Chapter Fourteen

The rest of the day is lovely. We go to Burke Lake Park and ride the train and carousel. I haven’t done either in ages, and it’s more fun than I remembered. We also get ice cream, because there’s probably a law against skipping ice cream on a good afternoon at a park.

Then we rent a boat. Watching Matt maneuver the watercraft with easy expertise is an extraordinary turn-on. I love the way his arm muscles flex, the way the sun highlights his rugged face. The park is public, and we aren’t the only people on the water, what with the weather being so nice. But being together in a boat on the placid lake, it feels like we’re alone in the world.

He leans back and sighs. I sidle closer. “What are you thinking about?” I ask after a moment.

“Socially acceptable version or the truth?”

“How about both?”

He grins. “Socially acceptable version—the weather’s nice.”

When he doesn’t go on, I poke him in the belly and feel the lean muscles contract. “The truth?” I prompt.

“Can I plead the fifth?”

I laugh. “No! You’re making me more curious. Come on. Spill!”

A mischievous spark brightens his eyes. “You asked…”

“Yes. Tell me.”

“Those clouds over there…” He points. “They look like breasts. Yours in particular.”

I burst out laughing. “They do not. You’re so lying. Isn’t that like perjury?”

“I’m not under oath, and they totally do.”

I squint. Well. They look sort of like two circles touching each other. If you have a very creative mind… “They look like Olaf.”

“O what?”

“Olaf. The snowman from Frozen.”

“No, they don’t, especially if you look at them from this angle.” He tilts his face sideways.

“You’re such a perv,” I say with a grin. I tip my head back and study other clouds, then quickly cover my mouth when I see a cluster that looks like a…

“What?” he prompts.

“Nothing.”

“Oh, come on. You can’t have me fess up then not share what you see.”

“I’m totally not discussing this with you.”

Matt gives me a mock stern look and waggles his fingers. “Are you sure you can bear the tickle torture? Better to say so now.”

“I’m sure tickling is against some U.N. convention,” I say, pressing my arms against my sides.

“The U.N. isn’t here to help you.”

Then he’s on me. I squeal. The man is an evil tickler, his fingers knowing exactly where to go and how to maximize the effect. I laugh until I can hardly breathe.

“Do you surrender?” he says in a faux Darth Vader voice, pausing briefly.

“Okay, okay! I’m no James Bond. I’ll talk.”

“A wise decision.”

“That over there”—I point straight up—“looks like a penis.”

He blinks, then looks at the sky. “Nooooo.”

“Yeah, it does.”

“It’s a rocket, you dirty-minded girl.”

“You’re totally wrong. Those round fluffy clouds over there are like—” I flush.

He cocks an eyebrow. “See? You can’t even defend your position because it’s so ridiculous.”

“Ha!” I cross my legs primly. “If you hallucinate a rocket…” I shrug, sticking my tongue out.

“You can be such a brat,” he says, his tone warm and affectionate.

“What are you gonna do? Spank me?” I taunt. I should be totally shocked that I’m talking like this, but I can’t stop myself. He makes me feel safe enough to say all the things I could’ve sworn I’d never say out loud.

He gives me a wicked grin, gliding a thumb and forefinger along his lower lip. “The idea definitely has merit, but I prefer to start with a kiss.”

I look into his brilliant gaze, watch him dip his head. My eyes flutter closed, and I sigh softly against his lips. He doesn’t kiss me like he wants to punish me. Instead it’s soft, the kind sweet dreams are made of. His scent and taste permeate through me. I place a palm over his warm, scratchy cheek and feel a groan vibrating in his chest. My heart accelerates. My bra feels constricting over my achingly hard nipples.

He slants his head, changing the angle of our kiss. This way, we can delve into each other more deeply. I glide my tongue along his shamelessly, while running my hands over his wide, strong shoulders and chest. My fingers dig into his silken hair.

“You taste so good,” I whisper.

“So do you,” he murmurs, the tip of his nose brushing against mine.

I pull his head back to me, and our mouths fuse tighter. Sparks of excitement shoot along my skin, and lust thickens my blood until my limbs feel languid and heavy.

