Jason
I couldn’t stop thinking about Margot, and the look on her face as she’d laughed. It sent shivers down my spine and chills through my whole body. It was like she’d reached right into my chest, pulled out my heart and ripped it in two.
I didn’t think I’d ever be able to get over her.
The first night that we were home, I stayed in my room. Alone. Katie seemed to sense that I wasn’t feeling well, and she left me alone. I wanted to talk to her, I wanted to explain everything to her, but I knew now wasn’t the right time. Now was a time for healing, and now was going to be my time to relax and recover from everything that had happened.
It was only a matter of time before Kenny knocked on my door.
“Come in,” I said in a low voice.
Kenny handed me a beer and we clinked. “I talked to the guys, and they’re all really sorry for suspecting you,” Kenny said darkly. He took a long pull on his beer and glanced out the window. “Everyone feels like a real fucker for thinking you killed Matthias.”
I shrugged. I barely even felt that pain anymore. The shock with Margot had eclipsed everything else I felt about Matthias and the MC. Dealing with the fallout from The Silent Havoc wasn’t a priority now that I felt like my whole life had been ripped apart. Everything I’d ever known had been a lie. Even the shock of finding out how Matthias had ruined Margot’s mother didn’t hit home the way it should have. I wondered how Katie was taking it.
“She’s all right,” Kenny said. I glanced at him. “I mean Katie,” he added. “She’ll be fine. She’s real shaken up over learning that shit about her dad, but she’ll be all right in the end.”
I nodded. “I can hardly believe it myself,” I said in a low voice. “I can’t believe Matthias would have done that. He always seemed like such a solid guy.”
“Maybe Margot’s mother wasn’t, you know, right in the head,” Kenny said. He tapped himself on the temple and took a drink of beer. “It happens, you know. Men lie to women. Things like this get out of control.”
I swallowed hard. “That’s one fuckin’ word for it,” I said slowly. “Thanks for sticking around, man.”
Kenny nodded. “That’s what I’m here for,” he said. “You know that, man. I got your back. You’re my brother, my only family.”
I clapped him on the shoulder. “So, I guess you’re not thinking about leaving the MC anymore to start your own garage?”
Kenny laughed. “I was never really thinking of doing that,” he said, rolling his eyes. “It’s that witchy woman who told me it would be a good idea.”
I chuckled. “Katie’s persuasive,” I said. “I can’t believe I married her, you know? She came to me, asking for help…and this is how it turned out.”
Kenny shrugged. “Don’t matter,” he said blackly. “My parents only knew each other for about twenty-four hours before they were standing in front of a judge.” He winked. “Mom always said she got pregnant that first night. I just think she didn’t wanna let my dad get away.”
For a moment, we sat in silence like that. It felt different, like all the tension had been resolved. I was almost able to believe things would be good again, that there would come a day when I wouldn’t think of Margot. But then, her face would float into my mind and I’d be left feeling even more unsure.
“I don’t know that I can ever get over her,” I confessed. “She broke every rule in the book and part of me will always love her.”
Kenny looked at me with a weird expression on his face. “She did,” he said slowly. “And she’s a real snake, Jason. You know that, right?”
I nodded. “I know,” I said sadly. “I didn’t mean I still love her, I just meant…well, I meant moving on wouldn’t be so fuckin’ easy.” I swallowed hard, feeling tears come to my eyes. A few years ago, I would have wanted to kill myself and give in my man card for crying so much. But now it was second nature, even if it was embarrassing as hell.
Kenny glanced at me. “You all right, man?”
“I just don’t know,” I said with a sigh. “I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
Kenny shrugged. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it. “You can’t have any way of knowing that,” he said, taking a deep drag. “You just can’t know.”
I took one of his cigarettes and lit up. “Thanks,” I said softly. “I appreciate it, man.”
Kenny left me alone for the rest of the night. Occasionally I’d go into the kitchen for some bourbon, but other than that I couldn’t bring myself to leave the house. I didn’t even feel like going for a long ride on my bike; it would have felt wrong, celebratory almost.
Katie was acting weird. I could tell she was avoiding me, and I didn’t want to pry. But the next morning, I knocked on the door of her room.
When she answered, I was shocked to see that she was fully dressed. “What are you doing?”
Katie shrugged. “I thought I could find an apartment somewhere,” she said softly. “You know, get a job. Maybe take some of my inheritance money and do something good with it.”
I glanced at the ceiling. “Why? What makes you want to leave?”
