Katharina
Jason didn’t tell me where he was going. He just took off with his laptop and sped out of the driveway. I sat at the kitchen table for a long time, listening to the sounds of his car speed off.
Part of me wished I hadn’t fought with Becky. Now that things with Jason were looking bleak again, I wanted her around, if only for comfort. But somehow, deep down, I knew everything had changed. Nothing would go back to the way that it had been before—I could tell Becky and I wouldn’t ever be best friends again, at least not like we had been. But now I was feeling almost totally alone.
Even with Kenny hanging out at the house, I still didn’t feel that secure. What I really wanted was some time alone. It’s funny, when I used to be alone, I’d dream about going on vacation with someone I really loved. I’d close my eyes and dream of Europe—Italy was always my favorite—and think about what a Roman Holiday-esque trip would really feel like. I saw myself in big skirts with tiny cinched waists and crisp white blouses, prancing around ancient, dusty cobblestoned streets, laughing in Italian with some gorgeous man. These had been some of my most cherished daydreams, and while it wasn’t likely that I’d admit to them any time soon, they’d been replaced by something even more embarrassing: solitude. While I used to dream of roaming foreign cities with the perfect mate, now I dreamed of going to the grocery store by myself.
I closed my eyes and imagined the luxury of being allowed to walk up and down each air-conditioned aisle, choosing food I wanted and not caring if it was something that Jason would eat. There would be no guard, no Kenny, no Jason, nothing to make me come home. No Troy either, I decided—he would be banished to a faraway planet. Just me, alone, wandering.
I glanced at the window. It was a beautiful day outside—sunny, cloudless, and it seemed warm. As usual, Kenny was parked in front of the television, sipping a soda. Would it really kill me if I could just go outside for a little bit?
“Better not risk it,” I mumbled. Jason had been really angry with me the last time I’d asked, and despite telling me not to ask again, I’d done it anyway. But suddenly, I was angry with him. It wasn’t fair that Jason could keep secrets from me, his wife. Like all of that stuff about Margot! Why hadn’t he told me that before we’d decided to get married?
I rolled my eyes. I was fucking sick of Jason and his bullshit. I didn’t like being controlled. Troy had controlled me for years and I’d chafed under his rule every time. But now I didn’t see a reason why I still had to submit to someone else’s laws. I was a free woman, god damn it. I should be able to do what I want.
“Hey, Kenny,” I said innocently as I slipped into the living room. “Did Jason say where he was going?”
Kenny shook his head without turning away from the TV. He was watching a wrestling match. “Nope,” Kenny said a few seconds later, like I hadn’t seen his head.
“That’s funny,” I said. “Jason told me he’d be back really soon.” I raised my eyebrows. “I wonder if something happened?”
Kenny shook his head again. “Nah,” he said. “If something happened, I’d find out about it before you would. Trust me.”
Anger and frustration bristled under my surface and I wanted to hit him. Where did he get off being so cocky like that? Jason was my husband, for fuck’s sake! I should have heard about anything relating to him first! “Well, maybe he’ll be back within the hour and then you can go home,” I said as sweetly as I could manage. “Wouldn’t that be nice?”
Kenny finally glanced over at me and I saw his face was filled with irritation. “What are you playing at, Katie?”
I shook my head. “Nothing,” I said innocently. “It just…well, it just seems weird that you’ve had to give up so much of your time to protect me,” I said slowly. “I mean, I’m sure you have lots of other things you could be doing right now.”
Kenny shook his head. “Nah,” he said. “This was boss’s orders. I gotta listen to him. It’s all part of being in The Havoc.”
I leaned down and rested my elbows on the insides of my knees. “Kenny, what did you think you were going to do in life before you patched into the MC?”
Kenny frowned. “I dunno,” he replied. “I never really thought about it. I got kicked out of school and then almost picked up for truancy, but I ran into your dad, and he told me about the club. He said there was a spot for a good mechanic, so I joined up.”
“See, you could have been a mechanic,” I said. The gears in my head were spinning fast and I tried as hard as I could to distract Kenny. “I mean, you could be making a lot of money, Kenny. Did you know that some mechanics make almost seventy thousand a year?”
Kenny blinked. “Are you fuckin’ kidding me?”
“Definitely not,” I lied. I had no idea what I was talking about, but Kenny wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. “I mean, I had a friend, Becky, the girl who was over here the other day. Her father was a mechanic and he retired when he was fifty-five. Can you believe that?” I didn’t know what Becky’s father had actually done, I think he might have been a pilot or something. But this seemed like as good of a lie as any.
Kenny frowned again. “You serious?”
I nodded. “Oh yeah,” I said. “So you might want to think about getting out of the club and, you know, trying to have your own life. You might like that better.”
Kenny shook his head. “No one would fuckin’ take me now,” he said, pointing to the tattoo of a skeleton with a halo on his arm. It was the insignia of The Silent Havoc and I knew all members had to get it inked when they patched in. “I’m property of this MC.”
I rolled my eyes. “But you’d be happier if you weren’t in the MC anymore, wouldn’t you?”
Kenny looked at me with confusion. “Katie, are you trying to start some shit with me?”
“God, no,” I said innocently, climbing off the couch. “I’m going to lie down. Enjoy your TV.”
