I was going stir crazy after only a day. Alli left to spend some time with her girls, leaving me alone in this concrete room without a television, without a book. Without anything to keep me occupied. I showered, and that took all of twenty minutes, then wandered out into the hallway. The storeroom was stocked and ready for any emergency, the rooms all exact duplicates of one another. The only thing I truly found interesting was the monitors in the control room. But even those grew a little boring after watching Brent, Jack, and a whole army of nameless people go about their daily work schedules in offices that were expensively decorated, but essentially cookie cutters of one another.

I did, however, stumble onto one scene that I found somewhat interesting.

I’d heard Jack’s story from Patrick, the fact that he had a woman here in Memphis who worked with him and his brothers, but that she’d broken his heart nearly a year ago now. Even heard she was a redhead, kind of like Alli. Maybe that was why he was so taken with Alli? I guessed who she was five minutes after I turned the monitors on. There was no mistaking Jack’s type: tall, sexy, and sassy. She was giving Brent hell for not organizing his notes when the monitors first flashed to his office.

“I know what this is about,” Brent suddenly announced minutes into her tirade. “You’re upset that he’s back.”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“It can’t be easy, Rae. I know that.”

She shook her head, brushing that thick, gorgeous hair out of her face. “He made his choice.”

“You made yours long before he even met her.”

She was quiet for a long moment. “He freaked me out, asking me to marry him that way. What was I supposed to do?”

“You crushed him.”

“So he crushed me back.”

Brent shook his head. “It doesn’t work that way. It’s possible for a man to love two women, you know? The two of you just weren’t in the same place at the same time. Ruth is what he needs now. Maybe someday…”

She shook her head. “It’s done. I’m not the marrying type, anyway.”

Brent watched her for a long minute. “I thought I’d never be happy again after Madeline and Josie died. I thought my whole life had gone into the ground with the two of them. But then I met Dane.”

I sat up a little straighter, watching his face as he talked. This was getting interesting.

“My wife was everything to me, you know? We were together since high school. I never knew any other woman but her. When she died…there was this hole. I never imagined I was capable of falling in love again. I thought she was it for me. But Dane is everything. More so, in some ways.”

“Madeline died. I didn’t.”

“No. But the thing is, I still love Madeline. Deeply. But Dane…Madeline was what I needed when I was younger. Dane’s what I need now. If Madeline had lived, we’d probably still be together, still raising babies, still living the good life. And I would have missed out on Dane and never known how different and how much more life could be with her. Maybe I would have met her later, maybe not. But my point is—”

“Yes, please find your point.”

“We take from each other what we need, Rae. You needed Jack when Snake was stalking you, but you outgrew that need. Now you have the chance to go find what it is you need now. Jack has. He needed a woman who would settle down with him, give him a family and support. We all know that was never going to be you. It’s not who you are, and there’s no shame in that. And there’s no shame in him moving on, just like you were one of the first to tell me there was no shame in falling in love with Dane.”

She shook her head. “Quit trying to be Mother Teresa,” she said, snatching up a file from his desk and heading to the door. “I don’t need your lectures.”

But she was smiling as she left the room, suggesting her words were meant to be taken with a grain of salt. I sat back, turning down the sound on the security monitors, thinking about what he’d said. I’d been struggling with my feelings for Gloria and my new feelings for Alli. I hadn’t realized that Brent had lost a wife, too. It was sort of nice to know I was in a club that had other members, that I wasn’t alone. And his idea of people taking what they need from people as they need it was kind of nice. It opened my eyes a little.

Gloria would want me to be happy. Hell, she made me promise to go on with my life. For a long time, even looking at another woman had felt disloyal to her. But maybe it wasn’t as bad as I’d made it seem. Maybe grief was just part of being human, and moving on was part of that, too.

I found myself wondering about my son, though. What would he think of Alli? What would he think of me being with a woman like Alli? She was so different from Gloria. Where Alli was fiercely independent and intensely aware of her own sexuality, Gloria had been strong but meek, passionate but conservative. These two women were as different from one another as Michelle Obama was from Lady Gaga. But they both woke something inside of me that made me feel more alive, more passionate, than I did without them. It was an addictive feeling.

