TATE stared back at Chessy in shock, sure he hadn’t heard her correctly. But the fear and apprehension in her eyes told him he had. Close on the heels of shock came unfettered joy—and relief. He’d been so afraid of what it was Chessy had to tell him. It’s why he’d pulled out all the stops in his bid to win her back because he didn’t want her to tell him she was filing for divorce.
He squeezed her hand, temporarily incapable of speech. Tears burned his eyelids and she stared at him, stunned, when one trickled down his cheek. He didn’t bother wiping it away. He wanted her to realize the magnitude of this moment for him.
“Chessy, that’s wonderful,” he whispered.
“But you didn’t want children,” she said, her voice thick with emotion. “You wanted to wait. Every time I brought it up, you said maybe next year. And I want you to know I didn’t do this on purpose. The very last thing I would have done is bring a child into an unstable marriage. It must have happened the weekend of our anniversary. I forgot to take my birth control pills.”
Unable to bear the distance between them one more second, Tate stood and walked around to her chair and pulled her up and into his arms. He hugged her tightly, his shoulders heaving with emotion. So much love welled up in his heart and soul. He closed his eyes and prayed for another chance to make things right. He had a family now. More than just him and Chessy. They had a child.
“Come into the living room so we can talk,” he gently urged.
She allowed him to lead her to the sofa and they sat down together. He pulled her into his arms and thank God she didn’t resist. He savored having her in his arms again. The last few weeks had been hell for him. Not being able to see her, talk to her, touch her. And yet he saw her every single day when he entered his house. Her stamp was on every single item in the house. It was impossible to look anywhere without seeing her reflection.
“First of all, it never crossed my mind that you got pregnant on purpose. But even if you had, I’d be overjoyed. Secondly, we’ve already established what a dumbass I am. I knew how much you wanted children. I wanted them too. But there were two reasons I wanted to hold off. One was me being purely selfish. I wanted you to myself a little longer and I knew once we had a child that I’d have to share you with our son or daughter. It shames me to say that, but I won’t lie to you. The other reason was because I wanted to be sure I could provide for my family financially. But Chessy, I’m thrilled that you’re pregnant. Is that why you haven’t been feeling well?” he asked anxiously. “Is everything okay with the pregnancy? Have you seen a doctor yet?”
“I haven’t seen an obstetrician yet,” she admitted. “I only found out because I went to my general practitioner to ask for medication for my stress and anxiety. They obviously ran a pregnancy test when they drew blood and it was then he told me I was pregnant. I knew I had to tell you right away so here I am.”
“Thank you for not keeping this from me,” he said. “I want to be able to share in every aspect of your pregnancy. I want to go to every doctor’s appointment and I want to see our child grow inside you. Feel him or her kick for the first time. And watch you grow rounder and more beautiful with each passing day.”
“You act as though me being pregnant fixes everything,” Chessy said quietly. “It doesn’t, Tate. We still have so much to work out. I keep going back and forth with myself over whether to see a divorce attorney or not.”
Tate’s blood ran cold and he was seized by paralyzing fear. But he had to keep calm. He couldn’t afford to do or say the wrong thing and drive her away for good.
“I know we have a lot to work out, but I’m willing to try. Are you?”
She bit into her bottom lip nervously, her eyes cloudy with uncertainty. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “This whole thing has thrown me for a loop. I don’t know what the right decision is. I just know I can’t continue on like it was before. Our child deserves better. I deserve better.”
“Yes, you do deserve better than I’ve given you,” Tate said, not even bothering to hide the truth in her statement. “And I’m committed to giving you better. One hundred and ten percent of me from now on. But I can’t do that if we’re apart. I need you here. Where I can take care of you and our baby. You aren’t happy. I’m not happy. What do we have to lose by trying?”
“I can’t make that decision in a split second,” she murmured. “I need time, Tate. I need time to think. To process this all. I only just found out about my pregnancy. I haven’t had time to figure out what’s best for our child or for me. Much less us.”
And yet she’d come to him at her first opportunity. She hadn’t tried to hide the fact that she was pregnant. That gave him hope that all wasn’t lost. She’d trusted him enough to confide in him. But then she was inherently honest. Hiding anything wasn’t in her nature. It was one of the things he loved most about her. She wasn’t adept in disguising her emotions, her moods. He knew them all.
He wanted her back before he knew about their child, but did she realize that? Surely she did. He’d certainly not made it a secret in his relentless pursuit of her over the last weeks. But he had no way of knowing how or what she was thinking. It was new and frustrating for him. He’d always been able to count on her predictability. A quality some men might not find attractive, but for Tate, always knowing just where he stood with Chessy and knowing she always stood with him had been a source of great comfort. But it had also been his greatest downfall because he’d grown too complacent, too confident in the fact that she was with him through thick and thin.
