Katharina
The tears surprised me as much as they surprised Jason. His face went white when I started bawling, and I dipped my head to my lap, trying to shield my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t know where this came from. I hate talking about him,” I added, biting my lower lip.
“I want to know everything I can,” Jason said in a calm voice. “Is that okay?”
I looked at him. Jason’s dark eyes were serious and I could tell there was no laughter in them now. Whenever I’d seen Jason before, he’d alternated between intense and off the deep end. My father had trusted him with his life, and the other guys seemed to love him. But I could tell Jason had a dark edge that he didn’t readily expose to just anyone.
“Okay,” I said softly. Jason nodded, eager for me to begin. “We met in college,” I said. “I, um, had a class with him. I had a crush on him almost immediately, but he didn’t ask me out for a long time.”
“When did he start becoming abusive?”
I cringed. When I thought about it now, I was embarrassed that I’d wasted so many years of my life on someone who had treated me like garbage. He’d distanced me from all my friends, except for Becky, and he’d made me question almost every single moment of my existence.
“About a month in,” I said softly as I told Jason about the “incident” with the red dress. “He…it really surprised me, you know? I knew he was weird, but I never thought he was the kind of guy who would jerk me around and yank me by the arm just because he was unhappy with me.”
Jason shrugged. I could tell he was angry, but somehow managing to hold everything in. “That’s how it starts,” he said, looking away. “The abuser always wants to make sure you’re isolated before trying anything too bad. He wants to make sure you don’t have anywhere to go.”
“I lost all of my friends,” I admitted. “The only friend I still have is Becky. You remember her? That blonde girl who used to live across the street from me.”
Jason nodded again. “What kind of shit has he been doing lately?” When I didn’t respond, Jason licked his lips and stared at me. “Tell me about the breakup, Katie,” he added, this time in a gentler voice. “Tell me what you said to him, and the things he’s threatened you with.”
I winced. These wounds were more recent, and I hated thinking about them. “Okay,” I said softly. “I broke up with him about a month ago. The…the violence had gotten really bad,” I added, feeling my voice shake. In my chest, my heart was beating but it felt hollow, devoid of love. “There was one really bad night where we were going to go out. I did something to piss him off…I don’t even remember what it was now. It was probably something really stupid. But, either way, he was furious with me. He told me he was leaving and that I wouldn’t ever see him again.” I looked away, ashamed of what came next. “I’m not proud of it, but I begged him to stay. I grabbed him by the arm when he tried to leave. And then he took off his belt…” My voice faltered.
“It’s okay, Katie,” Jason said. “I’m here. You can talk to me. You can trust me, remember?”
I nodded. “I just hate talking about this,” I said as a hot tear squeezed out of my eye. “It makes me feel so stupid.”
“You’re not stupid,” Jason said in an even voice. “You’re really brave, and I promise this will get easier.”
Taking a deep breath, I made myself continue. “He took his belt off and he beat me with it,” I said. My voice sounded wooden, clinical, almost dull. “And when he was done with that, he started using his fists. My face was so swollen that I couldn’t leave the house.”
Jason let out a deep breath and I saw he was shaking. “I’m sorry,” he said, giving me an odd, tight little smile. “I don’t know how to hear this stuff without getting furious,” he added. “It sickens me that someone would have treated you like that.”
I looked away. “I don’t even feel like it happened to me,” I said softly. “I feel like it happened to someone else, some other girl.”
I didn’t exactly know what to think about Jason. I liked him, against my better judgment, but there was some tiny voice in the back of my head that was telling me not to trust him. After all, this was the man who was supposedly involved with my father’s death. This was the man who was possibly a killer. He was a good listener, though, and I realized I was starting to feel calmer than I had in ages.
“You can’t stay at your place anymore, Katie,” Jason said.
I gaped. “Are you kidding me?” My mind started racing. Right now, I didn’t have the money to move out. My dad had left me an inheritance, but I wouldn’t be able to touch it until I turned thirty.
“I’m dead serious,” Jason replied. “It’s obviously not safe for you. Has he broken in before?”
I bit my lip. “I had the locks changed when I broke up with him,” I replied. “But he’s tried to get in all the same.”
Jason shook his head. “That’s not going to change,” he said gruffly. “A guy like Troy won’t be satisfied until you’re in the hospital, or dead.”
