CHAPTER THIRTY
Tank
My sister dragged me down the hall until we reached the door at the end. She stood there, shifting nervously on her feet. My heart started to race. For some reason, my mind had an idea what was behind that door but I’d been to Hell and was currently on my way back, so I wouldn’t allow myself to even believe that it might be true. Because if all the ‘what ifs’ came back, I knew I’d break if it turned out I was wrong.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” she said looking up at me with a mix of emotions playing on her face. “Who is she?”
“Stop stallin’,” I said losing patience with all the games. No one was telling me what was going on and I was damn tired of standing there in the dark. “The fuck is going on?”
She took a deep breath and pulled her shoulders back. Then she delivered the words that I never thought I’d hear in a million fucking years.
“Grass is alive. He was pulled out before the bombs went off,” she said low but loud enough for me to hear every word.
“What?!” I roared, shock and anger clenched my heart so tight I felt like I was having a heart attack.
After I collected myself, I cracked the door open. The light on the night side table cast a dim glow on the whole room. The little boy sleeping on the bed was face down with his head covered in curls that were a little longer than I’d last remembered. His small body rose and fell heavily with a steady rhythm, he seemed unaffected by my outburst a moment ago. But then again, that kid had always slept hard. I used to say he slept like the dead, but somehow that no longer seemed appropriate to say.
With heavy steps, I made my way over to the bed. I needed to see his face, to touch him, it wouldn’t feel real until I did. How did I know I wasn’t dreaming? Or maybe I’d gotten my wish after all. Maybe I was dead and this was my own Hell that I was moving through.
He didn’t even shift as my weight dipped the mattress when I sat down on the edge of the bed. It all felt so unreal. Like luck was there just waiting in the corner, ready to stab me as soon as I moved his hair out of the way so I could see his face. But as I did just that, the beautiful face of my boy filled my vision. Tears spilled from my eyes and ran down my cheeks. I couldn’t hold back the emotions if I wanted to.
All the air left my lungs as I folded over him and my huge body covered his. I inhaled his smell, remembering the familiarity of it like I’d just smelled it yesterday. He was so warm. Alive. Fuck, I didn’t know what to do now.
I cried silently until there was no more wetness to fall from my eyes and he slept through it all. I wanted more than anything to wake him, but knowing what I was going to have to do, it was best that I didn’t. I ached to hear his voice call my name, to have him know how much I loved him and that I’d come for him. But it wasn’t the time just yet.
The club was still in deep shit. Savage was still alive and the damage he had already caused the club was too great. None of us were safe. And I was under no illusion that if it had been anyone but Dya that had taken that contract, I would be dead.
Perhaps that was something I should thank luck for or some shit. I got fucking lucky once again. But how long until it ran out? I wouldn’t put my son in the line of fire again. I wouldn’t take that chance at all.
So, as fucking hard as it was, I had to leave him here until this shit was all over. Knowing Darcy was here with him eased the pain a bit.
I took a few deep breaths, collecting myself as best as I was able to, before I took one last look at him. My mind was made up. I wasn’t changing it no matter how anyone tried to convince me, but I had a good idea that no one would.
I made my way to the door, where Darcy was watching with bleary eyes. I let out a heavy breath as I walked past her and into the hall. I heard her shuffle behind me, lightly closing the door.
When I rounded the corner the first thing I saw was Dya. The slight look of worry in her eyes pulled at my heartstrings.
Yeah, I got that things were now different and I had no idea how she felt about the situation. I mean it was one thing to be in love with a broken man, but now I had a son. Yes, in love, because even if she wouldn’t say it, that didn’t mean she didn’t feel it. I knew she couldn’t actually have kids but that didn’t mean she’d never thought about it. Right? Granted, her profession wasn’t really one for raising a kid in. I guessed it was something I was going to have to ask her at some point.
Needing to feel her against me, I walked with hurried steps across the room until I wrapped her up in my arms. She clung to me like she never wanted to let me go. And the thing was, I never wanted her to. It felt weird to go from nothing for so long to this. To go from being disgusted with the thought of most women to being head over heels for one. But it was a good weird.
She melted into me and the soft sigh that escaped her lips barely registered to my ears. We needed to talk. I needed to put everything out in the open and figure where to go from there.
But first, I had to take care of club shit. Because life would never go on how either of us wanted it until Savage was put down.
“You ready to go?” I asked releasing her from my hold.
