Paloma’s sisters had settled into my home quite nicely. I drove them to school on my way to the base and went with Paloma to pick them up when I got off work.

But the normalcy was getting to me, and the guilt of Catherine’s death was eating me up inside. My life was moving on without her. It wasn’t right.

After everyone had gone to bed, I crept out into the living room, craving my solitude. I turned on a war flick and opened a bottle of whiskey.

The whiskey soothed my soul, each sip numbing my pain, swallowing my indecision. Would I be betraying Catherine if I pursued Paloma? Would hitting on Paloma be considered sexual harassment? I didn’t just want to fuck her; I wanted to kiss her, make her happy, take care of her the way she took care of Sky and me. I needed to make sure my feelings for her were more than just loneliness and lust.

After an hour, I heard Sky cry. Fuck. I didn’t want Paloma to see me like this. I stood up to head back to my room, but before I could walk, Paloma walked into in the living room, holding Sky.

“Oh! I’m so sorry. I had no idea you were up. I’ll take Sky to her room and leave you alone.”

I studied her tight little body under her night slip. I could see the outline of her nipples and her panty line. I was aware that I was buzzed and wanted to vanish as quickly as possible before I embarrassed myself, or even worse, hit on her.

“No, you stay here. I’m going to bed.”

She placed her hand on my chest. “No, wait. Don’t go. Are you okay?”

“Yup.” She could surely smell the liquor on my breath. I didn’t want her to think I was a drunk like her uncle. “Just tired. I’m going to crash.”

Her eyes dropped to my waist, and she moistened her lips. I realized I had no shirt on, having removed it earlier because it was hot as fuck here, even in January. Fuck, this was my house, but I felt like a jerk just the same. It was totally inappropriate for me to be half-naked around her.

“Are you hungry? I’m starved. Let me cook you something.”

Well, damn, if she insisted. “Fine.” I sat back down on the sofa.

“I’m just going to feed Sky really quick and put her back down.”

She turned and walked away, and I didn’t even stop myself from staring at her tight little ass.

I read myself the riot act. I would in no way shape or form hit on her since I had been drinking. I was not that man.

I zoned in on the TV. Paloma appeared twenty minutes later and headed straight to the kitchen.

The scent of chiles and garlic filled the kitchen. I had no idea what she was making, but I couldn’t wait to taste another one of her delicacies.

Hell, I couldn’t wait to taste her.

Another twenty minutes passed, and she brought me a bowl of some red soup with chicken and a slice of lime.

“It’s pozole. It’s good for sobering up. Normally, I would make menudo, but it takes three hours.”

Damn, she saw right through me. “Thanks.” I took one bite, and the spicy broth soothed my stomach. “Babe, you’re an incredible cook.”

Fuck, had I said babe?

She placed her hand on my thigh. “Glad you like it.”

I wanted to throw her over the sofa and fuck her. Instead, I calmed my cock down and finished the soup, savoring every bite. What would it be like to live with this woman? I knew I was paying her, but she seemed to genuinely like taking care of me which felt so strange to me. Catherine loved me for sure, but she never doted on me. Never. We had a very equal relationship. We shared all the chores since we both worked, and neither of us ever cooked anything outside of grilled cheese and spaghetti. Even my own mom was never the nurturing type. I never thought I wanted a woman who was very traditional, but I couldn’t help but love every minute that Paloma was pampering me.

But it wasn’t just one-sided. I fought an overwhelming desire to pamper her too. Rub her feet, give her a massage, make her come.

Fuck. Stop.

I finished the soup, and she finished hers.

I grabbed her hand. “Let’s go outside.”

Her face contorted. “What if Sky wakes?”

“I’ll grab the monitor. Come on.”

She covered herself with her hands. “Let me change.”

I didn’t want her to change. I wanted to look at her incredible body in the moonlight. “We’re just going to sit in my truck. It’s hot out.”

“Okay.”

I grabbed a blanket and the monitor, and we snuck out of the front door like two teenagers absconding into the night. It felt so illicit.

I threw down the blanket, and we sat in the truck. I resisted the urge to wrap my arms around her, kiss her, tell her how much I needed her. But it wasn’t the right time. Not now.

I took her hand and traced the constellation with her. “Look up, Loma. Look at the stars. Do you see Orion?”

She nodded and then sucked in a breath. “Wow, it’s beautiful. Are you into astronomy?”

“Yeah, I wanted to be an astronaut. Still might go for it after I get out. My degree is in aeronautical engineering.”

“Oh, so you’re a genius.” She gave me a playful pinch and then leaned into my arms. Her skin was so soft, and she smelled like honey and bananas. I wondered if she tasted like them, too.

“No, I just liked to study.” But I didn’t want to talk about myself. I wanted to know everything about this strong, beautiful woman in my arms. “What about you? What do you like to do besides cook?”

“I don’t really know. I mean I liked to read in school, especially about other countries. But I haven’t really been exposed to much. I just want to travel, enjoy life.”

Despite the physical chemistry, we were such a match in other ways. I knew I made her feel safe and protected, and she made me feel loved. She wanted to travel, and I would be stationed around the world.

