FOUR
Theo didn’t come home the following night. No loud, angry music. No metal tools clanking around. No empty glasses slamming on the concrete. Just peace and quiet. It felt strange.
I didn’t like it.
I wondered where he was, what he was doing, or worse—if he was still alive.
The question of him being alive was shortly answered when I heard the grumble of his motorcycle. The growl came to a hush, engine shutting off, and I dropped my book, uncrossed my legs, and narrowed my eyes as I walked towards the window.
Looking out, I watched as he stumbled towards the door, pulling out his key and struggling to stick it into the lock. My window was cracked, so I heard him curse beneath his breath as he tried getting it in. I rolled my eyes. At least he hadn’t passed out again. He’d gone elsewhere to get drunk. Maybe he did understand me last night.
Finally, he was inside, and I was relieved. I shut my window and locked it, walking back to my leather recliner in the corner and returning to my book. I was curious about what he was doing, though. Thinking about him distracted me from devouring the romance novel I’d just bought.
I shut the book, blowing out a heavy puff of breath as I climbed out of the recliner and entered my bathroom. I took a long shower, tossed on a large black T-shirt, and climbed into bed, shutting the lamp off.
Moments later, as I lay in darkness, my phone buzzed on the nightstand. It was a text from Izzy.
Izzy: My dad isn’t answering his phone. Is he okay?
I responded quickly.
Me: He’s fine. Just saw him getting home. I’m sure he’ll call.
Izzy: Ok. Good. I was a little worried. Keep an eye on him, will u?
I struggled between a true laugh and a scoff. Yeah, I thought. I’ve been doing that all damn summer.
Me: I will.
Izzy: Thanks, Chlo. Ur the best.
I started to ask her how the college life was going, but my mind changed within the same moment. I wasn’t up for chatting, not after feeling like I’d betrayed her. I couldn’t believe I still hadn’t told her what was going on. She deserved the truth, even if that meant losing her.
I just couldn’t imagine her reaction.
I’d seen Izzy angry, sad, depressed, happy, content, and even confused, but I wasn’t sure what I’d get if word got out that I’d messed around with her dad. Ignoring my guilt, I shut my eyes and curled up beneath the blanket, drifting off to sleep.
The next day, around dusk, I went for a jog at the neighborhood park. Stress had been eating away at me. I was done packing for school and tired of being cooped up in the house. With Izzy gone, I had no one to hang with, so I slid into some jogging pants and a tank, tied my hair up, and was out of the door in seconds, my earphones wedged in my ears.
I started a light jog to the park, waving at a few of the neighbors. All of them were so full of shit. All stuck up and rude, but I was the type that liked to play nice when I had to. The manners Dad taught me, I suppose.
Finally reaching the park, I picked up my pace, hitting the trail and then meeting at the track, running it four times while catchy tunes filled my head. The running distracted my clustered mind for at least fifteen minutes, the air filling my working lungs, the wind nipping my damp skin. I felt great when I finished. I even sang along to some of the music, stretching on the park bench before heading back home.
But that momentary feeling of peace vanished when I saw a shirtless Theo Black running along the same trail. He had on headphones, muscles glistening, and his body art standing out more than ever.
He caught me bending in front of the fountain and slowed down just a little. His gaze matched mine, uncertain, but immediately, he picked up his pace, rushing through a thick line of trees and down a different trail, a rockier one that was harder to traverse.
I shouldn’t have felt so angry, but watching him disappear and act like I didn’t even exist had me heated. And it was a shame because I swore I wouldn’t let the emotion take over me. Lies. All lies.
There was something about the way he looked at me—so many unanswered questions in his eyes. So much confusion, guilt, but most of all, a recognizable lust. Perhaps that was the reason he took off.
I stopped my stretching, took a sip from the fountain, and then turned to jog back home. I didn’t make it to the exit of the park though, because there he was again. He appeared on the trail I took, panting heavy, eyes hard on mine. I stopped in my tracks, forehead creased, eyebrows stitched.
“Chloe,” he said after catching breath. He snatched off his headphones and stood up straight, sweat enhancing his rock-solid body, streaming down his chest. “Can we talk… please?”
I shook my head. “We don’t have to. It’s no biggie.” I ran around him like I wasn’t just deep in my feelings. He caught my elbow before I could flee, twirling my body his way. It was effortless, his grip light.
