I was surprised that sleep came so easily to me. I had paced for a while after D left and only lay down out of boredom. There were no amenities in the house. No books, no television, not even an FM radio. D still had my phone and I wasn’t sure it would have gotten a signal way out here even if he had left it. I guessed exhaustion had taken over as I lay down and fell into a deep sleep. I dreamed of my father, of better days, eating lunch together at Mr. Carroway’s place and walking along the docks in the afternoon.
I awoke to sunshine streaming in through the windows. There was still no D. Around noon, I decided to try and eat, making myself a bowl of tomato bisque I had found in the large selection of canned goods in the pantry. The cabin was stocked like a survivalist camp, with dry goods and bottled water. I guessed, in some aspect, that was exactly what this place was. D’s survivalist camp.
It was near nightfall when he finally returned, and I had begun to worry that something had happened to him and I would be trying to walk out of this place come sunrise again. At least there was a road to guide me I had surmised. It was a relief on many levels when I saw the headlights of my car pulling back up to the front of the cabin. Still, I didn’t dare unlock the door. His key in the lock caused me to catch my breath, releasing it when I saw him walk through the door.
“I brought you some food. I know the selection here is limited. I thought we might have a decent meal together before we part ways.”
So that was it, then? He was going to bring me what I needed to finish what I had set out to do and anything that had happened along the way was just irrelevant. It was as if I didn’t know him at all, and I guessed I really didn’t when it came right down to it. I never had. I had somehow managed to fall in love with a stranger who only had concerns for himself. Even now, he was giving me what I wanted in order to get a fresh start for himself.
“Sounds good. What did you bring?” I asked, trying to sound as unconcerned as he seemed to be.
“Roast chicken, winter squash, garlic mashed potatoes and a nice bottle of pinot grigio.”
“I’ll get some plates.”
I busied myself pulling plates from a nearby cabinet and washing them to remove the dust that had collected on them. It had apparently been a while since the cabin had been used.
“Who does this cabin belong to, by the way?”
“I bought it with cash a few years ago when I first began thinking about getting out of the club. It’s in the name of a trust so that it can’t be traced back to me. I haven’t been out here since I first bought it until a few weeks ago. I came out to stock it with supplies but didn’t get a chance to do much cleaning, but I guess you noticed.”
“It’s a bit rustic.”
“Yeah. Anyway, let’s eat.”
We sat down with our food and began to eat, trying to make light conversation and only achieving a sort of awkwardness that indicated silence might be more comfortable. Instead, I turned the conversation back to the plans at hand.
“So, what is this evidence you have?”
“I don’t want to talk about that. It will speak for itself. Everything you need is in the trunk of your car in two boxes. Tomorrow morning, get up and drive out of here with it. Take it directly to the ATF building downtown. Do not stop anywhere, not at your house, the bank, anywhere. I’ve topped off the gas and fluids in your car and checked the tires, so there is no need for you stop anywhere along the way.”
“Where should I take you?”
“You won’t be taking me anywhere. You’ll leave me here.”
“So, this is where you will be hiding? I can come here if I need to see you?”
D laid down his fork and took a deep breath before looking up at me. I could see that haunted look in his eyes again as he seemed to struggle for the right words and finally answered me.
“No. I will not be here. I will be leaving shortly after you do. I’ve already made arrangements to be far away from here even by the time you arrive in Portsmouth. You and I will not see one another again, and you will get on with your life, the life you should have already been living instead of trying to take on the case of your father’s murder.”
“You don’t have to do this, D. I don’t understand why you can’t stay and just take down the men yourself as you and Simon intended to.”
“I simply don’t want to anymore, Janessa. I want to give this to you. It will help you to find your own peace at having brought your father’s killer to justice, not just the one who actually did the deed, but all of the ones who were responsible. It will bring you closure. It will bring the families of the others closure as well, I suppose. You can let it go and have a good life.”
I wanted to tell him that I couldn’t have a good life without him, that I loved him, but I couldn’t make myself do it. He had made it clear that he didn’t love me, and I refused to let our final discussion be one in which I just looked like a bigger schmuck. I did have at least a modicum of pride left.
“You could just walk away, not implicate yourself in having brought down any of the club members.”
“No. This is what I’ve chosen to do. It’s almost as good as done, Janessa. You just need to put the final pieces of it into place and let the ATF do the rest.”
“Where will you go?”
“You know I am not going to tell you that. The less you know about it, the better. People will be looking for me, and it’s best they think you and I parted ways ages ago. It’s hardly as if they will recognize you on the street. You look nothing like you did the first time we met.”
I wanted to ask him if that was a bad or good thing, but realized it was just my insecurity asking for compliments. What was the purpose really? Either he would admit that he wasn’t attracted to the real girl next door I had reverted to or he would say that he still was. One would hurt, the other would hurt just as much. He was lost to me and nothing would change that.
“I guess you are doing what you feel is best for yourself,” I said finally.
“I’m doing what needs to be done. Simple as that. Finish your food and let’s try to get some sleep. I’ll take the sofa.”
The thought of sleeping beneath the same roof with him and not being able to touch him pretty much insured that no sleep would come, but I finished what I could of my food and helped him clear away the dishes, retiring early to the bedroom as he made himself at home on the sofa near the fire he had built for the cool night ahead of us.