Chapter7
Jessica looked at Holt, worried and hopeful in equal measures. “What do you mean?” Her boss smiled slightly, looking so understanding and so gentle that Jessica wanted to cry. When she’d seen him next to her desk, waiting for her, it had felt as if her heart had stopped for a few seconds, and then--as if to make up for the missed beats--as if it had started pounding at a thousand beats a minute.
She’d tried to make sure he wouldn’t see the vibrator in her hand, that she’d taken into the bathroom with her; when she’d sat down on the couch, she’d finally had the presence of mind to slip the little object under her thigh, but she hadn’t had any idea what she’d do when she had to leave Holt’s office once more, to keep him from knowing. Now, of course, that was pointless; he knew what she’d been doing.
“If what’s triggering you is the fact that you can’t do anything with me--and that’s making you want to do other things with other people, if I understand what you were hinting at…” Jessica nodded to confirm.
“That’s...yeah, that’s more or less what it is,” she admitted.
“Then, what if you could do things with me?” Jessica’s eyes widened, and she stared at him, feeling a kind of dread. Was Holt going to turn into yet another one of those men who found out she was an addict and decided to take advantage? The voice of her addiction murmured through her brain.
But that’s what you want, isn’t it? For him to treat you like the filthy, disgusting little slut you are? For him to use you as his own personal fuck-toy so you’ll feel good again? She closed her eyes and clenched her teeth, trying to silence the voice. Holt cleared his throat. “Or would that only make things worse?”
“I--give me a second,” Jessica said quickly. She opened her eyes and found her glass of wine and drank the rest of its contents in a few quick gulps.
“If you need another glass of wine, I’ll get the bottle,” Holt said. Jessica smiled wryly.
“I don’t need to be drunk on the clock,” she told him. She took a breath and swallowed against the tight feeling in her throat. “What...what exactly are you suggesting?”
“If what’s triggering you is your inability to do things with me,” Holt said slowly, “then I was thinking that it might help you to have that ability. At least--I would hope--it would mean you aren’t so tempted to do the other, more self-destructive things. Is that right?” Jessica considered that for a moment.
“It...it might,” she said. She played with the wine glass, feeling nervous. “But it wouldn’t...you wouldn’t just...be making me like--like a sex slave, would you? Like...it wouldn’t be a condition of my staying employed here?”
“No! No, absolutely not,” Holt said quickly. “It would be strictly on your terms, when you need it.”
Jessica was stunned. “On my terms?”
Bradley smiled slightly.
“Of course, we can’t be at it all day, every day,” he said. “But we could come up with a signal--or a schedule, if that works better for you--and you could get what you need to keep focused, instead of taking care of it yourself.”
Jessica just stared at him for a moment, trying to absorb what her boss was offering. He was actually offering to have sex with her--on her terms, on her schedule, at her preferences--in order to help keep her from the temptation to have sex with strangers, triggering another sexual binge that would take her out of her recovery.
How could she trust that he wasn’t trying to take advantage of her? He’s already saying that it’s going to be on your terms, when you want or need it--within reason, obviously. That’s different from anyone you binged with before. The people that had abused her addiction--her codependents--had always made her take sex on their terms, their schedule. They took the power and forced her to demean herself in some way to get her “fix.”
“Do you think that will help you?” Jessica bit her bottom lip, pulled out of her thoughts by the question.
“And you won’t retaliate if I decide I want to stop?” She looked at him, feeling even more vulnerable than she had revealing her secret.
“Of course not,” Bradley said, frowning. “Maybe after a few times having sex with me, the allure won’t be there anymore, and you’ll be beyond the trigger.”
Jessica smiled. It was, in fact, possible; giving her what she really wanted might satisfy the physical aspect enough to get her through the craving for reckless, promiscuous sex with strangers. It wasn’t unlike the program they’d suggested in recovery literature: a system of accountability, a system where she could engage in sex healthily, with boundaries and limits. Clearly complete abstinence wasn’t working; maybe this would.
“In that case...I guess we can try it,” she said, feeling awkward.