His line of sight automatically fell to my lips, and his parted. I knew what that look meant. I swallowed hard as he spoke, trying to preserve control. “Look, I know you might think I’m some kind of perverted motherfucker for coming onto you so strong, but… shit.” He blew a breath, head shaking. “Look, I’m sorry about what happened. I swear it wasn’t supposed to go down that way.”
I was speechless. I was sorry as well, but then again, I wasn’t. I’d lived out a fantasy. Something I’d wanted to happen for a very long time. Why regret so much? “I don’t think you’re a pervert.” I paused, unsure if I should share the rest of my thoughts out loud. “You weren’t the only one that wanted it to happen. I… tempted you.”
He swallowed hard, ignoring my previous statements. “You can’t tell Izzy about this,” he told me, face scrambled. He didn’t know if I’d told her or not.
I frowned, narrowing my eyes up at him. “I would never tell her.” It felt weird even saying it aloud.
“I know but…” His lips twisted as he released my arm, observing my anger. “Fuck—don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?” I blinked rapidly.
He stepped forward, head slightly tilted. “When you’re upset, it shows. And it’s hard to ignore because you’re hardly ever upset. I just want to fix it… make you smile again. Make you feel better.” His hand ran down my cheek. My breath collected in my throat.
I wanted to back away as he drew me in—run like hell—but I couldn’t. Damn it, I couldn’t. He smelled so good, his natural scent along with a light spritz of cologne making my insides prickle. And don’t even get me started on his slender body, the V that sank deep into his basketball shorts. Theo held me close, one hand gently traveling down the curve of my hip.
“Don’t do this,” I whispered. “Please,” I begged, but I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean a single damn word of it. Finding the strength to pull away, I shook my head and started to run, but he caught me.
His face was hard, eyes darker when I looked at him again. Instantly, he gripped my hand, rushed through a line of trees, and shoved branches and leaves out of the way. In a matter of seconds, he brought me before him, spinning me around until my back hit rigid bark.
He pressed against me, his mouth claiming, his tongue gradually sliding through and dancing with mine. I moaned and sighed, pushing against him, wanting him to stop and go all at once. I wanted him away from me—off of me—but I also wanted him to never let go. To hold me close.
My eyes burned because I wanted to cry, but the tears never fell. This was happening. This was happening to me all over again. To us.
Wow. The second time in less than forty-eight hours.
My fucking goodness.
Theo picked me up, and my legs instinctively latched around his waist. He then walked forward, and my backside landed on a soft patch of sweet smelling grass. My eyes cracked open, spotting white daisies surrounding us. The sunlight made his skin sparkle, enhancing his devilish beauty.
I yanked off his shorts as his lips pressed on my cheek. His groan was deep, his sweat-dampened body rubbing against mine. He had my pants off, legs bent, and in no time he was taking me.
Right there.
On the grass.
In the park where people passed by us only a few feet away.
Some people walked or jogged. I could spot their shadows zooming by, oblivious to the sinful act taking place.
Unable to control my cries of pleasure, he cupped my mouth and shushed me. His gaze penetrated mine beneath the setting sun, sweaty forehead creased and nostrils flaring as if he were angry and concentrated at once. He was taking out his aggressions on me, fucking me ever so softly. As badly as I didn’t want it happening that way, it was. And I wasn’t stopping it.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked gruffly.
“Tell you what?”
“That you were still a virgin.”
“It didn’t matter,” I admitted.
His eyes squeezed shut, and I gasped as he hit a tender spot that made my back go into a slight bend. “It does matter.”
“Why?”
He crushed his lips together. “Knowing that I was the one to take you first will make me want to fuck you every time I set eyes on you now.”
I shook my head.
“I’m serious. But all you have to do is tell me to stop. Tell me to stop,” he whispered. He was half-stroke. “And I will. I will never touch you again, Chloe.”
I could have, but deep down, I didn’t want him to. I never wanted him to stop. This to stop. Us to stop. “No,” I mustered, hooking my arms around his neck. A smile twitched at his lips, but his eyes were just as hard as before. Unreadable and dark.
He pounded deep, swiveling in slow, torturous circles. Cupping my face, I allowed his tongue to swirl with mine again, feeling as he inhaled my moans. He didn’t want me completely quiet, just quiet enough. He wanted to hear me… wanted to listen to me breathe his name.
