“Are you serious?”

Excitement twisted with fear in my chest. He was not asking me to marry him, which of course I didn’t expect. He had just told me he loved me, and I wasn’t trying to rush things any more than they were already rushed. Even so, I needed to know where I stood.

“Dead serious. I love you, Loma.”

“I love you, too. But I want to go to San Diego. I don’t know if I can move across the country. I mean, I have to support the girls.”

“Don’t worry about money. I can take care of you and your sisters. Just come with me. I need you. Sky needs you.”

I needed them, too. “But what if this doesn’t work out? Then what?”

He pulled me into his arms. “It’s going to work out, baby. Trust me.”

I had never trusted anyone in my life but my abuela. If it didn’t work out, I would be stranded in Florida, with no job, and no money. I’d be completely dependent on him. No, I couldn’t do that. No matter how much I loved him.

I pulled away from him. “I’m not sure. I need to make my own money. I don’t feel comfortable with you supporting us.”

His face contorted. “Well, I could still pay you as Sky’s nanny.”

Though I was positive he meant that offer as a way to give me independence, it didn’t sit right with me. 

We were sleeping with each other now. I didn’t want him to pay me.

I didn’t accept money for sex.

I wasn’t my mother.

I needed to think about this.

“I’m not sure. I don’t know what I want.”

He kissed me. “We don’t need to decide our future right now. Let’s just be happy. We love each other. I want to make you happy. I respect you. I’m not going to abandon you. Let’s just take this one day at a time.”

I kissed him back but inside my heart wrenched. 

I did love him. And I believed him. But I couldn’t take this one day at a time. I had fought so hard to leave this town. I couldn’t become dependent on a man. I needed to find my own way.

“We have a few more weeks to decide. Let’s check in and see where we are at.”

His face grimaced. Clearly not satisfied with my answer. I didn’t think that Beck was used to hearing the word no.

Well, I may be poor, but I wasn’t pathetic. I would stand up for myself and my sisters. I just couldn’t put all my trust in a man.

I fell asleep in Beck’s arms. He woke me early with kisses, and we made love again. This time it was sweeter and more loving. I loved how he could fuck me at night and then make love to me the next day.

For once, I didn’t even try to sneak out of his room early. I would no longer keep where I slept a secret from the girls. I felt guilty being so blatant like mama had been, but even so, I still woke up before they did.

I made breakfast, and Beck took the girls to school. After I fed Sky, I sat on the floor and started to read to her. She was more and more active by the day, and I was pretty sure she would start walking by next month. She was such a fat, healthy baby with a beautiful smile. I adored her. I loved her.

After a few hours of singing songs, crawling, and playing games, I put her down for a nap. I walked into the kitchen to make lunch when I heard a loud knock at the door.

I rushed to open it, not wanting Sky to wake.

My heart stopped when I saw who was standing at the door.

It was my mother. Her hair seemed to have become grayer, and her eyes had more lines. And she was holding a cup of my favorite treat—chamangos.

What the fuck was she doing here?

I quickly rushed her inside, so that no one would see her.

“What are you doing here? How did you find me?”

She pushed by me. “I’m not stupid, mija. I know things. I can find you. I’m your mother.”

“How did you even get on base? Did you fuck the guard?”

She leveled me with her eyes. “Your uncle got me on. You got that nanny position the full town has been talking about.”

Dammit. My uncle sold me out. I was actually surprised it took her so long to find me. “Doesn’t matter. It’s a job.”

She handed me the chamango cup. When I had been young, she used to take me into town and share chamangos with me. It was the best thing ever—juicy mangos mixed with chamoy, an amazing sauce that was a mixture of pickled fruit and powered chilis. Topped with chili powder, lime, and a tamarindo candy, chamangos had been the happiest part of my childhood.

To hell with my mom—I wasn’t going to let this treat go to waste. I sucked on that straw and drank it down.

As I was indulging in my drink, my mom opened her mouth to ruin my bliss.

“Have you slept with him?”

I wanted to slap her. How dare she ask me that? She had no right. No right!

“None of your business.”

Then for the first time in years, I saw my mom cry. Her voice broke. “Listen, mija, listen. I know you hate me. But I need to tell you something. I was once like you. I wanted to leave this town, too. Until I became pregnant with you. Your father . . .” she paused.

I jerked my head back. My father? She never spoke about my father. Never. Even my abuela didn’t know who he was.

“What, what about my father? Who is he?”

“He . . . he was in the Navy. He was here for ten weeks and then left. He abandoned us, mija. He told me he would take me away, start a new life with us. He knew I was pregnant with you, but he left anyway.”

My hand trembled, and heat burned my eyeballs. Oh my god, was she serious? Was my father a Blue Angel?

“You are lying to me.”

“I’m not lying. He was a Blue Angel! But he was no ángel. He was el diablo.”

I fought nausea down my throat. No. No. No. She had to be lying. There was no way this could be true.

“Prove it. You are a liar. You have always been a liar.”

Her hand reached into her worn leather purse, and she pulled out an old picture. A Blue Angel pilot with piercing green eyes the same shade of mine was posing for a picture with my mom, who looked just like I did now.

But that wasn’t all.

The pilot was holding a little girl around Sky’s age.

And that girl was me.

Holy fuck.

My lips burned, and my vision clouded, and it wasn’t from the chilies on the chamango. I felt instantly weak.

“Why have you never shown me this before? He could’ve been any pilot you took a picture with at the show. Why should I believe you?”

