Chapter Seventeen
Andi
I woke to a hand rubbing the inside of my thigh.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
After our shower the night before, we’d gone to sleep. I still didn’t know what happened on his date to cause Paul to come home the way he did and I wasn’t going to ask. When he was ready to tell him, he would—I’d hoped.
Being able to be the one he came home to—to be the one he wanted—to be the one he needed—felt empowering. He told me he loved me, I loved him and wanted to tell him everything.
Everything.
And I almost did, but he silenced me with his mouth and then we did naughty things and before I knew it, he was drained and we were sleeping.
We still hadn’t had sex. However, I was ready. So ready. Especially after seeing his body last night in the shower and the way he gently took control but allowed me to also have control. It was nothing like twelve years ago.
I trusted him.
I trusted him completely.
“Andi,” he whispered into my ear.
“Hmm?” I asked, trying to form a coherent thought.
“I need to tell you more about last night.”
My back stiffened. He rolled onto his back, his hand leaving my thigh and I almost groaned out of protest.
Had he slept with his client then came home and told me he loved me?
“The part about my client went as planned.” He paused for a long time and I wasn’t sure if he was going to continue. I looked over at him and he was staring up at the ceiling, maybe lost in thought.
“My client was in town for a bachelorette party,” he paused, sighed and then dropped the bomb, “for Vanessa.”
I raised up on one elbow and faced him. “You saw Vanessa?”
He turned his head toward me. “Yeah. She wanted to talk, too.”
“About what?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t talk to her other than telling her I didn’t want to talk to her.”
“You didn’t?”
“Why would I?” He raised up on his elbow so we were face-to-face. “What is there to say? It’s been almost fifteen years and I’m in love with you.”
“What if she didn’t get the abortion?”
He stared at me for a beat then laughed. “Oh, she did. She shoved her discharge papers in my face without a word after it happened when she returned to school.”
“You’re not curious what she wanted to talk to you about?”
“She didn’t even know I was going to be there. It couldn’t have been that important.”
“True. But it fucked you up.”
“I just wasn’t expecting it.” I nodded. “Let’s never speak of her again.”
I bit my lower lip and looked down at his bare chest. I was still turned on from his hand that was rubbing between my legs when I woke up and seeing his bare, rippled chest was an added bonus. Hooking my leg over his hip, I started to crawl over his body, causing him to lie back on his back.
“Andi.” He grinned.
“Shh, I’m ready.”
“You’re ready, ready?”
I nodded then raised up, pulling my tank top over my head and tossing it to the floor. His hands rubbed along my bare back as my breasts slid across his chest, our mouths returning to savor each other. I wanted to stay locked together like glue, be with him in this position with me on top forever, his hands in my hair, mine in his, the sound of our lips smacking when we needed air.
My hips started to move, grinding on his cock. He groaned and deepened the kiss, his fingers dipped into the sides of my panties and he began to tug. I didn’t hesitate as I moved back and forth. I was ready. This was it. This was the moment. I was tired of living in the past just as he was done living in his.
With our lips never losing contact, he rolled me over onto my back, his hips between my legs. He supported himself on one elbow as the other played with the elastic on my panties.
“Are you sure?”
Hoping it would get the message across, I grinned and lifted my hips, giving him permission to finish undressing me. He returned his mouth to mine and I felt a tug and the tickle of the lace from my underwear on the backside of my legs as he removed them, causing goosebumps to spread. Paul dropped them on the side of the bed then started at my ankles, running his fingertips along the outside of my leg until he reached my hip. A small moan escaped my lips, causing me to break the war our tongues were having.
He kept his forehead resting against mine. “Still the best fucking noise I’ve ever heard. I wanna hear more.”
He brought a hand up and cupped one of my breasts, lowering his lips to the other. He started grinding his hips against my core at the same time he twisted the bud of my nipple.
I threw my head back and gasped. “Oh God.”
