“What are you doing here? You aren’t welcome.”
“Is that any way to treat an old friend?”
I stood looking at D as if his words didn’t hurt me, as if I had every right to walk into his casino as anyone else did. Of course, I had made sure I reassumed my previous appearance prior to taking a cab over. The wig I wore was a bit itchy and I found that the contacts annoyed me after not having worn them for so long, but it was a small price to pay. I liked the idea of being able to change my appearance quickly if anything went far off the rails for me.
“I’m not fucking playing with you, Janessa. You don’t belong here.”
“It’s a casino. Anyone with a handful of bills belongs here.”
“I own this casino. It is at my discretion who gets removed. I don’t need a reason to have you ejected.”
“That what you are going to do then, D? You going to call your goons and have them manhandle me out the front door?”
“I don’t need any goons to accomplish that. I’m perfectly capable of removing you myself.”
“Then do it.”
He glared at me for a moment. I could see his anger dance in his eyes, but there was something else there too. Perhaps it was just what I wanted to believe, but I thought he missed me. I wondered how deep that longing went. Was it just a physical ache or was it something more?
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he growled, reaching out to grab me by the arm and hauling me away, but not in the direction of the exit. He was taking me to his office instead. I pretended to resist a bit, but his hand was firm and he just kept carting me past the curious eyes of other members and guests. I doubted seeing D being rough with someone was something they hadn’t seen before. He shoved me into the office and stepped in behind me, locking the door behind us.
“It’s really nice to see you again too, D,” I said sarcastically.
“What the fuck do you want, Janessa? You shouldn’t be here. I’ve got my hands full without any more of your bullshit.”
“I just wanted to get out for a while, and I missed this place. What’s wrong with that?”
“Other than the fact that it is complete and utter horse shit?”
“It is not. Why do you always think the worst of people?”
“I don’t think the worst of people. I see the worst in them. They rarely prove me wrong.”
“You are way too tense and paranoid.”
I was caught completely off guard as he came charging back around his desk toward me and pushed me against the wall, hitting the drywall behind my head with a fist. He was furious. Way too furious at just seeing me and my toying with him a bit. More importantly, he was scaring me. It was a side of D that I had heard about, but had never really seen firsthand.
“I am going to ask you once again, Janessa. What are you doing here?”
“I…I missed you.”
“Once again, horse shit.”
“It is not horse shit! Why do you assume that I could just cut off my feelings for you, and not want to be with you anymore? No matter what horrible things you say to me, I believe that you do care about me. Maybe you don’t really love me. I don’t even know if you understand the meaning of the word. What I know is that I have missed you every day that I was away from you and wanted to see you, to see that you are okay.”
“Well, here you go, then, Janessa. I’m okay. You’ve seen me. Now, go.”
“That is all you have to say to me after all this time?”
“Yes.”
“Have you noticed anything, D?”
“Like what?”
“Like the fact that you haven’t been arrested for anything I might have told the DEA about you? Like none of your boys have been arrested for anything? I’ve protected you.”
“Protected me? More likely that you had nothing to tell them they could prove.”
“You think so little of me. Why?”
“Why? Do you really have to ask that? You came here to take me down. I let my thinking get clouded by you, let it slide. I’m still letting it slide. I should have never trusted you.”
“You are wrong about that. It seems to me that I’m really the only person you can trust these days.”
“Think what you will. I don’t have time for games with you, Janessa. I’ll call you a cab.”
“I know about Zach.”
His face turned a shade of gray as all the color drained from it. I saw the anger fade, replaced with something I couldn’t quite discern. Pain? Confusion? Whatever it was, it shut him down just long enough to give me the upper hand.
“You don’t know anything.”
“That is where you are wrong. I know everything.”
“Not possible. No one knows that story, no one who is around to tell it.”
“I know that you chose to live. I know you killed someone you deemed a brother in order to save yourself. I understand that you had no choice. It was one of you or both of you. Is that why you are so afraid to get close to me? Is that what you fear most? Having to choose between yourself and someone you care about again?”
“Shut up! Shut up!”