I wasn’t sure how no one heard the grass rustling, the grunts, groaning, and sighing. I mean, I honestly didn’t care as long as they didn’t ruin this moment. This perfectly imperfect moment.
Theo was above me, thick arms planted outside my head, stroking deep, leaning forward, and placing damp kisses on my neck and chest. I turned my head away, fighting the inevitable, but he stole kisses from me, proving I could go nowhere. That he would always get his way.
I hated it
I loved it.
I couldn’t do this anymore.
But I wanted so much more.
My back curved, eyes shutting. My walls constricted around his massive length, juicing. Soaking. Milking. Tipping my head forward again, he forced me to focus on his eyes, our foreheads meshed. His entire body tensed moments later, and soon he bared teeth.
No longer able to hold it in, he let go, bringing his mouth to the crook of my neck and sucking me there, sucking until it stung—my fingernails biting into his skin. Pleasure and pain.
“Fuck, baby,” he groaned, unable to control his volume. My body jolted as he stilled and then whipped back, pulling his cock out and having no choice but to cum on top of the grass. On me, it would have left a mess, but inside me would have caused true chaos.
I was grateful.
My mind swirled into a daze. The sky seemed to spin above, the line of trees staring down at me. Mocking me with their leaves flapping in the wind, shaking like they were almost laughing. I felt embarrassed, but then Theo looked at me and I felt like a goddess.
I couldn’t believe it’d happened again.
A second time.
How the fuck did I let it happen so easily this time?
Theo sighed, pulling out and standing, yanking his shorts up. He looked down at me, and a flash of pain crossed his face. I sat up, pulling my pants up as well. We were quiet for a moment, adjusting ourselves. I felt warmth oozing between my legs, and something sparked within me. I ached, longing for him to take me all over again.
His lips parted, and I expected positive words, but I’d deliberately received the opposite. “We… we shouldn’t do this anymore, Chloe.” He ran his hands over his face. “Fuck—I… I don’t even know how we keep getting here. I was wrong. So fucking wrong.”
My eyes became hot, thick with unshed tears. Only moments ago he asked me if I wanted him to stop. He was confusing me. I didn’t get him. What was it that he wanted from me?
“You’re so young,” he went on. “So inexperienced and so innocent. I can’t keep taking that from you.” He looked away, guilt-ridden, and then focused on me again, awaiting a response.
I stood, looking him deep in the eyes for a brief, intense moment. I saw the confusion. The trouble I was causing his emotions. My heart snagged. My head dropped. I walked around him, hugging myself as I rushed through the line of trees he’d dragged me through only minutes ago. I left out of the park in a hurry, jogging back home, biting back on emotion. Fortunately, I won. No tears on the way there.
Theo was nowhere in sight as I entered my house. I figured he meant it this time. And it was good because he was right. We couldn’t do this anymore. It wasn’t okay. We both were doing it for very bad reasons.
While I was showering the scent of him away, allowing it to seep down the drain, he must have made his way back home. His bedroom light was on. I peeked through the curtain, expecting him to be in his garage or even inside the house, but instead he was on the porch, looking right at my bedroom window.
I gasped, taking a step back, but I could still see him. I was sure he knew I was still watching.
He had a beer in hand. His lips were pressed thin, eyes full of regret and curiosity. I bet he was wondering the same thing I was. Why did we feel so good together? How in the hell did we let it happen twice? Why couldn’t we deny this lust? What was it that made us get so lost in each other that we completely forgot just who we were? The wrongs and rights? The pain and suffering? The fucking age difference? Fucking Izzy?
It was confusing… and so very hard to fight.
Perhaps it was the thrill…
Or maybe it was the off-limits thing? Human beings loved taking advantage of what they knew they couldn’t have.
Maybe he did it because he hadn’t had any in a while and I just did it because—well, because I’d had a crush on Mr. Black for many, many years. I dreamt about him. Thought about him almost every single day without even realizing it before.
Maybe it was because, deep down, we’d wanted each other. We had a connection—an undeniable one. I could read him, and he liked that. He didn’t have to speak, didn’t have to tell me what was wrong, because I already knew.
His pain? I wanted to be the one to take that away.
His conflictions? I wanted to be the one to settle them.
But I was only dreaming. I had to stop. Dreaming never got me anywhere before. Why would it now?
