It was an easier drive today. We only had five hours on the road, and the landscape was prettier the farther east we went. Alli turned on the radio not long into the trip and sang along to some of the songs that played. She had a beautiful voice, almost angelic. I found myself watching her, watching the sunlight play in the gold highlights of her hair, on the creaminess of her skin. Every once in a while, she’d shoot a look in my direction, her smile as angelic as her voice. After a while, she moved close to me and rested her hand on my thigh. I didn’t move it away.

We drove into Memphis late in the evening. Jack had arranged a room at a large, five-star hotel for each of us. After checking in, I walked Alli to her room, her great stack of luggage on one of those fancy carts being pushed by a bellboy.

“I’m right across the hall,” I reminded her as she paused at her own door.

“I should call my kids, let them know I’m here.”

She said the words, but she seemed reluctant, looking up at me as though she expected some sort of guidance from me. I didn’t know what she wanted me to say.

“I bet they’ll be thrilled.”

She nodded, a cloud moving over her eyes. “I’ll see you in the morning?”

“We’ll meet for breakfast.”

She forced a smile, then turned and let herself into her room. I watched as the bellboy set her bags on the floor. He then followed me to my room, making a big show of setting my single duffel on the end of the bed. I slipped him a tip, definitely out of my comfort zone. It might be all good for Jack to live this way, but roadside motels were more my style.

I threw myself on the bed, imagining Alli rejoicing in her freedom from me. But even as my imagination was playing that out, my body was remembering the heat of her pressed against me. We’d held hands for a while out there on the highway, and that had been as exciting as seeing that flash of her nudity this morning.

I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I closed my eyes, and she was there. I opened them, and my imagination kept bringing her back. I’d never obsessed over a woman the way I was doing with her. A part of me wanted it to stop. I wanted to forget her. But a part of me…that part just wanted to linger in the memory of her, the feel of her, the taste of her. Like tasting a decadent dessert for the first time, and wanting to luxuriate in it for a lifetime. That’s how I felt about her.

I was acting like a damn teenager.

I groaned and sat up, jumping to my feet to pace. We were here for five days, and her days were filled with activities surrounding her daughters. I was just supposed to be in the background, making sure no fringe Guardian members had followed us to cause chaos in her life. The thing was, though, it looked like whatever danger might have followed us was following me, not her.

I had a small tablet in my duffel. I pulled it out and opened an internet browser, searching for any news I might have missed recently about all that stuff that went down three months ago. There had been a lot of headlines, mostly regarding the Guardians’ leader, Smythe, and the asshole who’d run Jack’s friend off the road. They were still in jail, still facing some pretty heavy charges. So were most of their cohorts on various charges of aiding and abetting, as well as co-conspiracy. Jack and his team, me included, had dealt them a significant blow. And that blow was continuing to reverberate as the attorney general’s office looked into charges that the sheriff ignored crimes he knew the Guardians—and Smythe in particular—had committed. That investigation was raining down the ranks, taking out several of the deputies I’d worked side by side with.

There were a lot of people associated with the sheriff’s department who had reason to be angry. Some of that anger could be aimed in my direction because I took part in the raid on the Guardians’ compound. But I had no idea who specifically might be putting those notes on my car.

Except…

There was a news story that had been published only a few hours ago. The sheriff had been arrested.

It was official. They were going to charge him for corruption in office.

I read through the article carefully, realizing as I did that this case was going to be a long, complicated operation. The attorney general’s office had already approached me once, asking if I’d be willing to testify to some of the things I’d seen while working in the sheriff’s office. I said I was. And I was.

Was someone after me because of that? Did they honestly think that threatening me would keep me from testifying? Whoever it was must not know me well.

Threatening me only made me more determined.

 

 

Alli looked amazing the next morning when she stepped out of her room. She wore a pink dress that clung to her chest and hips, but flowed freely like an open tulip over her thighs. She’d pulled her hair up, allowing a few tendrils to fall around her face, a style that made her neck look delicate and graceful. It took my breath away to look at her.

Her eyes moved slowly over me, taking in my jeans and Oxford shirt, the same sort of clothing I’d worn all my adult life, before focusing on my face. She smiled almost shyly.

“Morning,” I said, wanting to reach for her hand, but stopping myself at the last second.

“Did you sleep well?”

I inclined my head. I hadn’t. When I wasn’t thinking about what the sheriff’s arrest meant for me and my former colleagues, I was thinking about her. It made for a frustrating night, but she didn’t need to know that.

“Shall we go?”

I didn’t take her hand, but she slipped hers into mine as we stood silently in the elevator. She squeezed lightly, and I couldn’t help but return the gesture.

“Did you talk to your girls last night?”

We sat across from each other at a table in the fancy restaurant in the hotel lobby, surrounded by more crystal and white—white tablecloths, white waitress uniforms, white curtains, white flowers—than I’d ever seen. She was fidgeting with the silverware, looking as nervous as I felt.

“I did. They’re excited to see me.”

“Good.”

“I can’t wait for you to meet them. I think they’ll adore you.”

I tilted my head slightly, not sure why she would think that. All she knew of me was that I took advantage of drunk women. But her eyes had dropped to the table top again, her fingers once again fussing with the fork and knife.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

“Yes, please!”

