When he came back out from the bathroom he had a calm, resigned look on his face.

It irritated me. I was on a different planet, far away, my body swelling with satisfaction. He could at least make the effort to look a little happy.

“I can’t do that again,” he said.

“No! Don’t you fucking dare. You don’t get to finally fuck me, take me to heaven and beyond, and then disappear.”

“I’m not disappearing, I just…” He sank onto the bed beside me, war raging behind his eyes.

“It was incredible, beyond anything I’ve ever felt before.” I leant into his chest. I’d get that damned snuggle whether he liked it or not.

“Do you have any idea how close I came?” he asked, an arm wrapping around me obligingly.

“Close enough to get my hopes up.” I was pretty sure my bottom lip was sticking out like a baby.

“Not close to making you a vampire, you idiot! Close to killing you. I need your blood. I want to drink from you until there’s none left.”

“Don’t be so melodramatic.”

His incredulous look forced me to shrink back at my own ridiculous words.

“You won’t kill me,” I added. “You can’t. At worst you’ll convert me, or best, depending on whose viewpoint you take. It’s win, win. We either have sex and you control yourself and everyone’s happy, or we have sex and you don’t control it, and you make me like you. I’m still good with that.”

He huffed himself up and got dressed. Such a waste to cover up that remarkable body with clothing every day. I copied him, though, because it seemed appropriate given that the daily argument was brewing.

“Don’t you want some part of your normal life back, in the real world?” he asked, already fully clothed in the speed it had taken me to get one leg into my jeans.

“There is no normal life or real world anymore.”

“What about your work? Won’t you miss that?”

The long suppressed pain associated with my job swelled up in my chest. “I became a firefighter after I killed my parents in an explosion. This scar on my back? I don’t hide it because I’m ashamed of the way it looks, I hide it because I’m ashamed of the story behind it. I want to hide from the reminders, hide from the prying questions. But I have a responsibility to make amends. It’s not an enjoyable career, it’s a burden to carry. I’ve resorted to drugs and alcohol to try and shift that load on my shoulders. So no, I don’t think I’d miss it that much.”

He thought that through for a while.

“You don’t realise what you’d be missing out on. Save more people before you have to start killing them.”

That almost got through to me, but I chose to disregard the killing people thing. For some reason that part just wouldn’t sink in and sway me. Best way to avoid dealing with stuff? Don’t dwell on it.

“If I feel the need, can’t I still be a firefighter? You guys mix with humans all the time. Think about it, I’d be the best there is. I’d save everyone with speed and strength, not to mention my immortality—”

“But why the rush to do this? I will never find anyone else like you. I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

“If we can’t be together during that time, then what’s the point?”

“We are together. I fucked you. Or did you not notice?”

“It was mind-blowingly amazing,” I tutted at him. “But then you told me you can’t do it again. That’s cruelty at its worst. You haven’t even told me how good it was for you. You just launched into the usual angry ‘we can’t do this’ speech.” Yanking my t-shirt over my head, I dropped back onto the bed.

“There’s a gap in our relationship. A glaring difference in the way we feel about each other,” he said grimly. “It’s all backwards. You behave like a vampire and me a human. You see, I love you and I can prove it by the fact that my body burns for your blood and I resist. But also, I’m prepared to forego taking you sexually, too – if it means we can just have time together. But you? You’re so obsessed with fucking me, to the point that you’ll do anything to get it, even if it actually wrecks us and pushes us further apart. That’s not love, Jess, that’s just lust.”

* * *

I love you… I love you… I love you. His words went round and round my head on repeat. I knew he’d be able to hear me obsessing over those three words, but I couldn’t help it. It was hard to stay angry with each other after such momentous words had been sent forth into the world, even if it was kind of by accident. Not to mention the fact that I was still bathing in sexual glow and couldn’t feel anything other than love for him, even if I wanted to.

He chuckled softly and I raised my eyes wearily to his.

“If I’d known it was going to have this effect on you I’d have said it a lot sooner,” he smirked.

I tried not to rise to the bait and scowled at him.

“I should have said it sooner. It just seemed obvious. I don’t have much practice at this dating thing, I guess I forgot I actually needed to say it.”

“You still didn’t, really, not the right way,” I pouted.

“I love you,” he replied instantly.

I jumped into his lap and wrapped my arms around him tightly. “You know I love you too, right? That it’s way more than lust?”

“I shouldn’t have said that. Yes, I do know.”

“Of course you do,” I groaned. “I bet you hear that going round my head all the time, too.”

“Once or twice.”

Scarlet heat flushed over my face. I’d behaved like a schoolgirl, obsessing over a boy I didn’t even know, falling head over heels and thinking my whole existence revolved around him. I had no chance of changing that now, either.