Would Conor understand that?

I wasn’t sure.

 

 

It felt good, being outside of the Stone Security compound. We’d been escorted to the party in a bulletproof SUV, two operatives in the front seat watching for trouble every step of the way. But then we were in Jack’s beautiful house, sipping champagne out of expensive glasses and smiling awkwardly at people we’d never met before. It was a black tie party, people from all corners of Tennessee there to wish the prodigal son good luck with his new marriage. Ruth absolutely glowed on his arm, dressed in a pale pink dress that clung to her figure in a style that was both exotic and conservative. Leave it to a high-end fashion designer to come up with something like that.

“They make a good couple.”

Alli was watching them, her arm slipped through mine, clutching at my bicep with something like a death grip. She looked pretty hot herself, dressed in a black number that dipped low between her breasts and clung to her hips, leaving her thighs exposed to the delight of every man in the room. I thought we looked pretty good together, her red hair a contrast to my darker hair with the streaks of gray that were beginning to show at my temples. She had commented on that earlier, running her fingers over it and telling me how distinguished it made me look. I’d never been so happy to be growing old.

“Ruth’s a good girl,” I commented. “It’s nice to see her so happy.”

Alli glanced at me. “You know her?”

“She went to school with my boy. She was a year or two ahead of him, but Ellaville High isn’t that big a place.”

Her eyes moved back to Jack. “I hope he knows what he’s getting into, inviting someone from that church into his life.”

“I think he does.”

She shook her head, her doubts beginning to work their way under my skin.

“Be careful,” I said, moving close enough to whisper into her ear even as I slipped her arm out of the crook of my elbow, “someone might think you were jealous.”

I walked away, slipping out onto the veranda where several clumps of people had gathered to enjoy the cool, early summer breeze. I grabbed another flute of champagne, drinking it faster than I probably should have. Carson noticed and came up beside me, knocking her shoulder into mine.

“Take it easy on that stuff.”

“Doctor’s orders?”

“Yes. And a friend’s advice.”

I walked over to the rail and leaned back against it, turning to watch the party inside. Alli had gone up to Jack and Ruth, engaging in some sort of conversation that seemed to be pleasing to everyone, if the looks on their faces said anything. Something about it made me want to walk in there and slam my fist into Jack’s face.

“You and Alli…that’s a new thing?”

I forced myself to focus on Carson. “You and Aiden have been together a while?”

“Yes. Just over a year.”

“Is it always as easy as it seems?”

She shook her head. “Any relationship requires work.”

“Did he ever have a crush on one of your friends?”

“No. But I don’t have many friends.” Her eyes moved from my face to Jack and Alli. “Are you worried?”

“I’m confused is all.”

She touched my arm. “Well, it’s just my two cents’ worth, but I think the way she looks at you…there’s no doubt where her loyalties lie.”

Aiden stepped out and gestured to her. Carson reached up and kissed my cheek lightly, catching me by surprise, before she darted off, slipping into his arms like he was an old, familiar coat. It might not be as easy as it seemed, but they sure made it look simple.

I grabbed another flute of champagne from a passing tray and turned around, staring out at the yard and the rather impressive guest house toward the back of the property. There were lights on in there, people flitting in front of the windows like ghosts. I was wondering what the story was behind that place when someone came to stand beside me, a feminine someone if the perfume on the air was any hint.

I straightened and looked over, surprised to find the redhead from the security monitors standing beside me.

“You’re the guy in the bunker, aren’t you? Crispin Sullivan?”

“I’ve got a reputation already?”

She shrugged. “I have something of a history with that bunker.” She held out one delicate hand to me. “Raelyn.”

“Crispin.”

We shook, her hand strong and capable, but soft. Her eyes moved over me, a similar green to Alli’s. They could have been related, aunt and niece, perhaps. They even had that same hardness in their eyes, the one that suggested a difficult past.

Did Jack just collect these women, or what?

“You work for Stone Security.”

She nodded. “I’m Brent’s personal assistant. He’s a bit unorganized. It’s a full-time job keeping up with the wads of notes he keeps scattered around his office.”

“You like the work?”

“I do. It’s a bit awkward, what with being the ex-girlfriend of the boss, but it works all right.”

