two of you had broken up!”

“You were. But you found it very easy to walk away once you had me, once I asked you to marry me.” I stepped into her, grabbing her wrist as she tried to push me again. I yanked her up against me, holding her tight. “I loved you, Raelyn. I would have given you the world! But I’ve changed. I’ve grown up. Finally. And I know what I want is something you will never be capable of giving to me. And I’m sorry for that.”

She shook her head, fighting my hold on her wrist. But then she suddenly went still, pressing her body tight against mine. “You love me. You’ll come back to me.”

“Maybe. But for now, it’s Ruth I want.”

She reached up and kissed me, her lips warm and familiar against mine. I kissed her back, lost in a moment from my past. We kissed for a long moment, one of those kisses that once would have led to inappropriate office behavior. But not today.

I untangled myself from her touch and turned to walk away, shocked to find Brent and Ruth standing in the doorway watching. Ruth turned and ran, rushing through the halls toward my office.

“Ruth!” I called after her.

Rae began to laugh. “You’ll be back sooner than you think, Jack.”

She was in my office when I pushed through the door. I slammed it behind me, rushing toward my beautiful girl.

“Ruth, it wasn’t what you think! She was just…I was just…”

“I think we should get married.”

I wasn’t quite sure I’d heard her right. I stopped suddenly in the middle of the office and stared at her. “What?”

Her head came up, an angelic light shrouding her face just like the first time I’d seen her. “I think we should get married,” she repeated.

“You do?”

“As soon as possible.”

“But…didn’t you just…”

“I saw you kiss her. But I also heard what you said to her before that.”

I rewound the tape in my head, remembering that I’d pretty much told Rae that my relationship with Ruth wouldn’t last and that I’d go back to her. How could that lead to a marriage proposal?

“You said I was what you need right now. You said that you choose me.”

“I did, but—”

“That’s all I care about.” She came toward me, her hands smoothing themselves over my chest. “I love you, Jack. And I want to be with you in every sense of the word. You looked the woman you wanted to marry eight months ago in the eye and told her that you choose me. You may not have faith that we can make this work, but I do. And I want to start working on it right now.”

“Right now?”

“As soon as we can get a marriage license. I mean, we’ll have to have another ceremony in Ellaville for my parents, but we can worry about that after we make it legal. Now.”

“Are you sure?”

She laughed. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in all my life!”

I kissed her, taking her with all the relief and the fear and the craziness that was still spinning around in my head. I came in here to fight for the woman I loved, and it turned out that she was done fighting. She was ready to start our life together.

What an insane morning!

“I love you, Ruth,” I whispered against her mouth. “I’ve loved you from the moment I set eyes on you.”

“I know,” she said softly. “I’ve always known.”

 

 

It turns out there is no waiting limit in Tennessee. We got a wedding license that afternoon and were married in a civil ceremony in the same courthouse an hour later. We didn’t tell anyone. I guess I was partly afraid one of my brothers would try to talk me out of it, and I didn’t want that. It was time I made my own decisions without having to hear feedback from the other men in my family.

“You deserve a proper honeymoon,” I said as I carried her over the threshold of my house.

“We can do that later. Right now, I just want to become your wife in every sense of the word.”

I grunted, not pausing to close the door. I slammed it with the heel of my shoe and carried her upstairs. I hesitated at the head of the stairs, remembering that I’d shared the master bedroom of this home with several women in the past, including Rae. Did I really want to start my new marriage in the same room where I’d been with other women, in the same room where Rae had so harshly broken my heart? But then I realized that I couldn’t run from my past. It was part of who I was, and it always would be. And now it was a part of my relationship with Ruth. It was the perfect place to begin this new journey.

I carried her down the long hall and kicked open the door. Ruth laughed as I nearly dropped her in the center of the bed after tripping on the foot of a chair that shouldn’t have been on this side of the bed.

“Sorry,” I muttered.

“No worries. At least I’m not the only nervous one here.”