She didn’t let go as her brown eyes peered up at me full of questions. Not answering any of them because I didn’t trust myself to talk about it yet, I turned to Grant only to find him tossing a concerned look at my sister. If I would have been in the right frame of mind I might have noticed the look and silent conversation that passed between them. I might have even voiced the questions that I might have been thinking. But the only thing I could think was that I needed to get out of there before I chickened out and changed my mind about leaving my son.
“Thanks, man,” I said holding my hand out to him. He gave me a firm shake and a stiff nod as if to say it wasn’t a big deal, but to me it was. He was protecting my family and they meant the world to me. I owed him more than I could ever imagine. “Keep them safe.” The words came out low and full of desperation. Because I wanted to see them again soon, after the dust had settled.
“I will,” Grant replied, his eyes flicking over to my sister and a softness touched them once his gaze found hers.
Well, fuck. I couldn’t deal with whatever the hell was going on with that right now. So, I grabbed Dya’s hand and walked out the cabin door. I didn’t step foot off the porch until I heard the locks engage.
The ride away from the cabin was as silent as the one there. I let her drive, mostly because I was too drained to concentrate on the road, but also because I knew she’d fight me again and I just didn’t have it in me.
Halfway back to the Gray Fort compound, I made her pull over and stop at a motel right off the highway. It was late and I was sure she could use a break and a bit of sleep. Luckily, Savage and his fucks didn’t take my wallet, but I guess there wasn’t really much they could have done with it anyway.
Once the room was paid for and we were safely inside, I sat down on the bed. Dya walked around, making sure the door was locked and the curtains were closed tight. Then she sat with a cat-like grace on the bed and rested her back against the ugly as fuck fabric covered headboard. She tucked her hands between her thighs and I took it as a sign that she was a bit uneasy even though her face gave nothing away.
I opened my mouth to speak. I didn’t think, I just let the words come out as I felt them.
“I don’t even know where to start. To be honest, it still doesn’t feel real.” I blew out a harsh breath and then swallowed the lump in my throat. “I want him dead. I should have never walked away from my brothers, from my club, and now I’m ready to stand beside them and fight. I want to end this thing, end fucking Savage.”
She didn’t reply, she didn’t say anything. She just sat there and listened, her eyes on the wall across from her the entire time and I kind of fell more in love with her for it. I had to get it all out and she understood that without me having to tell her.
“My son is alive,” I went on and she gave a short nod. “I don’t know if I even deserve that but I’m fucking grateful. Weeks ago I was ready to give up on everything, on life. But you were there. Just simply there. You didn’t try to fix me. You didn’t try to tell me that it would all be okay. And that may have been what I needed the most. You didn’t look at me with pity in your eyes. You saw me at my worst fucking moments and you still stayed.”
“To be fair, you kept passing out in my bar and I had no choice but to deal with your ass, chal-baro.” Even though I had no idea what she called me, I loved the way her accent came in thick, the way she rolled the letter r.
Just hearing those few words made me lose my damn mind and my dick apparently didn’t get the memo that now wasn’t the time to speak up. I couldn’t fucking deny that she was the sexiest woman I’d ever been around. Hell, that I’d ever seen.
“Did you just make a joke?” I asked playfully huffing out a laugh. I liked that she was starting to relax more around me.
“Maybe…” She cut her eyes over to me for a second as her eyebrow arched high. “So what’s your plan now?” she asked, getting me back on target.
“I’m going to go back to Tennessee, handle business, then go back home. And hope that the last words I spoke to my president and brothers before I left weren’t bad enough that I can’t take them back.”
“They love you, they will forgive you,” she said like it was that fucking simple.
“I want you with me…when I go home.” I knew it was asking a lot. We hadn’t talked about the future. There hadn’t even really been little hints to it. But I knew what I wanted in my heart and I hoped like hell it was the same for her.
“You just found out your son is alive. You have your life back. You don’t need me.” Her words were a bit cold but not unexpected from her.
Did she really think that I’d toss her aside like that? That my feelings were that shallow? Or maybe it was all too much for her. Loving me was one thing, but now I came with more than just me and I got that. But my son would always come first and if she didn’t want that life, then I had no choice but to let my angel go.
“Come here, Angel,” I whispered as I moved my legs onto the bed so she could crawl onto my lap.
Surprisingly she came, straddling me and wrapping her arms around my neck as her fingers tangled in my hair. I couldn’t ignore the zap of electricity that ran down my spine from her touch and by the way her body shuddered when my hands wrapped around the curve of her waist, she felt this thing between us, too.