A strange wave of emotion came over me. I couldn’t begin to explain it, but somewhere, deep down, I felt like I was starting to have an anxiety attack.
“I don’t feel good,” I said slowly. “I mean, this is a lot for me to take in.”
“I know,” Jason replied. “But it’s for your own safety.”
I laughed. “And just where do you think I should go? I can’t go live with Becky; she has roommates and they wouldn’t allow it. And it’s not like I have a couple thousand lying around for a security deposit and rent in a new place.”
Jason looked at me. “You have to move in with me,” he said. “That’ll keep Troy away from you. He’s too stupid to fuck with me, and, if he’s not, I’ll take him down in an instant. Plus, the other guys from the MC can stand guard if I have to leave the house.”
I frowned. “You mean I’m supposed to stay locked up in your house?”
“Well, you’re a blogger, aren’t you?”
I let out a long sigh. I was a food blogger, and despite what had happened with Troy, things had actually been going pretty well for me. I’d been invited to judge a couple of cooking competitions, one of them was even in California. But I didn’t see a way for that to happen now. “I work from home,” I said in an icy tone. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t ever need to leave. I can’t stay inside all day,” I whined. “Come on, Jason. That’s ridiculous.”
Jason glared at me. “Katie, this is your life we’re talking about,” he said sternly. “Don’t you place more value on yourself than that?”
I glanced down. “I just…” I sighed. “Fine, I’ll move in with you.”
“That’s not all,” Jason said. “We should get married. That way you have my protection and the full protection of the club. I don’t think anything will happen to me, but if it does…but if it does, you’ll be taken care of.”
I gaped at him. “You can’t be serious,” I said with a little laugh. “You’re joking, right?”
Jason stared back at me. “I’m not kidding,” he said. “This isn’t a joke, Katharina.”
I winced. “Please don’t call me that,” I replied. “It’s Katie now.”
“I’m sorry,” Jason said. He shook his head. For a moment, I had the urge to tell him how much I loved hearing my real name. Or, rather, I used to love hearing my full name. Until Troy ruined it for me.
“I know,” I said. “I’m asking a lot of you…”
“Not so much,” Jason said. He grinned at me. “I have to protect you, you deserve the protection of the MC. Your dad would have wanted that.”
“I just…I don’t know if I can go through with this,” I said. “This…seems extreme.”
“Katie, Troy isn’t going to stop until he’s really hurt you,” Jason said. “This isn’t extreme. What would be extreme is you winding up in the hospital.”
I bit my lip.
“You’re vulnerable as a single woman,” Jason said. “If you marry me, that’s automatic, guaranteed protection.”
I blinked at him. I didn’t know what I’d been expecting when I went to Jason for help, but this definitely wasn’t it. I thought maybe he and his guys could ride by Troy’s house and scare him, maybe threaten to kick his ass or something until he left me alone. But move in with Jason? Move in and get married to someone I barely knew? It seemed ridiculous.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I mean, what’s in this for you?”
Jason hesitated. “I have to protect you,” he said simply. “You’re vulnerable, and you need protection, and you have a shithead of an ex-boyfriend who thinks beating women is acceptable.”
My head was spinning. I didn’t even know what to say, I was so shocked. At first, when he’d suggested getting married, it sounded like a joke, like something he would have said to get rid of the lingering tension in the room. But now that I knew he was serious, I felt flustered. My whole body was shaking and it was scary, like having to make a serious decision on the spot.
“This will affect the rest of our lives,” I said softly. “Are you sure? Are you sure you can do this?”
Jason nodded. “I’m damn positive,” he said.
I sat back in my seat and blinked. Remembering my beer, I reached forward and drank the rest of the glass in one gulp.
“Troy is going to keep chasing you until you’re dead,” Jason said in a low, serious voice. “Katie, you wouldn’t have come to me for help if you didn’t think it was serious. Now that you know it is, what are you going to do? And you realize I can’t let you just leave,” he added. “I’ll have to watch you, no matter what we do. But it’s going to be even worse for you if you don’t listen to me and take me up on the offer.”
I closed my eyes. Behind my lids, colors were swirling around in a frenzy, a frantic pattern of reds and light greys. It looked like the color of a bruise, like my wrists. Like my face will look if Troy can get to me, I thought with a shiver.
I knew something had to be done, but goddamn if I was going to like doing it.