I can’t believe this is happening. This is my absolute worst nightmare.

Unfit to be a father?

Where did they get that idea? Who reported me? Were they really that concerned for Brady’s wellbeing?

Am I failing him that badly?

I mean, I know I’m not the world’s best parent, I sure know I’m a long way from perfect, but I love my son. I’d take a bullet for him. I’d die for him. What more can I do? What can I say? How can I prove to a judge that I’m good at being Brady’s dad? It’s an impossible situation.

I’m sitting outside the court, waiting for my hearing, looking at my lap. My leg is trembling. It won’t stop shaking.

I feel like running outside into the street and screaming at the top of my lungs.

My phone rings and I try to ignore it. It’s Lucy. I couldn’t care less about work right now, but then I wonder if it’s got something to do with Brady. He’s still at school but if this hearing doesn’t go well, CPS will be picking him up and taking him to a children’s home.

How can this be happening?

He’s my son. My Brady. How on earth could some public welfare agency be a better place for him than with me?

Oh God. Maybe I have been a terrible parent. Maybe I’ve been too concentrated on work. I mean, Brady seems all right. He always seems happy when we’re together. I religiously take off my weekends so that I can spend time with him. We hang out in the loft, watch movies, go to sports games, go out to events around the city that would be interesting to him. He’s eight so he loves fast cars. We go to the track all the time and watch them testing the cars. Afterwards we go out for pizza, or ice cream, and we have dinner together every single night. I’m not one of those guys who goes to the office and never comes home. I’m the one who takes him to school in the morning. Sure we get there late sometimes but that’s not a crime, is it? I’m the one who picks him up from after school activities. We eat together. Our bedrooms are right next to each other.

I’m a good father.

I know I’m a good father.

“What is it?” I say into the phone, sounding less patient than I’d intended.

“Sorry, sir, I know this isn’t a good time.”

“What is it, Lucy?”

“It’s Dairy Technics. Clint Anderson has outbid us again.”

“Oh, god, Lucy, I really can’t focus on that right now. You heard them this morning. They’re trying to take Brady away from me!”

“Want us to just let Dairy Technics go, then?”

I sigh and look at my watch. It’s five minutes before two.

“What time does the auction end?”

“At three, sir.”

“If we bid now, Anderson still has time to get in behind us.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Fuck,” I say, then immediately, “sorry, Lucy. I know none of this is your fault.”

“Want me to just get the bidding team to take over?”

“Fine. Tell them to go up to three dollars a share and not to start bidding until sixty seconds prior to auction close. I don’t want to tip our hat while Anderson still has time to react.”

I hang up the phone just in time for the court usher to come out for me.

“Mr. Eastwood. You’re up.”

I let out a long sigh and stand up.

I follow the usher into the courtroom and take my position in front of the judge. He’s a kindly looking man about my father’s age, if my father was still alive. His voice is deep and wise sounding.

“In the matter of the State versus Mr. Wes Eastwood. This is a child custody hearing on the grounds of child welfare. Mr. Eastwood, can you please confirm to the court your correct name and address?”

I look up at him and then at the court reporter and say my full name and address.

“I’m looking through the paperwork here Mr. Eastwood, and it seems your son, Brady Eastwood, is eight years old.”

“Yes, your honor.”

“And you’re a single parent?”

“Yes I am.”

“And what is your occupation, Mr. Eastwood?”

“I’m a Wall Street trader.”

“That’s a very high intensity occupation, is it not?”

“I’d say it is, yes, sir.”

“Do you find your job to be very challenging?”

“Yes, sir, I do, but it doesn’t mean I don’t have time for my son.”

He lifts his hand to stop me talking out of turn. “You’ll have time to tell your part of the story, Mr. Eastwood. I promise you that. Just let me get through all the State’s facts first.”

“Yes, your honor,” I say.

He nods and ruffles through a pile of documents. He goes through Brady’s medical records first. Brady hasn’t had any illness or injuries other than what you’d expect for a boy his age. His school records come next, which are all excellent. His behavior reports are all very good too. He’s been in trouble here and there for a few small things but nothing I’d consider serious. His attendance record is very good also. It takes quite a while to get through all of it and I can see from the judge’s face that he’s struggling to find any problems with Brady’s life that would justify this sort of court hearing.

“These tardiness notes, Mr. Eastwood. Would you care to comment on those?”

“I drive Brady to school every morning myself, your honor. He attends a private school on Park Avenue and as I’m sure you’re aware, the traffic around there can be unpredictable at times. I admit, we struggle to get to school on time, but we’re always just a few minutes late and it’s never for any reason other than our own carelessness. I’m sure it’s a nuisance to his teachers but we’re working on it, I promise you.”

The judge nods and takes some notes.

He lets out a sigh and looks at the clock. It’s three thirty, an hour and a half since the beginning of the hearing, and he really can’t find any serious problems in Brady’s life. I know it.

“What about a mother figure?” the judge asks.

“Well, his mother died.”

“And you’re currently unmarried, Mr. Eastwood?”

“I am, your honor.”

“Is there a woman in your life?”

“No, your honor.”

“And what about a nanny, or a female presence, in Brady’s life?”

“I didn’t think we needed a nanny, your honor, but if the court thinks my son would benefit from one, I’d happily hire one.”

“You’d want to make sure she’s a responsible professional.”

“I’d have her thoroughly vetted, your honor. Believe me, in my world that’s par for the course.”

The judge nods.

“Well, Mr. Eastwood, all I can really say is that it appears to me that you’re a perfectly competent and loving father. I have absolutely no idea why CPS referred this case to me and the fact they only submitted documents and didn’t send a representative suggests they don’t have any idea either. Sometimes these things come before the court when there really wasn’t any need in the first place. I think I’m happy to conclude that’s the case in this instance.”

I almost burst out crying, I’m so relieved.

“Thank you, your honor.”

“I will say, I’d like to see Brady getting to school on time. It’s important for his own sense of order. I also think it would be helpful if there was a female presence in the home. Your willingness to hire a nanny puts my mind at ease in that regard. If you could inform CPS when you’ve hired a nanny, including confirmation that you’ve had her professionally vetted, I think that would be satisfactory.”

I can’t believe its all over. There’s a part of me that’s angry at CPS for putting me through this for no reason but the fact it’s over now outweighs that anger a million times over.

“Yes, your honor,” I say, before leaving the courtroom.

When I get back out to the corridor, I don’t know what to do with myself. I want to leap for joy. I look at my watch to see if Brady’s school is out yet. It is but I remember he’s at soccer practice with his friend, Billy. I decide to go there and watch him play.

On the way I call Lucy from my car.

“So, what happened?” she says.

“The judge says he doesn’t even know why I was flagged. I’m a great father.”

“Of course he did, Wes. You’re the best father in the world!”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“So, I take it you’re not coming back into the office.”

“No, I’m going to watch Brady’s soccer practice. I’ll catch up with you in the morning.”

“Ok, sir. Probably for the best. Things are pretty low here right now.”

“Low? Why?”

“Oh, you didn’t hear?”

“Hear what?”

“We lost Dairy Technics. Clive outsmarted the bidding team while you were tied up in the hearing. It was brutal. He didn’t even outbid our max. He just timed everything better.”

I knew if I’d been there to watch over things that wouldn’t have happened, but I couldn’t bring myself to care at that moment. There are more important things in life than business.

“Well, we’ll sort it out tomorrow, Lucy. Tell everyone to go home. Call it a day. You all have families, right!”