I took her hand and led the way out, driving to a McDonald’s I’d seen on the highway. We sat in the truck, her bare feet up on the dashboard, and ate McMuffins with teeny hash browns and orange juice out of a carton.

“This is definitely more my style,” she announced.

“I don’t know what Jack was thinking.”

“He was trying to treat me like family. But he forgets I’m just a sex shop owner, you know?”

“You’re more than that.”

“Am I?”

I looked over at her, unable to pull my eyes from her shapely thighs. “You’re a survivor, Alli.”

She made a soft sound. “No one’s ever called me that before.”

“It’s the truth.”

“I’ve been called a hard bitch. I’ve been called a whore. I’ve been told I was white trash, a redneck slut, a soul corruptor. But never a survivor.”

“You’ve pulled yourself out of some dark moments. If that’s not a survivor, I don’t know what is.”

“I’ve never told anyone my story before.”

I glanced at her, found her staring down at her own hands. “Why not?”

She shrugged her thin shoulders quite delicately. “I’ve never trusted anyone that much.”

“You trust me?”

She tilted her head slightly. “I guess I do.”

I tossed my trash into a bag and dropped it on the floor near her. Just keeping my hands busy as the righteous side of me screamed out an argument inside my head.

“You shouldn’t trust me,” I finally said. “I did a terrible thing the other night. I took advantage of you.”

“How did you do that?”

“You were drunk, and I…I shouldn’t have let that happen.”

“I wasn’t so drunk that I couldn’t consent.”

“You were drunk. That’s enough.”

She laughed softly. “Listen to you! You’re so different from any man I’ve ever met! Any other guy…it wouldn’t have mattered. But you? It’s torturing you, isn’t it?”

I didn’t answer, but she didn’t seem to expect an answer. She slid across the seat and slid her hand over my thigh and down over my inseam.

“You’re a good man, Crispin. Too good for me.”

“Don’t say that.” I cupped her chin, pulling her close to me. “You deserve the world. You deserve whatever it takes to make you happy. We all do.”

“Is that why you’re so miserable?”

I groaned. She seemed to see right through me, to know more about my thoughts and feelings than I did. I kissed her because I could—and I desperately wanted to. She returned the kiss with passion, her lips parting, her breath so sweet as she sighed. Her touch killed me over and over again, making me come back to life with a youthful sort of energy I never imagined I’d ever feel again.

She moved her hips against me even as her hands began to explore, tugging at the front of my shirt like she was desperate to get it open. I ran my hands up her back, loving the feel of her slight body against mine. She was so sexy, so slender and feminine, her body more exciting than anything my imagination could have conjured. I wanted to rip her dress from her body, wanted to touch every inch of her gorgeous body. I wanted to take my time, make her ache with need. I wanted to give her even just a fraction of what I was feeling in that moment.

But…again…

“I don’t want you to think this is all I want from you,” I whispered almost breathlessly against her lips.

She laughed, just as breathlessly. “What if it’s all I want?”

I buried my face against her neck, breathing in her spicy scent. There was a hint of lavender to her skin, the same sort of scent Gloria once wore. But on Alli’s skin it was different, like everything was different with her. It was like she had this way of knocking everything up a few notches. Even perfume.

I loved it. I wanted to breathe it in every moment for the rest of my life. I wanted to sit just like that, her body pressed against mine, her scent surrounding me, my heart pounding, my body more alive than it’d ever been. I wanted this with every cell, every breath.

She brushed her hand over my head. “It’s okay to want this.”

“Men use you. They abuse you. I don’t want you to think I’m just like them.”

She was silent for so long, I had to look up. She was staring at me, her eyes wide with…it wasn’t anger. I thought for a second she was angry with me for pointing out the truth. But it wasn’t anger. It was grief and hope and hurt and affection all wrapped up together.

“I already know you’re nothing like them.” She ran her hand over the side of my face with a gentleness that threatened to break my heart. “It scares me. I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t this part of me that wanted to run away from you as fast as possible. But…maybe you’re right. Maybe I deserve a little happiness in my life.”

“We all do.”

“Yes, Crispin. We all do. Even you.” She smiled softly, her thumb brushing over my bottom lip. “I see you. I see you struggling with your past, just like I’ve done for so long. We’re more alike than you’ll ever admit.”

She might have been right about that.

I drew her to me and kissed her again, this time a lingering kiss filled with affection. Alli was not who I had initially thought she was. But I still wasn’t sure she was someone I could incorporate into my life. She was a firecracker, a wild mustang that was never meant to be controlled. And I was a man who liked order and routine in my life. The two would be like oil and vinegar.

I wasn’t the kind of guy who went into something like this without thinking about the future.

Yet…I wanted her with a desperation I couldn’t ignore.

“Let’s go back to the hotel,” she said.

One more kiss.

“Your girls are waiting for you.” I gently lifted her from my lap and sat her back on the seat beside me. “Tonight.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

She moved close to me, her hand slipping over my thigh. I started the truck with a roar of the engine, my hand slipping over her hip before I threw it into gear.

Responsibility first. But tonight would be a night neither of us would soon forget.