“Stone Security is an interesting place.”

“Nowhere else will you find four brothers, a sister, a practically adopted brother, and a handful of exes all working in the same place and making a success of it.”

“You think we’ll survive in the satellite office in Arizona?”

“If Jack has anything to do with it, you will. He’s got that touch.”

I grunted. “If I run into anyone else who thinks Jack walks on water, I might puke.”

She laughed. “I know the feeling.” She knocked her shoulder into mine like Carson had done earlier. “I know where there’s some stronger booze. Want to go partake with me?”

“Definitely.”

She led the way down into the yard and across the wide drive that led to the guest house. There were people inside, caregivers watching over some of the children who belonged to the guests at the main house. Rae grabbed my hand and led the way up the stairs to one of the many bedrooms, pulling a bottle of brandy from a liquor cabinet on the way. There was a narrow balcony that looked over the property line where we took up our seats, passing the bottle around like it was a ten-dollar bottle of whiskey instead of a several-hundred-dollar bottle of brandy.

“I stayed in this house when I first came to Memphis.”

“Did you?”

“Came looking for Jack because I thought he was my knight in shining armor. Turned out I was right, to a certain point.”

“He save you from your demons?”

“Yeah.” She smiled softly, baring her right wrist to show me a tattoo of a snake that had been covered with a red line. “He slayed my dragon.”

“Good for him.”

“Good for everyone. Snake was a menace to society.”

“And now you’re a free woman.”

“Free to do anything I damn well please.” She took a deep swallow of the brandy. “But I don’t know what that is. I feel like I’m supposed to be doing something great with my life now that I’m free, but all I want to do is get out of bed every morning and organize Brent’s shit.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“It’s a nowhere job.”

“Go to school.”

“Tried that. Wasn’t very good at it.”

I nodded. “I became a cop because it was the quickest way to make good money for a kid with nothing but a GED and a wife and baby at home. Sometimes you just do what you have to do.”

“But you’re not a cop now.”

“Nope. And the wife’s dead, and the baby’s a grown man.”

“Now you can live for yourself. What do you want to do?”

“Not become my old man.”

I didn’t know where that came from. I hadn’t thought about my father in years, not in the context of who he really was. But the moment the words were out of my mouth, I knew they were true.

“He was miserable,” I told her, taking the bottle and swallowing a healthy swig. “Hated his life, hated every choice he ever made. Hated me, I think.”

“My mom was the same way. All she ever wanted was to become some motorcycle gang member’s bitch. Always blamed me that she didn’t. Said it was because none of them wanted a woman with a kid.”

“At least she had aspirations.”

Rae laughed. “Yeah, I guess so.”

We continued to pass the bottle for a few minutes. She leaned forward, sighing heavily. “I think about those people on YouTube, the ones who make millions just posting videos of stupid things. Sometimes I think, how fucking dumb has our society become that this is what we consider entertainment now? And other times, I think, why aren’t I doing that?”

It was my turn to laugh. “There you go. We could go on YouTube and make videos talking about the shitty direction the country is taking.”

“Sure. We’d probably be an overnight sensation.”

I looked over at her. “You would be. You’re young and beautiful.”

“I feel ancient inside.”

“Me too.”

But the truth was, I didn’t. Not anymore. Not since Alli walked into my life.

I suddenly wanted to go find her. I didn’t really care what was digging at her about Jack. He was her friend. Their relationship was their business. All I cared about was the way I felt when I was with her, and that feeling was rare. As old and as set in my ways as I was, I knew that. And I knew that all I wanted out of my life was to feel that way until I was in my grave.

“Hey, thanks for the drink,” I said, touching Rae’s shoulder lightly as I stood up.

“You’re leaving me already?”

“I got something I need to do.”

I could feel her watching me as I left the room. I got the impression she was disappointed to see me go, and I liked that. But my heart was already leading me in a new and different direction.

She was still in the living room of Jack’s massive house, a drink in hand. She was talking to some guy who seemed more interested in what was pushing out of her bodice than whatever was coming out of her mouth. The urge to knock him sideways was one I was going to have to learn to live with, I supposed.

“Can I have a second?” I asked, slipping up behind her and sliding her glass from her hand.

