Chapter Thirteen
Kirsty
I'm not exactly sure what just happened but I saw the moment I froze in his eyes. I didn't mean to, it's reflexive, but as the tip of his finger touched my cheek I felt something zip through me and the nervousness of Theo being here disappeared. How can one simple touch set off so many emotions when for so long I haven't wanted anybody to touch me and when they did, I blocked it out? One simple touch from this tatted up mountain of a man has me wanting to beg for more. I jump when music starts to play and swing around to see the television is on.
"I didn't mean to startle you, but it was too quiet and I need background noise when I'm working," Theo says with an apologetic look on his face.
"It's okay," I whisper before turning back to my food. I pick up a piece of toast and take a bite, closing my eyes when the taste of strawberries explodes in my mouth. It's been so long since I've tasted anything so good, not since I was taken. I'm used to water and plain food like rice or bread. I must have moaned at the taste and hear a low chuckle. I feel the heat creep up my neck, not wanting to turn around, I fix my eyes on the plate.
"I'm sorry, Miss Kirsty."
I feel bad that he thinks he needs to apologize, that he thinks he has done something wrong. I focus on the plate and explain. "It's okay, you have no reason to be sorry. It's been many years since I've tasted something so good."
Silence hangs between us before Theo asks, "How long?"
"Um.. shit, um…" I'm not sure if I should tell him.
"You don't have to tell me, but the more I know, the better my chances of finding something that may help."
I'm confused by his words, his offer to, but I answer him anyway.
"About ten years." The only sound for a moment is the music in the background.
"Fuck," he growls.
I'm not sure I want to answer anything else he might ask. I jump off my stool, grab the glass of water and make my way towards the back door. I want to enjoy the fresh air and sit in the sun for a little bit. I stop in my tracks when he speaks again.
"I'm sorry this happened to you."
I nod, not knowing what to say. I'm sorry too because no matter what happens next, I'll never get those ten years back. Pushing through the back door, I make my way onto the lush green lawn and sit down. I look around and see patches of dandelions, a smile pulls at my lips. Reaching over I grab one and study the white puff. Playing with it in my fingers, I can't help feeling that maybe all the times I wished for survival and a normal life, maybe it was what brought me Sergio. He's not a white knight riding in and saving the day, but a man with a kind heart who swept me into his arms and saved me from the life which had been forced on me.
Gazing into the bright sun, I bathe in the rays warming my skin. I take a deep breath and soak it all in, being here is almost surreal. I hear a voice from inside, it's one I don't recognize. I shake my head when it dawns on me, it's a voice from the television announcing the next song –I want to know what love is by Foreigner. The music floats through the air and I fall back to the grass and listen to the words. The lyrics flow through my muddled mind and I question whether I will ever know what love is.
It's hard thinking you are in a home filled with love, only to be given away on your fifteenth birthday after being told you were only born to repay a debt.
A tear slides down my cheek but I quickly wipe it away. I turn my attention back to the sun and clear blue sky, not wanting to think about the why's and what if's. It's time I took back control and if everything Sergio has been saying is true, this is a place where I can do that. Somewhere safe where I can prove to myself, and everybody else, that I'm stronger than the marks on my body. I can overcome the words which were thrown at me, the taunting and cruelty. I glance down at my chest, at the bandages there and promise myself one thing - I will not be that person again. I roll to the side and pluck out another dandelion. Closing my eyes, I wish for strength and the willpower to never look back, to always push forward. I open my eyes and watch as the puff's float away in the light breeze.
***
"What are you doing Sugar?" His voice comes from behind me and I jump at the sound. I was so caught up in my own head, I hadn't realized he was standing close by.
"I'm sorry." I scramble to my feet, but I don't bow my head in terror. Instead, I lock eyes with him and dare him to tell me I can't be out here.
"You have no reason to be sorry, I told you last night to treat this place as your own."
I open and close my mouth, not sure what to say to that. I'd been ready to do battle with him.
"Do you want to sit back down?"
I nod and sit, but I don't relax as I watch his eyes track everything I'm doing. He sits next to me and I try not to flinch away.
"I'm sorry the lawn hasn't been mowed, I'll get Demetri to come over this arvo if you want." He waves his arms in the air as he speaks.
"It's fine."
"Si." He nods "But, if you want to lay out here I would rather you be comfortable and not be laying on weeds." He points towards the dandelion patches.
I feel a sudden panic at their possible loss and grip his arm. I try to ignore the rush which hits me when I touch him. "Please don't cut them, they aren't weeds, they're dandelions."
He glances down at my hand for a moment before covering it with his own larger hand. He squeezes a little and I think he's going to move it, but he leaves it there and warmth floods me. When I gaze into his eyes, they are shining and the intensity reaches deep inside me.
"Why does it matter if they are cut?"
"They're like little wishes." I snap my mouth shut and peer at my lap when I realize I've spoken aloud. Shit I can't seem to control my mouth this morning. I feel his fingers on my chin and fight the need to pull away. I lock eyes with him and notice how soft they have become. Dropping his hand back over mine, I realize I still haven't let him go.
"It's okay, Sugar, can you show me how it works?" He smiles and my stomach performs summersaults. Nodding, I reach over with my free hand and pick one up. "You bring it to your mouth like this…" I raise the white puff to my lips. "…close your eyes, make a wish or think of something you want to happen and then blow." I blow out a deep breath.
When I open my eyes and look towards Sergio, there is a strange expression on his face and his eyes are fixed in the region of my mouth. I lick my lips and wonder what it would be like to be kissed by this incredible man. From the corner of my eye, I see his hand reach towards me. I don't move, stiffen or flinch, instead I sit calmly while he runs the tips of his fingers down the side of my face.
"You're a beautiful woman, but when you smile and this dimple appears…" he touches said dimple before running his finger across my bottom lip. "….you take my breath away."
Well, that knocks the wind from me. No-one has ever spoken to me that way. When he removes his finger, I feel my lips tingle and suck it into my mouth. I want the feeling to last forever.
"I'm sorry, Sugar." He blows out a deep breath. "I won't touch you again without asking. I just can't seem to be near you without wanting to have you in my arms." Without another word, he stands and heads towards the back door.
I don't know what to say, I seem to have this problem a lot when he's around. I stay silent. Where the hell would I begin to explain to this man what he does to me? Laying back on the grass, I close my eyes and wonder if what I'm feeling is real or just my head telling me to latch on to this man who has shown me kindness for the first time in years.
After burying my feelings for so long, refusing to allow them to come to the surface, can I allow myself to start feeling now? I'm confused, the only thing which is clear to me right now is, I need to get stronger. I need to take things one step at a time.