“Do you want to start now? We have about an hour before anyone’s going to be in the office other than us,” Holt told her. Jessica’s heart beat faster in her chest.
“Right now?” Holt shrugged.
“No pressure--if your trip to the bathroom satisfied you, we can start whenever there’s space in the schedule and you have a need,” he said. It was like picking a lock--like that magical moment when the tumblers finally tilted over, releasing something deep inside the mechanism itself. Her shame evaporated, and her sense of danger went with it.
“I am definitely in need right now,” Jessica told her boss, feeling the dry feeling in her throat--and the much slicker, hotter feeling between her legs. She was still soaking wet from her bathroom detour, though she’d used a little bit of toilet paper to mop up some of her copious fluids.
“Why don’t we start with you showing whatever toy it was you were playing with in there?” Jessica’s cheeks burned, and she felt vulnerable again. She’d forgotten about the vibrator, tucked underneath her thigh to conceal it from his gaze. She swallowed against the tight feeling in her throat and lifted her thigh slightly, reaching under her leg and wrapping her fingers around the slim, plastic sex toy she’d bought specifically for away-from-home use. Jessica took a deep breath and slipped the toy out from under her leg, still holding it in such a way that it wouldn’t be readily visible for a moment, waiting until she had the nerve to actually show it to Holt.
Finally, she opened her hand to let him see it, and then reached out and placed it on the coffee table. It was bulbous, about the length of her hand, and could be inserted or just used on her clitoris--almost a covered figure eight in shape, though the two sections were not quite separate. Holt looked at the toy for a moment, and Jessica fidgeted slightly, waiting for the condemnation--or at least the degrading comment she was fairly certain would come.
“What were you thinking about when you were using it this time?” Jessica trembled slightly at the question--more because she wasn’t expecting it, wasn’t expecting something so neutral, and almost innocent, than anything else.
“I was thinking about you,” she admitted, feeling her whole face burning.
“Was I using this on you?” Holt rose to his feet slowly, and Jessica watched him, transfixed. He picked up the toy and seemed to examine it more closely, turning it over in his hand before looking at her. “Or was it just a way to play with yourself while you were thinking of me doing something else?” Jessica licked her lips.
“Both,” she said. She felt the hot, wet sensation along her labia as she became turned on once more, her inner muscles tightening in anticipation. What was Holt going to do to her?
“Do you want to show me?” Holt held her gaze, and Jessica’s heart beat even faster in her chest. She nodded, swallowing again against the tightness in her throat. “It’ll probably be easier if you’re naked,” he pointed out.
Jessica rose to her feet, hands trembling as she began to unbutton the front of her dress. She felt so nervous, and she wasn’t sure why; she’d stripped naked for more men than she could count, and almost always felt fully confident in herself doing it. She’d almost never even thought about it; getting naked was just a means to an end.
But with Holt watching her, with him knowing about her secret, it was like she was already naked, and taking her clothes off for him was just peeling off another layer of the tenuous security she’d gathered around herself. She worked her way down to the waist of her dress and then slipped the sleeves down over her shoulders, pushing the material past her hips and letting it fall to her feet, leaving her in her bra and panties and shoes.
“Let me help you,” Holt suggested, gesturing to her bra, and Jessica turned around, her back to him to let him undo it. She shook as she felt his fingertips brushing against her skin, between her shoulders, where the hook-and-eye closure of her bra was. She felt him unhook the closure of her bra, and then turned around to face him once more, the material loose against her sensitive skin. He gently lifted the straps of her bra, and then tugged the cups of the bra away from her breasts, and the cool hair brushing against Jessica’s nipples made them immediately begin to tighten and harden into little nubs.
“Thank you,” Jessica murmured, at a loss for something to say as the bra fell to the ground.
“Can I touch you? How did I start in your little fantasy?” Jessica blushed and looked away, gathering her courage once more.
“It was...pretty graphic,” she said.
“Tell me what you want me to do to you, with you,” Holt suggested. Jessica took a breath, knowing that the movement made her breasts move--and seeing the way Holt looked immediately at the heavy, full mounds of flesh.