I was falling ever deeper, spiralling into a world where nothing mattered except him. He’d given me his body, made me feel like I was on fire, burning with need. The way he’d entered me so slowly and cautiously, driving me insane with ecstasy, before fucking me so hard I couldn’t breathe…

His cock jerked beneath my ass and his hands slid up to caress my breasts.

“It was the most exquisite feeling I’ve had in all my years,” he groaned into my neck.

I leant back, whimpering at his touch, my nipples taut and eager for his lips. Not patient, gentle kisses this time, but greedy and rampant ones, owning my body, dominating every part of me. I writhed down into his lap and his body stiffened beneath me.

“What’s wrong?” I hardly dare ask.

“Alexander. The thoughts you have about him.”

“Don’t start fighting again, not now. You know I love you. He messes with my head, but I can handle it.”

“I don’t doubt that. What I doubt is whether I can handle it.”

His hands had found a safe place back on my waist, away from my tingling nipples.

“He’ll get bored and move on to a new game soon,” I urged.

“No chance. This is the end game. He’s going to push through to the finale.”

Despite my wriggling and groaning, my desperate attempts at arousing him again fell flat. He’d left the moment, dragging me back, too. I slumped against him with a sigh.

“Since you’ve successfully dodged any further sex, can I ask something about last night, without you getting worked up?”

“I don’t know, you can try, if you really want to risk it.”

He was right, it was a risk to bring it all up again. This day had come around with less hostility and I should build on that. But it had been bothering me for the last hour.

“Twice now, Alex has mentioned that you have secrets. Dangerous ones.”

He ground his teeth. “You already know that. I told you. The sanguine shit and the Legacy.”

“But you haven’t told me though, have you? I still have no clue what it all means.”

“You do understand the definition of the word secret, right? Everyone has them.”

“I don’t.”

He sniffed and frowned. “You expect me to believe that Jessica Leyton doesn’t have some dark demons hidden away?”

“None that I wouldn’t reveal if you asked me to. Anyway, you generally help yourself to my thoughts, so it’s hardly fair.” Not true. I had plenty of secrets around my mysterious bursts of energy…

“You know that I can’t keep skirting round your deception forever, right? Whatever you are, if you keep trying to hide from it it’s going to bite your ass.”

“Stop turning this around, I asked about you first.”

He sighed and stared ahead for a while. I don’t think he was avoiding answering, but rather thinking about stuff that he didn’t enjoy talking about. Bracing himself for the inner turmoil.

“It’s supposed to be a great honour, a blessing,” he finally said. “The Legacy bond has been passed down through many generations in Elwood bloodline. But only in twins. When Alexander and me we were sired by an Elwood – Tobias – the Legacy bond was passed to us. If we were sired as adults then the mark probably would have appeared immediately on one twin, but since we were sired as children it manifested once we’d reached full strength.”

He lifted his shirt sleeve and pointed to a tribal tattoo, depicting what appeared to be a sun.

“It’s not a tattoo, though it looks like one. The twin that bears the mark is the one destined to protect the Legacy… they’re the keeper, the one that can activate the power. It only forms on a very few Elwoods, most never receive the mark, or the power. But it was always taken for granted that, should we be blessed with the mark one day, it would fall on Alexander. He was deemed stronger, more in tune with his inner vampire. You can imagine his shock and rage when I stepped out one day with this on my arm,” he attempted a smile.

I ran my fingers over the swirls. It blended right in with the tattoos and I wondered if that was intentional on his part. Hiding it.

“You skirted past it with your fingers once before,” he smiled, genuine this time. “On our date to Mount Washington. You settled on the words underneath. Fiat Lux – let there be light. Those words have dual meaning. Primarily, to remind me of the lighter path that I chose to walk. But also a reminder of the daylight walking capabilities that the bonding would bring. You see, it’s not that I don’t want to activate the Legacy. I want it a great deal. I want to walk in the sun without pain and of course I want the strength, too. I just don’t want the associated dark shit that goes with it.”

“How does it work?”

“The original Elwood fell in love with a witch, with the family name Morena. He turned her to darkness and torment. She’d fallen for both him and his twin, and she wanted to keep them both. She was twisted, and with a ravenous desire for power. She created the Legacy magic to increase the Elwood brothers’ abilities, and to pass down the bloodline indefinitely. I guess she planned to create an army of us to serve her.”

“It didn’t work? How many of you are there?”

