Katharina
I sat in my room crying for hours. I couldn’t believe the day had unfolded like that—it had been a complete disaster. If I’d have known Jason and I were going to have even a fraction of the fight we’d had in his car, I never would have snuck out. I would have decided it wasn’t worth it.
“Yeah, right,” I muttered under my breath. “I still would have gone.”
I was so angry at Jason that I couldn’t believe myself. I’d never been this angry, not even when Troy made me miss my father’s funeral. Jason had treated me in the worst, most humiliating way I could think of. As if I’d want to meet up with Troy! As if I’d ever have anything to say to that scumbag of a human being ever again.
I shuddered as I remembered the way Troy’s face looked when he’d dropped down to his knees in front of me. It had been filled with disgust and desire, and the combination was truly horrifying. My body was shaking as I tried to clear the horrible image from my mind. I never wanted to see him again! He’d hurt me so badly, that I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to go back to him. I knew a lot of women returned to their abusers but Troy was more than my abuser; he had been the very definition of hell for me.
I was so angry at Jason but I wanted him to apologize first. So I waited in my room for him to come. I knew that sooner or later, he’d come and tell me that he was sorry for screaming at me, sorry for dragging me out of the park like an unruly kid. I crossed my arms over my chest and pouted at the door for what felt like hours. When I heard Jason and Kenny’s voices rising from the hall, my heartbeat quickened. Now, he’s coming now, I thought. He has to be coming soon. He just has to be!
But hours passed with no apology. My anger slowly started to disappear and, more than anything else, I felt humiliated. Part of me was still angry that Jason would have suspected me of meeting up with Troy. Did he think I was so desperate for attention that I’d escape from his house and go meet up with my abuser in a public park? Was that really what my husband thought of me?
Steeling my nerves, I yanked the door open and strode down the hall. Jason and Kenny were watching TV together, both drinking beer and reclining on the couch, looking as comfy as you please. They didn’t hear me enter the room for a few awkward seconds I stood there, staring at the television and waiting for Jason to acknowledge my presence.
“Ahem,” I coughed after what felt like an hour. “Hello, I’m standing right here.”
“Yeah, I see you,” Jason replied. He didn’t even turn his head towards me. I stared at his elegant profile and felt my body fill with anger once more. “What do you want?”
“I want to talk to you,” I whined, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. “Come on, Jason.”
Jason let out a long sigh and turned to me. “What?” He glanced at Kenny. “We can talk here.”
“Yeah, I won’t listen,” Kenny said, holding his hands up in the air. “I’m totally into this show.”
I balled my hands into fists and clenched them at my sides. “No,” I hissed. “I want to talk privately.”
Jason rolled his eyes. “You’re not capable of doing anything privately,” he sneered. “Why do you have to be such a fucking drama queen?”
I blushed hard with shame and anger. “Come on, please,” I begged. “Come on, Jason. Just a few minutes.”
Jason sighed. He stood up very slowly, taking his time to stretch and hold his arms over his head. “Well, I guess I’m off to the slaughter,” he said to Kenny with a grin and a wink. Kenny laughed and Jason joined in until he was clutching his sides.
Whatever little sorrow had built up inside of me was rapidly disappearing.
“Jason, come on,” I ordered. My voice was shaking with rage. “I want to talk to you now.”
“Yeah, princess, I got that,” Jason snapped. “Hold your fucking horses. It ain’t like you got anything else to do.”
His words stung and I felt myself gasp.
Kenny shook his head and laughed again. “You gotta calm down,” he advised. “Y’all better not start fighting again.”
I swallowed hard and turned to the wall, flouncing back towards my bedroom. It was a matter of seconds before Jason’s heavy footsteps were following me.
“What?” Jason’s voice was dull and heavy. He was leaning against the doorframe of the room as I sat primly on the bed.
“I’m sorry for sneaking out,” I mumbled. “But you didn’t have to treat me so badly!”
Jason squinted at me. It took a moment to realize that his face was still angry, that he was still incredibly mad at me. “Are you fucking kidding? Katie, you are the most manipulative little bitch I’ve ever known,” he said. “You drag me in here because you want to apologize, and then you turn it around and accuse me of doing something wrong?”
I blushed scarlet red. “Well, you were an asshole to me!” I yelled hotly. “And I don’t deserve to be treated like that!”
Jason stared at me for a long, horrible moment. “You don’t deserve to be treated like that?” Improbably, he smiled and shook his head. “You’re right, Katie. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. You come to me for help, begging for help, saying you think that Troy asshole is going to kill you. You remember that?” He looked at me with his eyes wide. “You remember how you came crawling to me for help?”
I nodded. “But, it’s not—”
“Shut up, Katie,” Jason said. “I’m not fucking finished with you yet. So, let’s get back to the story, shall we? So, you come to me for help. I repeat, you tell me that you think Troy is going to kill you. You said those exact fucking words to me,” Jason snarled. “And don’t you forget it. You said, ‘Troy is going to kill me.’ Remember that?”