“I get that things just got real fuckin’ crazy, and I’m sure you are having all sorts of doubts running through that beautiful head of yours,” I said, my lips almost brushing hers as I spoke. My eyes pinned her with a hard stare, I wanted her to know how serious I was. “But I want you to know that I am one hundred percent certain that I need you in my life. Yes, I said it. I not only need you, but I want you there too. I know finding out about Logan changes everything, but I have no doubt that kid will love you. He has a huge heart. Damn, he’s such an amazing kid.”
“I’m a killer, Noah. Why would you want that in your life? Around your son?” she asked, her eyes shining a bit with a glassy wetness.
So she had a point. But the woman I’d come to know wasn’t evil. She wasn’t cold and disconnected, even though I knew that she tried her best to be. The woman in my arms had a beautiful soul, even if it was a little damaged and cracked.
But then again, so was mine.
Just because I got my son back, didn’t mean that all those feelings of what I went through and felt when I thought he was dead were gone. As a parent, it’s always a fear in the back of your mind and you do everything you can to keep them safe and living. Having that fear become reality, even if it was a false one, did damage to me that I knew I could never repair.
“Because I see the real you,” I said before capturing her lips with mine.
As my hands slid around to her back and down to grab her perfect ass, her body rocked into me. My dick grew impossibly hard and was straining against the zipper of my pants. I had to have her, had to be inside her. Nothing else seemed to matter at that moment.
My hand slid further down, following the cutoff fray of her extremely short shorts, until my finger was able to slip inside and touch her wetness. And damn, if she wasn’t soaked for me. My thick finger plunged into her with ease and her low, soft moan filled the air.
“I need you,” I said pulling my hand back and reaching for the hem of her shirt.
With lazy fingers we stripped each other, taking our time to explore after each item had been torn away. She kissed my chest and ran her fingers through my hair. Her body melted into mine when I pulled her close to me and I knew I’d never get enough of her.
She took my straining cock in her hand and only mildly relieved the pressure with her strokes. When I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, she lifted up and sank down on me until her hips were flush with mine.
“Tell me you’re mine, Angel,” I growled low in her ear. “Tell me you want to stay with me. Tell me you won’t leave me. I don’t want to do this without you. Tell me you’ll be there to fall asleep beside me every night and that I can wake up and bury myself inside this tight pussy first thing in the morning.”
Her head fell back, her perfect tits pointing up to me, begging for me to take them in my mouth. She rode me, like she didn’t want it to end, the perfect slow retreat and then the hard, desperate crash back down, like the waves rolling in and out of the shore. My tongue circled her nipple before pulling it into my mouth and giving it a light nibble. Her breathy moans filled the room. I made my way over to her other nipple, placing light kisses on the space between, as my fingers pinched the perky nub that had just left my mouth.
“Tell me,” I said as I pulled back to bury my face in her neck. Inhaling her dark, intoxicating smell, I sucked on the curve of her neck. “Tell me that you can’t imagine life without me like I can’t without you. Tell me that you didn’t come into my life just to toy with me. Tell me you love me.” I kissed up her jaw, knowing I wouldn’t get an answer no matter how much I cared to know them all.
“No,” She panted out as her lips met mine.
I gripped her hips, pulling her down onto me harder and faster after every retreat. Her nipples brushed against my chest and I still didn’t feel like she was close enough. Her walls quaked, her moans became breathier, and her fingers pulled at my hair. I knew she was close but I wanted to drag this out for as long as I could. I wanted to drag it out forever. But I knew that was unrealistic.
“Tell me,” I roared as my cock thickened, stretching her tight pussy around me even more. She clamped down on me like a damn vice, making it impossible for me to hold back.
“No,” she moaned out but this time it wasn’t as confident. I was breaking her down.
My hands gripped her face, forcing her to meet my eyes. Her mouth parted as her orgasm crashed over her and her cum soaked my cock until it was dripping down my balls. That was all it took, and I continued to thrust up into her as I stuffed her full of everything I had in me.
She fell against my chest and I wrapped my arms around her. Her body was lax and after a moment, I’d wondered if she had fallen asleep on me. But then she stirred, her head moving to my shoulder where she placed a light kiss before resting her cheek there. Her light breaths tickled my neck and beard.
“I love you,” she whispered almost too low for me to hear. I was sure my brain wasn’t making things up. I knew I had heard her.
“I fuckin’ knew it,” I said squeezing her body into mine.
“Ass,” she said as she lazily swatted at me and I huffed out a laugh. “Sleep,” she mumbled, her mouth half pressed into my skin.
And that was what we did, tangled in each other to the point that I couldn’t tell where I ended and she began. I was pretty sure the smile on my face didn’t slip the entire time.