My skin grows hot and hypersensitive, and I shift my legs when he plunges his tongue into my mouth with more aggression.

I moan my approval.

Whatever finesse we had earlier dissolves into rough sloppiness as our breathing turns into desperate pants. Decadent bliss pulses through me, and every lick and nip seems to travel all the way down to my swollen clit. I clench my thighs, wanting something—anything to ease the needy pressure building there.

Suddenly a loud honking jerks me out of the hot pleasure. I open my eyes, jackknifing up. The boat rocks, and a pair of curious geese flap their wings in indignation.

I smack a hand across my eyes. “Oh geez.”

Sighing, Matt places a kiss on the side of my neck. “You mean, oh geese.”

I laugh despite the frustration simmering in my veins. “That’s a terrible pun.”

“It wasn’t that bad, considering.”

My gaze slides down, and I see a huge erection pushing against the front of his pants. Maybe I’m shallow, but it’s gratifying to know I wasn’t the only one lost in our kiss.

I run a finger across his mouth, then stop when my phone chirps twice in my purse. That means it’s somebody from work. I glance at it. It’s David.

–David: Coming over to Alexandra’s for dinner today?

I frown. She hosts a family dinner on Sundays, but we aren’t required to go and she’s never done it right after a big family party.

–Jan: We just had a birthday party yesterday.

–David: I know, but she wants me and a few others to come. Including you.

–Jan: Why me?

–David: She said she wanted to give you something yesterday, but you didn’t stick around.

Yeah, because I wasn’t going to hang out with the relatives while going commando.

“Problem?” Matt asks.

“Huh?” I look up, then realize I’ve been scowling. “Oh. No. Just David asking me if I’m going to Alexandra’s for dinner.”

I turn to my phone and quickly type up a response.

–Jan: Can’t. I have other plans. Give her kisses from me.

I drop it back into my purse. “And I just said no.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

I give Matt a coy smile. “You don’t want to spend more time with me?”

“I do, but if it’s important—”

“It’s not. She wants me to take some stuff out of her attic.”

He frowns slightly. Of course, my simple answer makes no sense because she doesn’t need me to move things in her attic. She has plenty of sons and grandsons.

“It’s my mom’s old things. Letters, journals, photos—you know, stuff not even the Salvation Army will take.” I shrug. I would’ve suggested Alexandra toss them, but she doesn’t want to because they’re sentimental to her.

“Don’t you want them?”

I shake my head. “Not really. I mean, I don’t care if Grandma wants to keep them for herself, but I don’t want them taking up space in my home.”

A breeze blows over us. Some of my hair has escaped the knot and brushes against my face. Matt pulls it away, tucking it behind my ears, his touch gentle. I look at him. His gaze is clear, without judgment or any kind of morbid curiosity. For some odd reason, I want him to understand why I feel the way I do. I’ve never experienced the compulsion with anyone before.

“Mom ran away to be with a guy Alexandra disapproved of. She was eighteen. Then she had me. She split with the guy sometime after getting pregnant and before I was old enough to remember anything, because she never married him or had any contact with his family. I don’t recall having a daddy or grandparents while growing up either. It wasn’t until Mom died in a car accident that her family heard about me. Or so the story goes.” I’m not sure if Alexandra honestly had no idea about my existence back then. She seems to know everything else about the family.

“Jan.” Matt reaches over and squeezes my hand.

I shrug with an awkward smile, but I don’t pull away. “Alexandra thinks I should keep everything and maybe even read through the whole pile, but I’m not sure what I would get out of it. The letters are probably filled with mushy stuff about her crush on my dad, and who wants to read that… Eww.”

I scrunch my face to cover up how uncomfortable I am with the idea of learning about the entire circumstances around my parents’ running away…and me and everything else. If I look too hard, I’m probably going to learn I’m the reason Mom and Dad broke up. Or maybe I’m the reason why Mom was too ashamed to come back to her family. I don’t know for sure, but I think I would’ve been mortified if I were in that kind of situation, unwed and pregnant with a baby whose father my mother disapproved of. Or maybe it’s something worse. It’s better that I don’t know. What you don’t know can’t hurt you.

“I wouldn’t either,” Matt agrees after a moment. “But maybe there’s other stuff too, things that might help you understand your parents.”