“I... you could start with groping me,” Jessica said. “Touching my tits and playing with them.”
“They are beautiful breasts,” Holt commented, reaching his hands up to cup them. Instead of the brutal squeezing and twisting and rough play that Jessica had come to expect from the men she slept with, Holt touched her gently, cupping her full breasts lightly and brushing his thumbs against her already-hardening nipples, making them tighten even more, sending little jolts of sensation seemingly straight to her pussy. “You are a beautiful woman, Jess,” Holt added. Jessica’s eyes stung, and she realized that she was going to start crying if she wasn’t careful.
“Can you--can you be rough with me? It’s easier.” Holt pulled his gaze away from her breasts and looked her in the eyes.
“Have you ever had someone just...worship you, Jess? Do everything to give you as much pleasure, to show you how much they want you, how great your body is, how great you are?” Jessica’s vision blurred, and she shook her head, her throat too tight to speak for a moment.
“No,” she said, once she was able to say something. Holt shook his head slowly.
“Then that’s what I think we should do--if that’s okay with you,” he suggested. Jessica felt strangely allured and horrified and terrified of the suggestion, all at the same time.
“You don’t just want to fuck me?” Holt reached up one hand and his thumb--every bit as light as it had been against her nipple a moment before--brushed beneath one of her eyes, wiping away the tear that had worked its way free to slide down her cheek.
“I want to help you stay sober and stay focused,” Holt explained. “I definitely am not against having sex with you--in fact, I feel like I’m incredibly lucky that this is what you want. But I don’t think that just fucking you senseless is going to work, do you? Isn’t that part of the behavior you identified as a problem?” Jessica nodded.
“I guess...I guess we could try,” she said. Holt smiled and leaned in, kissing her forehead.
“If you want to stop at any time, all you have to do is say it. I want to make one thing clear, though: I am not going to treat you like some piece of meat to fuck. Ever.” Jessica’s tears came more freely then, rolling down her cheeks in a steady flow. “Is this too much for you?” Jessica shook her head.
“No, no it’s good,” she said. “Boundaries are good.”
“You get them too,” Holt reminded her. “Any time you want to stop, even if I’m inside you, even if I’m two seconds from coming, you tell me, and I will stop right then.”
“That’s…”
“That’s how this is going to work,” Holt said, his voice firm. “If you let me hurt you, if you let me harm you in any way, and I find out that you’ve done that...this deal ends. Okay?” Jessica nodded.
Holt leaned in and instead of kissing her forehead, he brushed his lips against hers, lightly at first and then, gradually, with more intensity. His hands came to life on her body, tracing over her curves, cupping her breasts with gentle care, teasing her nipples with feather-light touches until Jessica thought she might explode from the soft, delicate--yet overwhelming--sensations coursing through her veins.
It was so different from every sexual experience she’d ever had in her life; there was no demand on her, no grabbing hands trying to force her into the position that he wanted, none of the things that Jessica had gotten used to, and yet it wasn’t like Holt was detached either. She could feel the hard ridge of his cock when she pressed her body against his, straining at the front of his jeans—clearly, he was aroused. But he was more patient, more caring than any man she’d ever been with.
Somehow, she found herself gradually moving back, sitting, and then lying, on the couch on her back as Holt kissed and caressed her everywhere. He moved down over her body, from her lips to her neck, down to her chest, and Jessica moaned out as Holt’s lips wrapped around one of her nipples, sucking the hardened, aching nub into the hot wetness of his mouth before swirling the tip of his tongue around it. She writhed underneath him as Holt moved from one nipple to the other, sucking and licking, worshipping the tender, sensitive flesh with his mouth.
He continued down along her abdomen, and Jessica found herself trembling almost uncontrollably as Holt took his time, kissing and gently nibbling her skin. She felt as if every nerve in her body had been turned to its highest sensitivity, as if she could almost see--in color--the sensations that were happening to her as Holt worked his way to her pussy.