“Shh. It’s okay, baby. Just feel.” Taking one of his hands, he started at my collarbone and traced random patterns down the front of me, circling around each nipple while he blew on them and caused them to pucker. “You’re so fucking sexy,” he mumbled as he started making his way back down to my chest with his mouth. His fingers started a path down to my stomach and the second his fingers came into contact with the swollen lips of my pussy, I jerked.
“Get out of your pretty little head, gorgeous, and just feel. I got you.”
I nodded, my eyes closing as he slid down my body. He cupped my mound with his hand, letting me get a feel of him. Without saying a word, he ran two fingers back over my center, applying the smallest amount of pressure to the sweet spot my body was craving.
“That’s it, baby,” he cooed. “Just feel.” He lowered his fingers again and after a second of teasing, he inserted a single digit. “So fucking wet. Christ, gorgeous…” Slowly pumping his finger in and out of me, he started peppering kisses along the inside of my thigh, slowly making his way toward my core. Once he got to where he wanted to be, he removed his finger and took one long swipe of his tongue.
“Paul …” I moaned.
He brought his hands up and used his thumb to spread me open for him. He started flicking my clit with his tongue before latching onto it with his mouth and alternating between flicking and sucking. His fingers probed my throbbing pussy again, starting with one and quickly adding another. The second he twisted his fingers into the perfect position—hitting just the right spot—my back arched off the bed and I screamed.
I grabbed his face, pulled him to me, and kissed him as if it were my last breath. Tasting myself on him only drove my need and hunger to have him inside of me. With our lips locked, he removed his boxers, and the feel of his hard cock grinding against where my body needed him most almost sent me directly into another frenzy. I wanted him bad. So fucking bad.
Paul pulled a condom out of his nightstand, ripping it open and rolling it on. Once he returned his lips to mine, he rolled us over again so I was on top. I knew why he did this, and damn if it didn’t make me fall in love with him that much more.
He grabbed my face with both hands, staring me directly in the eyes, “I love you, Andi.”
I wanted to tell him at that moment that my name was really Joselyn. Hear him say the words that I’d never heard before: “I love you, Joselyn.” Instead, I asked a question I wasn’t sure how to ask so I just did.
“Will you help me?”
A smile—the kind of smile I’d never seen on somebody’s face before—smile of deep, consuming and devoted love, happiness and acceptance crossed his face. “I’m right here, baby.”
I lifted just enough for him to reach around to ready himself, and then slowly I lowered myself onto him. I stared directly into his eyes as I lowered myself inch by inch, steadying myself with my hands on his chest. It burned as his dick stretched me, the size of him overtaking my pussy.
“That’s it. Just go slow.”
It was nothing like my first time. The pain might be comparable on some sort of level, but Paul was allowing me to get used to his size. It wasn’t forced and out of my control. This was all me. I was staring into the eyes of the man I loved. The man I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.
The lower I got, the less the burn ached. Once I was filled to the hilt, emotions came flooding through me. Tears poured down my face and I tried with everything in me to keep them at bay, but it was no use. I was happy, relieved.
Paul sat up and wrapped me in his arms. He simply held me while I cried, rubbing circles on my back while my tears ran down his. We stayed like that for a few minutes, Paul inside of me until I was done crying. He looked me in the eyes and I nodded.
He began thrusting his hips, never once losing eye contact with me until I threw my head back when my orgasm tore through me. Paul followed moments later as he grabbed my hips, pumped hard a few times, and stilled.
I collapsed on top of him.
I was emotionally and physically exhausted, but so utterly and deeply in love.
Paul and I woke up the next morning in a tangled mess. If someone saw us, they wouldn’t have been able to tell where I ended and Paul began. Throw the sheets in the mix and I wasn’t sure if we’d ever be able to untangle. That was okay with me; I was right where I wanted to be.
Paul was laying on his back with half of my body thrown over his and my head on his chest. This was what it felt like to be in love. This man had my heart—my whole heart—and it scared the shit out of me. As fast and hard as I fell for him, I realized there was a chance that when he discovered everything—because eventually he would—I might lose him. The thought alone made my heart feel as if it was being ripped from my chest. Paul shifted slightly underneath me and abruptly brought me out of my thoughts.
