Chapter One

1993, Age 11

 

 

“Michael!” The voice rang out and I immediately shrank down, trying to make myself even smaller. I knew she meant well, but there was no way I was going down there.

Hearing heavy footsteps on the stairs, I slid under my bed and up against the wall, cursing myself for not running away like I’d planned. It was stuffy in my room; the window unit had been on the fritz for the last week. Sweat began to trickle down my back.

The motorcycle boots appeared in the doorway and I held my breath in fear. It was him. He’d beat me good when he found out that I was hiding from him. He stepped into the room and closed the door quietly behind him, leaving me confused. He didn’t do anything quietly.

The boots moved around to the side of my bed, each step sending small tremors of fear through my spine. He’d warned me about hiding from him.

“Face me like a man, Junior. I ain’t raising no pussy!”

The boots disappeared and a face appeared. It wasn’t him—I let out a loud exhale of relief before scrambling out from under the bed and into his arms, nearly knocking him over in the process.

“I got you, Mikey. It’s alright.” Grey patted my sweaty head and then tightened his grip around my small body. I liked him a lot. He always kept my dad in line when he was around. Mama said it was because he was the boss in Dad’s club and that no one in their right mind would go against him.

I straightened up in his arms. “I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to hide from you.” Just because I liked him didn’t mean that he didn’t scare the crap out of me. The man was a giant and when he looked at me, it was like he could see into my head and read my mind.

Grey released me and moved over to sit on the bed. “I understand that someone has a birthday today—is that right?”

I nodded. “Yes sir.”

He cracked a small smile. “Call me Grey, kid. Now, why don’t you open this up and tell me what you think.”

He tossed a small wrapped package into my hands and I tore into it. It was a Sega Game Gear—Luke, one of the kids on my bus had one and I spent almost every morning and afternoon, watching over his shoulder. I never imagined that I’d have one of my own.

“Thank you, s—Grey.”

He slapped a hand lightly against my shoulder, guiding me over to the door. “How about we head downstairs and get this party started? I think your mama might even have cake.”

I swallowed hard and stopped in my tracks. “Um, can I just stay up here? I could play my new game.”

Grey’s jaw tightened and I immediately flinched before forcing myself to stare him in the eyes like a man. He knelt down again. “Your dad’s working late tonight. I brought Celia and Kate with me though and I know they’d love to see you.”

I shrugged halfheartedly. “Kate’s only three…she’s pretty much still a baby. Did you bring anyone my age?”

He laughed and the booming sound of it brought a smile to my face. “Run on down, kid, and see for yourself.”

I took the stairs two at a time and rounded the corner to see Kate and Grey’s wife, Celia, along with a handful of my friends from school. My friends looked up in awe as Grey made his way down the stairs and I puffed up my chest in pride.

Sometimes, I pretended that Grey was my dad and tried to imagine how different my life would be. I bet my friends could come over every day; he didn’t seem like he’d care at all.

My mama was even smiling—she didn’t do that when my dad was around. She just kept her head down and tried to stay out of his way. It didn’t work though, she always messed something up and made him mad.

As my friends gathered around to see my Game Gear, I pushed thoughts of my dad away. This was the best birthday I’d ever had—I wasn’t going to waste it by thinking of him.

 

“I said get up.”

I blinked against the darkness and rolled over. “Grey?”

The mocking laughter I got in response was like a bucket of ice water being dumped on my head. “You think Grey’s showing up here in the middle of the night to take you somewhere? Get up, Junior.”

I quickly kicked the covers off and stood up. Maybe he wanted to wish me a happy birthday before morning. He tossed a shirt and some jeans over to me and I put them on without question.

He held a finger to his lips and I nodded before following him downstairs. We got out to his truck when he told me the real reason we were sneaking out. “You’re eleven now. It’s time you learned the ropes. You’re a man now.”

I don’t know what I expected, but him calling me a man filled me with pride. He didn’t see me as a scrawny kid anymore, but someone just like him. I knew this was going to be the best birthday ever. I’d stared in the mirror earlier, but I didn’t look any different than I did when I was ten. My dad must’ve seen something though.

I tried to contain my excitement as I buckled into the passenger seat, flexing my bicep as I did it.

We drove until the city lights gave way to darkness and the desert landscape became more rugged. My dad turned onto a dirt road and we descended into a canyon.

He parked the truck in front of an old motel straight out of an old western. It was even named The Wagon Wheel, I guessed, although several letters had fallen off over the years leaving behind The ago eel.