I nodded. “I did, but that’s—”
“Shut up,” Jason snarled. His voice was low and deadly serious. For the first time, a trickle of fear wormed its way down my spine and I realized just how angry Jason actually was. “Shut up,” he repeated, even though I hadn’t attempted to say anything else. “So, you tell me that you think he’s going to try to kill you. And I, out of the goodness of my fucking heart, offer to marry you and help protect you.” He shook his head in disgust. “I helped you, Katie,” he snarled. “I fucking helped you. And this is how you repay me!”
“Jason, I—”
“I’m not fucking finished talking yet,” Jason snarled again. “You sneak out of my fucking house, after I have one of my own men guarding you. Kenny could have been killed! What if Troy snuck in here after you left and shot him? You ever fucking think about that?”
“No,” I stammered. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I raised my hand to cover my eyes. My heart was slamming against my ribs and suddenly I was more afraid than ever of losing Jason. “Jason, I’m really sorry, I really am. I shouldn’t have snuck out! I know that now!”
Jason sighed. “And, Katie, let me fucking remind you that this isn’t the first time we’ve had this talk. You asked me twice—twice!—if you could leave without a bodyguard. And what did I tell you both times?”
“I don’t remember exactly.”
“The fuck you don’t,” Jason snarled. “The fuck you don’t remember, Katie. You remember exactly what I fucking said to you, don’t you?”
I took a deep breath. I was so upset that I was starting to feel nauseous and I was worried I’d throw up. “You told me no,” I said, my voice shaking with fear. “You told me not to go, that I wasn’t allowed to go.”
“Bingo,” Jason said, nodding. “Do you remember what else I told you?”
I blinked. “No,” I said softly. “What?”
Jason leaned down in my face, so close that I could see the small pores on his nose. “I told you never to ask again, Katie,” he replied. “Don’t you fucking remember that?”
Shit. I did remember, I’d just forgotten until now. “Um,” I said softly. “I don’t remember. I’m sorry.”
Jason slapped his hands down on his thighs and turned around, facing the wall. “You get your shit together,” he said under his breath. “I don’t want to deal with you anymore right now.”
“Jason, wait!” I yelped, reaching out for his hand as he walked out of the room. But Jason was quicker and he pulled his arms close before I could touch him. He turned around and gave me one last venomous glance before slamming the door shut behind him. I heard his heavy boots clunking on the floor and eventually, Kenny’s laughter that carried all the way from the living room.
I hated him. I hated Jason Littleton so passionately at that moment that I could have run away again and stayed away forever. For a moment, I had the smallest desire to call the police station and say I was being held against my will. Then I remembered the gold band on my finger—I wasn’t a captive. I was a wife. The cops would laugh at me. I could just now see their sneers in my mind as I explained that yes, Jason and I had slept together, more than once, but I wanted to leave. I shuddered as I imagined the cops promising to help me and then calling Jason behind my back. “Uh, sir, we have your wife here…”
My phone buzzed in my pocket. Shit, Troy, I thought. But when I pulled it out, I realized that I didn’t recognize the number. I didn’t even recognize the area code.
“Hello?”
There was the slight sound of female laughter. “Hi, is this Katharina?”
“Katie,” I corrected automatically, assuming it was a bill collector or someone who didn’t have any reason to be calling me. “What do you want?”
The laughter sounded again, small and slightly cold, like snow. “Well, Katie, I have some news for you,” the unknown female said. “And I want to meet you in the Center Park Hotel downtown,” she added. “Room 714. I have some information you may be interested in hearing about.”
I blinked. “Like what?”
“Are you this stupid all the time?” The sound of high laughter reached my ears and I cringed.
“No,” I said softly, beginning to feel offended. “I’m not stupid. I’m just confused.”
“Right, well, I want to help you clear some of that confusion up,” the voice replied softly. “I want to tell you some information about your father’s death. You up for that?”
I almost dropped the phone. “What?”
“You heard me,” the voice said, not so softly this time. “I have information about what happened to Matthias, and who was responsible for it.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, and right now I could read everything you’re telling me in the paper,” I said.
“Did you know he was warned against the drug deal?”
My jaw dropped. “Um…”
“Yeah, that’s what I said,” the female voice said smugly. “So meet me tomorrow morning, downtown. Center Park Hotel. Don’t forget.”
“Room 714,” I replied, feeling dazed.
“Bingo,” the voice said. Then there was a small laugh, and she hung up.
I felt dazed as I slipped the phone into my pocket. Center Park Hotel, room 714, I repeated to myself over and over. It became a mantra.
Despite my anger and feelings towards Jason, part of me felt elated. Finally, after all this time, I was going to discover who was responsible for my father’s death. Finally, I was going to learn who had killed him. I felt a shiver of fear when I realized sneaking out again meant risking Jason’s wrath.
But I knew what I had to do, and that meant finding out the truth about my father.