“Nah.” I lean into his touch. “She was just a teenager who fell in love and ran off. I think Alexandra wants me to have them as some kind of memento.”

Matt doesn’t speak. Instead he wraps an arm around me, pulling me closer. I snuggle next to him, absorbing his warmth and strength. They begin to thaw the coldness inside me that thinking about my mom and dad brought on.

And so we stay on the boat and watch the sun set. I wish we could be like this forever. I’ve never felt so content and cherished, despite the small undercurrent of unsettlement Mom’s journals always bring up.

But Mom’s in the past. Matt… He’s becoming something more.

As the sun turns everything golden around us, I realize why I felt the need to explain—Matt’s opinion matters. A lot. And I don’t know precisely what to make of that. I’ve never let myself care much about what guys thought about me—after all, that’s what led my mom astray.

Since I turned down Alexandra’s dinner invitation, we go to a Mexican restaurant on the way home and have margaritas and spectacular fish-and-beef tacos. The live music’s festive, and I grin, watching the musicians with sombreros sing beautifully in Spanish while thrumming away on their guitars.

By the time Matt and I reach our neighborhood, it’s almost nine. I expect him to lead me to his place, but instead he walks me over to mine. I tilt my head with a slightly nervous smile. “Just so you know, my housemates are super nosy.” Ugh, I think, still keeping the smile on my face in an effort to reduce the damage. That was a total man-repellent thing to say. I should’ve just asked him to come in.

He grins. “I know. I was subject to Sammi’s cross-examination.”

I cringe. “She can be…um…blunt.”

“I thought it was cute. Obviously she cares about you.”

My cheeks warm. I honestly have no idea how to proceed now, what the etiquette is. Both Sammi’s and Michelle’s cars are in the driveway.

Picking up guys for one-night stands was so much easier. Just flirt a bit, then invite them to a hotel room or something. No expectations or anything like that since I didn’t plan to see them ever again. They were just a means to an end so I could pop my cherry and move on.

But this is different. Not only am I going to see Matt again, but he’s more than a means to an end.

I should just…channel Marilyn Monroe or someone. Just casually open the door and ask Matt if he wants to come in for coffee. Wait. Maybe it’s too late for that, and it’d be better if I offered him something else. I have a good bottle of brandy, a graduation gift from Aunt Margo, and she doesn’t believe in cheap liquor. We could share that bottle, then kiss and all the rest. Perfect, right?

I reach for the doorknob. As my fingers wrap around it, Matt lays his hand on mine. I stop and look at him, my lips parting softly.

He’s so, so close, his body only a hairsbreadth away from me. I inhale sharply and smell the musk and sandalwood from him.

My pulse spikes.

“Tell me to stop now,” he murmurs, his eyes searching mine.

I blink. I don’t want him to stop if he means he’s about to seduce me. I want him to… “Um…”

A corner of his mouth quirks upward, then he kisses me.

In front of my door.

His free hand rests on the spot next to my head, caging me in. I usually feel claustrophobic when a guy does that, but now I feel cocooned, sheltered from the world as we share the space that’s our own and sink deeper into the kiss.

He tastes amazing. Even better than earlier. He’s all man and Matt and sweetness and all the things I didn’t know I wanted.

I lift a hand and wrap it around his nape, and he strokes deep inside with his tongue. I arch against his body. God. He’s so insanely warm and hard, and the leisurely way he licks my mouth is killing me little bit by little bit.

Pulses of desire course through me, pooling between my legs. My fingers dig into his neck muscles as I suck on his tongue. The hot liquid need he stoked earlier on the boat swells within me, and I feel like a puddle of melting wax.

“Jan…” He groans deep in his chest. “Tell me what you want.”

My brain’s slow to process. You, I want to say when it finally catches up, but somehow the word gets stuck in my throat. My clit is throbbing, and I’m soaked in my panties, but I need more than his body. I need…

I need… I swallow hard.

He rests his forehead against mine, exhaling a long slow breath. The tendons on his neck and shoulders tighten, then he places a whisper-soft kiss on my forehead, where his was touching just seconds ago.

“Good night, sweetheart.”