When he moved, I felt the evidence of a hard-on rubbing against the leg I had thrown over his hips and I smiled at the memory of what had happened the night before. Every time I moved in the slightest, I felt the soreness between my legs. It wasn’t like the first time. It hurt, but this time it was because of pleasure, not pain.
I lifted my hand from his chest and started tracing the lines of his abs. Wanting to see his face, I slowly lifted my head off his chest. I found him smiling and already looking down on me.
“Good morning, gorgeous.”
“Good morning, sexy.” I blushed.
“It’s sexy now, is it?” He lifted me the rest of the way so I was completely on top of him, forcing my knees to fall on either side of his hips.
I shrugged. “I’m still trying to find what works, besides,” I smiled and teased him by grinding my hips, “you are incredibly sexy, so it fits.”
He wrapped his arms around me and flipped us so I was on my back underneath him. I started in a fit of laughter, loving our little power struggle, but when I looked up at him, he wasn’t laughing. He gave me another one of those looks that caused butterflies the size of Texas to flutter around in my stomach and caused my heart to squeeze. He brought his hands up while keeping his elbows on the bed to support himself, and cleared the hair from my face.
“You’re incredible, you know that?”
I leaned up and planted a hard kiss on his lips. When he started moving his hips, I threw my head back and let out something between a small moan and a gasp.
Paul brought his lips down to my ear and roughly whispered, “Are you still sore? Because I had all intentions of letting you rest this morning to give your pussy a break, but seeing you on top of me naked made me want to bury my dick so deep inside you and ride you so fucking hard you don’t know your own fucking name.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and lifted my hips to rub against his now rock hard cock.
It was all the invitation he needed.
Looking in the mirror with my towel wrapped around me, I was doing the finishing touches to my makeup for my first date with one of Martinez’s guys. Jasmine had given me some good tips on how the women in his crew should look. I had perfected the smoky look for my eye shadow, applying a thin line of eyeliner and mascara with just enough blush and a deep red color to my lips. By the time I was done, I barely recognized myself.
I walked out of bathroom and to my closet. Jasmine had taken me out a few nights ago and walked me through a bunch of stores, trying to help me find the right look.
“This one!” She held up a small, skin-tight yellow dress with a halter top. “With your skin complexion, your makeup done right, and the right shoes, this would look amazing on you. I’ll meet you at the register.”
“Wait, I’m not going to be able to bend over in that thing without my goods hanging out.”
She gave me a creepy smile. “That’s the whole point, honey.”
I took a deep breath as I pulled the dress out of the closet and hung it on one of the knobs of my dresser. After putting it on and clasping the halter behind my neck, I put my heels on and stood to look in the mirror. Damn! I looked down to fix a part of the dress that I noticed was twisted and when I lifted my gaze back up to the mirror, Paul was walking by and he stopped short when he got to the entrance to my room wearing nothing but grey sweats riding low on his hips. I took in the sight of his chiseled abs as he stepped into the doorway and eyed me from head to toe.
“Damn, baby …”
Not wanting Paul to pick up on my worry, I sashayed my way over to him adding a little more sway into my hips than normal, and gave him a peck on the lips, “It’s only a date, sexy. I promise I’ll be home as soon as I can. And don’t worry, I’ll be thinking of you the entire time.” I gave him a wink. “Love you,” I sang before I turned to walk away.
He grabbed my wrist, twirled me back around and grabbed my face with both hands, kissing the ever loving daylight out of me. In typical Paul fashion, he kept our foreheads connected when he pulled back from the kiss. “I love you too, gorgeous. Please be careful.”
“I will.” I smiled at him and quickly turned to leave.
The moment I got in my car, I let out a deep, long sigh. I was scared shitless.
I pulled up to the Wynn hotel. I couldn’t believe I was doing this again. This wasn’t like my typical date with S&R. This was going into a hotel room knowing I would have to turn this client down for sex. I had to do this, though. My job depended on it. I’d decided to leave my gun at home. Even though this was a date with someone that was on Martinez payroll, I didn’t want to be patted down and have them find my weapon and all hell break loose and them question me why I needed to have a gun for a date. Of course I could say it was for protection—because it was—but this was my first date for them and I needed to build Jasmine’s and Martinez’s trust. I needed to get in good and find out what was going on, build my case and call in my team.
