EIGHTEEN
I rushed across the street without so much as a glance back, barging through the door that led straight to my kitchen. I dropped my keys on the first counter I came across, pinching the bridge of my nose with blunt pressure.
Tears were coming.
I thought I could fight them.
I was wrong.
I covered my face with my hands, swiping aggravated wetness away before anyone came down and spotted me. I dropped my hands, but when I happened to look to my left, someone unfamiliar sat at the counter with a cup of coffee in hand.
He had a natural tan complexion, similar to mine, eyes just as soft as someone clearly related to him—grey and filled with curiosity. He looked tall, with a broad chest and wicked, chiseled features. Dark, curly hair that was cropped and cut perfectly around the edges. Professional. Clean. His looks were sort of intimidating, but there was a kindness that orbited around him, proving I couldn’t judge on sight.
He was just about to take a quick sip of the brew, but I was sure my entrance caught his full attention. I gasped, pressing a hand to the heart of my chest. “Ohmygod.” The words flew out my mouth like a torpedo. My face turned as red as a cherry.
He put on a smile that seemed genuine and somewhat titillated. He was concerned, but by the way his eyes roamed my body, he clearly liked what he saw. I ignored his ogling. I’d become used to it after spending three years in a college full of horny, young men.
This guy looked like he’d just graduated college, not the age of twenty-nine like Margie had mentioned. He must have landed his teaching job very young. Lucky man. He had a youthful yet attractive face. I pulled my shit together, clearing the remainder of tears from my face and waving in his direction.
“Hi,” he said then mashed his lips together. He studied my wet eyes. The urge to ask what was wrong with me was most likely on the edge of his tongue, but I was glad he didn’t bother.
“Uh. Hey. Sorry.” I swallowed hard. “You must be Sterling.”
“Yes. And you must be Chloe.”
“Yep.” I felt super awkward and really stupid.
“Hmm.” He made a noise, almost like a small laugh. “Great to meet you, Chloe.”
He started to stand from the bar stool with his hand stuck out, but I fidgeted and he came to a swift halt. I wasn’t up for handshakes or touching. He caught the hint, taking his seat and picking up his coffee again. He looked away from me. “I should go up to my room, let you finish your breakfast.”
“Oh yeah. Please, go ahead. Don’t mind me.” He encouraged me to go. I was glad he didn’t make me feel any more pathetic. I collected myself, told Sterling it was nice to meet him, and then scampered out of the kitchen, hurrying up the stairs and into my bedroom. I could hear Margie in my dad’s room, arguing with him about getting dressed.
I didn’t have the time or patience to deal with that right now. I decided it was best to allow Margie to handle her job alone. After all, it was her job. Even if the son she hadn’t seen in three years was drinking coffee alone downstairs, most likely awaiting her presence.
Poor boy.
I felt sorry that he had to witness my outrage as well as listen to my father’s stubbornness. I had no doubt he wondered where Mom was. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d considered the Knight family a little dysfunctional.
Entering my room, I shut and locked my door behind me but hurried to the window, almost tripping over my blue rug just to make it across. His window was open, the curtains pulled aside, but he was nowhere in sight.
God, he was a jerk.
I couldn’t believe he’d said that to me. Me? The girl that made him feel everything. I didn’t mean to boast, but he made me feel alive too. And to say that right to my face? And then use Trixie’s hoe-ass as his excuse?
No. I just couldn’t deal.
Why did it have to be this way? Why couldn’t things just be simple and easy? Why couldn’t I just have them both? I could have told Izzy that I was sleeping with her dad, but there was a large risk of losing her. She wouldn’t have respected that or tolerated it. Plus, Izzy spoke her mind a lot, a trait she clearly got from her father.
She wouldn’t have sugarcoated anything. Not her feelings. Not how stupid we may have looked together. Not even how our friendship would surely be over.
We loved to talk boys, but it would have been weird as hell to talk about her dad. There would be boundaries. Everything would change. Izzy and I had this plan of moving in together once school was over. She’d be my roommate until we were in our thirties and engaged with great careers to back us up.
None of that would happen, though, if she found out about Theo and me. Not only that, I would have hated for Theo to ruin the solid relationship he had with his daughter because he was too busy sleeping with her best friend. I couldn’t be the blurred line that stood between them. I was closest to her. She trusted me to never hurt her. The love we had for one another was immense, so it was easy to hurt one another.
It was bad. And dirty. And wrong.
And I wasn’t bad or dirty or wrong unless I was around him.
Shit. Some things needed to change.
This was my wake up call.
Stop now, or you never will.
Three long and boring days went by, and I spent every single one of them at home. I didn’t even bother going for my daily jogs. I knew, if I did, I would run into him. So I took up swimming a few laps in our pool.
I would have enjoyed it more, but I always felt someone watching me. The weight would be heavy, pressing into my back, and when I’d turn or look towards my house as I climbed out the pool, I’d see the guestroom curtains drawn and Sterling Martinez standing only inches away from the window.