The gray was quickly replaced by flaming red skin. I had hit a nerve, one he didn’t like to admit he even possessed.
“Why, D? You don’t want to hear the truth? You’d rather stuff that part of yourself down into some deep, dark recess where it can’t cause you conflict or doubt? If you love no one, then you can’t be hurt emotionally. Is that it? Is that why I had to go?”
“Goddamnit, Janessa! Why can’t you just leave well enough alone?”
“Why did you come to my house the day I was moving, D? What did you come there to say?”
“I didn’t come there to say any fucking thing. I just came to make sure you got out of there okay.”
“You sure about that?”
D pulled away from me, looking me up and down. I could see his indecision clearly now, but just for a few moments. Then it was gone and his lips were on mine, searching my mouth hungrily with his tongue. I didn’t resist. I wanted him. No matter what he was or wasn’t, I needed to feel him again. Besides, it fell right into my plans. I just hadn’t been sure I could pull it off.
His hands fumbled with my clothes, pulling my sheer Lycra dress over my head to reveal that I wore nothing underneath but the thigh high boots that previously rose just short of the hem. Pulling me away from the wall, he pushed me forward across his desk, holding me down with one hand. I could hear him unbuckling his belt behind me. My heart raced with anticipation of how he would feel inside of me.
“God,” he moaned as he sank deep inside of me, his cock throbbing against my pussy walls. I felt like a long lost lover being reunited with the man she loved. The interlude was briefly clouded by the thought, but it dissipated as he drove into me hard and fast, erasing everything from my mind but how incredible he felt pounding into me so roughly.
I felt his hands on my waist as he pulled me back onto him again and again, taking what he wanted from me as if I wasn’t giving it freely. Beads of perspiration covered our bodies as our centers met with increasing vigor. I never wanted it to end, my body aching for every inch of him to be inside of me forever.
My legs trembled as I clawed at the desk beneath me, shattering into a million pieces with an orgasm so intense it left me weak, but it was only the tip of a quickly melting iceberg that broke off piece by piece and exploded throughout my being as I squealed and writhed beneath him, not caring who might hear me beyond his office doors.
“That’s it, keep cumming. I’ve missed the way you seize and shake when I make you cum,” he growled, leaning forward to sink his teeth into my back. I felt battered, bruised, and somewhat used, but I loved it. I loved every single fucking moment of it.
I let out another high-pitched utterance, mostly unintelligible as I came again, this time so forcefully that I thought I might push his massive cock free of me, but he only ground further into me, rotating his hips to create a tsunami of orgasm that flooded his cock and ran down his balls.
“My turn,” he growled, burying himself to the hilt and unleashing a flood inside of me.
We lay there, collapsed against one another in the aftermath of our coupling for a few moments before he stood, releasing me from my pinned down position across his desk. I quietly walked over to where my dress lay on the floor and slipped it over my head, pulling it down and smoothing it against my damp skin. Looking him in the eye, I bid my emotions to stay buried as deep as I could manage them.
“Thanks. I’ve gotten what I really came here for. I’ll go now.”
The look on his face was one of confusion and perhaps a bit of hurt, but it was how I needed for him to feel. I needed for him to feel like I just wanted him physically and held no misguided notions that he and I might be anything more than that. Turning toward the door, I opened it and walked out.
“Hello, Janessa. How are you doing?” Simon asked as I passed by where he was sitting with several other members of the club. Two were on the list of members who were out to roll D from his position, so I was well aware that Simon was only there to monitor them, learn what he could. I looked at him as if looking right through him and responded.
“Suitably fucked.”
His eyebrows raised as his eyes drifted toward the doorway, where I was quite certain D was standing and watching me walk out, though I refused to look back and see for sure.
“See you next time, then.”
“We’ll see.”
I walked on, my head and shoulders held high, and made my way out to the sidewalk to hail a cab. As I slid into the back of a black sedan meant for the high rollers of the club, I was afforded a view of the front entrance of the casino and could just barely make out the figures of Simon and D standing inside the large glass panels that enclosed the front lobby. I looked away as I gave the driver my address and never looked back, though tears streamed down my face.