I jumped out and walked over to where a group of motorcycles were parked only to be yanked backward.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Junior. You ain’t gonna just waltz in there. I need you to wait right here and keep your damn mouth shut.” He adjusted his leather vest before stepping around me.

I kicked a patch of gravel angrily once he went inside. If he really thought I was a man, he’d have brought me inside to meet his club—I recognized Grey’s bike down near the end. Maybe he was afraid I’d embarrass him like some child.

Two guys came around from the side of the motel and immediately caught me messing around near the bikes.

“What are you doing out here, kid?” One shouted as he caught me by the back of my t-shirt.

I tried to shake myself loose, but the guy had a death grip on me. “Let me go!” I yelled, before bringing my foot down on top of his boot.

I think he was more surprised than hurt, but he loosened his grip enough for me to escape. I bolted for the door before both men could catch me and was promptly met by a gun to my head.

“Well, well, well. You thinkin’ of patching in, kid?” The man in front of me grinned, his teeth stained almost black from years of smoking.

“You gonna step away from my boy or you need some help, Wolverine?” My dad kept his voice calm, but the threat was unmistakable.

Wolverine holstered his gun just as the two men from outside burst in. I probably would’ve lost my head had they barged in just a few seconds earlier. I clenched my shaking hands into fists, praying that no one noticed.

“I told you to wait outside—” My father began, only to be interrupted by Grey.

“Jesus Christ, Comedian—you brought the kid here?”

I puffed my chest up. “I’m a man now.” Somehow, my voice remained steady. Grey calling my dad ‘Comedian’ confused the heck out of me. My dad was the least funny person I knew.

Grey looked between me and my old man before answering, “You put him up to this?”

My dad shrugged. “This is where he’s gonna end up, Pres. It’s time he knows what his old man does. I don’t want him growing up thinking I’m a nobody.”

Grey shook his head. “He’s not staying—we’ve got club business to attend to and I don’t think anybody here is hurting for babysitting money. Get him out of here and get back so we can get started.”

I knew most people didn’t think much of me because I was smaller than most of the guys my age, but for whatever reason, Grey’s words hurt the most. A ball of fury settled in my chest and I didn’t even think before screaming, “Fuck you! I’m staying.”

The room went deathly quiet and my dad looked like he was on the verge of falling over in shock. I knew I’d messed up; nobody went against Grey.

Grey’s jaw was clenched tightly and he regarded me in silence for what seemed like an eternity. “You want to stay? Fine—stay. Get him upstairs in a room.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but something in Grey’s eyes stopped me. Instead, I followed Wolverine dutifully up the stairs and into a bedroom.

“Stay in here, kid. Don’t come out—no matter what you hear. Got it?” He crossed his massive arms across his chest and leaned against the door, clearly waiting for a response.

I tried to match his stance. “Yeah, I heard you. Don’t leave this room for any reason.” I gave him a thumb’s up and shuffled over to the bed.

Once the door closed, I began looking around for an escape route. Grey probably told the guys to guard the hallway, so I was going to have to find another way to see what was going on.

There was no way I could run away after what I’d done downstairs. I’d wanted to prove to Grey that I was man enough to hang out with these guys. Maybe if I joined in they’d all see that. I slid the window open and eyed the drop to the ground below. Without a second thought, I slid through the window and held onto the windowsill for a brief second before dropping.

My ankle rolled against the hard dirt and I bit down on my lip to keep from crying out. It wasn’t swelling and I could still move everything, so I figured it wasn’t broken. When I tried to stand up and put weight on it though, my foot refused to cooperate with me. I ended up hopping along the side of the house on my good leg, looking nothing like Robert “Scandal” Jackson, Jr. from Cobra.

I wanted to be Scandal more than anything—the guy was unstoppable. He was an ex-Navy SEAL who could do martial arts. When my mom asked me what I was going to be when I grew up, I’d tell her that it was a tie between Scandal and Brisco County, Jr. Nobody would mess with me then.

Right now though, I resembled a flamingo with a broken leg as I hobbled around in the dark. Voices carried from the back of the motel and I pressed myself up against the building, trying to make myself invisible.

“Beast wants out, huh? After all the fucking things this club has done for him?” My dad’s voice boomed over the rest.

“It ain’t like that, Comedian. I can’t be running shit anymore—I got other plans for my life. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing when I patched in,” answered the voice that must’ve been Beast.

I crept closer until I could see them; then I quietly sank down onto my knees and wrapped my jacket tighter around my body.

