NINETEEN

“I am a weak male,” Rixavox rumbled into his female’s skin.  Water trickled from his hands as he lifted them from the Rillirax to run over the bared expanse of Sessela’s back.

Her skin was impossibly smooth, soft, vulnerable.  He frowned, knowing that it would be so easy for something to harm her.  It only made him feel more protective of her.

“Why?” she whispered, her voice relaxed, leaning her flushed cheek against his chest as they soaked together.  Usually, the Rillirax was energizing, but his luxiva seemed tired, probably due to their activities once he’d returned from the command center and right when they’d entered the sacred pool.

“I told myself from the beginning that I would not touch you,” he admitted.  “Not only because of the vow I had sworn to Privanax that we would not mate.  I made a vow to myself.”

He felt her smile as she teased, “You haven’t broken your vow to Privanax.”  She turned her cheek to look up at him and smiled.  “Not yet at least.”

His cock jumped at her words and a growl tore from his throat.  Earlier that span, he thought he’d journeyed to the blackworld because of the pleasure she’d wrung from him.  The mere thought of mating his female, being with her in the way the Fates intended, was…overwhelming.  He couldn’t mentally—or physically—conceive what that experience would be like.

And she teased him with the possibility of it coming to fruition.  It took everything in him not to nudge his cock between her legs right there and then.

He couldn’t help but ask her, “Once you have been healed, do you think you will have me?”

A soft smile touched her lips as she said, “I would have you now, if you weren’t so insistent on me being healed first.”

He purred, but his Instinct prowled inside him.  “Be careful what you tempt, luxiva.”

“What does that mean?  Luxiva?” she sounded out slowly.  Rixavox went still.  “You call me it all the time.”

“One span, I will tell you,” he hedged carefully, his fingertips tracing over the back of her neck, drawing unknown patterns over her skin.

Her voice sounded hesitant when she murmured, “We might not have that many left.”

Rixavox’s jaw clenched and he had to make the effort not to clasp her too hard to him.  Her words battered at his mind, like spears or hammers would, knowing that there was a possibility for an end.  He’d gone his entire life span thinking he would never find his fated mate and he was resigned to that knowledge, had accepted it even…and now that he had her, he could envision no other life he wanted.  No life that didn’t include her.

“We have as many spans as you wish,” was the only thing he could think to say.  He said the words slowly, as if they were delicate and might break.

Sessela sighed against him.  She was no longer smiling when she said softly, “The others are waiting for me.  One of the women—Bianca is her name—has a child and a husband back on Earth.  She cried every day and night, being away from them, thinking she might never see them again.  I feel guilty prolonging her sadness like this.”

Rixavox’s chest ached at her words.  His female had a heart the size of Luxiria, but to Rixavox, no other being was more important than her.

“Your health comes first, Sessela,” he told her firmly.  “This is the remainder of your life span.  Her sorrow is temporary.  There is no reason for you to feel guilt.”

“And yet I still feel it,” she said, her shoulders shrugging slightly.

Rixavox let out a long breath but said nothing more about it.

She changed the subject.  “Do you know Kate very well?”

“The lavrix’an?  I have spoken with her at length, yes.”

Sessela went quiet and Rixavox could practically see her mind at work.  Finally, she asked, “And what does she do?  Here, on Luxiria?  How does she spend her days?”

“Her duties are in the archives in the Golden City.  It is like…I believe you call it a library.  It is filled with scrolls and tomes of Luxirian writing, and lore, and history.  Of battles we have waged and accounts of the Fates,” he said.  He thought for a moment and then said, “I think that Kat said her profession on Earth was a book maker.  A ‘publisher’ is the word she used.  Do you know what this is?”

Sessela’s smile returned as she nodded and Rixavox purred when he saw it.  “Yes.  She likes books then.  I like them too, but you don’t exactly have any written in English,” she teased.

Rixavox frowned, racking his brain.  “Perhaps there is a way to get them for you,” he said slowly.  “And for Kat,” he added.

Her chin was on his chest as she looked up at him and she slid her arms around the expanse of his back.  “Are you going to go raid a bookstore on Earth for me?”

“I would if you asked it of me,” he answered honestly.  Of course, he would have to figure out a way to acquire another Luxirian crystal to power a vessel back to Luxiria.  But he would.  He knew he would do anything for his luxiva.

She murmured softly, “I know you would.”

He shifted her weight in the water and settled her back against him.  “What was your profession on Earth?” he asked.

“I was still in school actually, working towards a nursing degree.  I was going to finish in a couple months,” she said in a wistful tone.  She must’ve seen the confused look on his face because she ran her fingertips over his furrowed brow and explained, “I want to be a nurse.  A…healer.  I started looking into nursing programs when I was doing my chemotherapy.  I needed something to strive towards, regardless of if the treatments worked or not.  And I’d encountered a lot of nurses over the years and they all helped me in some way.  They were amazing.  I wanted to do the same thing for other people.”