He’d smile, but I wouldn’t bother. I’d pick up my towel, watching him as I walked away until I could no longer see him. I swear, there was something about him that weirded me about. Yes, he was sweet and he clearly loved his mother by the way he kissed her on the cheek every morning, but he stared way too much.
No, it wasn’t a stare of admiration or even interest. It was a deep stare, like he knew many secrets about me that I’d never told anyone.
Each day, I’d pass Sterling in the living room or the kitchen. When I was making lunch after my swims, he would walk in, wave lightly with a suave greeting, and then step behind me to get to the fridge. He’d purposely step by me, and the hairs would prick the length of my spine. The feeling was… bizarre. Yes, it crept me out, but it also gave me a cool, comforting chill.
“Sterling.” I’d greet him in the flattest way possible, as if I’d known him for years and simply tolerated his presence. Like I said, weird.
On another note, during those three days I’d received constant calls and texts from Theo. I didn’t respond to any of them. In order for me to keep myself in check, I had to keep my distance. Trust me, I wanted to give in infinite times, call back after he left a voicemail, begging me to return to his call.
The third night, I received the maximum number of calls from him. Six. Maybe I wasn’t as desperate as I thought. We were obviously on the same level. I may have overreacted the other day, but he knew the reason why.
And he also knew it was wrong to continue this fucking charade. Pretending not to care. Pretending this wasn’t more than what we both knew it was. We’d taken it too far in only one week. Imagine how far we’d have gone in two months.
That night, I lay in bed, staring up at the stars on my ceiling again. I felt hopeless, ending it like that. Were we over? Would he give up on the calls? Stop texting me or even bother with me once he came to the realization that I was right about trying to let it go? I say “trying” because I wasn’t ready.
I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Or the last night I spent with him. How I slept with him, cuddled up the entire night and inhaling his unique, manly scent. He got so hard for me the next morning, coming because it was me that made it happen.
I sighed, rolling over. It was nearing midnight. I stared ahead at the neon green numbers on the alarm clock across from me. I wasn’t sleepy. Sleep would be nearly impossible with a mind this overcrowded.
Minutes passed. I forced my eyes shut. It didn’t help.
My phone buzzed on the bed beside me. “Mr. Black” appeared once again, and for a split second, I started to answer, but quickly changed my mind, muting the buzz and placing it beside the clock.
The screen went black, but something rapped on my glass as soon as it did. Gasping, I sat up, looking towards the window and spotting a shadow behind it. The knocking broke the silence again, and I shot to a stand, rushing to the window because I knew exactly who it was.
I pulled the curtains aside, and there he stood—Mr. Black, sporting all black. A baseball cap was fitted on his head, his dark brown eyes pinned on me. I opened my window in a hurry, whisper-hissing, “What the hell are you doing up here?!”
He ignored my question, climbing through the window and landing with a gentle thud. I stepped back as he stood tall, turning and shutting the window. He didn’t lock it, which was a good sign. He would be leaving soon.
“Theo, what the hell are you doing up here? Why would you climb through my window?”
He shrugged one shoulder. “It’s obviously the only way I can see you.” His eyes flickered beneath his cap. “Got me acting like a sixteen year old boy again.”
I tried hard not to smile, and it worked. Inside, however, I was beaming. Folding my arms across my chest, I took another step away, one eyebrow cocked in his direction. I could see part of his face from the streetlight filtering in through the slit between my curtains.
He looked fucking amazing. If I wasn’t so upset and working so hard to maintain my composure, I would have salivated at the mere sight of him.
A solid, black T-shirt hugged his body, black basketball shorts around his waist, and black Nikes to match. His tattoos were definitely a bonus, the ink beautifully sketched along his toned arms. As he stood there, I wondered how I stayed away for three whole days. Three days just seemed way too long to be away from Theo Black.
His body was solid, chest clearly defined beneath that shirt. And the bulge in his middle gave a clear idea of what a woman should have expected—and what I knew—when she made the decision to get into bed with him.
Stepping forward, Theo asked, “Why have you been ignoring me?” His voice wasn’t sweet or earnest, like how I pictured his unanswered messages to be. It was slightly irritated. “I’ve called you for days, trying hard to fucking explain myself, but you won’t allow me the chance.”
I straightened my back. “Like you said, I was being too emotional. I realized it and backed off. What you wanted, right?”
“Did I ever say that?” His voice was dark. He stepped forward again, nostrils flaring with a mild edge of frustration.
“You didn’t have to say it.”
He frowned. I expected him to say more, but instead, he finished his long awaited walk to me, pulling me in and leading the way to my full-sized bed. “Listen to me, baby,” he murmured, lips touching my ear. I shivered but listened, deciding a protest was pointless. “I’ve thought long and hard the past few days, and you know what I came up with?”
I pretended to ignore him, avoiding the panty-melting kisses he placed on my face and the center of my chest when he softly laid me down.