Grey walked up until he was in between them. “Enough. You want out? Fine. You know the routine.” He placed a revolver in Beast’s hands and stepped back.

Beast’s hands were shaking, but he held the gun up to the side of his head. I could see the sweat running down his face. He was probably ten years older than me, but he looked like a scared little kid with that gun up against his head.

I cupped my hand over my mouth to quiet the sound of my breathing. I’d known that my dad was in a club, but I’d never seen any club that required members to kill themselves to get out. This kid, Randy, had a club a few blocks over and I was a member for a little while until I got bored. They never did anything but talk—I left after the fifth meeting and nobody made me do anything like what Beast was about to do.

The gun clicked and I flinched instinctively. He was still alive. Beast stripped off his leather vest and dropped it in Grey’s hands before walking toward the door.

“We’re done here, yeah?” Beast stood with his hand on the door. “Jamie and I are fucking out of here.”

My dad grinned and I swallowed past the lump in my throat. That smile never meant anything good. “Well, that’s where we got a little problem, Beasty. You can’t walk out of here with anything that belongs to the club. That includes your kutte, your bike, and your bitch. Ain’t that right, Pres?”

Grey nodded. “You know the rules, Beast. Jamie might’ve been your ol’ lady, but she’s club property now.”

Beast shook his head in anger before walking inside and slamming the door shut behind him. My dad let out a roar of laughter. “Hell, I’m going to be the first in line to sample some of that ass.”

Grey took a swig from his beer can, not saying a word. I was flooded with disappointment. He knew my dad was married, but he didn’t care. None of them did. They just did whatever the crap they wanted to do. It wasn’t right. I’d always imagined Grey as one of the guys on TV—one of the good ones.

He wasn’t. Not at all.

Grey was the type of guy that Brisco and Scandal hunted down. If I wanted to be like those guys, then guys like my dad and Grey were my enemies.

I tried to stand up again, but fell back against the dead grass and desert rock, landing on my butt with a painful thud. I’d spent my entire life looking up to Grey—wasted countless hours wishing he were my father. It had all been for nothing.

I heard voices coming through the open window upstairs.

“Where the fuck did he go?”

“Look, there he is! Stay right there, kid. We’re coming down!”

I dropped my head back against the side of the motel. Great. My dad was going to love this.

The footsteps grew louder as they rounded the side of the building. Grey knelt down next to me and I jerked back in surprise. I’d expected the same guys who’d been upstairs.

“What’s the damage, Mikey? Anything broken?” He felt along my arms and legs, stopping at my ankle when I cried out in pain.

“I’m fine.” I forced my voice to remain calm, but Grey shook his head.

“You aren’t fine. Your ass should’ve been home in bed—not out here getting indoctrinated into club life. You’re eleven, for Christ’s sake!” He raised his voice and I squeezed my eyes shut in preparation for what was to come.

“I’m sorry, sir.”

Grey grabbed my chin, forcing my face toward his. I risked a quick glance to judge where he was going to hit me, but he looked more sad than angry.

“You think I’m mad at you, Mikey? You’re just a kid—this isn’t any place for a kid to be hanging around. You hit eighteen—that’s a different story. I don’t want you making any decisions on club life until you’re done with school. You hear me?”

I nodded before asking the question that was dominating my mind. “You’re the bad guys, aren’t you?”

Grey looked away from me before responding, “Nothing’s ever black or white like that. I think you’ll understand what I mean when you’re older. There’s more to life than just right or wrong.”

I laughed softly. “That totally sounds like something a bad guy would say. For me, there’s right or wrong. You’re either with the good guys or you’re against them. When I grow up, I’m gonna be one of the good guys.”

He lightly squeezed the back of my neck. “I hope you are, kiddo. I hope to hell that you can do it. C’mon, let’s go find your dad and get you home.”

Grey wrapped a muscular arm around my back and lifted me up to my feet, allowing me to use him as a crutch as we made our way back toward the front of the motel.

“You learn anything tonight?” He paused to ask me as we reached the dirt parking lot.

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, don’t go diving out of second-story windows. It’s a long way down.”

He let out a low chuckle. “Well, I’ll be damned, Mikey. You just might be smarter than your old man—it usually takes him three or four times to learn his lesson.”

I smiled, but I really didn’t agree. My dad never seemed to make mistakes, or at least he never admitted to them. He also didn’t have any patience for anyone around him screwing up either.

Wolverine was back on guard duty near the front doors when we walked up.

“Where’s Comedian?” Grey asked.

