Chapter Twenty-One
Paul
Before I could speak to Andi—or Joselyn … whatever her name was, the police rushed in. It was a whirlwind. At first I was handcuffed until she explained the situation and then I was asked to go down to make a statement of what happened. Then I was told to not tell anyone because Andi … Joselyn … was still undercover.
I didn’t understand why. I thought she’d caught the guy. Why else would she pull her gun on him? Why would they shoot at her? And why did she reveal her real name?
Usually, I would go to Gabe and talk everything out with him, but I couldn’t tell him that I was just in a shootout with two thugs, a pimp, and my FBI girlfriend. I’d thought his situation with Major Dick was crazy, but I believed mine was the icing on the cake and I couldn’t even tell him.
Wasn’t that some shit?
So I went to the liquor store, bought a bottle of tequila and went home to wait for whatever the fuck her name was. I wasn’t sure why I was mad at her—but I was. I was questioning if it was all even real between us or if it was all an act. I half expected her shit to be packed and moved out by the time I arrived home. But when I pulled in and peeked in her room, everything was the same. I showered and changed into shorts and then broke open the bottle of agave goodness.
I was halfway through the bottle, watching ESPN and almost forgetting that I’d killed two men—something I hadn’t done since Afghanistan, when An … Joselyn walked in.
“Hey,” she greeted.
“Hey,” I slurred.
“Are you doing okay?” she asked, setting her purse down on the coffee table and sitting next to me. I tensed and so did she. “You’re mad?”
“Of course I am!” I shouted and stood. Well, stumbled.
“You’re drunk.”
“And you’re an FBI agent. Are you going to arrest me now?”
“Why are you being an asshole?”
I swayed for a few seconds and then sat on the coffee table, unable to stand any longer from the alcohol in my system. “Do you know what happened today?” I snapped, jerking my head up a little too fast. I was referring to the fact I’d killed two men.
She stood. “Do you know what happened today?”
“I learned that you’ve been lying to me this entire time.”
“I only lied to you about my occupation, Paul.”
I laughed and shook my head. “Are you sure about that, gorgeous?”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“I’ve been sitting here for hours questioning everything.”
She sat back down and reach for me, but I slid a few feet from her so she couldn’t touch me. “Why?” she asked.
I chuckled. “You were placed here by the FBI and then you struck up a relationship with me. I’ve replayed everything over and over in my head, but I don’t know what’s real and what’s not.”
“Everything between us was real.”
“Except your name.”
“Yes, except my name.”
I looked directly into her eyes, wanting to know the one hundred percent truth about my next question. “What about your seventeenth birthday?”
“It was all true. What I felt for you and what I told you was true. I fell in love with you. If you can’t grasp that, then I don’t know what else to tell you. I’ve had a long and emotional day.” She stood and so did I.
“You had an emotional day? You caught the guy you were after. I saved your fucking life. And all I got when you walked in the door was a hey.”
“Sex—”
“No!” I wasn’t sure if it was the tequila, my heart, the fact that she’d lied to me or that I had killed two men, but I was angry and I was angry at her and I couldn’t hold my tongue once I started. “Don’t sexy me, Andi, Joselyn, whatever the fuck your name is. I killed two fucking men today and I can’t even talk to my best friend about it. Fuck, I can’t even talk to you about it because you weren’t here. Now I get a fucking hey. Well, fuck your hey. See, this is why I don’t date. Women and their fucking games—”
“What games are you talking about? I’m not playing games!”
“You are with my heart!”
“I’m not playing games with your heart.”
“You pretended to love me.”
“Is that really what you think?” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“Yes.”
She stared at me for what felt like an eternity, I didn’t know why I said the things coming from my mouth. The more I said them, the more I knew they weren’t true, but I felt like hurting her.
She reached down and grabbed her purse from the coffee table. I watched her wipe tears from her cheek. I didn’t even know I’d made her cry. I wanted to reach out and pull her to me, tell her I was sorry, that I didn’t mean any of it.
But before I could utter anything she spoke as she reached the front door.
“Everything I ever told you, everything I ever felt for you, was real. You’re the only man I’ve ever loved and on my seventeenth birthday my mother not only sold my virginity, but I ran away from home and left my eight year old brother behind. Today the man I arrested was my brother. After everything that happened today, I’m staying undercover because he’s only the middle man. I’ll have the bureau retrieve my stuff in the morning. Take care of yourself, Paul.” Before I could get to her, she was in her car and backing out of the driveway.
And I was too drunk to chase after her.