“You can have as many seconds as you want,” she said, with a touch of pleasure in her tone.

I took her hand and led her out of the living room, looking for a less populated area. It crossed my mind to lead her back out to the guest house, but braved the stairs instead. There was an empty bedroom down the massive upstairs hall, perfected by the equally massive four poster bed sitting empty in its center.

“I want to know what’s going on with you and Jack,” I said, pushing her up against the door as it closed with our momentum.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you jealous of his marriage, or jealous that she’s the one who married him?”

She cocked her head slightly. “Are you asking me if I’m in love with him?”

“Honesty, remember?”

“I’m not in love with him.” She seemed to scoff at the very thought. “He’s my friend. And I thought…we had a brief thing, and I thought he and I were the same, two people who use everyone around us, but rely on nothing but ourselves. I never imagined he’d marry that girl.”

“Are you jealous?”

“I’m wondering if he’ll be happy.”

“What difference does it make to you?”

Her eyes widened as she looked up at me. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I need to know where your head’s at. I need to know if you’re just in this for the game.”

She stiffened, anger in her touch as she tried to push me away from her. But I refused to go.

“You’re an asshole.”

“And you’re the girl I want to be with. So answer the fucking question!”

She stopped, her face turned away from me so that I couldn’t see her expression.

“Tell me, Alli. Are you in love with Jack?”

“No!”

“Then what’s going on?”

“I just…”

She seemed to have this lump in her throat that wouldn’t allow the answer I needed to come out. I was as patient as I could be, my hands firm but gentle on her shoulders.

“I lost my wife,” I said slowly. “I never thought I could love anyone else the way I loved her. She was my whole world for more than twenty-two years. Twenty-five years we were together. I never knew anyone but her. And then you come prancing into my life, this ball of independence who wants to get into my pants, but won’t give me anything else. Every time I get a glance of something real, you pull back, and you act like a fucking jealous ex-girlfriend. I need to know where this is going. I need to know if you’re just using me, or if there’s more to this. I want to know if I’m turning my world upside down for a good reason.”

She stood still, tension rising in her shoulders with every word I spoke. And then she sobbed softly.

“I’ve never told anyone the things I told you.”

“I know.”

“I never cared if some guy disappeared from my life until you.”

“Alli—”

“My name’s Allison!” she suddenly cried. “I’m not Alli with you!” She slammed her fists against my chest. “I’m not that person with you!”

“No, you’re not.”

I took her face into my hands, tears running over my fingers. Her tears, tears I’m sure she hadn’t spilled in a long time. I lifted her face to mine, my lips tasting the salt and the bitterness of her past. She made this soft sound that was half moan and half sob, her arms wrapping themselves around my neck. I held her tight, drinking her up, loving her the way she should have been loved every moment of every day.

I picked her up and carried her to a chair, resting her in my lap and cradling her in my arms as her tears worked their way through her system. She buried her face against my shoulder, hiding her hurt and her pain and her shame. I stroked her back, waiting for it to pass, waiting for her to come back to me.

Waiting for the darkness to finally release its cuffs from her wrists.

“You’re mine,” I said softly against her forehead. “My Allison.”

After a while, she got control of herself. “I hate you for doing that,” she said, lifting a corner of her skirt to wipe at her eyes. “I don’t like doing that in front of people.”

“I know.”

“You think you know everything.”

“I know you.”

She sighed, resting her head on my shoulder. “I’m beginning to think you do.”

“Tell me, Allison.” I touched her face gently, caressing her cheek. “Tell me about Jack.”

She was quiet for a long moment. “I just…I think that if it could work for him, that if he can find happiness like it looks like he’s found, maybe it can happen for me.”

And there it was. The words I was hoping she was going to say, but the words I was terrified she wouldn’t. I rained kisses on her temple, her cheek.

“It can. I swear.”

“You’ll make me happy?”

“To the best of my ability.”

“Harry said that. But I didn’t feel that way about him, and then he died.”

“I’m not dying. I’m not leaving you. I’m not Harry.”

“I know.”

I kissed her, our lips lingering for a long moment. “Let’s get out of here.”

“I thought you’d never ask.”