Wolverine shrugged. “Off fucking Beast’s ol’ lady the last I heard. You need me to take the kid home?”

I clenched my jaw in anger at the thought of my father off with another woman. I wasn’t sure whether to direct all of my frustration at him or my mom—after all, she was constantly messing up things at home, which just made him angrier.

Grey’s lip curled downward slightly. “I’ll take him—just keep an eye on things while I’m gone. And watch the language when the kids are around.”

We passed Grey’s motorcycle on our way to his truck and I had to hide my disappointment. I’d really wanted to ride on the back of his bike—needed to feel the wind blowing in my face while we went flying down the highway. If nothing else, I’d have had a sweet story to tell my buddies at school.

I’d just opened my mouth to ask when a loud scream echoed off the canyon walls. Grey immediately stood up a little straighter and began scanning the dense mesquite trees for the source of the sound. I’d heard of this—a mountain lion could sound like a woman in trouble when it screamed. I’d never seen one up close though—the guys at school would never believe this.

I spotted several large cottonwood trees about a hundred yards away and, forgetting the pain in my ankle, took off for them. The adrenaline coursing through my veins had me feeling invincible—I was going to see a big cat up close. Grey and most of the bikers followed closely behind. “Mikey, get your ass in the truck and stay there!” He made a move to grab me, but I darted away from his grip and scrambled up one of the trees—quick as lightning.

I’d gotten really good at climbing over the last few months. It was nice to get away from the chaos inside my house. I’d climb until I could see the entire neighborhood and I’d imagine what it might be like to grow up in one of those houses.

I could hear one of the bikers struggling to get up the trunk of the tree after me, so I climbed faster. The tree split off into three smaller branches and I made the split-second decision to stick with the middle one. The scream sounded again and I briefly lost my grip on the branch, sliding down a few feet before correcting it. As long as I remained still, the mountain lion would never know I was here.

I made it to the top and straddled the branch like a chair as I scanned the horizon. The adrenaline slowly faded away and my ankle gave me a painful reminder that I should’ve stayed on the ground. I was definitely going to need help getting out of this tree.

I’d just decided that it was too dark to see anything when I saw a small ball of light moving erratically in the distance. My first thought was that it was aliens invading—the product of watching Fire in the Sky at Riley’s house a few weeks ago, no doubt. I shuddered involuntarily before reassuring myself that there were no aliens down here in the canyon. It was just a cat.

A gunshot rang out, confirming that whoever held that light was indeed human. My brain tried to catch up with what was happening. Surely the person with the light knew that there was a mountain lion on the prowl down there.

Right?

“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” the voice taunted and another shudder worked its way through my body. It was my father’s voice.

I strained my eyes, desperate to see the animal, when the scream sounded again. I jumped involuntarily and he let out a chuckle that was magnified by the canyon walls and took off in the same direction as the mountain lion.

“Mikey, get down!” Grey hissed up through the branches.

I lowered my head, searching for him. “Grey—it’s my dad. The gun—you gotta warn him!” My words came out in a breathless jumble. If that mountain lion got a hold of him, there’d be no way of stopping it. A bubble of guilt worked its way up in my chest at the relief I felt, thinking my father might die. It was wrong.

The scream sounded again and I knew then that, while mountain lions could sound like a woman screaming, they were not known for yelling the word ‘help.’ Several of the bikers tore across the desert ground after my father.

“Call it off, Comedian,” Grey’s voice carried throughout the entire canyon, raising the hairs on my arms.

My father chuckled again, but this time I couldn’t find him. The light was gone and the mesquite trees resembled shadow monsters. I hunkered down on the branch with my heart pounding painfully in my chest. My father was going to put the gun away and listen to Grey. Maybe he thought it was a big cat, but he had to know by now that it was another person.

The scream sounded again as the woman broke through the mesquite trees. There was just enough moonlight to see that she was naked and crying. She bolted from her hiding spot and ran toward Grey and the other bikers.

“Help! Please help!” She sobbed.

The light reappeared from behind her just as there was a loud pop. Her mouth fell open in surprise and a burst of red sprayed from her chest before she fell down into the dirt. I covered my eyes, but I couldn’t get her face out of my mind.

My father whistled to himself as he moved closer to the bikers, his light bouncing erratically again. The reason became obvious as soon as he reached the clearing. The light was attached to a body that he was dragging behind him.

He dropped the body near Grey’s feet and stood toe to toe with him. “You’re welcome,” he snarled.

One of the other bikers picked up the small lantern and held it near the body—it was Beast. Well, what used to be Beast.