After my internal pep talk, I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders and waited for the valet to open the car door. Due to the detailed instructions I’d received in the fake email address I’d used for Jasmine, I knew exactly where I had to go to meet my john.
Go to the desk and give your name. There will be a key waiting for you. Pour yourself a drink when you get to the room. Don’t be late.
I did as the email instructed and received a key for room 2316. Taking a deep breath, I pressed the button for the elevator and waited. My palms were clammy as I held my clutch purse and my feet were already aching in my sky-high heels. My seventeenth birthday flashed in my head, but I shook the memories off. I was older now—more experienced. This was different. This was by choice …
It was my job.
I walked in and pressed the button to the twenty-third floor. Giving myself one last once over, I made sure my yellow halter top dress was adjusted just right, my dark brown hair had enough volume and added one last coat of red lipstick.
The elevator door dinged, letting me know I had reached my floor. I followed the signs to the room number, doing my best not to trip over my own feet in the three and half inch stilettos I chose to wear. I slid the key in the door and let myself in. The wine was sitting in an ice bucket with a single glass next to it. I hadn’t drunk any since the night of my birthday, not wanting to bring back the memory.
I walked further in, trying to shake off my nerves. The suite was larger than your typical hotel room—almost like a two bedroom apartment. I walked toward the living room to set my purse down on the table where the wine chilled, passing a private massage room, a half bath, and a kitchenette.
I wanted to get the date started, so I set my purse down a little harder than intended to give my john a heads up I was there and poured myself a small glass of the white wine. I was terrified, but I needed to keep a clear head to get through the night.
Marco’s voice from seventeen years ago rang in my ears as I poured the wine. “You want to hold it by the stem so the wine doesn’t heat up by your body heat.”
When I lifted the wine glass to my lips, I saw someone come into the room out of the corner of my eye, then I felt him stop behind me before I could turn around. He grabbed my arms with a little more force than what I was expecting and caused the glass to crash to the tiled floor.
He leaned down so his lips were against the shell of my ear, “Don’t fucking move.”
His voice was as cold as ice and I stopped breathing as fear instantly rose from the pit of my stomach. I could feel every finger of his hands digging into my skin and I knew it was going to leave bruises. This was not right; this was not what I signed up for and shit was about to go downhill—fast.
Still holding me from behind, he started walking us out of the room, the glass crunching beneath our shoes.
“What abou—”
He gave me a sharp yank back, causing me to slightly trip and land against him. It was like hitting a brick wall and instantly sent a pain down my spine.
“Quiet. I didn’t give you permission to talk. You will only speak when I say you can. Now be a good little slut and do as you’re told.”
He threw me against the wall face first, my arms bracing the impact. Grinding his hips into my backside, giving me a glimpse of what the night was going to bring, he released me from his death grip and gave me a shove that sent me in the direction of the love seat faster than I anticipated, causing me to trip. I landed on my knees, catching the edge of the coffee table with my hand.
Fuck!
My body was sent into instant panic mode, I was terrified. This was not how the night was supposed to go down. I knew the shit Martinez’s girls were into, but this went beyond my comfort zone. I was expecting to offer companionship for the night, and the possibility of him bringing up negotiations for sex but turning him down.
What the fuck was I going to do now? How in the hell was I going to get myself out of this?
I was finally able to find my footing and stood, facing the couch. I didn’t dare turn to face him. My legs felt like Jell-O and I had to lean up against the plush seat cushion for support.
“Sit,” he ordered.
Like a deer in the headlights of an eighteen wheeler, I couldn’t move. My feet felt as if they were stuck in cement pillars.
“Did you hear what I just said, bitch? Sit!” The boom in his voice when he gave the last command was like a gunshot going off in my head and I did the first thing that I could think of—I ran.
When I got to the door, I twisted the handle and yanked. It budged only a crack before a large hand slammed it shut. The other hand twisted into the back of my hair and jerked me back.
