TWENTY

“And these scans revealed nothing?” Levrix asked the next morning, sitting down in the fire pit with Cecelia.

“No,” Cecelia said, but then winced slightly when she moved.  Her stomach was cramping up and she felt the dull throbs of the pain she’d felt the night before in the Rillirax.  Not as intense, but it came and went.  She figured since her stomach was acting up, that all the Luxirian food she’d been consuming was the culprit.  Maybe it would just take her time to get used to it.  “Privanax said the scans were all clear, so I think it’s just a stomach bug or something.”

“Did you tell Rixavox that you are unwell this span?  He would want to know.”

“No,” Cecelia replied.  Just the mention of his name made butterflies swarm in her stomach.  She had it bad, so, so bad for her Luxirian warrior.  “He was really worried last night so I didn’t want to distract him from his duties today.  I’ll be fine.  I just need to rest.  This tea certainly helps,” Cecelia commented, shooting her newfound friend a small smile.

Outside, ugly weather raged.  When she’d woken that morning, next to Rixavox, she knew that it would be a cold, cold day.  The house had been freezing and Rixavox had stoked up large fires in every room to bring in some warmth.  When she’d peeked out the paneled window, she saw mostly silver.  The snow was silver on Luxiria and it had been coming down like crazy.  So, all in all, it was a perfect day to spend by the fire, curled up with tea, and chatting with Levrix, who told her she’d closed down her stall at the Bazaar due to the weather.

“He is a caring male,” Levrix commented.  Cecelia could never forget that the two Luxirians had been lovers.  For a seemingly long time.  Sometimes, she got the sense that Levrix was trying to remind her, but she shook it off.

She tried to soften the blow of jealousy, of imagining Rixavox with anyone else, but she couldn’t.  It stabbed her so hard that it felt like a physical blow.

Cecelia swallowed, taking another sip of tea as she composed herself.

Because in her mind…all she was thinking was mine.  Rixavox was hers.  It was a strange, jarring feeling, but somehow, some way, she knew that he was.  And she was his too.

Cecelia had never suspected she was easy by any means.  But just a couple nights with Rixavox in bed and her hormones were going haywire.

Because surely she was nuts if she was beginning to wonder if there was a future for them after all?  On this distant planet, where she knew next to nothing about the culture?  About the people?

Was she completely nuts for falling head over heels in love with her tall, horned, ridged alien male?

Sometimes she felt like she was crazy.

But she’d never felt anything like this about any man in her life before.  Not by a long shot.  What she felt was the kind of thing she’d only ever seen in movies or read about in books.  It was as consuming as a wildfire…and just as frightening.

It was a free fall.  A complete free fall and she didn’t know if she had a parachute to save her.

“Yes, he is caring,” Cecelia replied softly when she trusted her voice.

But he was so much more than that.

Much more.

He made her feel strong again.  He made her feel like she could be the woman she’d always wanted and needed to be.

And the thought that she might be leaving this planet, leaving Rixavox behind, never to see him again…it made her feel sick.

Now that their time was dwindling to the end, she was thinking more and more about how she would even be able to say goodbye.  And she realized that she couldn’t imagine it.  It hurt too much.

Levrix was quiet, studying her from across the fire pit.  When she’d first arrived, as promised, she’d read a section from the book Cecelia had found the day before and translated it into English as best as she could.  Beyond that, that was the most Cecelia had heard her speak that day.

“You are different,” Levrix commented.  “Even from last span.  I see it.”

Cecelia fought against the flush that colored her cheekbones.  She’d been pale that morning when she’d looked at herself in the wall reflection in the bathroom.  Perhaps a little color would do her good.

“Ah,” Levrix said, leaning back slightly, before looking down into her lap.  “You have mated.”

“No,” Cecelia said.  “No, we haven’t.  But…”

She cleared her throat, taking another sip of tea.

“Rixavox is a charming male.  Handsome and strong.  I did not doubt that he would court you.  Many Luxirian females have vied for his attentions throughout the rotations.”

Her words were flippant but Cecelia didn’t like the way they settled in her stomach.  A sliver of anger and jealous burned through her, but Cecelia knew that Levrix had meant nothing by it.  Right?  If she’d learned one thing about the female…it was that sometimes she could be blunt.

That was why, after she took a deep breath, she said, “We haven’t mated, Levrix.  I know this might be a little uncomfortable for you, since you two used to be…” What had Rixavox called it?  “Um, pleasure partners, but I do care for him.  A lot.”

“There is a rumor that the lavrix’an,” Levrix started saying, “the human female that our Prime Leader mated did not want to conceive, that she asked a healer for a…a contraceptive.  Is this true?”

Cecelia furrowed her brow, confused by Levrix’s question and wondering why she wanted to know.  Besides a small, hardly noticeable clenching of her fists, the Luxirian female hardly seemed fazed by their conversation.

“I have no idea,” Cecelia answered truthfully.  “I’ve only met Kate a couple times and it was obvious to me that even if she did want birth control, it didn’t work.  Her pregnancy was in the third trimester already from the looks of things.”

Levrix’s face twisted slightly and Cecelia wondered what that emotion meant.  Disgust?  Anger?  Confusion?

“It is hard for me to understand,” Levrix finally said slowly, her voice strained, “why a female would wish not to bear young.”

Cecelia straightened slightly, sensing that this was a delicate topic.  “I’m sure she had her reasons, if the rumors are true,” she said.