“Look in the mirror! Have you ever wondered why you are so pale when me and your sisters are dark? Why you are the only person in our family without brown eyes? Where do you think your green eyes come from? From him!”

I didn’t need to look in the mirror. I always wondered why instead of getting tan my pale skin burned. I knew my eyes were the same haunting pale green as the man in that picture. These green eyes caused my classmates to call me a gringa. These green eyes caused my uncle to tease me and say I wasn’t a real Mexican. These green eyes were proof that my father wasn’t another brown-eyed local.

“What his name?”

She pursed her lips and closed her eyes and said his name as if it was a prayer. “John Emerson.”

John Emerson.

Paloma Angélica Emerson.

But I still wasn’t sure. “I don’t believe you.”

“Why do you think I named you Paloma? It means dove. A bird who flies in the sky like a plane. Used at weddings as a symbol of love. I thought if I named you Paloma he would return to me. And Angélica was because your father was a Blue Angel.” And with that, she broke into sobs.

And I knew she wasn’t lying to me anymore.

I put my hand on her shoulder, comforting her beside myself.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“Because I didn’t want to hurt you. I tried, mija, I did. I know you don’t believe me, that you hate me, but I tried. It was so hard. No one would hire me. And I had a baby. I was only a teen. I gave up. But you have to know I tried. And I do love you.”

“I don’t hate you, Mama.” And I didn’t. Her confession shook me to my core. Was history repeating itself? Was Beck going to use me and leave me like my father had left my mother? “But it’s different. He loves me. I love him. He wants me to go to Florida with him. He wants to take the girls.”

She stared at my left hand, and I knew what she was looking for.

A ring.

A ring that I didn’t have.

A ring that I would never get.

“Where’s your ring?”

“I don’t have one.”

She shook her head. “Did he ask you to marry him?”

“No. His wife died last year. It’s way too soon. But he loves me.”

She scowled. “No, he doesn’t. He asked his nanny to go to Florida. Not his fiancée. You take care of his daughter, wash his clothes, cook his food, keep his home clean, keep his bed warm, why wouldn’t he want you? But don’t be mistaken, mija. You are only his nanny. You will only ever be his nanny. He will never marry you.”

That’s it. I had enough. “Go, Mama. Go. Don’t ever come back. I’m not you. Beck is not my father. He probably didn’t love you the way Beck loves me.”

“No Paloma, you are wrong. He loved me. He loved me like the air he breathed. Like the stars in the sky. Like the moon loves the sun but they can only meet passing in the night. We could never be together. I didn’t fit into his life, and you don’t fit into your pilot’s life, either. Look at you. You are a Mexican nanny. He’s rich! Educated. He may be having fun right now, but he will never ever marry you. Leave him now, before he breaks your heart—or you do something stupid.”

My muscles quivered as rage consumed me. “What does that mean, Mama? Is that what you did? Did you get pregnant with me to trap my father?”

She looked down at her feet. “Yes, mija, I did. I was so desperate. You don’t know how much I loved him.”

My stomach recoiled. “I can’t believe you did that? You trapped him? Of course, he didn’t want to marry you. No one wants to be backed into a corner.”

“You are no better than me. You don’t know what it’s like. Two years from now, when Beck still won’t marry you, you will do the same thing. Mark my words.”

“I would never.” But somewhere deep in my soul, I connected with her desperation. I couldn’t imagine being out in Florida with Beck, him never wanting to marry me. Would I ever do something like my mom had?

“You are just like me. You will. He had everything. I had nada. I thought once he saw your little face, he would love you too. You were perfect, mija. But he left us. Never sent money or even a card. For years, I prayed he would come back. And one day he did. You were around two, and he came out for a show. And he saw you. He knows about you. And I could see it in his eyes. He still loved me. But he wasn’t man enough to take us away and keep us in his world. We are nothing like them. You should know your place. The world hasn’t changed. These men, these Blue Devils, they come here to go slumming, and they go back and marry women who look like them, women who are from their world.”

I wanted to push her out of the room. I didn’t want to hear anything she had to say. I didn’t want to listen. Beck was nothing like my father if she was telling me the truth. Beck didn’t care what people thought about him, about me, about us. He had taken me out in public; he had introduced me to his friends. I was even going to meet his mother when she came to town for the airshow.

“Beck is not embarrassed by me. He loves me, too. He’s going to introduce me to his mother. Times have changed, Mama. I’m sorry my father left us. That’s horrible. But Beck loves me.”

“If he loved you, he would marry you, not keep you as the nanny. You are the help. Don’t you see? He’s using you. He will never ever marry you. You are young. You are beautiful. It’s too late for me but don’t throw your life away on this man. Move to San Diego with your sisters. Start a new life. But do it on your own. If he loves you, he will come after you.”

I hated to agree with her, but my head heeded her advice.

I thumbed the picture. “Can I keep this?”

She nodded. “Yes, it’s yours. But don’t get any crazy ideas about running off and finding him. He doesn’t want you. Neither does his family.” She looked toward the door. “I’ll go. But mija, if you were smart, you wouldn’t go to Florida. Take the money and get your sisters far away from here. And one day, when you realize I’m right. Forgive me.”

She hugged me hard, and I didn’t push her off of me.

Then she walked out the door.

Leaving me alone with all my insecurities.

And for the first time in years, I believed that my Mama actually cared about me. That she loved me and wanted the best for me. 

But I also believed something else. 

She was right about Beck.