“You stupid slut! Lucky for you, I like it when they fight.” He wrapped his free arm around my middle and started dragging me down a hall to what I assumed was the bedroom.
I kicked. I screamed. I tried to break free. It was no use.
He threw me onto the bed, straddled my hips and grabbed both of my arms and held them above my head. That was the first time I saw what he looked like as I continued to scream, twisting and turning, trying with everything in me to wiggle out from under him. He looked nothing like what I’d thought he would. He had the most piercing blue eyes I’d ever seen, perfect teeth when he would give me his evil smile, and even though we’d fought a little, his hair was still perfect on his head. This man could have been any woman’s boyfriend. Instead, he was committing a crime.
Still holding both of my wrists with one hand, he brought the other down and squeezed my cheeks. “Scream all you want, slut. It’s only gonna fucking turn me on that much more.”
He turned my head to the side and licked me from my collarbone to my earlobe. Bile rose up my throat and the tears started flowing. A sob broke free when he started to pump his hips. Removing his hand from my face, he grabbed the front of my yellow dress and yanked, causing the clasps from around my neck to break and giving him access to my breasts.
“Fuck, yeah. Just like I imagined. Fucking gorgeous.” He pulled my strapless bra down as well.
Gorgeous.
Paul.
What the fuck was I doing?
I was a trained FBI agent. I had a man who loved me, who made love to me. I wasn’t going down like this. Not after how far I’d come. I wouldn’t let history repeat itself. I was not my mother. I was better than that.
I stilled.
“Ah, someone is learning fast. Don’t fucking move or I will treat you like the cunt you are. Understood?” Not being able to speak out of fear that I would lose my resolve, I simply nodded.
He kissed me and I tried with everything in me not to struggle. Then as I’d hoped, he slid off of me and stood at the edge of the bed. Cracking my eyes open, I watched as he started to undo his belt buckle. I quickly surveyed the room, looking to see what I had at my disposal. A bedside lamp sat on the nightstand only a few feet away.
Taking a few deep breaths, I forcefully lifted my right leg, hitting him between the legs and watched as he crumpled to the ground. I knew I only had seconds, so I sprung up from the bed, grabbed the bedside lamp and slammed it against his temple. Holding the split top of my dress closed, I ran.
Was he bleeding? Had I killed him?
I grabbed my clutch, not wanting to leave anything behind for him to find me. Not wanting to take a chance on the elevators, I looked for the exit signs and headed for the stairs. Shit! I was twenty-three floors up and wearing stilettos. Flashbacks of my seventeenth birthday flashed in my head again. Once again I was fleeing down a flight of stairs from a hotel room, running for my life.
Knowing I had only seconds to spare if I didn’t kill him, I ripped off my shoes and started going down taking two, sometimes three stairs at a time. Once I got to the bottom, my heart felt as though it was going to explode, but I couldn’t tell if it was adrenaline or the stairs. I opened the doors and into the smoky, crowded casino, and ran straight into the bathroom. I went to the very last stall, locked the door, leaned my back against it and fell to the ground.
Then it hit me. Wracking sobs came up my throat and I couldn’t breathe. Memories from seventeen years ago filled my head. Life repeating itself. Feeling the bile rise at the thought, I struggled to my feet and emptied my stomach contents.
I wanted Paul.
I needed Paul.
I needed him to hold me. I needed to feel the protection that has always been the constant in his arms.
After a few minutes, I put my shoes on and exited the stall. Women looked at me, but no one said a word. What was wrong with society these days? Getting a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I looked like a whore who had just got slapped around by her pimp … I kinda was. Maybe the women thought I was only fighting with my boyfriend and it wasn’t their place to help me. If they only knew what I’d just endured.
I washed my mouth out, took a deep breath and left to grab a taxi to head home to Paul. I didn’t have the energy to drive myself home, and I didn’t know if the john would follow me. Paul was going to be pissed when he saw me, but I needed him. I had no one else, and if I didn’t tell him, I didn’t know when I would sleep again.