Never would he take her for granted again, but he had to find a way to convince her of that. Words were just words and they no longer held any power with her.
“I’ll give you time,” he conceded. “But please don’t shut me out, Chess. Allow me to see you and our baby. Let me go to the doctor with you. I won’t pressure you and I won’t demand anything you’re unwilling to give me. But give me a chance to show you that I’ve truly changed, starting with the announcement of my partnership tomorrow. I’d like us to start over. Whatever I have to do to regain your trust I’ll do.”
“You want to date?” she asked skeptically.
“I want us to see each other,” he corrected. “I’d rather not live apart while we’re doing it, but if you need time and space, I’ll give it to you. But I want to see you, which means coming over, going out to dinner, you coming here so I can cook dinner for you like tonight. I’d like to go to your first obstetrician appointment and be included in your prenatal care. I want to talk about baby names and pick out baby furniture and clothing.”
Her expression softened and his pulse sped up. She was caving. He could see it. But it was a hollow victory at best because he still didn’t have what he most wanted. Her back in his life, his house, his bed. But he had to believe that in time those things would come. The alternative didn’t bear thinking about.
“I’ll consider everything you’ve said,” Chessy finally said. “I should be going now. Kylie and Jensen are going to be worried. They didn’t want me to come alone.”
Tate’s expression darkened. “Do they think I’m some ogre who’s going to abuse you?”
“No,” Chessy said softly. “But they’re afraid you’ll hurt me. Emotionally. And I’m not in a good place right now. As I said before the whole reason I went to the doctor was to ask for medication for anxiety and depression. Instead I found out I’m pregnant. I’m scared. More scared than I’ve ever been in my life. This isn’t easy for me, Tate. I’m not used to questioning my every decision, but I’ve continued to make bad ones. I can’t afford to do that now that I have a child to consider.”
Tate closed his eyes, the ache in his heart making his chest hurt. “I wish you wouldn’t go. I’d like you to stay so we can talk. About the baby. Our future.”
“It hasn’t been decided yet if we have a future,” she pointed out. “I’m open to seeing you. On my terms, not yours. But ultimately the decision resides with me and I expect you to respect that.”
He bit his tongue against the urge to argue. To try and wear her down. Only her complete look of fragility and fatigue halted him. The last thing she needed was more stress piled on top of her.
Patience. This was going to require patience, a trait he was very unfamiliar with. He’d never had to wait on anything in his life. When he’d met Chessy, he’d immediately known she was the one, and he’d pursued her and won her in short order.
And now he’d lost her.
“When can I see you then?” he asked bluntly.
“I’ll call you,” she said.
He made a sound of impatience. If he waited for her to call he may well wait forever.
“I will call you, Tate,” she said quietly. “I just need a few days. I have a lot of thinking to do. Perhaps we can get together this weekend.”
It took everything he had to sit there and agree when his gut was screaming at him to argue, to chip away at the wall between them until she gave in. But he didn’t want a reluctant victory. He wanted it all. Chessy. Their baby. Her heart, soul and body. And he wanted it given freely. Not because he’d forced her into a corner.
“I’ll wait for your call then,” he finally conceded. “But promise me if anything crops up, if there are any problems with your pregnancy, that you’ll let me know so I can be there.”
“I have no intention of keeping anything from you, Tate.”
She rose from the couch and he caught her hand, reluctant for her to leave just yet.
“Do you have to go now?”
She nodded. “I don’t want Kylie and Jensen or Joss and Dash to worry. They’ve worried enough about me lately.”
“I’ve worried about my girl too,” Tate said in a low voice.
Hurt immediately echoed in her eyes at the endearment. He hadn’t meant to land a blow. It just slipped out, a natural pet name he’d always used for her.
“Tell me something, Tate,” she said, cocking her head to the side. “Do you miss me? Or do you miss the convenience of having me around. Would any woman do in my stead? Do you just not like being alone?”
He sucked in his breath at the hollow pain he felt in every word she uttered. It hurt him that she could possibly even think such a thing.
“No other woman could ever fill your shoes, baby. Of course I miss you. And I damn sure don’t like being alone but it’s because I’m not with you. Given a choice between being alone or being with someone other than you, then I’d choose to be alone.”
He knew he scored points with his answer because for the first time, uncertainty flickered in her eyes. As if she were truly second-guessing her decision to remain apart from him. He could only hope that she changed her mind in short order because every day without her was a day in hell.