Antonia
Antonia was already awake the next morning when the guard yelled out her name, screaming for her to come out of her cell. “I’m coming, I’m coming,” she muttered as she put her feet on the ground. She rolled her eyes at the sound of her cellmate’s loud snoring.
The guard pulled the door back, holding it open for her to step through and out into the hallway. “What’s going on?” Antonia asked, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.
“You’ve got a visitor,” the guard barked out. He gestured for her to hurry up and come out of her cell.
Antonia followed him down the hall again to the meeting room. There, sitting at the table, was an unfamiliar middle-aged man in a nice suit. He stood up as soon as he saw her, holding out his hand for her to take. Antonia stared down at it uncomprehendingly for a long moment, unsure of what to do until the man finally cleared his throat and took his hand back, sitting down at the table.
Antonia finally realized that she was standing awkwardly in the doorway of the room. She sat down across from the man on the other side of the table. “Um…” she said uncertainly, scratching at the side of her head and clearing her throat. “Um, I’m not sure…who you are.”
“I’m Simon Tenbow,” the man in front of her said, offering her his hand again, which Antonia still didn’t know what to do with, staring at it blankly until he retracted it again. “Anyway, I’m a lawyer. I was hoping to represent you, if you’re willing to accept me.”
“Wait, what?” Antonia asked, totally confused. “What are you doing here? I didn’t call you or anything, right?”
“Right,” Mr. Tenbow said. He dragged up his chair so he was closer to the table and leaned over it to whisper to Antonia. “Now, tell me straight, did you hurt your child?”
“What? No!” Antonia said. She felt sick to her stomach just at the suggestion. “Absolutely not! What are you doing here if you think I’m capable of that?”
“It was just a question, just a question,” the lawyer said, holding up his hands defensively. “I have to ask when I take each case, just to be sure that I know what I’m dealing with. So you’re innocent. Good. That makes things simpler for me.”
“Where did you come from?” Antonia asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “I didn’t call you to come here.”
“That doesn’t matter right now,” Simon said firmly. He reached into a packet of papers on the table in front of him and placed a sheet in front of Antonia. “I need you to sign this. It’s a consent form so I can represent you. Trust me, you need me. I’ll do my best to make sure that you get your son back.”
“I don’t understand what’s going on,” Antonia said honestly. She brushed some of the hair back from her forehead so she could see more clearly, as if she could look into Simon’s eyes and see what he was up to. “Please, just tell me, why are you doing this? I’m nobody. I’m no one. I’m just some random babysitter from nowhere. And my ex….he’s a cop. He can smack me down like a fly. Why would you want to take this case?”
“I have my reasons,” Simon said. “Now, look, we have a limited amount of time here. I only have a few more minutes to talk to you about your case. So you’re innocent. What kind of information can you give me about your ex?”
“Uh, I don’t know, he’s…he’s a bad person?” Antonia stuttered out, unsure of what else to say. “I mean, he’s clearly hurt my son. But I don’t know how or even why. My son won’t tell me what happened. I’m sorry, I know that’s not super helpful to you.”
Simon nodded and shuffled through the stack of papers in front of him. “Fair enough. Innocent clients are usually the most unhelpful, anyway, so that’s par for the course. I already hired a private investigator to look into your ex, so that’s taken care of. We’ll find something.”
“How are you so sure?” Antonia asked.
“Because it’s one of you. Either you’re hurting your child, or your husband is. Since I’ve decided you’re not guilty, there’s one simple solution. Your ex has done something to hurt little…what’s his name?”
“Daniel,” Antonia answered.
“Little Daniel,” Simon said, grimacing a little. “I’ll make sure he makes it home. Just give me a few days and I’ll find something.”
“I just don’t understand,” Antonia said, cradling her head in her hands. “Paul has never done anything like this before. Why would he just suddenly start hurting Daniel? He loves his son…or so I thought.”
“It’s money,” Simon said, shaking his head sadly. “It’s always about money. For some reason Daniel is making him a profit, and he’s not going to give it up until he gets caught. But don’t worry, I’ll take care of it. Just keep yourself distracted, and I’ll figure it out. Okay? Stay strong.”
Before Antonia could come up with anything to say in response, the lawyer got to his feet and knocked on the door. A guard appeared an opened it to let him out into the hallway. Antonia remained in her seat, unsure of what to do. She breathed hard as she reflected on the words that Simon said before he left the room.