“And yet she will bear our Prime Leader’s heir, an heir that will lead us into a new world.  A hybrid,” Levrix said softly, her gaze flashing up to Cecelia.

Cecelia swallowed, the sudden tension making her fidget among the cushions.  It didn’t help that she felt she might vomit as well.

“Rixavox told me about the Plague,” Cecelia said softly.  “I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like, losing so many of your females in such a short amount of time.”

Levrix’s mouth twisted again slightly.  “You will never know what it was like.  And us that remain behind…we may as well journey to the blackworld too.”

“That’s not true,” Cecelia said, frowning slightly.  “Don’t say that.”

“And now, females of different races will be the ones that continue Luxiria’s long and prosperous line, not Luxirian females.  We have no use.”

Cecelia’s lips parted, struck by the sudden change in Levrix.  Rage.  It was there on her face.  Helplessness.  And a supreme sadness that made her throat burn just seeing it.

“I’m sorry,” Cecelia said, because she didn’t know what else to say.  “I’m sorry that you had to go through what you did.  I’m sorry for what you still deal with, every day.”

“I wanted to be a mother,” Levrix said, meeting her eyes.  The glacial blue color seemed even darker with her sadness.  “I wanted to bear young and see them grow and become proud warriors that would defend our race.  I will never see that now.”

“Levrix, I understand,” Cecelia said softly, wondering how to try to calm her down.  Her emotion seemed pent-up and for some reason, it was bubbling over now.

“No, you do not understand.  You could never understand,” Levrix bit out, her voice hardening.

Cecelia sucked in a breath and blew it out slowly.

“I do, actually,” she said softly.  Levrix gaze was steady as Cecelia told her, “I cannot have children either and I wanted to be a mother one day as well.  So I do understand, at least a little bit of what you feel.”

“You cannot bear young?” Levrix asked, finally taking a breath.  “Why?”

Cecelia explained quietly, “The treatments I received for my cancer…they damaged me.”

Levrix stared at her once she said the words, in silence.  Her brows furrowed but her eyes lightened to their original light blue.

“Having children is important for Luxirians?” Cecelia couldn’t help but ask softly, sadly.  She thought of Rixavox.  Would he want children?

“Tev,” Levrix confirmed and Cecelia’s heart sank in her chest.  “It is very important.  Nothing will bring a family unit more pride.”  Levrix seemed to force herself to add, although her tone was bitter, “The Prime Leader is a fortunate male to have a fertile female.”

Cecelia looked down at her lap.  A wave of pain—from whatever the hell was wrong with her body—and of sadness made her want to curl up in bed for the rest of the day.

Levrix stood.  “I will depart now.”

Cecelia nodded, glad that she would be alone with her thoughts.  But something pricked the back of her mind and she looked up at Levrix, who loomed on the other side of the fire pit, bundling herself in her furs.

“Can I ask you something before you go?”

Levrix looked down at her, but her expression was stony.  “Tev.”

“What does luxiva mean?” Cecelia asked, the question falling so easily from her lips.

Levrix’s lips twisted again and the chortling sound she made in the back of her throat echoed around the room.  “I was wondering if he would tell you.”

Cecelia waited, but she believed she already knew the answer.

“Luxiva means fated one.  A fated mate,” Levrix said.  “Tell me he at least explained that to you.”

“He did,” Cecelia said softly, the final piece of the puzzle clicking into place.

And it didn’t shock her.  It made sense…everything that he’d told her about fated mates, how powerful a connection it was, how rare they were…she’d felt it too.  And now she knew that Rixavox had as well.

He’d known about Luxirian Instincts because his own Instinct had awakened.  For her.

Cecelia looked up at Levrix, who had already turned to the door.  Their time together had taken a turn and it was clear, perhaps to the both of them, that there was no future for a friendship.  Levrix’s bitterness ran too deeply.  That was apparent to Cecelia now.

Levrix turned to look at her one last time and inclined her head.  And then she slipped out the door of Rixavox’s home and Cecelia wondered if she would ever see her again.

The house was quiet, except for the howling winds outside.  Cecelia felt strangely calm, processing the confirmation of some suspicions she’d had.  She wondered why Rixavox hadn’t told her…but she knew.  If he’d told her from the beginning, it would have scared her off.  She had already been processing the whole alien thing, and then the return of her cancer.  He probably hadn’t wanted to overwhelm her, especially when they’d just met.

It all made sense though.

From the very first moment that they’d met…the intense attraction, that strange, erotic encounter when they’d first spoken.  His vow to Privanax that he would not have sex with her while she healed.  Privanax must’ve realized what had happened and hadn’t wanted anything to compromise her progress.

The intensity she’d always felt from him…

Cecelia sucked in a deep breath, her chest feeling a little tight.  She could feel her heart pounding.  It seemed to shake her entire body.

He’d told her that Luxirians mated for life.  Mates were forever.  Is that what he wanted from her?

Rixavox told her, last night in the Rillirax, that they had as many days together as she wanted.  In his mind, their future had always been in her hands, not his, because she was the one who had the choice to leave, to return to her own home planet.

Because that would be what she was giving up if she chose to stay.  Her home planet.  The life she’d started to build for herself.  Her degree.

But if she chose to return to Earth…what would happen to Rixavox?

Her head began to pound and she closed her eyes, trying to calm down.  It was too much, especially in her tired state.

However, she knew that she didn’t have much time to figure out the mess in her head either.  They would be leaving to return to the Golden City soon, in a couple more days.

Would she know what she wanted by then?