My father turned and went back to where the woman lay, taking his time dragging her body over to Beast’s. The light illuminated her face; it was Beast’s ol’ lady, Jamie. The look of fear and horror was frozen permanently on her face and I knew that I would see that in my nightmares for years to come.

Grey cleared his throat, sounding almost nonchalant. “You wanna explain this to me, Comedian? Cause I gotta be honest with ya, I’m not seeing the humor here.”

My father shrugged. “I took care of a problem. According to Jamie, Beast was cozying up the cops, giving them all sorts of shit to use against us. She said it was only a matter of time before the cops raided the place and rescued her. She was so damn certain that she and Beast were gonna be reunited—all but planning to live out the American Dream, while our asses rotted in prison.

“Then she slipped up and said Beast was gonna be waiting for her. So, off we went, ready to find her knight in shiny black leather—well, after I tried her out. Told her the club was kicking her to the curb and the bitch led me right to him. So again, you’re welcome.”

Wolverine knelt down and pulled a wallet from Beast’s pocket, rifling through it until he found what he was looking for. “Bingo—looks like Comedian’s on top of it. One business card belonging to a fuckin’ fed. Anybody else need more proof?”

I shook my head from my perch high above them. They seemed to have forgotten about me for the moment and I was grateful to be invisible once again.

I didn’t know what to think—I’d only understood a little of what they were talking about. If what the bikers did was against the law, then it made sense that they wouldn’t want the cops to know about it.

Grey stared down at the bodies in disgust. “Get rid of them and any evidence that they were ever here.” He turned and walked back to the motel without another word, while my father stood with his chest puffed out in pride.

“You heard the Pres—you boys are in charge of clean up and I made one hell of a mess!” He kicked the woman’s body with the toe of his boot, forcing more blood out of the gaping hole in her chest.

It hit me then. I’d just watched my father murder two people in cold blood. He didn’t even seem bothered by it…like he’d done it before—I leaned over the side of the branch and threw up onto the ground below me.

“Mikey?” Grey’s voice was quiet; I think he was well aware of what my father would do to me if he found me up in a tree.

I moaned in response, feeling completely delirious. The tree vibrated as Grey’s boots connected with the trunk. He let out little bursts of air as he worked his way up to me.

I turned my head away from him as he settled on the branch next to mine.

“Look at me, Mikey,” he commanded. I reluctantly moved my head back until I was facing him. “What you saw—”

I grimaced as her face popped into my mind, afraid I was going to hurl again. “Yes, sir. It’s part of being a man, right? If I want to be a man, I have to be okay with stuff like that.”

It was Grey’s turn to make a sour face. “You think that’s part of being a man? Hunting people down like animals? Jesus Christ, kid. That’s not even close.”

“But he did it to protect your club—or whatever this is. Doesn’t that make you proud?” I wanted him to say no; to deny that he was like Michael Sullivan, Sr. I needed to know that there was still some good in the man I considered my hero.

Grey shifted his foot against another branch, pushing himself closer to me. “I ain’t gonna sit here and lie to you—not after what you’ve seen tonight. I’ve taken lives to keep the club intact as has most every man that rides with me. What we do here has to come before everything else—but what we do here provides for everything else. You get me?”

I shook my head, so he continued. “This club is my job; just like your old man runs the auto shop over on Broadway, I run this. It’s on my shoulders to provide for all those guys. If I let my guard down, it could be over in a second. Guys hauled off to prison and families ripped apart. Your mama doesn’t have to work because of what we do,” He grabbed onto his leather vest, “This kutte? These patches? They were earned and they come with a hell of a lot of responsibility.”

His voice trailed off and we sat in silence for a few minutes as I considered his words. He hadn’t outright admitted that he was a bad guy, but he hadn’t exactly denied it either.

My father had often told me I could patch into the club when I got older, but I didn’t think I’d ever be capable of killing another person. I sort of thought I’d round up the bad guys and haul them off to the county jail.

“I don’t want this life.” I didn’t realize I’d spoken the words aloud until Grey’s eyes met mine.

He nodded. “I don’t want this life for you either, kid. I know your old man wants you to prospect when you get a little older, but I think you should go after what you want.”

I thought about it and realized that no matter what Grey said, my father would never let me go off on my own. He’d expect me to be a mechanic or a biker just like him.

Grey eventually helped me and we climbed back down the tree before heading for his truck. I risked one last look toward the clearing where the bikers were moving the bodies.

I could still hear her screaming inside my head.