I stretched out on the bed beside her and ran my hand slowly down her side, watching as it moved over the rough lace of her white blouse.

“I’ve never been with a virgin before.”

“Not even when you were younger?”

I shrugged, refusing to look her in the eye. “I always had this thing for older girls when I was in high school. And college…most of those girls knew what they were doing.”

She touched my face, drawing my gaze up to hers. “Then it’ll be a first for us both.”

I kissed her because it seemed like the right thing to do. It felt even more familiar than Rae’s kiss had felt before. We had this sort of rhythm, a way of kissing that felt like everything familiar and comforting, and everything new and exciting, wrapped up together. It was habit, but it was always new. For a moment, I forgot what we were about to do.

Was it stupid that I was completely nervous? Frightened, almost.

She was kind, though, the first to pull at my shirt, untucking it from my pants. She began unbuttoning it, pulling at my tie until I had to pull it over my head. She pushed me against the mattress, her lips creating a path from the center of my throat to the center of my belly, working her way down until anticipation was so great that I had to pull her back up and steal another steadying kiss. I tugged at her blouse, stripping it from her body, and was rewarded with a little smile.

She sat up, her eyes never leaving mine, and carefully removed her soft undershirt and the bra that was hidden underneath. As I watched, her perfect breasts fell like heavy weights, my hands there to catch them. And then with some admirable contortionist moves, she managed to get her skirt off, revealing all of her body to me save for the space beneath her shorts-like underwear.

I so wanted to see what was under that bulky underwear!

But then she turned her attention back to me, tugging at my pants until they began to slide down my hips. I helped as best I could, allowing her to take control and strip me down to nothing, stripping me of everything, even my socks. She let her eyes move slowly over me, drinking in everything she’d touched in the darkness but never really seen.

“I want to see you,” I said, reaching for her.

She blushed, but she did as I asked.

When we were both naked, we drank in everything about one another, memorizing everything for moments I hoped would be far down the road we were about to walk together. And then we came together naturally, nothing planned. It wasn’t as awkward as I’d been afraid it would be. I allowed her as much control as she wanted, giving suggestions only when she seemed to really need them. I wanted her to remember this moment as positively as possible because I knew, no matter how it ended, I would.

And when it ended, we clung to one another, neither wanting to let go.

It’d been a long road, us coming together this way. But I knew the moment she took me inside of her that this was where I’d always been meant to be. This was the woman who was made for me, and I was the man made for her. It was some sort of miracle we’d found each other, and I would forever be grateful for that.

Harry, wherever you are, thank you so much for that email!

And lying there with her that night gave me a new insight I never thought I’d experience. I was so wrapped up in anger at my father that I never stopped to consider things from his point of view. But there was something about feeling the way Ruth fit perfectly in my arms, the afterglow, the reality that we might have just started the family we were destined to raise together, that opened a window for me. Was this the way my father had felt about my mother? And, if it was, what might I do if someone, or some disease, took Ruth from me? Would I want to live in this dark, hate-filled world without her?

I still thought that my brothers, Remy, and I should have been enough for my father. But…maybe I could empathize a little better now.

“I love you,” I breathed into her hair as she snuggled against me.

“Ditto,” she sighed against my skin.

I laughed. “Is that all I get? Just ‘ditto’ like some line from a movie?”

She glanced up at me. “Do what you just did to me again, and you might get more.”

“Oh, I see. I’m your sex slave now. Is that it?”

“For the moment.”

“Well…I guess I can handle that.”

I rolled her over and climbed on top of her, nibbling at her neck until she fell into a gale of giggles. Happiness. So, this is what it felt like?

I wasn’t sure how long it would last, so I was determined to enjoy every minute of it. But I couldn’t forget the phone call I’d gotten that morning.

“They’ve got themselves a new leader. He calls himself Mr. Briggs.”

The Guardians were pulling themselves up out of the ashes like the mythical phoenix. Only time would tell what that might mean for Alli, Ruth, and my new business venture in Ellaville.