“Not many. Magic can be fickle. It seems to decide by itself exactly how a spell will work, what the side effects may be, what requirements must be met. Sometimes it listens to the witch and behaves as expected. Sometimes it says fuck you and does as it pleases.” He absently rubbed a hand over my shoulder. “They’ve tried and failed to understand what makes it choose. For a while they sired hundreds of twins, all that they could find. They were desperate for their Elwood army, but no further marks came. Emory came along though, and took them into the Bael. So, you see, I’m a rare asset to their council.”

“They joined forces?”

“Yes, the original Elwoods sit with him. Others have rebelled. Some, like Tobias, were exiled when they were no longer useful, and then murdered. But they want me and Alexander as their soldiers.”

“But you can choose? I mean, you have this mark, but you don’t have to become what they want?”

“Only the keeper, the one with the mark, can activate the Legacy through a blood bonding ritual. Only then will both twins surge with unmeasured power and ability.”

“But you wouldn’t be yourself any longer?”

He shook his head slowly.

This was probably the most open he’d ever been with me. He finally trusted me, letting me in. Perhaps getting laid had loosened his lips. I wondered what else he’d spill if I could get him to put out again.

He let out a soft snort.

“What?! It’s true, isn’t it? Don’t clam up now, why don’t you go ahead and enlighten me on the sanguine attraction shit, too? Has it warped your view of me?”

“Undoubtedly, but I still won’t give that notion a voice. It’s too dangerous. If I put it out there then the Beast will feed on the instincts, and the Bael… they’d expect ritual ceremony to be performed.”

Conflict around every corner. It was no wonder he was so tense all the time.

But there had been another woman in his life once. Had she caused him as much confusion and distress as me?

“What happened to Selena?” I asked whilst the going was good, even though I didn’t really want to know.

His jaw ticked. “She fell under my spell and offered everything to me. I fed from her regularly, becoming greedier and more consumed. I believed I was entitled to that blood. She gave it freely and I needed it. But she became weaker, anaemic, frail. One day I looked into her eyes and realised what I’d done to her.” He paused to rub a hand over his forehead.

“The vibrant woman I fell in love with had withered away, yet still she offered herself to me completely. I vowed to change. That was when I started practicing restraint, wanting to live a different way. Alexander was furious by my pathetic behaviour. Selena gradually regained vibrancy as I abstained and learned greater strength. Then she went missing. I could never prove it, but I know Alexander took her. Probably believing that with her out of the way I’d revert to my usual self. If anything it had the opposite effect and firmly rooted me on the lighter side. Then the mark appeared, on me… and pushed Alexander into an unending hatred for me.”

“He… he killed Selena?” I gasped.

“I tried to kill him in return. Many times.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It was a long time ago,” he sighed.

I shifted uncomfortably. They were playing a bigger game than any that I could ever dream up.

“He told me that he hears you calling out to him. He’s trying to convince me how much you want him. He wants to shove my nose in it, make me eat that shit right out of his hands.” His fists clenched.

“Oh.”

Stupidly I felt hurt and betrayed that Alex was merely using me to get at Zac. It had seemed more real, like he really did want me. I was another Selena? A pawn to be played with in their rivalry?

Zac gave me a grim look and it slowly dawned on me that my response of ‘Oh’ wasn’t satisfactory. Where was the denial?

“That’s bull and you know it. I went to his house because I was scared for Anna.”

He shook his head.

“I mean… it’s not like that… it’s just…” Fuck, how could I tell him? I wasn’t even sure what I felt myself.

“He’s using his power on you. Forget it.”

“He told me that you’re the most dangerous one,” I said quickly before I could change my mind.

He paused, chewing his bottom lip. “He’s right. I’ve always been a monster. Not because I’m a vampire, but long before that. A troubled child with issues of power. I caused people pain and I liked it. Becoming a vampire exacerbated that. If I slip up and go back, I’d become your worst nightmares. I fear Alexander, not because he’s stronger than me, but because of what I could become if he pushed me there.”

I fiddled with the silver chain in my pocket. What was I supposed to say to that?

“You know, Selena was everything to me. She made me what I am today. But that came after I gave her pain and fear, and death.” His eyes hazed over, so I let go of the chain and took hold of his hand. “I can’t let that happen with you.”

“You were a different person back then, but you fixed it, you changed. That’s what matters,” I whispered.

“I’m only ever one step away from ending up back there. Walking the tightrope, balancing between the two worlds. If I mess up and take blood from you, even if I somehow managed to stop myself from killing you on the spot, I’d need more. I would want it every day, more and more, addicted. I’d drain you, weaken you. You couldn’t sustain what I’d need, what I would take.”

And then he was gone. The vampire who told me he loved me with a sparkle in his eye went back into hiding, and the brooding one returned.