But before Antonia could figure out how she felt about that interaction, another figure appeared through the door, stepping into the room and sitting down in front of her. Cal.
“What are you doing here?” Antonia asked, the words spilling out without permission from her brain. She regretted them as soon as they were released, but she couldn’t exactly take them back, so she forced herself to put on a calm, undisturbed face.
“I’m here to help you,” Cal said. He looked a little taken aback by her question. “Simon’s my lawyer. Well, he’s the lawyer of….this organization that I’m a part of.”
“The motorcycle club?” Antonia asked, her tone coming out uncharacteristically hard and sharp, cutting through the air like a knife. “The Bone Breakers, was it?”
Cal paled in front of her, looking like the blood drained from his face all at once. “Yes,” he whispered in response. He cleared his throat as he adjusted in his seat, pulling himself closer to the table. “That’s my club.”
“Your club?” Antonia repeated back to him.
“Yes,” Cal replied, still not looking at her directly. “It’s a gang, really. We do a lot of… extracurricular activity in and around this town. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I meant to, but…” He trailed off and waved his hand in the air futilely for a few seconds before letting it drop down to his lap
Antonia cleared her throat a couple times before speaking, struggling to summon up the will to force the words out of her mouth, even though she knew she had no other choice. “I can’t…I can’t be with a criminal,” she said. Her body flushed with heat like she’d said something awful. “I just can’t.”
Cal was silent for a long moment, finally nodding along with her words, his eyes still focused on her own lap. “I get that. I should have told you earlier. I meant to, but…I just got distracted. I’m sorry. I really am.”
Antonia didn’t know what to say to that. She didn’t feel like she deserved an apology, but she still wished that Cal had told her earlier, that he had told her as soon as they met, so that she could have avoided this horrible situation entirely. “It’s okay,” she finally whispered, unsure if she was talking to herself or to the man in front of her.
Cal’s eyes darted back up to meet Antonia’s gaze, burning with some emotion that made her body heat up even more, her blood pumping faster within her veins even though she was sitting perfectly still. “Is it really?” he whispered. “Is it okay, Antonia?”
Antonia was quiet for a moment, choking on her own words, before she finally stuttered out, “No. Yes. I don’t know. I didn’t know you were in a gang until yesterday. I don’t know how to react, okay? Give me a break.”
Cal nodded. His eyes dropped back down to the table, darting back and forth like he was furiously struggling to come up with something to say. “That’s fair,” he finally said. He cleared his throat and pressed one arm down on the table in between them, reaching out towards Antonia. Antonia looked down at his hand, unsure of what to do. She took too long to make her decision, apparently, as Cal pulled his hand back a few seconds later, his cheeks blushing in embarrassment. “Okay,” he whispered. “I’ll be honest with you.”
“That’s a change for you,” Antonia said without thinking. She must have felt more bitter than she realized at first, as she felt a weird sense of satisfaction at the shameful look that crossed Cal’s face. I am mad, she realized. Her heart felt like a ball of fire burning its way through her ribcage. I’m mad that he lied to me by omission, never telling me what he did at night. He never trusted me. Why should I trust him?
“I’ve done some bad things,” Cal admitted. He sighed and scooted closer to the table. “But I’m not a bad man.”
“How can I know that?” Antonia asked. “I don’t know anything about you, not really, other than how you like to be fucked. Why am I supposed to believe you now?”
“Because I’m here trying to help you,” Cal argued. “I’m here for you, Antonia. What else matters?”
“Everything else about you!” Antonia said back, her voice barely below a shout. She let her head hang low between her shoulders, no longer having the energy to lift her eyes to meet Cal’s. “You could be a fucking murderer, and I wouldn’t know the difference. You never let me in. Not even once.”
“I know,” Cal said, his tone increasingly pleading and desperate. “I know. I fucked up. I should have told you sooner. I should have told you right away, right when we met. But I didn’t.”
“Why didn’t you?” Antonia asked.
“I was afraid,” Cal said. His eyes flashed back up to meet Antonia’s. “I thought you would judge me. Not that I didn’t deserve it, but was I wrong? Aren’t you judging me now?”