Katie reached out and touched my hand. A spark leapt between us. “I don’t want to leave, really,” Katie said. Her green eyes were filling with tears and I could tell that she was deeply upset. “I don’t want to go, Jason, but I have to go.” She reached up and wiped her cheek. “I mean, you don’t love me.” She sniffed again. “You love Margot, and Margot’s alive. And the most important thing for you to is to be back with her.” She tried to pull the ring off her finger but it was stuck.
I was shocked. “Katie, what the fuck are you talking about?”
She took a few steps backwards and sat down on the bed. “I know you love her, Jason,” Katie said again. “I can see it in your eyes. I could see it in your eyes when you first told me about her, after I’d found the brush and mirror in your closet. I know you two were engaged, and meant to be together forever.”
I swallowed hard. “Katie, that’s—”
“Wait,” Katie said. “Please,” she added, flushing deeply. “I mean, I’m not through yet.” She glanced down and finally took her hand away from me. “I want to let you pursue a divorce, Jason. You were kind enough to protect me when I needed protecting, and I think that time has passed.” She looked in my eyes and I felt my heart breaking all over again. It wasn’t possible that Katie would try to leave me now! Not after all that had happened, not after everything that we’d worked on together.
“Katie, please.”
“No,” she said firmly. “Please, Jason. I also wanted to apologize.” She glanced at the floor. “I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for breaking out of the house and making you chase me, twice. If I hadn’t been stupid enough to go, this never would have happened.” She swallowed hard and more tears came streaming down her cheeks. “If I’d just come to you when I got the phone call yesterday, we would have avoided this whole thing. You never would have had to kill Troy, and the police wouldn’t have had to come.” Her voice broke and she started sobbing.
I could tell she was really broken up about this. I felt helpless watching her, like there was nothing I could do. “Katie, I had to kill Troy,” I said, taking her hands and looking deeply into her eyes. “I had to, you know that, right? He was dangerous, and he was a menace, and he would have begun abusing other women if I hadn’t taken care of him. I think the only goodness in him was that part of him that helped me at the end. I don’t feel bad about it, and neither do you.”
“But I shouldn’t have caused someone to die.” Katie sobbed. She bent over her lap and started crying more intensely than ever before. “I don’t care how bad he was! I hate knowing I’m responsible for someone’s death!”
“Katie, listen to me,” I said firmly, moving closer to her. “Listen to me, okay? You did nothing wrong! Margot was the one who did this; she was the one who manipulated Troy and forced him to help her. She was bad, so was he. She’s gone and he’s dead. What more do you want?”
Katie blinked at me. A single tear rolled down her cheek. “I don’t know,” she whispered. “I want to go away, and give you your divorce.”
As she stood up from the bed, I pulled her into my arms and held her tightly. At first, she tried to pull away but after a few seconds she wrapped her arms around my neck and squeezed me hard.
“I love you,” I told her, pulling away and pressing my lips against hers. “I love you so much.”
Katie melted in my arms. She closed her eyes and for a moment, I thought she was totally going to swoon. She gazed at me and I swear that for a second, I was falling deeply into her eyes. “I love you, too.” She pressed her face against mine and slipped her tongue into my mouth. As her hands tangled in my hair, I felt her give a soft little sigh of happiness. “Do you really love me?”
I laughed. “Yes,” I told her. “Yes, I really love you. I love you so fucking much, Katie. I’ve loved you for so long and I just now realized it, because I’m a giant fucking slow moron. I don’t want to get a divorce. I want you to stay my wife, and I want to love you forever.”
Katie smiled. She was crying again, but I could tell they were happy tears. As she reached up to wipe her eyes, she stroked my face tenderly. Love filled my heart and hurt my chest.
It may be true that Margot and I had been in love. Hell, it may even be true that part of me felt like I’d never get over her. But now, Katie was my future. I could tell she’d always be a faithful wife, and that was exactly what I wanted. Katie may not be exciting or dangerous like Margot, but she was the woman I loved from the bottom of my heart.
“I want to spend my whole life with you,” I whispered in Katie’s ear. “I never thought it would work out like this, but I’m so glad it did.”
Katie nodded happily. “Me, too,” she said in a soft, husky voice.
I grinned at her. “You know what we need to do now?”
Katie shook her head. A slight look of confusion came over her gorgeous face. “No, what?”
“Plan a honeymoon,” I said with a grin. “It’ll be perfect.”