She was so incredibly aroused that the tension between her hips almost ached, and the craving in her head was for Holt to do something utterly degrading to her--to rip her panties off and begin fingering her hard and fast, or just shove his cock inside of her and begin pounding her. But she didn’t ask for it--she didn’t even let herself entertain the craving. She was too absorbed in the anticipation that was building up in her from Holt’s lengthy seduction.
Her boss spread her legs slightly, hooking his fingers in the waistband of her panties, and he slowly pulled the material down over her hips, exposing her bare, hairless pussy to his hungry gaze. Jessica bit her bottom lip, waiting for some kind of condemnation--some kind of rude comment about the fact that she was soaking wet and clearly an eager little slut, or some kind of complaint about the scent of her, something like that.
Instead, Holt flashed a pleased smile up at her. “You’ve definitely made it easy for me to do what I want,” he said, sliding one finger along her soaking wet folds. “No need to even worry about hair stuck between my teeth.” Jessica blushed, looking away.
She heard a click, and then the low, humming whirr of her vibrator; she’d almost forgotten about it completely once more in the time that Holt had devoted to turning her on so thoroughly. Jessica looked down and watched as her boss brought the vibrator towards her throbbing, soaking vulva.
He barely touched her with it, and she moaned, her toes curling and her hips shifting to try and push down towards the pleasing, alluring sensations. Holt was one step ahead of her, though, and he withdrew the vibrator just enough to keep it barely touching her labia, brushing up and down along her crease for a few moments until Jessica forced herself to be still.
He spread her labia and slowly--achingly slowly--rubbed the vibrator up and down along Jessica’s folds, bringing the blunt end up against her aroused clitoris and then down to her inner labia, and then back up again. Jessica’s hands gripped the couch as if for life itself as she struggled through Holt’s teasing, whimpering as she became more and more turned on.
“How are you feeling?” Holt’s voice was just louder than the murmur of the vibrator between her legs, and Jessica struggled to form words, knowing she needed to answer but unable to think.
“I am so fucking turned on that all I can think about is how much I want your dick in me,” she said, the words tumbling out of her without any filter.
“We’ll get there,” Holt reassured her. “Don’t worry about that.” She saw him smile briefly, and then he brought the vibrator firmly up against her clit, sending pulses of vibration through her pleasure center. Jessica cried out in pleasure, her back arching, her hips moving to get the best possible contact between the little bead of nerves and the vibrator.
Holt worked her steadily, rubbing and then retreating, keeping her on the edge until Jessica almost wanted to cry again. “Did I do something like this to you in your fantasy?” Jessica nodded, almost not even paying attention to the question itself.
“Yes--fuck, yes. Please fuck me! God—god, please, please just fuck me.” Jessica heard the clicks as Holt turned up the intensity on the vibrator, and gasped as he pressed it against her clit once more. She moaned out long and low as the fast-pulsing vibrations coursed through her, bringing her swiftly to the edge and over it. The tension between her hips snapped, and Jessica didn’t even think to worry about the gush of fluids she felt leaving her, flowing from her already-soaking pussy.
The orgasm rampaged through her, more intense than the one she’d had in the bathroom only a half hour before, and Jessica felt herself trapped in it, almost; it was so good, it was mind-obliterating--the kind of climax she had always hoped for with so many of her partners and almost never got.
By the time it began to ebb, she didn’t even know how long it had lasted. She only realized belatedly that the vibrator had been turned off, that it wasn’t even there anymore--instead, as she opened her eyes and looked down she saw Holt working her with his fingers, slowing down as he read the signals from her body that she was coming off the high of her climax.
“That--that was amazing,” she said, still slightly breathless.
“Do you still want my dick in you?” Holt held her gaze, and Jessica felt the heavy, thick heat of his erection against her lower leg, reminding her that he was turned on, too.
“Yes-- yes,” she said. Holt grinned slightly, pulling his fingers free of her pussy and licking them. Jessica trembled at the enjoyment he clearly took from licking her fluids off his hand.
“Next time, you don’t have to bring the vibrator--unless you want to,” Holt told her. “We can get along just fine with hands and mouths, I think.” He slithered up along her body and pressed damp kisses along her stomach, her breasts, and then her lips.