Antonia felt her face flush with heat and her eyes fell back down to the table. “I don’t know,” she said honestly, shaking her head, more at herself than at Cal. “I don’t know what to think. My whole world has been turned upside down over the past few days. What am I supposed to think about anything? My ex-husband is apparently scheming to lock me up. Even though I’ve hated him for years, I never expected that for even a moment. Apparently my powers of judgment aren’t that sharp. So what am I supposed to think about you?” She shrugged, feeling weighed down by the burden of her own ignorance. She was so fucking stupid. So foolish to think that she could ever have a nice, peaceful life.
“I know I haven’t given you any reason to trust me,” Cal said, earnestly enough that Antonia forced herself to look up from her lap to meet his eyes. “But believe me, I wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt you. Or Daniel. You’re both…you’re so important. More important than I was willing to admit at first, but it’s true. You’re in my life now. I can’t let you go.”
Antonia felt a thousand emotions battle each other, trying to climb their way up her throat to be voiced. But she swallowed them all back and glued her gaze to the blank grey floor beneath her feet, praying for the strength to be reasonable. “You’re a criminal,” she said stiffly, fighting to keep her voice steady and calm despite how much his own words affected her mere moments before. She felt like Cal had reached into her chest and wrapped a metal fist around her heart, squeezing the blood out little by little, making her feel like all her strength was leaking out of her body, more and more with each passing second.
“I’m more than that,” Cal said softly. His voice sounded so sincere that Antonia had to look back to meet his eyes, which were full of an emotion that hit her right in the chest. “I might be a criminal, but I’m a man, too.”
“A good man or a bad man?” Antonia asked, genuinely not knowing the answer.
“I don’t know,” Cal answered. “I really don’t. I guess that’s for you to decide. But I will be honest with you. I have feelings for you.”
“Feelings?” Antonia asked. Her heart pounded even harder within her throat, all of her veins pulsing with excess energy as she considered Cal’s words.
Cal scoffed a little at himself. He turned his head to avert his eyes from Antonia’s, staring at the closed door opposite the table. “I love you,” he whispered. “That’s what I meant to say, okay? I love you, Antonia.”
Antonia’s heart seemed to freeze in her chest. “What?” she whispered in response. She thought she could hear her own blood rushing through her ears.
“I love you,” Cal said, this time turning to look her directly in the eyes, his own pair full of an emotion that made her feel like she was staring into the sun. “I really do, Antonia.”
Antonia was speechless, utterly breathless for what felt like an eternity, her lungs practically aching as she stared across at Cal, searching his face for any sign of deception.
“I do,” Cal said again. He swallowed visibly without breaking eye contact with Antonia. “I mean it.”
“I’m not…sure,” Antonia whispered back, the words seeped from her lips like air leaving a punctured tire. “I’m not sure I know what to say to that,” she said honestly.
“Just be honest,” Cal said, even though his face was covered with worry. “Please. Just tell me if you feel differently. I’ll still help you, I promise.”
Antonia’s answer caught in her throat, and for a long moment they just stared at each other, unsure of what to say. “I don’t know how I feel anymore,” Antonia said honestly. “I thought I felt…” She let herself trail off, afraid of what was going to come out of her mouth.
“I get it,” Cal said a little too quickly. He scooted his chair back from the table so that there was more distance between them before he got to his feet.
“Wait, Cal—” Antonia started to say, but Cal cut her off with a hand in the air.
“No, don’t worry about it,” Cal said in a stiff, curt tone of voice. “I’ll still help out. It’s okay.”
“I don’t want you to think that I don’t—” Antonia said, but again Cal cut her off, shaking his head before she could finish her sentence.
“No, it’s okay, really,” Cal said. He cleared his throat as he stood up to his full height, offering her a weak smile. “Don’t even stress about it. I’ll take care of it, okay? I’ll take care of all of it.”
Antonia struggled to come up with anything to say, weakly sighing out as Cal exited the room, leaving her alone with her handcuffs.
“Well, shit,” she said out loud. She let her head sag down to the table and pressed her forehead down hard onto the cold metal. It was what she deserved, after all. She’d let her whole life fall apart, and right when there was an opportunity to save it, she was too afraid to reach out and grab it. She was weak. Antonia had secretly always known that about herself, but there was no denying it now. I’m fucked, she thought as the guard walked back in to undo her handcuffs. I’m totally fucking fucked.