I could make her happy.

She placed her head on my chest. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“What happened to your wife?”

Anything but that. My heart sank. I didn’t want to think about my dead wife when I was looking up at the stars with Paloma.

But she was taking care of my daughter. And me. She had a right to know. Especially since I was dying to kiss her.

I took a deep breath. “Catherine was my high school sweetheart, but her parents moved to Virginia our senior year, so we dated long distance. I was accepted into Annapolis, and she went to Washington and Lee, near her folks, so we were still long distance in college. We got married when I graduated, and my first station was in Nevada. She got a job doing social work, which she loved.”

“Social work? She must’ve been a great person.”

“She was. She really cared about people. But I deployed so much that we barely saw each other. When I was selected as an Angel, we decided to try for a baby, because even though I’d be off flying for the year, at least I would be stateside. She got pregnant immediately.”

I looked up to the heavens. It was time to lay my heart on the line.

“But she had a brutal pregnancy. Nothing went right. She was sick, and we were worried about Sky’s development. I was flying all over the country, so I couldn’t be with Catherine.” I hadn’t even been there with her the last year of her life. I’d been too focused on being a great Angel.

A dullness ached in my chest. “She was overdue, so the doctor decided to induce her. But she wasn’t progressing fast, so she had to have a C-section. Sky was born healthy, and it was the best day of my life.”

And it had been. I was a dad. I was so proud of my beautiful wife. We had savored that day in the hospital. I couldn’t wait to go home and pamper my wife while she recovered.

I gritted my teeth. What happened next, I would never for the rest of my life come to terms with. Had it been my fault? Maybe if I had noticed the signs sooner, maybe she would still be here. “But then Catherine got sick. She had an infection from the C-section. The doctors tried to save her, but it was so aggressive. She died when Sky was two days old.”

The guilt came in waves, eating me up. But no matter how much I loved her, I couldn’t save her.

I had failed her.

And there was my truth. I had told Paloma, told someone. Everything. No secrets.

Her hand grabbed mine, and I didn’t push it away. “I’m so sorry, Beck. That is awful. But she would be proud of you. You are such a great man. And a great father. Meeting you was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I mean it.”

And at that moment, I broke. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that. As a man, I wanted to be strong. But sometimes, even men need to cry.

Paloma wrapped her arms around my neck. And I hugged her back. I pressed her body so hard against mine. This was wrong. She was a girl who worked for me. A girl who I refused to destroy.

But after a few more minutes of her in my arms, my resolve broke. I couldn’t wait another second to kiss her. My hand cupped her face, and she leaned up toward me, her plump lips already parted. We both paused for a moment as if to acknowledge the last seconds before this kiss would change our lives forever. 

I brushed her hair back, and my lips took hers, softly at first. The second she opened her mouth a bit more, my tongue probed her. She tasted like cinnamon and sweetness, and I wanted to devour her. Electricity pulsed through my body.

“Paloma, you are so beautiful. I’m crazy about you.”

Her beautiful mouth upturned into a smile and our kiss turned raw, hungry, unbridled. I needed her, I craved her connection. Her hands ran down my body, stroking my arms, and caressing my chest. Then she straddled me in the truck, and my hands grasped her incredible ass, rubbing her on my cock. Her hair glowed in the moonlight, and I wanted to make love to her under the stars. 

“I’m crazy about you, too. I can’t believe this is happening right now.”

Neither could I. Our chemistry was electric, and it woke a part of me that I had thought died with my wife. 

I buried my head in her chest and kissed the tops of her breasts. She let out a little moan that caused a sharp pang in my cock. I wanted to be inside her, make love to her, tell her that I would take care of her, that I believed she had been made for Sky and me. 

She slid next to me, and her hand rubbed against my cock, exploring its length. My own hand pressed against her pants, and I was excited by her wetness. 

“Beck, I . . . we shouldn't be doing this.”

Ah fuck. My hand pulled away, and I looked at her in the eyes. “We can stop now. I don’t want you to feel pressured into anything because you work for me. But I want you to know that this isn’t a fling for me. I’ve never met anyone like you. 

Her shoulders relaxed. “I’ve never met anyone like you either. You don’t look down on me. You appreciate me for who I am. I don’t feel judged. You are kind and generous and sweet. But . . .”

There was always a but. “But what, babe.”

“But you are leaving in next month. And also I’ll be leaving. I don’t want to get my heart broken. I don’t want to make things weird. So, unless we have a future together, I can’t do this. 

Ah fuck. I was sure we had a chance, but it was complicated. I didn’t even know where I’d be stationed next year. And though I was crazy about this girl, I wasn’t in love with her. Not yet. But I thought of her every moment of the day, even when I was flying. I dreamt of her at night. I craved her. 

And honestly, this was the most passionate kiss I had ever shared. 

But I couldn’t give her my word. My forever. We were not there yet. So, I did the honorable thing. I always did the honorable thing. 

“I can’t promise you forever tonight, but we could make this work. Let’s cool off and talk tomorrow.”

“Sounds good.”

I pulled her into my chest, and she fit perfectly. And I knew the answer to all my earlier questions.

I was falling for my nanny.