Knowing this, I moved away from the curtain, stepping back slowly, and looked into the mirror of my vanity. I was sure someone could have spotted the hickey he left on my neck from a mile away.
I tried covering the shame with my hands, but I quickly moved them away. Seeing the mark made me tingle below, my core clenching. Running my fingertip across my lip, I imagined him kissing me again.
Holding.
Smoldering.
Looking me deep in the eyes.
His kiss. His touch.
His smell.
Him.
I didn’t get it. How could I want more? How could I do this to myself, knowing it would result to nothing?
Why did I care?
Why did it feel so incredible, but oh so painful?
How was I supposed to forget about my first time with a man that wasn’t even supposed to take it?
Why did it seem my morals went flying out the window whenever he made an appearance? I was a good girl. I’d always been a good girl, but he’d brought the dark little Chloe Knight right out of me.
Shit. Why couldn’t I just forget about Theodore Black?
Two days later, my car was packed up, my keys clutched in hand. “I’m sorry we can’t drive you there, sweetie,” Mom said, adjusting her skirt. “I know how big this is for you.”
“Don’t worry about it. Dad needs you in San Fran. You know he can’t do it all by himself.” She rolled her eyes and I sighed, deciding to quickly change the subject. I didn’t even want to get her started on the man that she now thought was soo annoying. “I’m excited about USC. It’ll be fun. A great experience.”
“Well, I’d hope so with how much money we’re paying for tuition.” She laughed with an edge of sarcasm, tucking her curly brown hair behind her ear. “Just be safe.” A kiss on my cheek. “Call me as soon as you make it there.”
I nodded, rounding the car. “I will. Love you, Mom.”
“Love you too, sweetie.”
I jumped in the car and started it. I hated that Dad wasn’t here, but when work called, he always went running. Even while being retired, it seemed he worked more now than ever before. He wasn’t getting paid to be one of the greatest accountants in Cali, but people loved him and he wasn’t dead yet, so they were going to use him up until he was a no-good, withered-up, forgetful man. I couldn’t blame him. He wanted the best for us, especially me. If there was one thing I knew about my Dad, it was that he feared going broke. He was without money before, unable to provide for himself before he got to college and received inheritance from my greedy grandfather.
It sucked he couldn’t even see his own daughter off to college, but he did keep his promise about coming to graduation. And he showed up on time, and even found me afterwards to fly me in a private jet and spend a night in San Francisco.
I shrugged it off and started to wave at Mom again, but her phone was now in her hand and soon to her ear. She talked quickly as she turned her back to me, entering the house several seconds later.
I sat in the driveway for a while, eyes damp, my heart slowly drumming in my chest. Whatever. It was seriously whatever. Finally fed up with being put last, I rapidly blinked the tears away and drew in a deep breath. I connected my Bluetooth to the car because I needed music. Lots of it if I was going to make it through the drive. Alone.
I pulled out of the driveway, silently telling my home goodbye. Putting the car in drive, I allowed my foot to hover above the gas just as I so happened to look to my right.
Standing in the garage with a wrench in hand was Mr. Black. His nostrils were flared, lips pinched tight with his gaze pointed right at me. I assumed he was thinking negative things. Not even a goodbye? Farewell? See you soon?
A wave of dread passed through me as I watched his lonely eyes. I wanted to jump out and hug him—tell him so many kind things—but I didn’t. Theo needed to know that we would never be the same—that I would soon be over him once I was in college.
I wasn’t planning on coming back home anytime soon. It was like coming back to nothing. My parents always acted too busy for me, my best friend was miles away, and her father was just across the street, normally strutting with a tank top or no shirt on at all. I was weak for that man, the sight of him making me wetter than a river. If I had stayed, I would have been his for sure. In a way, he owned me, but if I left, it wouldn’t be that way.
I needed escape. I needed a fresh start. I needed someone my age. Someone new. Let’s just say Primrose was not the place to be, so instead of lingering, I drove off just as he was coming down the driveway to try and speak to me. I purposely broke our connected line of sight and hurried out of the neighborhood, away from Primrose, my parents, and Theodore Black.
As soon as I was out of the neighborhood, a thousand weights lifted off my shoulders… off my chest. I could breathe. I could fly. I felt momentarily free.
But, I admit, I was going to miss them. My parents. The neighborhood and all the bitchy, self-worshipping occupants—them, because they showed me that I actually had some good within me. And him…
Man, especially him.