Kenny grunted in response as I sauntered down the hallway and let myself into my bedroom. With a pout, I threw myself across the bed. Suddenly, my breath caught in my throat. The window in this room was over the backyard, and Kenny wouldn’t be able to see me if I slipped outside.
Without thinking about it, I threw open the window, grabbed my shoes and purse, and shimmied outside. My shirt got stuck on the clasp and I wound up ripping the fabric as I dropped to the ground. Outside smelled like fresh air and sunshine and I was immediately filled with an intense sensation of relief. I felt like a criminal allowed out of jail for the first time in years, like I’d managed to escape from something truly horrible.
Pulling my phone out of my back pocket, I called a cab and waited by the side of the house in the shade. It was hot outside, but the hot air felt good; even the sheen of perspiration on my forehead was a welcome change. I couldn’t believe Jason and Kenny had kept me inside for so long. I knew if I’d had to stay inside for just a few more hours, I probably would have gone crazy.
As the cab pulled up the street, I ran down to the road before he could pull into Jason’s driveway. The cabbie gave me an alarmed look but I held my finger over my lips.
“Can you take me to Shady Woods Park?” I asked softly. “Here, I have money. I’m the one who called you.”
The cabbie frowned at me in the rearview mirror. For a second, I had a horrible thought that he was in on the whole thing, that he somehow knew Jason and the others in The Silent Havoc. Finally, he chuckled. “You runnin’ away?”
“No,” I said, giggling a little too much. “Just want to get some fresh air.” I yawned and stretched out in the backseat, rolling the windows down. As the cab drove through Marquette, I glued my face to the window as if seeing the sights for the first time ever. This can’t hurt, I thought. I’ll just be gone for a little while. No one’s even gonna know. I’ll be back before Jason is home. No harm, no foul.
“Here we are,” the cabbie said about ten minutes later. He’d pulled into a parking slot and he was totaling up the meter. “Shady Woods Park.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Ever since I was a little girl, the park was one of my favorite places in the world. I loved the fresh cut grass scent, I loved the sound of children playing on the playground. Today it was surprisingly empty, and then I remembered that it was the middle of a weekday—the kids would be in school.
“Here you go,” I said as I passed some bills up to the front. “Thanks for picking me up.”
“You need a ride home?”
I thought about it. “No,” I said. “I can walk. Thanks, though.”
“You be safe,” the cabbie advised as he pulled away.
I wanted to roll my eyes. Now that I was on my own, I felt safer than ever. I knew it sounds ridiculous, but being out in public felt much better than being confined in Jason’s house. Even though Jason had a great home, lately it had felt like more of a prison than anything else.
After the cab drove off, I ran into the center of the park and spun around with my arms in a circle. I felt like I was in some movie or a TV show about a girl who has just broken free of her captors. Looking down at the wedding band on my finger, I felt guilty. Jason offered to protect you, and you ran away, I thought uncomfortably as I twisted the ring around in a circle. You basically just threw that in his face.
“But I was feeling so trapped!” I whined aloud. “And he won’t find out! What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
I spent a few minutes walking through the grass. A few runners jogged by, one of them walking a dog that was larger than she was. I smiled; it was nice to see people again, even if they were just strangers. This was the kind of time I’d missed more than anything. Even though I didn’t really love being alone, sometimes I absolutely craved it.
There was a playground to one side of the park, and I decided I’d go play by myself for a little bit and start the walk back to Jason’s house. Judging on the cab ride, I thought it would take me about an hour. That was just enough time for me to get home, clean up, then look normal again by the time Jason returned home from…wherever he’d been hiding.
Smiling to myself, I sat down on the swings and pulled a book out of my purse. It was something I’d grabbed from Jason’s house—Joy in the Morning—and it looked old, like maybe it had belonged to his grandparents. With a happy sigh, I opened the cover and began to read. The story was pretty dated; it was about a college co-ed in the 1920s, but I found myself enraptured by the story. I didn’t even notice when a slight cloud cover came over the sky.
“Katharina.”
The sound chilled my blood. When I looked up from the book, Troy was walking towards me.
“Leave me alone,” I said in a shaky voice as I tucked the book back into my bag and walked away from the swing set. “I have to leave now.”
“I bet you do,” Troy said. His lips curved in a thin smile. “Please, Katharina, I really want to talk to you.”
I shook my head. “I’m married,” I said smugly, holding up my left hand so Troy could see the ring. “I’m someone else’s wife now.”
Troy approached with an angry, desperate gleam in his eye. “Kitty, I need to talk to you,” he said. I cringed at the use of my most dreaded nickname. “Please, Katharina. Please take me back. Please, I need you.”
I shook my head. “Troy, you abused me for too long,” I said. I was starting to shake. Whatever protection I thought I’d had against him because of the wedding band obviously wasn’t working, and I was starting to realize Jason had been absolutely right.
Troy got to his knees and looked up at me through a sheaf of greasy blond hair. “Katharina, please,” he begged again. “Please come back, I promise I’ll be better. I swear!”
“No,” I said softly. “It’s over. I’m married.”
Troy stood up, the grin sneaking back onto his face. “I waited for you to leave the house,” he said slowly. “I was watching you, Katharina. And now I’m going to take you and make you mine, all over again.” He stepped forward and grabbed my arm before I could twist out of his grasp.
Suddenly, I saw Jason running towards us.