Jessica tasted herself on his lips, and as Holt deepened the kiss, she felt herself getting turned on all over again, knowing that he was hard, knowing that he wanted her, that he had enjoyed tasting her, that he was turned on by her.
She reached down and brushed her fingers against the bulge at the front of his jeans before giving the hard ridge a little squeeze to feel what it was like. Holt moaned against her lips and touched her all over, the two of them writhing against each other’s bodies. Somehow, they managed to get Holt’s clothes off him, and Jessica took a moment to feast her eyes on his lean-muscled physique, broad chest and shoulders and slim-strong arms and back.
Then, down between his hips, she looked intently at his hard cock; it was, she thought, seven or maybe even eight inches, just on the outer limits of the size she could imagine herself taking, thick and flushed almost purple-red from how hard it was, with a neatly trimmed thatch of pubic hair a few shades darker than the rest of Holt’s hair around the base. It was, she thought absently, an objectively gorgeous dick--probably the nicest one she’d seen.
“Are you clean?” Jessica gave herself a shake, trying to remember how to think.
“What?”
“STIs,” Holt said gently. “Do you have any?” Jessica shook her head.
“I caught one--chlamydia--but I got it taken care of over a year ago,” she told him. It was humiliating; that should have been the point when she had decided to seek treatment, but she’d still been in denial.
“You promise me that you don’t have anything I could catch?” Holt held her gaze. “If you do--if you’ve got HPV or herpes or anything like that--you can tell me. I will still have sex with you; it’s nothing to be ashamed of. But I just want to minimize my risk of also catching it.”
“No--no, I don’t have anything,” she said.
“Are you on the pill?” Jessica shook her head.
“I got the implant,” she said. “So I wouldn’t forget to take birth control or anything.” Holt smiled slowly.
“Okay then, I think we can do this without a condom--don’t you?” Jessica nodded eagerly. Finally--the voice of her addiction in her head said--finally he would pound her, fuck her senseless.
But he didn’t. Instead, Holt guided the tip of his cock against her slippery folds and rubbed slowly up and down against her inner labia, teasing them both for a moment. Then, instead of slamming into her all at once, Jessica moaned as Holt pressed into her slowly--almost painfully slowly.
He filled her up inch by inch, taking his time to let her feel every bit of his cock sliding deeper and deeper inside of her. Jessica wrapped her legs around his waist, pulled herself closer to his body, kissing him eagerly. When their hips met, Holt went absolutely still against her, holding her there, kissing her lightly on the lips.
Then, he began to move, pulling out almost completely and then pushing deep inside of her once more. Jessica fell into his rhythm as Holt moved inside of her, thrusting slowly at first, and then gradually building up speed. She pushed her hips down to meet him, twisting and writhing. She touched him everywhere she could reach, falling into the pattern that Holt had created, mirroring his attentions to her.
The tension mounted inside of her, faster and faster, until she wanted to almost scream for him to fuck her harder, to just pound her until he came, but she couldn’t make herself do it. It felt so good, the way Holt moved inside of her, just fast enough to turn her on more and more but never brutally, never even rough with her body. It was like he was savoring every moment of feeling her wrapped around him, every moment of the connection between them--and she wanted that too.
All at once, she felt the tension reach an almost unbearable height inside of her, and Jessica clung to Holt as she moaned and whimpered, struggling to get the orgasm she’d been building up to.
Holt reached down between their bodies and began to rub and stroke her clit as he thrust into her, and Jessica came, not even aware--at the moment--that tears had begun falling from her eyes yet again from the force of pleasure washing through her, and the intensity of her emotions and sensations. She forgot about the fear and desperation she’d been feeling, the uncomfortable vulnerability, as the climax raged through her, and only barely felt Holt’s body tensing against hers as he hit his own limit and then came, buried deep inside of her, the sticky heat of his fluids mixing with her own.
She lost all ability to think about anything at all as they rode through their mutual climax, continuing until they were both spent, and then Jessica let her body collapse against the couch, as she panted and gasped for breath, locked in the tingling aftershocks of so many bouts of intense pleasure in such a short time.