“You are…” he trailed off, the words deserting him.  He shook his head.  “You humble me, Sessela.”

Her eyes softened and she leaned up to kiss him.  Rixavox didn’t know how he’d gone a single moment of his life span without kissing her, for it was as addictive as it was comforting, as it was sensual.

“Can I ask you something?” she murmured when she pulled back.

“Tev, of course.”

Her breasts slid against his chest as she shifted and she bit her lip before saying, “You said before that you’ve never bonded with anyone, that you’ve never wanted a mate, willingly or fated, that you didn’t see that life for yourself.  Why?”

Out of all the questions she could have asked, he’d expected that one the least.

Slowly, he said, “I never said I did not want a mate.”

“Right,” she replied.  “Sorry.”

“All Luxirians wish for a mate,” he told her.  “Most, especially now, do not find them.”

“So you think you’ll never find yours?” she asked, her voice strangely subdued and quiet.  “Is that why you never saw that life for yourself?  Because you think it won’t happen?”

Keeping the truth from her was becoming more difficult by the span, he realized.  She did not realize that he had found his fated mate.  In her.  Sessela was the only female for him, from then on until the span he entered the blackworld, whether she was by his side or not, whether she returned to Earth or not.

The words were in his throat, but he found he could not voice them.  He’d never thought of himself as a coward, but the thought of his luxiva turning from him if she knew the truth…it was the most frightening thing in his world.

“It is part of it, tev,” he said carefully, hating this dishonesty between them.  “I have learned to live with what the Fates have given me.  To want something that desperately, only to leave this world without it…you would always want more than what you have, you would never be satisfied.  I choose not to live my life wishing for something that might not happen.”

“You’re a realist,” she observed.  Her eyes looked sad though and it maddened him.

“What is a realist?”

“It’s someone who…someone who accepts something for what it is and deals with it however they’re able to.”

“Then tev, I am a realist,” he murmured.  “What are you?”

That question brought a small smile to her face.  “I am…maybe part realist and part idealist.  Do you think I can be both?”

“Tell me why first,” he said.

“Because I was dreaming of being a nurse, even when my body was being pumped with chemicals, even when I knew there was a chance I would never be able to do a nursing program.  Because I think that wishing for someone whose like your second half isn’t a bad thing, even if I might never find them.  It would give me something to look forward to.  And I think being even a little bit of a dreamer makes life a bit more interesting.”

Rixavox huffed out a laugh, his heart thrumming in his chest as he looked down at her.  He felt full, he realized.  Completely and utterly full.  He had since he’d first seen her.

“Tev, luxiva,” he rumbled, pressing a kiss to her lips.  “I think you can be both.  You are both.”

They kissed each other, feeling the comforting strength of the Rillirax, and Rixavox knew that he would never be able to give her up.  He wondered if she would feel the same about him, especially considering they didn’t have much time left.  He was meant to return her to the Golden City in a few spans to finish her treatment.

Sessela flinched, sucking in a sharp breath, and Rixavox pulled away, startled, afraid he’d hurt her.

“Luxiva?” he asked, brows furrowing when he saw her features drawn.  He cupped her cheeks.  “What is wrong?”

She shook her head.  Slowly, her muscles relaxed again, but there was still a slight discomfort on her face.

“Nothing,” she murmured, her gaze returning to him.  “I just…maybe it’s the Rillirax.  It’s supposed to draw toxins out, right?  Maybe it’s a little painful as it does, like pain means it’s working.”

“It should not make you hurt,” he said, frowning.  Already, he was calculating how long it would take to return to Velraxa, to summon Kirzalla, the outpost’s healer, if necessary.

She gave him a small smile, running her palm down his chest, as if he was the one needing comfort and not her.  “It’s nothing, Rixavox.  It’s passed now.”

Her words slightly lessened his concerns, but they did not diminish entirely.  “We should send an additional scan to Privanax this night.  To be sure that nothing is wrong, tev?”

“It’s fine, Rixavox.  I don’t want to bother him this late.”

“If anything happened to you, female…” he exhaled a sharp breath, slashing where that thought led.  “I want to be sure.”

“Okay,” she relented.  “Okay.”

“Thank you,” he murmured, pressing another kiss to her lips.  “We will do it quickly when we return, tev?”

She got that look in her eye, the same one she got whenever she was teasing him.  And she’d once told him teasing was like flirting.

“And once we get the all clear from the good doctor, then we can play?” she asked, a sensual smile lifting the corners of her lips.

Despite his worry, he gave a small groan, understanding her meaning.

“Tev,” he rasped.  “Then we can play all you want.”

“Deal.”