His head tipped up, eyes meeting mine. “How much I enjoy being around you,” he continued. “And how, even though you may not think so, I care about you. Shit, I love you, Chloe. And if you can’t see that, then I don’t know what the fuck to tell you.”
His smile was slanted, but my eyes were intense on his. He… he loved me? Theodore Black loved me? I never thought I’d hear those words come out of his mouth. We weren’t supposed to love... or even care too much.
“No, this shit didn’t happen overnight or even this past week,” he explained. “I have loved you for nearly ten years now. Back then, it was a simple kind of love. The kind you’d give anyone you spent so much time around. But that day in the park, when you allowed me to take you for the second time and looked at me as if I was the perfect and greatest man on earth, I fell, Chloe. I fell so fucking hard, and all these years I’ve been trying to pretend I didn’t because it happened too soon—too soon after Janet’s death and in the midst of my grief. I thought surely it was my grief and abandonment that made me feel that way about you.” His head shook as he sat up. “But no… that feeling was real. And it has been mutual. We said love couldn’t come into this but, fuck, it’s been here all along, Knight.”
My heart stumbled over its beats, trying to grasp and cling to every word. “You… love me?” I whispered, sitting up with him. I looked him straight in the eye and kind of hoped he’d look away, falter—anything to show he didn’t truly mean it, but he didn’t. He stared right back at me with eyes so full and brown my tummy fluttered.
“A lot.” His smile was boyish. Innocent.
I don’t know what it was, but it set me on fucking fire. I stared at him in awe, and before my mind could comprehend my actions, I pounced forward, wrapping my arms around his neck and clashing into him.
He fell on top of me as I tugged him toward me, returning the kiss with the same burning intensity I held. God, I felt like the best girl on earth. Those three days of loneliness meant nothing. His words, and the fact that I had considered him a true asshole, were easily replaced with his confession. All negativity and hurt vanished, and my heart filled with a positivity that radiated to him.
I couldn’t get enough. The bulge in his shorts prodded through, poking right at my sex. I assisted him with his shorts as he focused on mine. Our breaths mixed and mingled, lips brushing.
His cock was at my entrance, and he sighed before entering me, tensing as if three days was way too long not to have me.
I sank and rocked with his large frame, holding on tight as he quietly took me, mouth crushing mine, one hand cradling one side my face. Every part of me wanted to collide with this man, merge into one, because that was exactly what we were when alone. One.
Nothing could replace my feelings for Theo. I’d loved him since I was twelve, since I was a little girl. And he knew that, but he never took advantage of it until the timing was a combination of wrong and right.
I didn’t blame him. I didn’t even blame myself. This was never supposed to happen, but how could we fight it? It was extremely difficult to stay away from the predestined. This was bound to happen, and though it terrified me to think of its outcome, I just couldn’t imagine my life without him in it.
But I also couldn’t imagine it without Izzy.
I hated when she crashed through our moments. The urge to push him away was strong, but not as strong as my need to pull him close and never let go.
The thought of her was brushed aside, the guilt replaced with a large fill of this glorious man. His hips stroked evenly between my legs, and he continued the same, quick thrust for several seconds before releasing and groaning as quietly as he could. His head fell, and he kissed me where his mouth landed.
A deep sigh filled the room as he rested on my chest. Forcing his head up and meeting his mellow brown eyes, I whispered, “I love you too, Theo. I have loved you for so long.” His arm tightened around me. “My love for you has been irreplaceable. No one has ever made me feel the way you do. I know it’s wrong,” I said, “and I know we shouldn’t be sharing feelings like this, but it’s all true. I hate lying to myself. I hate fighting it. I hate being without you.”
He looked me over and then licked his lips, pulling out and moving up to my side. Gripping my chin with his thumb and forefinger, he tilted my head, allowing our mouths to press. I sighed as his tongue parted my lips, wrapping around mine, before he pulled away, grazing my bottom lip. “You are my little knight,” he murmured. “My rock. My savior. I love you.”
Those words repeated that entire night. He cuddled with me for an hour and he joked about my anger, making me slap him playfully a couple times before leaving. He asked me to show up the next day to help him pack his things.
His landlord told him he could move in a few days early, and considering he had a ton of shit that needed packing, I agreed. After all, he wasn’t going to be able to do it all on his own.
My anger subsided. Ecstasy raced through my veins, a feeling I developed only when he was around. I smiled like a child would on Christmas Eve’s night. With Theo, every day from that moment and forward, would be a gift.
“No thinking,” he told me before leaving. He had already climbed through my window, his body supported by the thick branch of the tree. “No what if’s and no maybes. We’ll live. We’ll have fun, and we’ll hold onto our momentary happiness. We’ll feel everything, and we’ll fucking love it.” He kissed me with so much passion it made my heart swell. “I love you, Chloe.”
“I love you too,” I replied. And I meant it. I really meant it, and it felt amazing to say out loud.